The Sweetest Thing

The Sweetest Words in the English Language

I humbly submit that the poets are wrong when they say that the sweetest words are, “I love you.”

The way we use it these days (“I love that place;” “I love that show;” etc) cheapens it a lot.

December 2006 has been a horrid month for several friends of mine – some suffered the worst shock one can get, others had lesser shocks that still brought them to their knees. Five days ago, I got a call from a girl I only met once who said that she found out her boyfriend cheated on her. I got the call only because I was close by but I’m ok with that.

Four days ago, I got a call from a very close friend of mine who told me his mother passed away.

The time from Thanksgiving to New Year’s Day is usually the best time of year for me. The best time. It’s so sad.

When my breakup happened, I called my brother, my sister and my friend Tommy.

  • My brother lives 1286.44 miles away but he caught the first flight here.
  • My sister is nearer and caught the next train.
  • Johnny, who had just returned from four months in China that morning, arrived at my place first.

I’m surprisingly toungue-tied at times where people’s hearts eat them up from the inside out. I think I’m at my best when I keep it simple and say what my brother, sister and Tommy said in one way or another:

I’m on my way.

Now I submit that those words…those words will make a grown man cry.

Location: @7:20 on Rt. 3, going home – like old times
Mood: sad
Music: Baby’s got blue skies up ahead but in this I’m a rain cloud

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15 Important Questions – Part 1

Questions you should ask in a relationship before you get serious

My brother sent me this article from the NY Times called: Questions Couples Should Ask (Or Wish They Had) Before Marrying. Even though it’s one in the morning, I’m going to answer the first five. I’ll answer the rest in another post.

1) Have we discussed whether or not to have children, and if the answer is yes, who is going to be the primary care giver?

  • I need to have kids. Three ideally.
  • I would like to stay home and take care of the kids because:
  1. I make enough money working from home to survive, nay flourish (ok, survive) for seven years in Manhattan
  2. I’m constantly cooking and am willing to mash anything for them
  3. I’m a big kid myself

2) Do we have a clear idea of each other’s financial obligations and goals, and do our ideas about spending and saving mesh?

  • I’m a firm believer in fiscal responsibility (see 1, above).
  • I rarely cab, and walk whenever possible
  • While I love to cook, I do like to go out about two times a week. I’m much more local restaurant than five-star, hot-place-of-the-week.

3) Have we discussed our expectations for how the household will be maintained, and are we in agreement on who will manage the chores?

  • I’m messy but oddly germ-a-phobic.
  • No shoes in the house.
  • No dirty clothes on the bed
  • We would swap chores weekly
  • I can’t stand dirty dishes in the sink.

4) Have we fully disclosed our health histories, both physical and mental?

  • Clearly, I’m a bit nuts. I put my entire life on my blog that no one reads (but you – hey, thanx!)
  • I’m an insomniac and have been for at least two decades. It means I get moody and irritable and may lash out (never physically but I do yell). Please ignore and take a walk or encourage me to. It’ll all work out.
  • I have been depressed before – actually, if you’ve been reading this blog, you know all this.

5) Is my partner affectionate to the degree that I expect?

  • Ah, look at the time! Gotta run – sorry…

Location: @12:05, on the A Train at Broadway-Lafayette
Mood: accomplished
Music: Aus der Uhr tropfen Sekunden weit und breit kein

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Stretching the legs

We don’t make ourselves worse by walking so walk while you can

Woke up at 1PM today – fell asleep at 5Am or so but I had to take something to help me fall asleep.

Yesterday was full of little but expensive annoyances:

  • it was the first day of a shoot for the sitcom that totally bombed. We ended up canceling the shoot and taking the barebones crew out to eat breakfast
  • I got a $100 ticket parking ticket
  • I cracked the screen on my ultra-compact camera that I’ve had for a while – this may mean no pics for a bit

It’s all those little annoyances that make you want to scream.

Think people like to read blogs because it gives insight into their own lives.

Another blogger, undergoing treatment for her own things, wrote that she saw an old man on crutches struggling to walk, despite it being easier to be in a wheelchair. She observed that, “We do not make ourselves worse by walking. I say walk while you can.”

I say, she’s right, so off I go…

Location: @1PM, snoring away
Mood: disappointed
Music: Everyone’s saying different things to me, different things to me

Running into Old ghosts

It’s impossible not to run into people in NYC

It was pretty empty tonight on the long walk home – well as empty as the big city gets.

I saw some of the usual places and ran into some old ghosts.

A typical Thursday night, I suppose.

Location: a few hours ago, taking this pic
Mood: thoughtful
Music: Pleased to meet you Hope you guess my name

What’s my name?


This song came up in a class I’m taking – I couldn’t believe two people never heard it before.

My fav lines (which seem to resonate even now):

I watched with glee
While your kings and queens
Fought for ten decades
For the gods they made

Thought it was kismet because of my last post. Looking at the lyrics, I always thought the devil’s us.

Then again, I thought my 1990 BMW would run forever and that 2006 was going to be a great year for me.

Shows what I know.

Location: @12PM, in the Bronx getting wet
Mood: okay
Music: I laid traps for troubadours who get killed before they reach Bombay

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Kindness is valuable because it is rare

Liver anyone?

I believe that people are bad at heart. What with historical events (like Nazi Germany, the Inquisition, the Great Leap Forward), psychological evidence (the Zimbardo and Milgram experiments), and current events (pick up a paper) I’m fairly disgusted at our species as a whole.

However, that’s not entirely a negative sentiment. I think a bit of kindness is nobler against the backdrop of our craptastic-ness.

