10 Tips on how to write a good Match, OK Cupid, or POF dating profile: Part 2 – Women

What makes a good online dating profile for women?

A dating profileRead below for the updated and expanded A Great Online Dating Profile.

———

When I walk into a McDonalds, there is a baseline understanding: I expect there to be a cashier to take my order and the cashier expects that I want some form of food or food-like product.

Try going into a McDonalds one day and asking for a bag of hammers.

Without this baseline, (“I will order a food-like product, you will take my order for a food-like product”) there’s no meaningful result.

I have three beliefs I need you to accept before I give you any advice.

The first is that I’m actually qualified to give you advice. Click here for details.

The second is that: Communication isn’t what the speaker says, it’s what the listener hears.

As for the third baseline belief, well that also happens to be Tip 1:

1. Understand your audience OR Men like pictures

Studies have shown that men respond to visual information while women respond to verbal information. This means that your profile should be picture heavy. If it is, you’ll have a much easier time than if it’s not.

Now you can put your own value judgment onto this (“That’s so unfair,” “That’s not right,” etc) or you can accept it the way you accept death and taxes. It is what it is.

This tip is number one because it’s the most important thing and everything else in this post will flow from that. If you don’t accept it, there’s no need to read further.

If you do, we’re in business. The next three tips are variations of Tip 1 but each deserves it’s own space.

2. A picture is worth a thousand words

“Wait, that’s a cliche, not a tip!”

It’s actually both.

The most common complaint I hear against online dating is that women feel men use it to casually date or get a one-night stand. But pictures communicate a lot. A half dozen pics of you in clubs and bars communicates a different message than a half dozen pics of you making cakes.

It’s not what you intend, I understand, but again, communication is not what you say, it’s what the other side hears.

That picture above is an actual type of pic I saw online once. It was only up for a week and then gone. I can only assume it was up and down so fast because her email inbox exploded with interest.

Everyone writes: I’m fun, I love to laugh, I’m the creative type.

But look at that pic above. It says all of that without a single word. It’s actually four pics in one.

And the four pics say what I’m trying to say better than 4,000 words would say.

3. Pick up some basic (basic) photography skills OR The flash is not your friend

With the amount of free Youtube videos and webpages out there, there really is no excuse for not knowing simple things like the rule of thirds and depth of field.

If nothing else, don’t:

  • take a picture with a flash because flash makes everyone look bad – try taking daytime shots or pictures without a flash
  • take a self-portrait picture by either taking a picture in the mirror or with an outstretched hand.

On that second note, let’s talk about what’s actually being communicated – again, not what you mean to convey, but what information the viewer actually receives:

  • I don’t have a friend I trust to take a picture of me.
  • I don’t know how to use the timer function on my camera.
  • I take pictures of me because others don’t take pictures of me.

A dating profileLook at the size of my head! I tell people because it’s fulla brain but really, whoa! Keep in mind, this is what you’ll look like too if you do a self-portrait this way. BTW, I took this picture the last, last time I was in the hospital.

4. Your friends are your friends

So ask them why you should be someone’s girl. They may tell you things that you never would have thought of.

5. Write less, say more

Do you remember that Friends episode where Ross cheats on Rachel and then Rachel writes a long letter to him? Even though Ross was in the wrong, and he loved her, and he was heartbroken, he *still* could not get through the whole letter.

Why? See Tip 1.

So write less but say more. Note that this is different than “say less.” You can convey volumes in just a few words.

Consider:

  • Hemingway’s six word story, “For sale: baby shoes, never worn.”
  • Alan Moore’s six word story, “machine. Unexpectedly, I’d invented a time”

Or the famous <55 word Bedtime Story by Jeffrey Whitmore

“Careful, honey, it’s loaded,” he said, reentering the bedroom.
Her back rested against the headboard. “This for your wife?”
“No. Too chancy. I’m hiring a professional.”
“How about me?”
He smirked. “Cute. But who’d be dumb enough to hire a lady hit man?”
She wet her lips, sighting along the barrel.“Your wife.”

Say more. Write less.

6. When you do say something, let it be real OR The “Well, who doesn’t?” test

If you can answer something you write with the words, “Well who doesn’t?” don’t put it in.

  • I like relaxing.
  • I like hanging out with my friends.

Try something like, “You’ll have to put up with my best friend Sandy who likes to randomly show up with bottles of rum and a sad story. After all, I do.”

