Clean

Location: 15:30 yest, the 66th Street B&N;
Mood: over-caffeinated
Music: Always wanted to see the colours of your destiny

A pan of read corned beef hash from Nonna in the UWS

Her
: (laughing hysterically) When did you do that?
Me: Breathe mom, breathe…

Had dinner at the Telephone Bar the other night before catching Paul for a party at the same place as this entry. Same people, same discussions, worse weather but good all around.

Spent mosta the night trying to pick up this one girlie Paul mentioned he found attractive; that is until he saw her up close and decided wasn’t his type. Oh well, at least it kept me busy.

The next day I had myself brunch around the way at a joint called Nonna where I had real corned beef hash; like not from a can.

It’s these little things that make my day.

———-

Been working on the manuscript again; this’s now year seven. Should really just finish it now that I got the time.

Y’ever pick up something you wrote before and think, What the hell was I thinking when I wrote that? Literally, every single year I work on it, have that same thought.

Speaking of older stuff, my mom somehow found Bachelor Cooking, which I think is the best thing Rain and I’ve done together. Maybe we should dust it off again. Cept we can’t stand working with each other.

In close to three years of writing On (or close) to Schedule, never mentioned why I don’t curse or why I’m deliberately vague. It’s cause I assume that my mom’ll, or someone from RL’ll find it.

It’s made me a better writer, I think.

Pound-for-pound, the funniest comedian out there is Brian Regan. And he’s beyond clean. And the pinnacle of television comedy, IMHO, is The Contest; which is both completely filthy and completely clean at the same time.

That’s really hard.

Don’t get my wrong, my manuscript’s nuthin like this blog; it’s pretty salty. But all of this stuff I put up online, put up knowing that online stuff’s forever.

This blog could have easily gone the way of a sleezy, douchey, caricature. Instead, went the way of a clumsy nerd who ends up looking like an idiot as much as he doesn’t.

Realized also, wasn’t so much offended by raunchy, filthy, foul-mouthed posts, myspace/twitter musings and blogs – was just kinda bored by it.

Started wearing white again after bout 15 years of not. Cause, being as clumsy as I am, it’s near impossible to keep something clean. But, for me, it’s just better that way.

Me: (a minute later) So what did you think of it?
Her: (still laughing)
Me: Ok, I’m gonna go now…
YASYCTAI: Try writing something a completely different way. (30 mins/1 pt)

Wannabe Sleepyhead

Location: 21:00, yest, eating poorly in Queens
Mood: guilty
Music: they crowd your bedroom like some thoughts wearing thin

Not been sleeping again and’ve been hitting gym. Tend to look my best when I feel my worst. 16 tabs of ibuprofen and a protein shake for lunch can’t possibly be good.

Don’t it sometimes feel like you’re sleepwalking through life? The rain’s the only thing that reminds me I’m awake.

———-

Went to see my dad tonight for father’s day and got into a terrible argument.

We actually get along better than most fathers and sons, but still, there’s a reason why children move away.

Dunno what you think of me; I’m probably shorter, geekier, and clumsier than you think I am. Or not, dunno.

Do have my moments of eloquence – just not with my father. Something about fathers turn logical, dispassionate men into yell-ey, argumentative sons.

But, if I had the composure to think of it – and the vocabulary in Chinese to say it – woulda told him this poem by Kahil Gibran:

What I actually said was more like, Lemme live my life, ok?

Do have my moments of eloquence. But only with strangers reading me on digital ink. Just not with my father, whom I love more than most anything – even the rum – but don’t wanna be.

YASYCTAI: Have y’ever written an email/letter to your dad? Not easy. Even if y’like writing, it’s not easy. (hours/2 pts)

…then back to cleaning the cellar

Location: 17:00, meeting my attorney
Mood: still #$!$#! sick
Music: breathe some life into me

Night street performers in St. Marks, NYC

Her
: We have leftovers. Do you want some?
Me: Yeah. I sorta do.

Someone asked what to do in the city when you’re visiting. Won’t give you advice. But I’ll just be more descriptive this week about my haunts, ok?

Spent the weekend trying to clean out my cellar and not be sick. Fail on both counts.

Lived in my same apartment for over a decade. Put it this way, 10+ of the women I dated last year were 11 years old when I moved in.

Found long forgotten things: postcards, letters, tapes, cds, class notes. Goes on. Another entry, I suppose.

