Everyone has an opinion as to how someone else should live their lives
Me: And what do you want?
Him: It doesn’t matter what I want. My father wants me to marry a Korean girl.
Me: If he wants a Korean girl so much, he should marry one.
So an interesting subset of my post from last week on writing a dating profile was communication from about four different women noting that on the profile, I was 39 years old, looking for women that were 25-30.
What none of them seemed to realize was: in order for me to get that screengrab of my profile, I had to log into my old profile, which I did last week – at 39 years of age.
I’d not touched that profile since September 2008 – when I was 35. The site merely updated my age to 39 when I logged in in August 2012.
But here’s the thing: Even if I was 39, looking for women that are 25-30, isn’t that my business?
In other words, suppose I told someone I was attracted to black women. How revolting would it be if someone said, Logan! You’re a Chinese-American man. You should be ashamed of yourself, trying to date a black woman.
An actual message from someone except the person said I was a “39-year-old man” and instead of “black woman,” she said, “25 year old.”
Let’s take it a step further.
Suppose I said, I was looking for a black man. Sudden people get incensed one way or another.
The thing is my wife and I would probably have had issues 30 years ago with us being a mixed-race couple.
Why does everyone have an opinion as to what one adult finds attractive in another adult?
More mind-boggling, why do people think their opinions matter to anyone but themselves?
And when did they learn that their opinions are better than someone else’s opinions?
I know Asians that think I’ve “sold-out” by marrying out of my race. In fact, I was one of those people in my teens.
But I was a stupid kid – as evidenced by my admittedly poor clothing and hair choices. These are adults writing this.
Perhaps the most powerful thing I’ve ever learned in my life isn’t a fencing or a wrestling move, but rather this: What other people think of me is none of my business.
The moment you believe that statement – not just know it intellectually but truly believe it – you are separate from everyone else in the world.
You gain a membership into a cadre of thinkers and dreamers that live their lives in the world but unaffected by the world.
And it cuts both way: What you think of someone else is none of their business.
Then again, if someone isn’t living their own life, perhaps you should say something.
Me: Living one’s own life is hard enough. Doesn’t your father get tired of living your life too?
Him: (laughing) He means well.
Me: I’m sure he does. But – and this is admittedly none of my business – long after he’s gone, you’ll be stuck with the choices he makes for you. Your father lives his life. Your mother lives hers. You should live yours, yeah?
Location: in front of a cuppa joe and Mamma Lo’s carrot cake
Mood: you guessed it, crazy busy
Music: picture the scene, filming and screening, dreaming of me
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