A beautiful life

New England Hurricane

Her: …an actress. My first was in Spy Kids with Robert Rodriguez. You?
Me: Well, I was a ruthless capitalist and attorney. Now, I’m just a high-functioning drunk.
Her: (laughing) What happened?
Me: Life, darling. Same as everyone else. But this is a party, and we just met. I figure I’ve got all night to bring you down.

I still don’t know how much, if any, work to do these days. The thing with being a lawyer is that you have to be a zealous advocate and it’s hard for me to be zealous about anything these days.

Did get a work email recently that came close, though:

I forgot about this lecture I gave and I pulled it up: In less than a year, I got almost 1,000 4.5 star reviews.

My other lecture has almost 1,500 4.5 star reviews. That’s almost 2,500 lawyers that think I’m worth listening to.

I was really good at what I did.

I’m just not that guy anymore. Not sure I can be or if I even wanna be.

When my mother-in-law stayed over the other night to see the boy graduate, we talked of Alison. Of course.

To this end, told her the story of a hurricane that happened in New England in 1938.

It killed over 600 people and completely wiped out parts of New England. I figure each of those 600+ people were loved and terribly missed.

Numbers sanctify.

Anyway, it also killed alla the trees in the area; you see, 90% were white pine that either stayed green or just turned brown. But in their place grew maple, birch, dogwood, and elm trees, amongst others.

Those are the trees that turn beautiful colours.

You know the absolute best way to have an insanely successful kid? Have a parent die or disappear:

• • • Steve Jobs
    • Sonia Sotomayor
    • Bill DeBlasio
    • Hell, 67 percent of British prime ministers from the start of the 19th century to the start of World War II lost a parent before the age of 16.
    • It’s not just in England, here 1/3 (27!) of our presidents didn’t have both parents.

    My life and the boy’s life is nothing like it should have been, nothing like I wanted it to be for us. For my family the boy and me.

    Nothing’s ever like I want it to be.

    Now, the thing is, I betcha you didn’t know that New England wasn’t always colourful and beautiful in fall. As far as you knew, it was always like that and not just since 1938.

    And that’s the thing with the kid: He doesn’t know about the life he coulda had. Just the one he’s got.

    So fuck it. If I can’t get the family I’d hoped we’d have, he’s gonna get as colourful and beautiful a life as I can possibly provide for him.

    Whatever that means.

    Me: You’re on vacation! Whaddaya wanna do!?
    Him: (stretching) I want to go to school.
    Me: The first day that you don’t have school, you wanna go?
    Him: Yes.
    Me: (shaking head) This is gonna be a long three months, kid.

    Location: yesterday, caught in the rain between NY and NJ
    Mood: resigned
    Music: sorry that I couldn’t get to you