Managed to cut out one night to meet up with my brother, WM and Paul at a bar downtown where I ran into Sckim. Stumbled over to Heartgirl’s later on that night. Then back to cleaning the cellar.

Next nights, saw them all again for dinner at John’s Pizza. Best pizza in the city that you can get a in former cathedral off Times Square. Best. Then back to cleaning the cellar.

Next night, duck out to stop by Paul’s. Although I had a full dinner, they had Thai leftovers that smelled great, so I inhaled those too. Afterward, went to Solas, my regular hangout. Then back to cleaning the cellar.

Didn’t have time to see my mom for mother’s day but did see my brother before he left. We walked past a street fair with Paul to St. Marks for some 2 Brothers Pizza, which is the best tasty pizza in the city for $1 a slice. Because it’s so cheap, the stuff is amazingly fresh. Five minutes after a pie is out, it’s sliced up and consumed.

We also went to Mamouns for a falafel. Then we went to BBQ Chicken for some chicken and fries. Then we went back to 2 Brother’s Pizza for more pizza. All within 30 minutes.

75% of the meals my bro eats when he visits is pizza cause the pizza in Cali’s not the same.

He’s probably landing in LA right about now. Me? Just spilled some rum all over my desk. Suppose I should clean that up.

Then back to cleaning the cellar.

Street fair on 8th Street and Broadway, NYC

YASYCTAI: Clean out the storage area. Who knows what you’ll find? (days/2 pts)

Lies and Ties

Location: 14:00 yest, being told to rinse and spit in Queens (again)
Mood: still sick
Music: The sun in your eyes made some of the lies worth believing

The original NYC police station

My brother’s in town and he’s helping fix somea the computers here.

Him: Apparently somebody’s been plagiarizing mom’s articles and reprinting them online.
Me: How can you tell?
Him: (laughing) She told me…and she’s a got a folder that’s named, Someone copy my article.

———-

Heartgirl told me recently that she doesn’t know what to tell people when they ask what I do for a living. S’funny, all of the women I dated’ve said the same thing. Mosta my friends don’t know.

It’s…complicated, how I make my money.

I’ve a particularly odd skillset but the funny thing’s that I’m very good at a several, seemingly unrelated things. But if I had to sum it up to in one unifying idea, it’s that I collect and process data.

Writing, in fact, is an example of my processing data; I take various disparate concepts, weave them to one (hopefully) coherent argument and distill that to a printed page.

On that note, I’ve gotta pick one of these skillsets sooner than later.

Me: I’m thinking of being an officer of the court again.

Him: (laughing) They’re no different than us cept they wear ties.

Someone copy my article

YASYCTAI: Organize your computer files. (10 hrs/2 pts)

So here’s what I remember

Location: 20:00 yest., eating another piece of sushi in Queens
Mood: burp
Music: I’m tearing at the seams. You on the other hand

Wedding flowers

Don’t wanna go out for my birthday but Paul insists. He, Hazel and WM take me out for some killer Indian food. Afterward, Paul and Hazel pick up a bottle of rum and we kill it on a balcony overlooking Broadway in the Village. Paul even picked up a cake.

Me: Have I thanked you enough for this?
Paul: Yeah…no prob, as long as you had a good one for a change. Everyone needs a good birthday.
Me: Well, my birthdays are usually pretty good – it’s just that the other 364 days leave much to be desired.

Stupid friends won’t even let a guy be depressed on his birthday.

Birthday with rum

Saturday, dash off to Brooklyn for something and rush home to make a wedding for a buddy I’ve not seen in years. The most beautiful woman in the room spies me walking in and takes my hand.

Her: (beaming) You came! I keep talking about you. (takes me by the hand and pulls me in front of a table of strangers) Everyone – this is my son.
Everyone (in unison): Hello!
Me: (laughing) Hi.

My world’s a small place. Alla my guy friends are comparing their ueber expensive automatic watches. Sold mine to pay for for law school stuff. Miss my Seamaster the most.

But don’t have time to be sad. Dash off to see my buddy El for her housewarming. Rain and the gang’re there including Tess (who’s in Kings, should it not get canceled) and Eve. We all go up to the roof, which is dark. But not in a cool way, more in a pitch black kinda way.

Eve: This is sorta nice.
Me: Yeah, if you’re a rapist.

Rape-y
becomes the word of the night .
NYC rooftop

While there, get a call from a girl Shin I’ve not seen in 15 years telling me she’s in town. She’s a professor now. Crazy. So we meet up and soon, about eight of us are in a karaoke bar downtown where people are butchering Phil Collins.

