You’re kidding me / PB&J

My Ex stopped by and peeked into my fridge

A bachelor's refridgerator

Got a gig to go to fancy dinners and chat with rich people.

Him: You really don’t know? They want you because of how you look.
Me: (surprised) You’re kidding me. What about my resume?
Him: (shrugging) Didn’t even look at it. You’re meeting Ed Koch on Wednesday. Free up your nights, wear a suit and don’t bring a date. Oh…don’t get fat.

After a breakup, I tend to get hit on more. Even Gio noticed people looking at me tonight. I think it’s the lack of sleep, plus, I don’t eat much when I’m single. It’s nice but my hands are shaking again.

I’m usually the icebreaker of my friends. Some of them (not Gio) “love” the women I’m with but the moment I’m single, they tell me things like, “Oh, I never liked her,” to get me back in the scene.

Ugh. I hate that. I hate gossip folk.

My exes weren’t perfect but I was with them for a reason.

Speaking of which, The Ex stopped by unexpectedly on Sunday night to pick up some of her things.

For some reason, she looked in the fridge. All it had was protein shakes, rum and PB&J. She laughed when she opened up the freezer and saw the Mac & Cheese and all the veggie burgers.

Wish I could tell you something terribly interesting happened when she was here. She looked amazing. But I’d be lying.

You know, I could survive on protein shakes, rum and PB&J.

Maybe even just the rum.

Location: @8PM, my favorite dive bar w/Gio
Mood: irritated
Music: Then I’ll just be waiting here right here

Time and Tide

Couldn’t take it any other way

(c) Aki Muira

This is a mixture of two recent conversations I had, one of which was Caligirl:

Her: I heard you’re seeing her again.
Me: (joking) You’re late. As usual.
Her: What happened?!
Me: I’d rather not say, it’s complicated.
Her: Oh I’m sorry. (pause) She’s come back before – twice, right?
Me: You never know, though I’m sure she’s out and about with her backup plan. It’s ok, she knows that I’m nobody’s careful consideration.
Her: I think it’s not as important that someone leaves; it’s more important that there’s something about you that the person misses enough to come back for.
Me: (laughing) If she did come back, it’d probably just be because she forgot something.
Her: (exasperated) Why is everything a joke?
Me: (pause) I couldn’t take it any other way.

It was a beautiful day. Made some scratch, took a weird gig, got hit on a few times, had some rum – the usual spring twirl.

I’m disappointed but still hopeful.

Because you can never tell what time and tide brings.

Location: @5PM, the UES, thinking
Mood: insanely busy
Music: I will be your storm at seas And I’ll be your sharp intake

(Not) Back in the picture

Some breakups take longer than others

Blue Jean Eyes and I were orbiting for a bit more but I didn’t mention it because I wasn’t sure how it’d shake out. Turns out I was right; fifteen days later, we’re total strangers.

Suppose that’s just how it goes.

———-

There’s a new book called Send which basically says, think twice before you do anything online as once it’s up, it’s there forever. This is turning out to be very disturbingly true:

I did work for a short film, Cycle, years ago. Apparently it’s being shown someplace because I got a email from a girl asking me if I was the same Logan Lo.

Someone else said that she read about me from a random article in a local paper.

Just Googled my name and this blog showed up.

Getting a sinking feeling that if I ever look for a job (or a chick), I’m screwed.

I should re-think this blog, maybe…

Location: @3PM yest., Walker & 6th Ave
Mood: uncomfortable
Music: angel in disguise Chinese-speaking girlfriend big brown eyes

Who do you think you are?

Asking yourself that question works wonders

Was out and about this weekend again with three females; two were friends, one was not.

The two that were friends were out to meet people. They’re both very attractive and when they’re out with people they have no interest in, they’re socially fine. But the moment they like someone, they get shy. Think most people are like that. I was like that too.

But that was a while ago.

Now, I always ask myself: Just who the hell do you think you are?

Works wonders.

As for the girl that was not my friend, that’s a story for a different time.

Location: @9AM, yesterday, walking around the UWS
Mood: productive
Music: You see I’ve forgotten if they’re green or they’re blue Anyway

Interesting

Been looking at my passport like a guy looks at his girl

I just found out that Blue Jean Eyes reads my journal. Interesting.

She also told me that she’s already signed up for a dating website looking for a Jewish, vegetarian version of me. Also…interesting.

I don’t believe those options are available on my particular make/model. Odd comes standard, though.

A lot of women from my past seem to be popping up in my life lately. I miss some aspect of all of them, I think. Europegirl is now UKgirl, French-Koreangirl is happily occupied and No. 6 is…still No. 6.

Been thinking of my conversation with the blue-eyed Lawyergirl but that’s for later.

In the meanwhile, I’ve been looking at my passport like a guy looks at a pic of his chick.

I’m heading to SFO in May (I lost my place to crash so if you’ve got a couch in SF in May, drop me a line: logan607 at hotmail). Some friends are going to Montreal and I just got an invitation to Las Vegas in June.

Outside it’s cloudy in New York, but in my head, it’s sunny elsewhere.

Location: still here
Mood: peripatetic
Music: If I could escape I would

Possible pasts

We all think about what could have been

Quite a weekend.

Friday I spent quietly at home because I went out Monday and Thursday of last week.

Saturday was a different story:

  • 7AM – 2PM Work
  • 2PM – 4PM fencing
  • 4PM – 7PM dinner party
  • 7PM – 9PM speed dating thing (I didn’t participate, I was just catching up with a friend that ran the event)
  • 10PM – 11PM Birthday party
  • 11PM – 3AM Club
  • 3AM – 7AM Extracurricular activity

I’d put in more details but I’m still trying to remember them.

