The Nightmare Before New Year’s Day
It’s Halloween.
Thought about my first Halloween with Alison the other day. It was exactly 10 years ago today. That’s her shoulder in the pic at the bottom of this entry. She dyed her hair brown.
When everything went down in 2015, I remember thinking a lot about the movie title, The Nightmare before Christmas. That’s exactly what it was.
Can’t properly express to you the depth of the sadness and anxiety we all felt then. Probably for the best.
I remember hearing ages ago that Vincent Price was supposed to be Santa in the film but his wife passed away and he was “so grief-stricken that the director felt he sounded too sad for Santa.”
Man, I totally get that. I was a zombie for years while Alison was sick and continued after she passed. I was a shadow of myself.
Halloween fills me with a dread. Cause it’s the start of the holiday season.
My son was supposed to be born around Halloween but he wasn’t so Alison took a walk around the neighborhood that day.
She took these pictures in this entry.
She was so happy that day. She was in love, pregnant, and about to be a mother. Everything she ever wanted. And it all turned to shit a week later.
I worried for a while that the boy would feel my grief but I wear my painted faces in front of him to hide it as best I can.
Time’ll tell if it worked.
In any case, today, I’m going to dress up the boy and myself for Halloween. The Gymgirl’s coming too.
At the end of the day, I’ll take off my costume but I’ll keep my painted face on until New Year’s Day, so the kid doesn’t know how much I hate the holidays.
And I do so hate the holidays. Dunno if that’ll ever change.
Location: 2015, in my head
Mood: crestfallen
Music: Painted faces, fill the places I can’t reach
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