My brother’s best friend is there with her 18 year old sister who delights in the fact that I’m, quite literally, twice her age now. She puts a note in front of me that makes me laugh. But it’s almost 3AM and Shin’s boyfriend turns out to be a drunk douche so I bounce before I can deck him.

Logan's old

Yesterday, I see Heartgirl. We go out and she has a glass of wine and listens to my stories. I like her more than anything. Even rum.

Today, have dinner with the family at an all-you-can eat buffet.

Sister: Why are you sitting like that?
Me: So I can get a better view of the sushi chef. You have to plan these things.

Thanks for the birthday wishes, they meant a lot to me. Really. Every writer likes knowing that someone, somewhere’s reading them.

YASYCTAI: Have you called your mother? (10 mins/2 pts)

Oatmeal or gruel? Vicodin or Rum?

A root canal is nowhere near as fun as you might imagine

A tribeca apartment stoop

Her: Let’s get going to see the dentist.
Me: OK, just lemme grab my keys. (sound of cloth ripping) Um, I think I just ripped my pants.
Her: (shakes head) I’m going to wait upstairs.

Had my second root canal today. If you’re contemplating getting one, reconsider. They are not nearly as fun as you might imagine. Visit three of nine.

Know what you never wanna hear your dentist say? Well, that’s unusual. That’s what y’never wanna hear your dentist say.

Assistant: Do you want more Novocaine?
Me: (muffled) God yes.

Actually been sleeping better, what with the quantity of drugs in my system. I also bought myself a mouth guard for teeth grinding at night, so that must be helping too.  But when I’m not sleeping, I’m reading Outliers. Probably his best book – and I liked the other two. Y’should read it. We’ll discuss when I’m not so cloudy.

Saw my mom for dinner.

Her: You’re coming home for dinner? (thinking) I’ll make oatmeal then.

Instead, had rice gruel and 10,000 year old egg. So. Painful. Least it wasn’t oatmeal. To add insult to injury, evidently washing down vicodin with rum is strongly discouraged. Which means I gotta choose which pain reliever I love more.

Me: …sorta felt like a hammer slamming into my tooth…
Brother: (interrupting) Y’know, using the words hammer and tooth in the same sentence results in, one would say, dubious enjoyment potential.

On the plus side, I’m gonna see me some Fleetwood Mac tonight. But first I gotta prep breakfast.

Two guesses what I’m having.

Location: 15:07 yest, getting drilled in Queens
Mood: more ouch
Music: sings a song Sounds like she’s singing oooh baby
YASYCTAI: Eat more oatmeal – (a) because why should I be only one that has to and (b) it’s good for you. Keep telling yourself that. (50 mins/1 pt)

Down from your fences

Location: 19:14 yest, 462 Amsterdam Ave
Mood: pensive
Music: ain’t gettin no younger Your pain and your hunger, they’re drivin you

A metro station in Washington DC

Heartgirl
: (bursts out laughing) Those old ladies back there said, There’s a sexy Asian guy!
Me: I am! (turning to her) Kidding – it’s only cause I’ve got such a lovely accessory…
Her: (beams)
Me: …my cool leather jacket.
Her: (laughs again) Yes, you’re really popular with the cougars.
Don’t think I’ve ever gone this long without a single client calling me. Man, it’s like death out there. Gotta tap into my last little bit of emergency coin but suppose this is emergency time.

Been keeping busy trying to get some some things settled, though. The thesis, paperwork, continuing education. Lotsa stuff. Personal stuff too – saw my cousins last night. We never hang out. No reason, just don’t. People think I eat a lot. These guys, these guys can pound. And they’re all normal looking.

Talked about our grandmother. They said, without trying to make me feel bad, that I should have seen her. Least said goodbye. Told them I couldn’t. They said my mom sat all by her lonesome at the funeral.

Somehow, knew that without them telling me that. Guess cause I do that too, sometimes.

Told them that I’m closer to 40 than I am to 30. And I’m still waiting for my real life to begin.

Man, how silly’s that?

YASYCTAI: See someone for dinner that you’ve been meaning to. (90 mins/2 pts)

What to do?

Location: 18:00 yest, getting my hair cut
Mood: anxious
Music: I could have been a sailor, could have been a cook

A metro station in Washington DC

Her
: Sorry, I just started taking piano lessons, so I have to play these scales.
Me: (laughing) S’your house…

At the rents. Mom’s 60-something and learning to play the piano. My older brother just picked up the drums and base – he already plays the piano and guitar. We’re all geeky.