So I had four recent bits of kindness:

  1. I met a girl that lives in France a while ago who shot me a sweet email. She’s seeing a French guy now. It’s ok, the late night conversations were enough for me.
  2. I got another very personal email from a co-worker wishing me a happy holiday. It was nice to get because, while we work closely together, we’ve never actually met (like you and me).
  3. I met a girl tonight that I found refreshingly honest about life. Honesty without meanness is so rare.
  4. Finally, today, I got an Xmas card from a reader amidst my usual bills. As an aside, she looks completely Caucasian but she’s got a Chinese last name. It turns out that four generations ago, her grandfather was Chinese. I find that so cool.

Regarding (4) I think we’re supposed to meet up for coffee (just coffee – she’s in love with a boy from Indiana) but I’m reminded of a quote from Margaret Atwood:

Wanting to meet a writer because you like their books is like wanting meet a duck because you like pate.

Eh, I’ll risk it.

Location: the basement of my brain
Mood: pleased
Music: And so and now I’m sorry I missed you

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Notes to Self

Tequila is not your friend; rum is your friend

It started going downhill when Mikey bought a round.

  • Post a pic and edit this entry tomorrow.
  • Rum is your friend.
  • Tequila is not your friend.
  • Buy a new hat.
  • Tequila is not your friend.

I feel terrible.

However, I did manage to find my hat. Also made another related post and an unrelated post.

Location: at home, drinking lots of water
Mood: Thirsty
Music: The devil is alive I feel him breathin’

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On your knees

Life gives us blows and we do what we can to survive them

(c) AP Photos

2 Samuel 12:22 tells of when: David had a kid with his buddy’s wife, killed said buddy, pissed off God, God took David’s son.

Now here’s why I like the story: David’s a wreck while the kid is sick; David won’t eat, won’t sleep, etc. But when the kid finally dies, he picks himself up and begins to live his life again.

When asked why he was such a wreck when the kid was alive but much better when the kid dies, David goes, “When the kid was alive, there was hope that he would live – that God would be gracious to me. But He was not and I can’t change what’s passed. My son can’t come back to me but I can go to him.”

At times, Life brings you to your knees.

Those phone calls you never want to get:

  • “It’s about your younger brother…”
  • “I’m sorry to have to tell you…”
  • “I thought it best that I be the one to tell you…”

Been brought to my knees twice in my life. I’m lucky because it was only twice.

Dreading the next time.

Thought about this because I went to a wake yesterday. It was my second third funeral experience; sadly, I’m sure they’ll be more.

Today is also the 65th and last official anniversary gathering of the Pearl Harbor veterans. And I’ve also been keeping up with the story of CNET editor James Kim; he wasn’t there when I was there but still…

Despite all the ugliness, we move through life with a balance of hope and acceptance. At least we try to.

Location: @2AM, missing someone I barely know
Mood: Contemplative
Music: you run and you run to catch up with the sun, but it’s sinking

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78,000

Dreaming of somewhere else

Taipei Subway Station – I wish I were there now.

Another sleepless night for me.

I’ve gotta get the hell out of here. It’s been heavy on my mind again. I’ve not slept well in a few days now.

My week went from bad, to worse, to…this. Too much to get into but in a nutshell: saw my ex, fell out of love, fell in love, fell out of love. Crazy, I know.

I actually had the start of a good night. But now at 3:something in the morning, I’m checking my miles (78,000) and seeing what the weather’s like in Australia and New Zealand.

It’d be nice to open the door and not run into anyone that knows me for tens of thousands of miles.

My brother said that all of life’s problems can be divided up into health, wealth and relationships. It seems as if I can only get one out of those three going at any time.

I’ve been thoughtless with other people’s hearts and people have been thoughtless with mine. I suppose it’ll all just work out in the end.

At least I hope so.

In the meanwhile, 78,000 miles.

Where to go?

Can I stay with you?

I’m an excellent cook. And I tell stories.

Crazy little Logan stories.

Location: @8PM, laughing at dinner; @4AM, not so much
Mood: Disappointed
Music: on the telephone line I am anyone, I am anything, I want to be
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More Traveling

I’m just south of nowhere and east of limbo

I’m here right now – about 350+ miles from home. This place is so remote that there’s no airport nearby so I had to drive. You do a lot of thinking driving 350+ miles.

The last few times I drove so far, I thought about the ex constantly. I thought of her again, of course, but I also thought about other things.

A few years ago, a friend asked me to set him up with a Vietnam visa on arrival for him and his girlfriend from China. I started the paperwork.

A month or so later, I got a slim letter from him with a check; the letter read:

“We’re not getting married; here’s $600 for your time. Thanks!”

I didn’t know what to say. I had already starting being an impoverished writer so I cashed the check (I’m not a good person), gave him a quick call, confirmed he was ok and moved on. That was four years ago.

We spoke a little while ago. He told me that he spent two, three years casually dating but, in his heart, he thought that she might come back. They spoke occasionally. He got a call from her and she said that she was coming to visit America and would like to see him for dinner.

He was excited, of course, but when they sat down, she said that she came because she heard a bit of hope in his voice the last time they spoke. It bothered her that whole time so she flew 24+ hours to give him closure.

He said it was the nicest thing anyone ever did for him. He knew where he stood – that made him free.

I think he’s doing well now.

Anywho, I think about the ex a lot less and I think I’m almost at the point that I want to do something like that for her. The last time we spoke, I heard in her voice something like hope and I’m not looking for that right now. She’s not the girl I loved and I’m def. not that guy anymore. Oh, but what do I know?

I’ve become bland and malicious.

I’ve been doing a lot of things I’m not…oh you know…

So that’s where I am right now, just south of nowhere and east of limbo.

The weather’s crappy.

Location: South of nowhere and east of limbo.
Mood: Tired
Music: I’ma scuffle and struggle till I’m breathless and weak