The above fails the WWD test, so it can stay in a profile. Added bonus: What else does the statement communicate? You have cool friends. You can pound rum. You listen. etc.

7. Don’t state the obvious

If you look at the first part of this series: 10 Tips on how to write a good Match, OK Cupid, or POF dating profile: Part 1- Men you’ll see that I tell people to search for their own sex first (Tip 1) and then write a line as to what they are not looking for (Tip 7).

Regarding the former, don’t write, “I can’t believe I’m on a dating site!” or “I never thought I’d be doing this but here goes.” – go through some women’s profiles and tick off how many times you see that.

As a related topic, don’t repeat yourself. Say what you mean to say, have it be real and non-obvious, and move on.

Now, regarding the latter…

8. Don’t complain

Most women’s profiles put up dozens of lines of what they think they don’t want. Here’s the thing:

Women People have no idea what they actually want.

That’s why Steve Jobs famously never used marketing surveys.

It’s hard for [people] to tell you what they want when they’ve never seen anything remotely like it. Take desktop video editing. I never got one request from someone who wanted to edit movies on his computer. Yet now that people see it, they say, ‘Oh my God, that’s great!’

Can’t tell you how many times I’ve been out and about where some girl says to me, I never dated a Chinese guy before. And my response was always, “That’s too bad, we’re lovely.” But in my head I thought, “You never met a guy like me.”

On the reverse, spent the entirety of my teens and 20s thinking I wanted a nice Asian girl and ended up marrying an Irish-Italian. Don’t cut out the guy you think you don’t want unless you are absolutely sure based on actual experience.

9. Music is not a hobby

Nor is watching television. These are not hobbies. These are passive activities; a hobby requires active mental and physical engagement.

A hobby is like mixed-martial arts, pottery-making, improv, etc.

If you don’t have any, get some. You’ll find that if you do interesting things, you’ll be more interesting. And people like “interesting.”

10. Put in an Easter Egg
If you actually follow these tips, you may end up like my friend Casey who put up her profile and then had to immediately take it down because of the deluge of emails.

If that’s the case, ignore 7 and slip in an Easter Egg, which is something that shows the guy took the time to read what you did write – especially since, after reading this amazing list of tips, what your wrote is devoid of fluff.

Things I like are:

  • If you think this is all interesting, please include your favourite coffeehouse in Manhattan in the subject line.
  • Please respond with your favourite Tupac line as the subject.
  • Please respond with your preference: butter or cream frosting.

Something simple and fun. Because dating should be simple and fun, yeah?

Far Side cartoon - obviously not my copyrightIf you liked this entry, I just wrote a quick little book in April 2014 on how to write A Great Online Dating Profile with 30 tips to get noticed and get more responses – it’s just $0.99 at Amazon, BN.com, and the Apple Store, as well as most other online retailers::

A Great Online Dating ProfileI also wrote a book about first dates with information I just haven’t seen in other books that I learned from three solid years of dating in NYC.

A Great First Date, early 2014It’s just $2.99 at at Amazon, BN.com, and the Apple Store.

  • You can also read the first 25% of it online now by clicking here!
  • Click on the Dating tag to see how my dating life went – the earlier stories are the more entertaining ones, IMHO. You can also click here to find out what finally happened to me.
  • Check out the comments to reach other people’s thoughts on these sites (and maybe leave a thought of your own).
  • Check out my previous post: Online dating: eHarmony vs. Match vs. Plenty of Fish vs. OK Cupid.
  • Also check out 15 Things Every Man Should Know.
  • Check out the comments to read other people’s thoughts on these sites (and maybe leave a thought of your own).
  • Finally, click here to subscribe to this blog OR follow me on Twitter: @logan607

Subscribe!
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10 Tips on how to write a good Match, OK Cupid, or POF dating profile: Part 1- Men

How to Write an Effective Dating Profile

Read below for the updated and expanded A Great Online Dating Profile.

———

I’ve written or helped write roughly 20 dating profile pages on Match, Plenty of Fish, OK Cupid, and eHarmony. Most have done pretty well including some engagements and a few long-term relationships.

As I’ve said many times in the past, if you’re single, online dating should be part of your dating curriculum.

But, if you’re like most men, you receive something like one response out of every 30 emails you send. And no one contacts you out of the blue.

My response rate was roughly 1 out of 8, which is really good considering all my various faults.

