No Such Thing 2: Soulmate / One-itus

 There’s no such thing as a soulmate

 

My buddy Rain once wrote something brilliant maybe a decade ago called My Soulmate Sells Kumquats in Istanbul, or something. Basically, it was about the ridiculousness of the concept of a soulmate.

Fun with math:

  • There are 8.2 million people here in NYC.
  • With some 65% women, that means 5.33 million women.
  • Assume arguendo that 1% of 1% are perfect for me – the right age, look, brains, education, dietary restrictions, whatnot.
  • Ergo, there are 533 women in NYC perfect for me. Perfect. I just gotta find em.

So to add to my idea that there’s no such thing as a pickup line, there’s no such thing as The One. That and St. Valentine’s Day, was invented to sell you something – whether it be $4.50 for a piece of paper or the thought that, this person is the best I can do.

Trust me, the person your pine after ain’t that grand.

The only thing that changes in your relationship life is the degree of (a) effort and (b) forgiveness two people expend. That’s it. It’s true of any relationship – lovers, friends, family.

One-itus. It’s a crock. And don’t tell me I’m not a romantic – if you’ve read me at all you know I am.

It’s lot more romantic, IMHO, that two people work on making something…work, than two people being together because they both happen like the same obscure 80s band.

The one means, you’re the one I found cause I’m too lazy or scared to go up to a stranger and ask, what’s your story morning glory?

Location: 2PM yest, 53rd and 6th Ave., eying the Halal food
Mood: enthralled
Music: I was off kilter, now I got shelter

This version of me

Sometimes think that I’ve become the very, very worst version of myself.

I’ve resolved my business issues but it’s a sad disappointment to discover you’re not quite as noble as you imagined you’d be.

So I met up with Hazel, Paul and Bryson and drank what was left of my self-respect.

Because of my insomnia, I grew up watching black & white films at 2AM. Jimmy Stewart was my favorite. Mr. Smith Goes to Washington, The Philadelphia Story, It’s a Wonderful Life, etc.

Do you ever wake up and wonder what happened to all your youth and idealism?

Sometimes think that I’ve become the very, very worst version of myself.

Location: 11PM yest, asking for one more on the UWS
Mood: sotted
Music: Here’s coming a better version of me
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Comings and Goings

 

A buddy had a going away party on Saturday at one of my favorite joints, Solas and different people from different circles of my life met up there.

We ran into others like Candyfiend – whom I also bumped into last week midtown, an actor from 72nd to Canal, and a Texan and her friend (like the hat?) I met at a party a week ago. Sometimes NYC’s a small town.

Lots of memories there. Before my time it was called Café Tabac and Madonna worked there. You know, I met Somena there, was there for dozens of parties, was slapped there and last saw Blue-Jean Eyes there.

Had my 30th birthday party at Solas too.

The coolest thing about Saturday night was that there were at least 10 people there for my buddy’s thing that were at my 30th as well.

Friends come and go. Some stay with you physically; some stay with you mentally. Some do both.

Have a safe trip, buddy.

Location: 7:15PM yest, saying hello at church
Mood: psyched!
Music: On my way to see my friends who live a couple blocks away
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Which one are you?

 

(c)Disney

Saw a sneak preview of The Kingdom on Monday. It had it’s good and bad points but I gotta say that the fight scene with Jennifer Garner is worth the price of admission.

Totally hot. Totally.

———-

Me: So you think she was saying that she was gay to get rid of me or what?
Nadi: Nah, that’d make it more conversation, not less. If she just wanted to get rid of you, she’d have just said she had a dude.
Me: True. Hmmm, I wonder if…
Nadi: Oh stop, you’re not gonna change her. That’s every man’s dream.
Me: (laughing) Maybe we should eat there some…
Nadi: (rolling eyes) Sheeyeah, Logan – riiiiiiight…

———-
Him: You’ve never heard that before? Look, everyone turns into one of the Seven Dwarfs when they drink. Like me, I’m Sleepy Dwarf. So, which one are you?
Me: (thinking) Is there a Friendly Pirate Dwarf?

Location: 9PM, getting slashed at in the UWS
Mood: content
Music: Don’t wake me i plan on sleeping in
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Bye Betty

Saw my friend Betty for dinner

Was supposed to do all these things yesterday. Instead, I went for a walk; cleaned up my pad; did some laundry; read some magazines; even cleaned out the fish tank.

Felt normal again – well, as normal as I get.

KG Betty is on a plane but we had a long talk before she left. She said she might visit Germany but she’d never move back. Her friends are all over the world now; home isn’t home any more.

Like me, she’s working her way through the world.

In 2002, I was supposed to attend the University of Dresden for a graduate program in Chinese Political Science and Law (I’m geek, what can I say).

But then I met this chick…

Ultimately, our lives are just strings of choices we make, like those Choose Your Own Adventure books from childhood.

Think I got off schedule somewhere between Chapters Three and Four.

But it’s been hella fun.

Well, Hello Weekend!

Did ya miss me?

