Leigh Sakoda

Apologies, I interrupt our usual nuthin for a quick something.

If you’ve been reading this for any amount of time, y’know that real names are verboten. Unless there’s a good reason.

This was Lee – Leigh Sakoda, actually. She wasn’t a close friend, or a dear friend. She was, however, someone that I spoke to every day for two years at my old gig. And never will again. That means something to me.

Wish I dropped her a line like I said I would. That means something to me too.

Since I got no scratch right now to send her way, putting this up for now, to remind me to do it when I do.

In my head, she looked like that pic above, always smiling. The world’s lost a good soul.

Back to the usual nonsense tomorrow.

Nite, Lee.

Location: 2 hours ago, stabbing someone in the throat in the UWS
Mood: still pensive
Music: to everything there is a purpose

Conversations on life

The Clock at NYC's Grand Central

Me: How high’s your blood pressure?
Her: XXX over XXX.
Me: HOLY COW! Eat some oatmeal, mom!
Her: I can’t, I’m having a mango.
Me: (exasperated) I didn’t mean right now…
———-

HG: Why couldn’t you sleep?
Me: Was screwing around online and got a notice from a friend that a girl I worked with passed away. She just got married. Cancer. Thing is, had her email addy the whole time. Kept thinking I’d drop her a line but..never did. Dunno why.
Her: (patting my shoulder) I’m sorry about your friend.
Me: She wasn’t a friend so much as someone I knew. But she always said “Hi” to me. It’s just that she was younger than me. Seems so unfair. Never woulda thought…

Still believe that A man’s dying is more the survivors’ affair than his own. But she was too young to go, I think.

Went to church this past Sunday. It’s hard to have faith in the big city.

It’s hard to have faith when you’re at an age where everyone’s getting older, people y’know die, madmen say’n do mad things. Doesn’t make any damn sense.

But there’s this song that has this line that goes, Thank goodness for the good souls that make life better. So I turn to you and I say, if it wasn’t for the good souls, life would not matter,
Him: Why does my daughter look Chinese, dude? She’s 1/4 Asian and it looks like there’s not a drop of black in her.
Me: It’s a girl! Congrats! And…um…I’ll be in Mexico…for the forseeable future.
Him: (laughing) I swear, if she starts talking a lot with her hands, I’ll find you.
Me: Don’t blame me that my people’s gene’s are strong.

Thank God for the good souls.

Bye, Lee. It sounds like you had lotsa good souls around and I hope they make it through this somehow. I’m sorry you had to go. You were way too young to go.

Location: 16:00 yest, turning onto Van Dam to go home
Mood: pensive
Music: Christ, I’m out of my mind

Twilight Heat

Location: my new Montreal Apartment, cleaning and unpacking. The Montreal movers I hired did a grat job, so my work is almost done.
Mood: contented
Music: “Come down now,” but we’ll stay I’ve tried my best to leave


Her
: So what did the guy choose?

My mind plays movies and television shows for me all of time cause, probably like you, I was raised by the cathode ray as much as anything else.

William Shatner was in this episode of the Twilight Zone where he was on his honeymoon but was afraid to leave cause a mechanical doll kept telling them they couldn’t. And he got it in his head that it was right.

Thought about that this week and that scene in Heat where the lead can get it all – the girl, the money, the life, everything – if only he’d leave his old life behind. Just walk away from everything. But a need to equalize something kept pulling him to stay.

The woman that stole all of my coin was seen this past week in NYC.

And like that mechanical doll, the Devil rang me up and told me what I had to do.

Told him that I just wanted to walk away from it all and he said I couldn’t.

Do you know, exactly, what a billion is? A billion is a thousand million or 1,000,000,000. Lehman brothers lost 613,000,000,000 dollars. Kinda puts my six-figures to shame.

Then again, it was my six-figures. One does get tired of having just chili and rum for dinner all of time.

It’s just the cards I’ve been dealt. And sometimes, y’gotta take your cards and let fate deal with the resta it all.

Don’t let anyone fool you, everything comes at a price. And, I’ve learned, if you let a thought bounce around in your head long enough, it’ll drive you mad. Quite literally. Better to let it go.

Besides, who’re we kidding? I love having chili and rum for dinner.

Me: He went back and shot the guy.
Her: (waiting) And? Then what happened?
Me: He lost everything he wanted – everything he really wanted.
Her: I don’t think it’s worth it.
Me: (smiling) Yeah, me neither.


YASYCTAI
: Isn’t it hard to let things go. But y’gotta sometimes. For your own sanity. (apparently 36 years/3 pts)