Here are ten tips to help you up your response rate:

1. Search for men first, before you do anything

If you are a 35 year-old 5’8″, dorky Asian male, search for 25-35 year old 5’6″-5’10”, dorky Asian males. Why? Because this is your competition. If you are older, switch to a senior singles dating site, really.

Click on their profiles.

  • What do you like? Do more of that.
  • What sounds lame? Do less of that.

Spend two days on this before you even start to post anything. This is the single most important thing to do and I’ve honestly never met anyone besides me who did that. Do the things no one else does and you’re ahead of the game already.

And yes, people will say this isn’t a competition but they will also tell you that supply-side economics works. It does not and online dating is a competition. Winner gets a date.

2. Write your profile as a response to a response.

Most men write their profile as if a woman will search through profiles, find them, and then try and contact them. That *rarely* happens. Most women put up a profile and then have to wade through an avalanche of emails or as my friend Kay put it: “OMG, Logan – why didn’t you warn me about all the emails I’d get!?”

So, write your profile as if someone liked what you sent her enough to check out your profile. Because 99.89% of your interactions will be:

email from you->read your profile->email to you
and NOT:
search-> read your profile->email to you

In other words, the profile supports the email, not the other way around. If you stop here, you already know more than the vast majority of your competition.

Want more? OK, moving on.

3. Tell a story

Because you listened to me, you went through roughly 100-200 profiles of your competition. And you saw that the almost everyone lists his/her attributes like a resume.

As I said, be different.

We live our lives through stories. What are movies, TV shows, even songs but stories? A resume is not a story. A story has characters, plot, cliffhangers, etc.

Write a story, not a resume. Why should she contact you? What will you two do? Make her laugh and want to find out how the story ends with her playing the part of the female lead.

4. Be fun and friendly

Sarcasm is difficult to pull off so avoid that. Similarly, do NOT be deep, because you will come off creepy. Think about meeting a girl at a party and her talking about famine in Africa. There’s a time and place for everything. This is not that time nor that place.

Instead, be witty, smart, and funny. If you are not witty, smart, and funny, take an improv class and learn how to be. This is crucially important for reasons far beyond putting up a dating profile.

Ask yourself, If I were a woman – that has the qualities that I’m looking for – would I be interested in the guy in this profile. If the answer is no, get to editing.

Look at this as a chance to be better than you were yesterday.

5. LOL and =) are persona non grata

Again, you’ve listened to me and went through your competition’s profiles, what was the most common thing you saw? Let me guess – a plethora of smiley faces and LOLs.

Two kinds of people use smiley faces and LOLs:

  • 14 year old girls
  • Men that cannot use the English language

If you are neither, do not use them. Because what you’re really saying is:

=) I hope and pray that you don’t take what I’m saying too seriously because *I* don’t take what I say too seriously for I am not a serious man. LOL Please take pity on me and see that I’m a genuinely good soul that wants you to pick me even though I am clearly not worth your time. =-) Please? LOL, just kidding (kinda).  🙂

Please write me. =) I’m tired of living at home with my mom. HA – kidding! No really, I’m desparate. Help me.  🙂

6. Spell Check / Grammar check / Format check

“Desparate” is spelled “Desperate.” Pick up a Strunk and White while you’re at it. A grammatically-correct, explicative-free profile will – on that alone – stand out. Also, skip spaces between thoughts, also known as: make paragraphs. Otherwise your profile will look like one block of words that people will not want to have to wade through as if it were a collegiate textbook. Just as this paragraph looks like with three separate thoughts but no carriage returns.

7. Write one line as to what you are NOT looking for

Again, go through your competition. Tick off how many of them write what they do not want.

On my profile I wrote, “If you’ve cheated on someone before, no need to contact me.” Because it’s true. If someone has cheated on a boyfriend before, I have major issues with that. If nothing else, this shows you have some standards.

And if you see everyone else’s profile, they want to hear from everyone. You do not.

As an interesting note, one brown-eyed woman actually wrote me to say that she did cheat but that was when she was young. We ended up going on a few dates.

7a. On that note: Don’t just write about you, write about them

This is a high-risk / high-return move that women do all the time but men rarely do in their profiles. Describe your ideal girl somewhere in your profile. Is she tall? Blond? Busty? Nerdy? Working? etc.

Women have no problem stating what they prefer and do not. Nor should you.