Been running into ex-girlfriends in the oddest of ways. In a manner of speaking.

At the speed dating thing, I met a girl that knew my first girlfriend. She told me that my ex was still single. For some reason, that didn’t surprise me.

The birthday party was full of girls that actually stayed at my house 10 years ago, (wait for it) for a church retreat sponsored by my third girlfriend. They’re all about 26-28 now. Quite weird. They told me that my third girlfriend is married, pregnant and happy. I’m glad to hear.

I just got home about 15 minutes ago and in my in box is an email from another ex-girlfriend from Europe. She’s going to send me some pictures of my time in Europe. She’s a sweetheart.

My past likes to visit me.

It’s fine.

I enjoy the company.

Location: @1AM, lying on a red bed listening to the rain
Mood: thoughtful
Music: our possible pasts lie in tatters and rags Do you remember me?

A Billion Miles of Fate and Luck

What is life but a bunch of random meetings?

(c) A Lo

I once randomly met a woman I dated for over a year at a cocktail party on 76th Street.

Met another woman who stood outside a phone booth in Columbia waiting to make a phone call.

Met yet another one who sat on a park bench north of Astor Place.

And I met Blue Jean Eyes in a random class in a random school at a random moment in my, admittedly, random life.

That last one ended just as randomly the other day. I think. There’s definitely something about her and me that I just can’t put my finger on. While it takes two people to get into a relationship, it only takes one to get out of it.

But you knew that.

I’m ok, though. I was hoping for a nice summer at least but you take life as it comes. She’s great. I wish her only every good thing.

As for me, I’ve dusted myself off, gave Gio and the guys a call and got out and about. Had a weekend that I barely remember and a Monday night in front of another blue-eyed girl who told me I was having a great time.

I laughed.

I read once that the Universe expands by a billion miles in all directions every hour.

Isn’t the intersection of fate and luck fascinating?

Well, sad and disappointing at times, but fascinating nonetheless.

I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Location: @8:30 yesterday, dinner at the Manhattan Diner
Mood: Sick
Music: Hey Lloyd, I’m ready to be heartbroken

Mr. Fix-it

It’s easier to start new things than try to replace old things

My tub faucet sprung a leak the other day so I decided it was time to fix it.

I’m always trying to fix things in my life.

My car, my finances, my computer, my body, my love life – the list goes on. I decided just the other day to repair my relationship with my lower abs. We’ve kept in touch but I’ve just not seen them in six months.

Spent almost all of last summer trying to fix my hellish relationship with my ex.

As an aside, it would have been nice if she told me that it was not only broken but that she had already given speaking lines to three other drivers (whom I don’t think have seen any of their abs in decades, one word: flexbelt; of course, it’s not just about looks, to their credit they’re also dull as rock soup).

Sorry, just snarky because I’ve got a drip that’s driving me mad.

Point is, fixing is different than building. It’s been a while since I’ve been able to build. This spring I’m building things with old friends and new.

But for now, oh man, where’s that #@$@#$ wrench?

Location: @2:30PM yesterday, on Broadwayasd downing a burger
Mood: insanely busy
Music: Sunlight on my face I wake up and yeah, I’m alive

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Thinking Pink

Thought of my ex – which is rare now

I had a busy but good day yesterday. A friend of mine and I are arguing constantly but somehow we always manage to work things out, or at least push our mutual hatred below the surface where I’m sure it’ll explode someday in a newspaper-worthy fashion.

Thought about my ex recently because I got a package of stuff from her.

It’s funny, I never think of her any more.

I’m traveling again. I’ll be here today and then back home tonight. I used to go to cool places like Berlin, Macao and Beijing. Now, it’s…Lockport, NY. Eh, it pays the bills. Plus it’s nice to be elsewhere.

Finally, someone asked me how I was so I’m putting up this pic of me. I think I’m gaining weight. It’s because I’m in a good mood.

I know you’ll wonder, so the answer is because I’m secure in my manhood. Plus, it’s all Blue Jean Eyes has that I can wear when I stop by the few times I see her.

They’re comfy.

Location: Queens, getting ready to go to the airport
Mood: hopeful
Music: Someday all this mess will make me laugh, I can’t wait

The other side

Suppose we all want to get to the other side of something

(c) Someone else

My ex-girlfriend from Europe dropped me a line yesterday. It was good to hear from her. As always she said little except that she’s doing well, seeing someone, and happy. I’m glad.

It would be nice to hear how the other is doing occasionally, as there was a time when we were very close.

True. It was a lifetime ago – before planes hit buildings in my fine city and burned them to the #$@#$ ground.

Remember driving to this drawbridge in her tiny town outside Denmark and waiting for the bridge to come down so we could get to the other side. I liked being there; actually, I like being elsewhere, which is quite different from being somewhere.

On that note, I just bought tickets for the left coast. SFO.

I’ll need a place to crash for a weekend so if anyone has a spare couch in May, I’m there. I’d cook dinner in exchange for some hospitality. If you’re a pescatarian, I’ll buy/make some mac & cheese.

It’ll be good to see the California sun again; I missed her, though I’m sure she didn’t notice I was gone.

Me? Oh, I’m OK, thanks.

I’m just waiting to get to the other side.
Location: in front of the computer all #@$&*^@! day
Mood: drained
Music: Let’s get out of this country I have been so unhappy
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