Categories
personal

Bit Player

Talking with my mom about the situation.

Her: Are you worried?
Me: (nodding) Yes.
Her: Don’t be scared. Are you scared?
Me: (nodding) Yes.
Her: But you’re gonna be alright, right?
Me: (lying) Yes.
Her: (satisfied) God will take care of you.

Here’s my fear. What if I’m the bit player?

Take the story of Job. The story is that he suffered, but through his suffering, he lived the remainder of his life in happiness. So it worked out, in the end, somehow for him.

But one of the reasons he suffered was because his kids all died. They were the bit players in Job’s story. It didn’t work out for them at all. We don’t even know their names or anything about them. Nothing.

Maybe my rotten luck is just for the benefit of some greater thing. I dunno. I’m going to the doctor for the fifth time tomorrow for something I’ve not mentioned yet because…my life’s already so insane.

I keep wondering if it’s the lions’ turn to win.

The worst part of it all is that my mom’s so worried already. I can’t tell you how that makes me feel.

Location: 20:00 yest, leaving office hating life
Mood: indescribable
Music: On silver stars I wish and wish and wish (Spotify)

Categories
personal

Bello

More random meetings

It’s pretty safe to say I’ve been on a plane over 200 times in my life. Each time I secretly hope to sit next to a beautiful female stranger. I never have.

Until early last Thursday morning.

My name’s Logan, I said. Che cosa? she asked.

She spoke almost no English. Of course. So, after a bit, I decided to have a real-life IM with her. I typed out sentences on my phone and she read them and answered slowly. Her name was Roberta. She was going to see Niagara Falls (Cascata) with her family who were sitting somewhere else. We passed an hour chatting back and forth.

When we arrived I said goodbye and started my work in Buffalo.

Late that night, I caught the last flight to New York. And there she was. I never thought I’d see her again. She waved to me and as she walked over, I laughed and took out my phone. She too was only there for a day. The cascata was bello, she said, but way too freddo.

Her: How old you?
Me: Guess.
Her: 24?
Me: (shaking head) No, 34.
Her: Wow.
Me: How old are you?
Her: Guess.
Me: 24?
Her: (shaking head) No, diciotto (18).

I laughed and said, Of course you are. She didn’t understand and just nodded.

Then I stopped again said, “I hope you stay good and that Life is kind to you.” Maybe I said that because I knew she wouldn’t understand. She looked at me with a puzzled smile so I smiled back and said slowly, Goodbye, Roberta.

Arriverderci, Logan, she said.

I nodded and walked outta JFK and hopped into a car. Had another weekend, another story, but that’s for another time.

Funny, airports are such sad and happy places at the same time.

Location: 10:45 yest, 9th Street & Ave A
Mood: thoughtful
Music: We tried to find some words

Categories
personal

Sue and the King

Location: 14:00 yest, being poked on 33rd & Lex
Mood: stressed
Music: its bad in December When they play those Christmas songs

By the time you read this, I should be about here.

An ex popped into my head today on the drive home. She’s happily living in London with her new fella. I told her two summers ago that I would take a picture of my place and send it to her since it changed so much and she couldn’t picture it. I never got around to it.

I always think of her around this time because we traveled together for the holidays. She and I got along great but it just wasn’t right.

I really should take that pic of my apartment and email it to her but I never do. It’s kinda nice at times when people pop into your head for no reason – like they stopped by for a cup of tea or something.

Me: Stay, stay…just for a bit. I have Earl Grey and something sweet.
Her: OK, just for a bit.

I miss her; not so much the romance part but the friend part. I think that’s what I always miss with every ex.

This song makes me laugh but the King was right, few things are as good as Susan when she tried.

Categories
personal

2008

Location: 19:00 yest, cleaning out the fridge
Mood: weird
Music: oh, you don’t do me in siren song; yeah, anyone would drown

Hazel, Paul and I went to three, very different, parties last night. The first was near me with the most amazing views and the nicest folk. The above pic was from the party. I met a museum curator with a nice laugh and got to know the hostess, a sweetheart from church, a bit better. The crowds were maddening.

The second was in a 14th Street loft that was pitch-black, loud and not my scene. There, I ran into a girl I met randomly once. It turns out I kissed her friend. Super small world. I met a girl from Connecticut who drew me a picture. At the strike of midnight, I realized I was by myself again.

The third was in the financial district with some old friends – the best kind, yeah? Clark, a buddy from law school was there. He’s a MUCH better cook than me and taught me how to make the best baked brie and love Tabasco on anything. I wish I was sober enough to remember more.

Called it a night at 4AM. On the train ride home, I had a sotted discussion with a nice young couple

Her: We’ve been together eight years.
Me: Eight years? Why don’t you two lock it down?
Her: Because marriage is just a concept. What does it do?
Me: It keeps you from meeting a guy a like me, maybe.
Him: (laughing) You seem a like a nice enough guy.
Me: And that’s where you’re both wrong. (to guy) Lock her down. ‘fore she meets a fella like me. Don’t let my drunken charm fool either of you.

It’s true.

2008. Here’s hoping it’s less interesting but more fun.

Come with? Y’know you wanna…