I would say do this after you’ve gone on a few dates though, as it does lower your responses but does raise the quality – at least in terms of what you actually want.

8. Make good use of pictures in your profile

If you don’t put up a picture, you should expect zero responses. After all, admit it, the women you like put up pics. So you must as well.

A friend of mine that does well on the boards and I disagree on the number of pics to put up; he puts up one good pic. I put up a dozen pics.

If you put up one, make sure that it’s really, really good – preferably of you in a suit. Because on your first date, you will not be wearing a suit so let her know you clean up nice.

If you put up a dozen, try to include the following:

  • One with you doing something you love.
  • One with you at a party – you can have fun. Do not over do this. Women like men, not boys.
  • One artsy shot – you can be artsy.
  • One showing off a good physical feature – tread carefully and see #9 below.
  • One with you and your mom or dad – come on, we love seeing people with their folks.

For all of them, I always like to write: “You should know, these pics are recent – just like yours, yes?”

Again, be fun.

9. Have a female friend check your profile

Have a female friend look over your profile and give you her honest thoughts BUT make it more than one if possible. Because not all women are the same; what one female friend likes, another may hate. So listen, consider all the facts, and then either take their advice or don’t.

Note that if you don’t have female friends to look over your profile, you’ve made some errors in judgement in your life. Just like with the Improv class, take this as a chance to be better.

A buddy of mine hits on every girl he meets regardless of how wrong they are for him. That leads to thinking of women as “other.” They are not “other.”

When Harry Met Sally was a movie written by Hollywood writers; it has the air of truth to it but no real truth to it. Men and women can and should be friends.

10. Give them a reason to write you

Do you love the 1960s funk music? Then say it. If you go though all the other profiles, you’ll sense something and you won’t be able to put your finger on what that is. It took me a while to figure it out but here’s what it is:

A palpable aura of BS masked by false bravado.

I’ve found on dating boards, just like in life, the truth is a powerful, powerful thing. People crave it. If you love making and eating chili to the point that it’s a major part of your life, say so.

I met a woman that made a killer white bean chicken chili that way. Truth is powerful. Don’t mask it. You may meet a person that says “Me too” and what is love, if not finding someone that says, “Me too!”

Good luck and let me know how it goes!

Thanks to my wife who lets me write things like this and was also kind enough to add:

11. Never use the lines: I work hard and I play hard, and I always have my passport handy.

…no you don’t. Don’t lie and don’t be say what everyone else says.

If you liked this entry, I just wrote a quick little book in April 2014 on how to write A Great Online Dating Profile with 30 tips to get noticed and get more responses – it’s just $0.99 at Amazon, BN.com, and the Apple Store, as well as most other online retailers:

A Great Online Dating ProfileI also wrote a book about first dates with information I just haven’t seen in other books that I learned from three solid years of dating in NYC.

A Great First Date, early 2014It’s just $2.99 at at Amazon, BN.com, and the Apple Store.

  • You can also read the first 25% of it online now by clicking here!
  • Click on the Dating tag to see how my dating life went – the earlier stories are the more entertaining ones, IMHO. You can also click here to find out what finally happened to me.
  • Check out the comments to reach other people’s thoughts on these sites (and maybe leave a thought of your own).
  • Check out my previous post: Online dating: eHarmony vs. Match vs. Plenty of Fish vs. OK Cupid.
  • Also check out 15 Things Every Man Should Know.
  • Check out the comments to read other people’s thoughts on these sites (and maybe leave a thought of your own).
  • Finally, click here to subscribe to this blog OR follow me on Twitter: @logan607

Subscribe!
Like this post? Tell someone about it by clicking a button below.

Online dating: eHarmony vs. Match vs. Plenty of Fish vs. OK Cupid

Which Dating Site is Right for you?

Cocktail party in NYC

 

When I was in college, the high point of the day was coming home to a blinking answering machine, meaning someone called and left a message. Before caller ID, email, voicemail, text messaging, IM, wall postings, and poking there was…a blinking light.

I heard people wondering about online dating and they ask, as if it’s a binary question: Should I do it – yes or no?

However, that’s the wrong approach. The better question is one of degrees: how much online dating should I do?

An online dating site should be on any singleton’s menu of meeting places, which is no longer limited to the local bar or random parties. As with most things, it’s the extremes that come across as weird, such as someone that only does online dating or someone that does no online dating at all.