Location: 4PM yest, walking down Broadway
Mood: content
Music: I hope you’re thinking about me daily
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Still thinking of the other side

If we fail, let’s fail greatly

Saw my friend Skinny tonight. He’s on his way to Japan to a new life.

I’m secretly a little jealous, but happy for him too.

Teddy Roosevelt once said that of the person who tries something bold and new:

at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat.

I’m always impressed by who just pick up and go. Thought so many times about moving here or here. But I never did.

Don’t know why I don’t just get to the other side.

Someday.

Until then, Skinny, if you meet a nice (non-pescatarian) Japanese girl, send her my way?

I’ll be here. I’m ever here.

Location: 10PM, yest., with friends
Mood: sotted
Music: What does this city have to offer me
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New York in the Indigo

When Harry Met Sally is just a film, it’s not the real world

I’ve been sitting here working all damn day. At least it’s the weekend. Hazel took this picture a couple of weekends back at the 7/7/07 rooftop party. Time’s just sprinting by.

People email me asking why Hazel, Somena, or any of my other female friends and I don’t just get together.

It’s because When Harry Met Sally isn’t the real world or the NY I know. In my NY, guys can have three types of female friends: former somethings, just friends, and potential somethings.

In my life at least, we all know the parts we play.

A guy like me won’t end up with a chick just cause she’s around. And vice versa.

Who wants that? That’s like when you eat the crap in the fridge because you’re too lazy to go out so you think, Eh, it looks ok.

I’ve had crazy love before. Once you’ve had that, everything else is a distant second. If you’ve ever been loved, you know. You won’t take less.

Dean Martin knew that you can never really go home to Steubenville after you’ve seen the lights of New York.

I’m alone, yeah.

But I’m not lonely.

OK, back to work…

Location: my black chair, all %#@! day
Mood: beat tired
Music: It ain’t no big thing But I know what I like
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A million ways to buy it

I started volunteering in my church

(c) AP Photo/Seth Wenig

I heard one guy died in that explosion. Sad.

The thing about living here, is that there’s a million ways to buy it in the big city.

When my accident happened, it was exactly like those VW commercials where two people are just chatting and a half-second later, BAM!

Your life can really change just like that.

I know a few people on the East Side, two in particular spring to mind. But we’ve lost touch. They’re all, by chance, part of the people I cut yesterday.

Just as well, what would I say?

Me: Hey, just calling to make sure you’re alive.
Her: I picked up the phone didn’t I?
Me: (pause) Yes. Yes, you did.

I’ve decided to start volunteering in my church.

I’m hoping it’ll balance out my Thursday thru Saturday drinking and womanizing.

Location: 7PM yest., 110 & Broadway, buying a slice
Mood: still maddeningly busy
Music: I hope you know That this has nothing to do with you
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Do I look like a people person?

I’m wearing a shirt that says, Do I Look Like a F___ People Person?

Made it home yesterday. Met two women on their way home too but home for them was Boston. Such is my luck.

It was dismal outside. Was gonna stay in when my flatmate reminded me that the reason I rushed home was to enjoy the Fourth. So I met up with my friend L. As you would expect, I totally missed the whole East Side Fireworks display but she and I did go out with some friends to eat.

Afterwards, I walked her home and got drenched. Totally soaked. So I took a shower at her place, borrowed this dead-sexy shirt, and crawled onto her sofa to crash. Her roommate Locationgirl was there and asked me over and over “Why are you here?” Didn’t understand the question until after they went to bed.

She meant, What are you doing here with L?

Ah…

So I lay there for a bit and the ticking of the fan and the thunder kept me up. After about two hours of that, the rain finally stopped and I gave up trying to sleep. I left L a note, quietly left, took a cab back up to my pad and am about to crawl off and lie awake in my own bed.

In this snazzy shirt no less.

Location: home again
Mood: exhausted
Music: I woke up to the sound of pouring rain

Hanging with Nadi

Conversations with Nadya

 

Nadi: Oh god, why don’t you ever write about when you actually succeed?
Me: What’s the fun there? Met a girl, we hooked up, blah, blah, blah. There’s no story there. Plus, you know I don’t kiss and tell.
Nadi: At least put something there. It’s depressing otherwise.
Me: There’s a fine line between hopeless romantic womanizer and sleezeball player.
Nadi: But it always sounds like, “Oh poor sad sack Logan screwed up with another girl.”
Me: Maybe I’ll put up a 10-to-1 ratio of…wait…sad sack?
Nadi: A ratio might be…
Me: Sad sack?!
Nadi: Look, all I’m saying is…
Me: Whaddya mean, sad sack?! Do people feel sorry…
Nadi: FOCUS, LOGAN!

May be focusing too much at times. How’s your dating life going?

Me, I’m out and about. But I’m also waiting.

After some modicum of attraction, there is only ever two things any relationship needs, and neither one of these things is love.

The two things are loyalty and fun. Everything good comes from these two.

Everything bad comes from when one or both are missing.

If you find someone with these three things, you’re doing well.

But more on that later. Right now, gotta catch a plane.

Location: in Queens, packing
Mood: full & sick
Music: When we were close I’ll remember these things the most