Music? Got a tin ear. But, been thinking of learning another language and/or study for the Zertifikat Deutsch exams. I should work on my Chinese but, let’s be honest: (a) my Chinese sucks and (b) it’d take a long time to learn to be literate. Think I could teach myself French in about a year and I could probably pass the German exams in about six-eight months. For some reason my tongue works well in German. Chinese and French? Not so much.

But, I’ve still gotta finish that damn thesis and also get my manuscript published. Plus I wanna wrestle again. It’s strange; sleeping better than I have in years but doing half the things.

The grass is always greener / das Gras ist immer grüner / 老婆是别人的靓; lǎo pó shì bié rén de liàng.

Yes, I had to look up the Chinese – see comment (a), supra.

Damn stupid grass.

———-

Me: I’m not cold.
Her: Use this blanket.
Me: I’m not cold!
Her: (puts blanket on me) Use it!
Me: Mom, I’m not cold, I’m 36 this year, and I’m trying to balance spreadsheets for my 2008 business tax returns – do you mind?
Her: (sniffs) Whatever! I’m going to sleep.

Me: (ten minutes later – thinking) This is an awfully nice blanket…

———-

If you roll, swing on by. I’m not good enough to compete – yet another thing I should be working on – but I’m gonna be there to help set up: http://www.nycsubshootout.com.

A metro station in Washington DC


YASYCTAI: Learn a language. Proficiency is 3,000 words. You can do that. (12 months/5 pts)

Mental Health Break

Location: 17:00 yest, finding parking on CPW
Mood: hyper
Music: blinked my eyes and you were in flight But I did not move, I just watched you fly away

Logan Lo in front of the Washington Monument

Onea the things we saw in DC was a section on bomb shelters. Submit that my parents could outlast yours in a nuclear disaster. No snub against your rents, rather a testament to the hoarding abilities of my, curiously small, forbears.

Know this cause I stayed over the other night and woke up hungry so poked around their pantry. That alone should give you an idea of what we’re talking about; who has an actual pantry these days?

Lemme tell you who – my parents.

Let’s just talk about the 100 packages of ramen there: at 536 calories each, comprised of mainly fat, white flour, and sugar, that’s 53,600 calories, or enough to keep them each alive for 22 days. That’s just the ramen. There’s also the 10 pounds of instant oatmeal, the two 50-pound bags of rice, and the two dozen boxes of spaghetti – they don’t even eat spaghetti!

They also have three, count em, three refrigerators. Three.

Some people hoard gold. Some fine art. My parents? Complex carbohydrates. God love em. Did I mention the three iceboxes?

Though y’didn’t ask, ended up cooking a frozen pepperoni pizza for four and killed it myself. Before you judge, also had an orange. Don’t tell Heartgirl as she’s ill prepared for how I eat.

In other news, after the tease of a weekend in DC, decided to blow what little coin I’ve left on a vacation in some warmer latitude. First one in over a year.

Perhaps not the most fiscally sound decision, but then again, I’m down six-figures and have a belly fulla processed cheese, so the heck with it.

Let’s call it a mental health break, yeah?

Contrail

YASYCTAI: Plan a mental health break of your own. (120 mins/1 pt)

Bonus post

Location: for eight hours on Xmas, my office
Mood: stuffed!
Music: goodness and light The child

Xmas pic of the Jekyll & Hyde Club in NYC

Well, I’m back. For some reason, Blogger just wouldn’t let me post for two days. Which, to me was an eternity.

Ate my weight in all sortsa food this holiday season – admittedly, what I do every holiday season. People are always surprised at the sheer volume of food I can pack away – even those that should be used to it by now.

Me: (holding bag of chips) Can I open this?
Her: (looking up from computer) There’s an open bag in the living room.
Me: Ate that one.
Her: Oh. Well, there’s an open bag on top of the microwave.
Me: Are that one too.
Her: I just opened that an hour ago! You ate all of it?
Me: Yes.
Her: Where do you put it all? (shaking head, sighing) Yes. You can open that.
Me: Thanks mom! (pause) BTW, we’re out of milk now.
Her: (grumbling and turning back to computer) …

Happy Xmas, everyone!

YASYCTAI: Do yesterday’s again. (10 mins/1 pt)