The way I look at it, it’s like having a relative named, for example, Aunt eMatch that says, “I’ve got a girl I think you might like.” In fact, it’s better; it’s like Aunt eMatch saying, “I’ve got a girl I think you might like – and here’s her resume, a buncha pics, and a writing sample.”

So, which dating site is best for you? Well, I’ve personally used Match, eHarmony, Plenty of Fish and OK Cupid. They all have some similarities as well as some major differences:

eHarmony
Major Difference
eHarmony is front-loaded, meaning that you have to fill out a ton of questions and essays ahead of time before you even start meeting anyone. This can take hours.

Best Aspect
After you’ve completed that first major step of filling out all of those questions and essays, you can essentially sit back as eHarmony sends you profiles of people that it thinks are right for you. I have friends that love this because it takes some of the trepidation out of meeting people; there’s always the sense that “Hey, eHarmony thinks we’d get along.”

Worst Aspect
You have to wait for eHarmony to get around to sending you profiles and you may not be a fan of whom it thinks you’d like. Moreover, if you’re interested in a same-sex pairing, you can forget about that here; heterosexuals only, please. Plus, it’s expensive.

Match
Major Difference
Match is the most similar to newspaper personals – it doesn’t try to be much more or less than that. This means that you’re pretty much on your own; Match lets you put up a personal page about yourself and then look around for others that you might like.

Best Aspect
You can have your profile up in 10 minutes, browse anyone else’s profile, and message whomever you’d like. Plus, there’s no restriction on who you can contact (opposite sex, same sex, anyone at all).

Worst Aspect
Anyone can have a profile up in 10 minutes, browse your profile, and message you. Also, each time you contact someone, you’re essentially starting with a cold introduction and have to write a tailored email/essay to each person. Unlike eHarmony, this means pretty much constant maintenance. Plus, Match never seems to delete profiles – mine is still up after three years of disuse. Consider that before you randomly message someone. Also, like eHarmony, it’s anything but cheap.

Plenty of Fish
Major Difference
Because it’s free, it boasts the single largest database of people. Like Match, it’s a fairly straightforward “personals” oriented website.

Best Aspect
I personally know of one marriage and a handful of relationships from Plenty of Fish because the barrier to entry is essentially zero. As a result of this, there are a jaw-dropping number of profiles to browse (this can also be put in the “worst aspect” category too).

Worst Aspect
Essentially the same as Match.com except that there’s very limited oversight (they only have three customer service staff members as of this writing) and there is a very wild west feel to it. It also looks as if they only have three customer service staff members there.

OK Cupid
Major Difference
Like Plenty of Fish, it’s free, but to get any real use out of the site, you have to go through online activities like answering polls and other questions. By doing this, you create a more data driven – versus opinion driven – profile of yourself. As such, OK Cupid is a bit like a combination of Match and eHarmony.

Best Aspect
Because it’s data driven, you are able to paint a more accurate picture of who you really are rather than who you perceive yourself to be. Moreover, there’s a “fun” quality that pervades the site. If you like fun and games, chances are good you’ll meet someone else who likes fun and games. Did I mention it’s free?

Worst Aspect
You have to answer a number of polls and questions so, like Match and Plenty of Fish, it’s pretty much continual maintenance only a bit more involved.

What’s the right site for you? Well, it depends on your personality.

  • If you like to do a lot of work upfront and then relax, eHarmony is the clear winner.
  • If you find that you play online games like Candy Crush Saga and are used to filling out online polls, OK Cupid is the one for you.
  • Match and Plenty of Fish are good if you just want a traditional personals-like forum to meet other people. If you want a more polished site with some “adult supervision,” Match is probably better for you; however, if cost is key, Plenty of Fish wins over Match.

Final thoughts
If you must choose one, consider OK Cupid as the price is right and you can test the waters before you write a check. A special note for women: for sites like Match and Plenty of Fish, your responses can be pretty overwhelming; it’s simply the nature of the site and men in general. This may be a good or bad thing depending on your tolerance for random email.

Men, since we get comparatively less contact than women on these sites, a good strategy might be to choose one paying site coupled with a complimentary free site: eHarmony plus Plenty of Fish or Match plus OK Cupid.

Regardless, with a good mix of online and offline interactions, you’ll have no excuse for being home on a Friday night.

