Durian

I love being Chinese but I cannot stand China

A metro station's escalator in NYC

Got a Hello today from Roberta, the girl I sat next to on the plane years ago. She’s in college now and still traveling the globe from Italy.

What an interesting world we live in.

Had a full-on zero sleep the other night. The insomina’s creeping back. Wondering why, but suppose it’s just the way it is with me sometimes.

Saw the rents the other day and stopped by the local Asian supermarket for cheap produce and such. Saw a lot of non-Asians there; laughed to myself only cause I can hardly make heads nor tails outta anything – then again, maybe they’re all Asian scholars.

Can only imagine one them picking up say a durian and going, “Why don’t I give this a shot?”

A lot of young people too bouncing around. That’s cool, that they’re willing to shop in a joint where the only English spoken’s with an accent.

Speaking of younger people, a lot of them’re convinced that all Republicans’re evil and that good things’ll happen if everyone’s a Democrat.

Which is not to say that the Republicans haven’t bungled the last several years of power, they have. And there ae d-bags and hypocrites on both sides of the fence.

But the fence’s sort o my point. There needs to be conflict to make things the way they’re supposedta be. You know what you get when you only have one party supported by millions of fanatical young people that are absolutely certain their cause is just, their party righteous?

China. You get China.

Love being Chinese but I cannot stand China. The government’s as thuggish and vile as one can get.

Nietzxche once said that “Convictions are more dangerous enemies of truth than lies.” The key to not being a jerk is by accepting that you might be wrong.

On that note, suppose I should really try a durian one of these days.

Location: my room, cleaning
Mood: groggy
Music: This is how it works You’re young until you’re not

Miami

Me: You look like a betting man. If I can get you 25 people, mostly girlies, will you get me a table?
Him: I’ll do better than that, I’ll get you a bottle.

Went to Florida for 20somthing hours over the weekend. Last minute decision; my brother’s moving to Cali so he was having a last hurrah. Started out at the Chesterfield Hotel which was fulla doctors, nurses and booze. Lotsa booze. Onea the guys was getting frisky with onea the girls.

Her: (to guy) Why are you touching me? I’m unclear on that.

Then we hopped over to a club called Cameo where, fortunately, some guy floated all of us in.

Unfortunately, a bunch of guys in masks, dogs and guns stormed the club. Fortunately, they were cops. Unfortunately, they shut the joint down, arrested all of the owners and bartenders and, more dismaying, didn’t lemme finish my drink.

Him: There’s some malfeasance going on.

The group decided to hit up another party but I ended up chatting with a promoter at another joint and managed to convince him to float us all in and comp us a bottle of vodka. He ended up buying me a buncha shots too. I like Miami.

The bartender leaned over and said she was buying me a shot of Tequila too. Told her that Tequila and I weren’t on speaking terms but she bought me one anyway. At around 2AM, she pulled me onto the dance floor. Afterwards:

Her: You’re fun. (pause) Did you say you were leaving on the 20th?
Me: No, I said I’m here for 20 hours.
Her: Are you coming back soon?
Me: Don’t think so. Gotta head back to see the girlfriend.
Her: Lucky lady. (smiles) Thanks again for the dance, Logan.
Me: I’ll let her know. Thanks for the dance, Lana.

Crashed with everyone for a coupla hours. Woke up and ate, what I later found out, were cream puffs that were in the fridge for possibly a year.

Rushed to the airport, missed my flight, so went back to brother’s. Try number two worked and I ended up in Newark airport at 21:15. Dropped my buddy Paul off downtown and zipped off to my favorite lady in the world.

Him: Mom went to bed already. We’ll get breakfast tomorrow. Nite.

Heartgirl, my favorite lady whom I’m not related to, is away for a few weeks. In Africa. Think I miss her already. But it’s probably for the best. The next two weeks are gonna be rough.

Location: finally back in NYC
Mood: tired
Music: Turning back she just laughs The boulevard is not that bad
YASYCTAI: Go somewhere completely different soon. You need a change of latitude. (Two weeks/3 pts)

Waiting for the Right Scene / Hardest way to Travel

 

 

PCD: (turning to me) That’s not true, I haven’t kissed anyone else in a long time.
Me: Really? How long?
Her: A whole week.
Me: (quizzical look)
Her: (turning back to TV) When you stop kissing other people so will I.

My friend Joanne said once that dating past your 30s is like that board game Scene It. In the first part of the game, if you get something wrong, there’s no penalty. In the second part, you’re penalized for each wrong answer. She said that dating up to 30 is like the first part and dating past your 30s is like the second part.

Spoke to Heartgirl recently. Like HEI, she’s become what I’d consider a close friend. Well, as close a friend as I guy like me has. She thinks I’m going about this wrong, the random dating and whatnot. But I’ve done the serial monogamy thing for 16 years. It doesn’t work for me.

Without a hint of arrogance, I believe that whomever ends up with me is a lucky girlie. Cause I’m whip-smart. Given lead time to prep and the right jeans, I’m easy on the eyes. Have fairly good manners. Can cook.

Most of all, though, I’m loyal. For that girl, I can say, I’m yours. I’ve gotten it outta my system. 130+ dates later, I’m good to go. I choose you.

And yeah, I’m old, weird, clumsy, nerdy, insominatic – the list goes on. No lie, whenever there’s money left over for rum after a mortgage payment, it’s like Christmas morning.

But I know what I bring to the table. SX once asked me what entertainment I’d provide and responded, “I am the entertainment.”

One should know one’s value. Cause if your cup of self worth is only half full, why would anyone else see any more than that, y’know?

In other news, the woman I love the most in the world is on a plane to bury the woman she loves most in the world.

There’s no harder way to travel than with a broken heart. It takes 22 hours to get from here to there. That’s a long time to spend with your thoughts. If I could take that cross from her, I would.

 

Location: in front of a glass of rum
Mood: sigh
Music: Got no place to go but there’s a girl waiting for me

My favorite picture

Location: 21:00 punching someone off West End Ave
Mood: excited
Music: don’t have to wait for words I can walk away and listen to the birds

Had the best news tonight when I realized that I had no one to share it with. Called someone because I wanted to but she didn’t pick up. Sad but not completely unexpected.

Gonna keep some more things to myself if you don’t mind; let’s just say, I got a tiny win today. Just a little. And that’s something.

Also, my fencing instructor said I was high intermediate – just under expert, which made me all sortsa warm and fuzzy too, in a cutthroat kinda way. I also talked to L and Pretty Jenny, botha whom reminded me how nice it is to have friends that are still on your side.

Finally, I found this picture after months of looking for it. It’s one of my favorites. I think that’s a hawk in the NYC sky.

Hey there, blue sky. Did y’miss me?

I’ve missed you.

Rising

It’s 9/11/2007 today

I’m flying today. I’ve flown for at least three 9/11s since that day.

Ever miss a flight?

I almost missed mine this morning. I’m always almost missing flights. Not because I’m late; today I arrived with almost two hours to spare.

No, I was daydreaming again.

Heard my name on the loudspeaker a coupla times before it fully registered. I rose, grabbed my bag and ran the 30 feet to the gate. The pretty girl at the gate laughed because she said she noticed me staring out at the planes the whole time but assumed I was waiting for the next flight.

Go, go, go
, she said.

Threw her a wink and a smile as I went, went, went.

Right now I’m in another nondescript upstate hotel room by myself listening to sad songs with only you, Tupac and the light from my screen for company. I’m remembering things and people I don’t wanna remember but I can’t forget.

And still I rise…

Location: 13601, talking to Somena
Mood: pensive
Music: Please give me to the sky
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