If you liked this entry, I just wrote a quick little book in April 2014 on how to write A Great Online Dating Profile with 30 tips to get noticed and get more responses – it’s just $0.99 at Amazon, BN.com, and the Apple Store, as well as most other online retailers:

A Great Online Dating ProfileI also wrote a book about first dates with information I just haven’t seen in other books that I learned from three solid years of dating in NYC.

A Great First Date, early 2014

It’s just $2.99 at at Amazon, BN.com, and the Apple Store.

  • You can also read the first 25% of it online now by clicking here!
  • If you’re in the UK, you can visit our friends at: DatingPriceGuide.co.uk for their own take on eHarmony vs. Match.com.
  • Click on the Dating tag to see how my dating life went – the earlier stories are the more entertaining ones, IMHO. You can also click here to find out what finally happened to me.
  • Check out the comments to reach other people’s thoughts on these sites (and maybe leave a thought of your own).
  • Finally, click here to subscribe to this blog OR follow me on Twitter: @logan607

Like this post? Tell someone about it by clicking a button below.

Therapy with Rain

I wait for the things worth waiting for

He’s been busy and so have I; plus we don’t have the requisite scratch for another ep of 72nd to Canal (if you happen to have 22 grand lying around, shoot me an email). We haven’t seen each other in a bit – life just gets in the way.

But his girl checked in with me today (she’s a sweetheart) and I recalled one of my more interesting conversations with him.

Him: Six months?
Me: Well…yeah, pretty much…
Him: Wow. I think I’d explode.
Me: Dude, it’s not that bad. I think I could make a year.
Him: That’s in-sane! One year?!?
Me: Oh yeah, I’m like a camel. I wanna wait until I find someone I really like.
Him: You’re not getting any younger, man. And no one lies on their deathbed thinking, Oh, I’m glad I didn’t hit that when I was 34.
Me: (shrugging) I’m ok. Plus, have you seen me lately?
Him: (scoffing) I’m looking right at ya – you should take what your goblin ass can get.

Location: 10PM yest, Broadway & 82nd, wondering
Mood: hard to say
Music: we notice you don’t come around
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No Such Thing 2: Soulmate / One-itus

 There’s no such thing as a soulmate

 

My buddy Rain once wrote something brilliant maybe a decade ago called My Soulmate Sells Kumquats in Istanbul, or something. Basically, it was about the ridiculousness of the concept of a soulmate.

Fun with math:

  • There are 8.2 million people here in NYC.
  • With some 65% women, that means 5.33 million women.
  • Assume arguendo that 1% of 1% are perfect for me – the right age, look, brains, education, dietary restrictions, whatnot.
  • Ergo, there are 533 women in NYC perfect for me. Perfect. I just gotta find em.

So to add to my idea that there’s no such thing as a pickup line, there’s no such thing as The One. That and St. Valentine’s Day, was invented to sell you something – whether it be $4.50 for a piece of paper or the thought that, this person is the best I can do.

Trust me, the person your pine after ain’t that grand.

The only thing that changes in your relationship life is the degree of (a) effort and (b) forgiveness two people expend. That’s it. It’s true of any relationship – lovers, friends, family.

One-itus. It’s a crock. And don’t tell me I’m not a romantic – if you’ve read me at all you know I am.

It’s lot more romantic, IMHO, that two people work on making something…work, than two people being together because they both happen like the same obscure 80s band.

The one means, you’re the one I found cause I’m too lazy or scared to go up to a stranger and ask, what’s your story morning glory?

Location: 2PM yest, 53rd and 6th Ave., eying the Halal food
Mood: enthralled
Music: I was off kilter, now I got shelter

My biggest fan

What is your definition of love?

 

Meant to post this a while ago but I thought it was too long. It’s my definition:

When I was 15, my best friend, Kevin, told me that my girl Diana cheated on me. We never spoke, I just shut her out. Stupid kid stuff.

Maybe a decade later, I drove by her home and, for some reason, I rang her doorbell. I expected her to slap me when she answered the door; instead, she let me in, gave me a smile and an apron. She had this huge bar of chocolate that she told me to chop for cookies.

So I went in and started chopping.

After a bit, I asked her, half-jokingly, what happened between us.

She stopped and answered:

You listened to Kevin but we both know that he was the first guy to ask me out after we broke up. So that makes you an idiot. I never cheated on you, you know that. I was your biggest fan. That makes me an idiot. You never stood up for me and I didn’t understand why, because I was kind to you. I was on your side but you weren’t on mine.


Why weren’t you?

I had no answer. Almost twenty years after the fact, I still have no answer. I don’t remember anything else but I remember what she said.

That conversation started me off in being who I am now. In fact, I learned the phrases biggest fan and on your side that day.

It’s why I’m always loyal.

You see, she doesn’t know, but I still wonder if No. 7 ever found that job under the California sun; I wanna call her office someday and hear that message that says she’s left the company she hates.

And I still wonder if Diana bought that ranch in Colorado that she dreamt of and has kids to help her make cookies. I wouldn’t know, though.

I never saw her again.

But I hope she got it all.

As for me, I’m waiting for someone to be on my side again.

Location: home
Mood: pensive
Music: But until then I’ll do just fine on my own

Who do you think you are?

Asking yourself that question works wonders

Was out and about this weekend again with three females; two were friends, one was not.

The two that were friends were out to meet people. They’re both very attractive and when they’re out with people they have no interest in, they’re socially fine. But the moment they like someone, they get shy. Think most people are like that. I was like that too.

But that was a while ago.

Now, I always ask myself: Just who the hell do you think you are?

Works wonders.

As for the girl that was not my friend, that’s a story for a different time.

Location: @9AM, yesterday, walking around the UWS
Mood: productive
Music: You see I’ve forgotten if they’re green or they’re blue Anyway

Morning Glory

So, what’s your story, morning glory; what makes you look so blue?

The beauty of never having drunk seriously since high school is that I’ve managed to (I think) look better than my age and have not a gut.

The flip side of it is that I’m meeting up with inebriated Logan again for the first time since 1995.

And he’s got stuff to say.

I’m already fairly friendly and outgoing when I’m sober. Drunk, I’m your best friend.

So, what’s your story, morning glory; what makes you look so blue?

Location: @3AM, sloshing home
Mood: mellow
Music: I’ll take myself to an east coast city and walk about

Baggage

Dating is all about finding someone with matching baggage

My hands are shaking again.

The only drug that I know that works to knock me out causes a rare but nasty side effect called tardive dyskinesia, which basically results in a funny twitch or tic in the face. It’s permanent, no cure. Yeah, like I need to be any weirder.

Ergo, I avoid taking it until I truly need to catch up on sleep. On a related note, as I’ve gotten older, I do more and more odd tics with my hands. Basically, I talk a lot with my hands.

Must look ridiculous on my mobile.

My friends make fun of me. I think they think I do it to be dramatic. Maybe I do, a little. But you ever jump up and down when you’re a kid because you’re so excited about something? Nervous energy. That’s me. My hands tingle and I can’t keep them still. Like an itch. Now that I drink, it’s far more pronounced.

So I’m on day two of little sleep. I suppose tomorrow I’ll have to give in because I’m seeing the girl with the blue jean eyes again.

A good friend told me that the secret to relationships is to find someone with baggage that matches yours. So true. She spent 25+ years being her; I spent 30+ years being me. It’s hard to bang two fully formed adults together to something homogeneous. But I guess people do it all the time.

I don’t know how but they do.

There’s a lot going against us, me and BJ eyes. She’s got her baggage; I’ve got mine. But I told her that I would honest with her if she would do the same for me.

I’ll take honesty and those eyes any day of the week.

Now if I could only get some @#$@# sleep…

Location: my living room, pacing
Mood: awake
Music: every time I try to make it right it all comes down on me
Site Meter

St. Val

What makes a date a date? Food?

Got a date for St. Val’s day tomorrow. I’ve been on dates before, yes, but I’m really looking forward to this one.

Did you ever read Miss Manners? I’ve got lots of issues (admittedly) but poor manners isn’t one of them. On that note, here’s her view on what a date is comprised of:

There are three possible parts to a date, of which at least two must be offered: entertainment, food, and affection. It is customary to begin a series of dates with a great deal of entertainment, a moderate amount of food, and the merest suggestion of affection. As the amount of affection increases, the entertainment can be reduced proportionately. When the affection IS the entertainment, we no longer call it dating. Under no circumstances can the food be omitted. — Miss Manners’ Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior

Think I’ve got the entertainment and food part down.

If I manage to get some sleep the night before, I might be normal enough to work in some affection.

Who am I kidding? I’ll settle for the food and entertainment.

Location: Yonkers, New York
Mood: curious
Music: every time I try to make it right, it all comes down on me

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