One was sad. Berlingirl showed up unexpectedly – a nice surprise. Spent some time with her before she had to catch her flight. She said, I wish you a wonderful fall. (Ich wunsche dir einen wunderschonen Herbst).
Don’t think she knows how much that meant to me.
One was random. She gave me her digits and said,It was nice meeting you (Wo hen gaoxing renshi ni).
I’ve already lost the piece of paper – of course.
It was sad in a completely different way. She said, May you have a good year (L’shanah tovah tikatev v’taihatem).
A buddy had a going away party on Saturday at one of my favorite joints, Solas and different people from different circles of my life met up there.
We ran into others like Candyfiend – whom I also bumped into last week midtown, an actor from 72nd to Canal, and a Texan and her friend (like the hat?) I met at a party a week ago. Sometimes NYC’s a small town.
Lots of memories there. Before my time it was called Café Tabac and Madonna worked there. You know, I met Somena there, was there for dozens of parties, was slapped there and last saw Blue-Jean Eyes there.
Had my 30th birthday party at Solas too.
The coolest thing about Saturday night was that there were at least 10 people there for my buddy’s thing that were at my 30th as well.
Friends come and go. Some stay with you physically; some stay with you mentally. Some do both.
Then these three kids stepped into the subway car and started hitting everything around them with drumsticks.
Asked them if they would play me something. They did.
The little things almost ruined my day. Then again, a little thing saved it. The guy at the pound said I was a lucky boy. The doc said I was fine.
Later that night, I met four lovely ladies, three of whom were traveling from Sweden. The girl in the conversation above lives around the way. Also met some other people but those are stories for a different time.
Had coffee late the other night with a girl I met just last week. Here’s a discussion I had with a friend when I got home.
Him: Hey, you’re back. She seemed really cool. Me: She was. But, we both decided not to see other again. Him: (surprised) What? Just like that? You guys seemed to get along really well – she’s pretty, smart, an omnivore, AND an insomniac. That’s right up your alley. Me: I know, I know, I know. Him: Politics? Me: Interestingly, no…just a…personal choice I made that she disagrees with. Him: Have you really thought this through? Me: (thinking) Probably not. But she has my digits, she knows where to find me. Plus, maybe I’ll call her if things change with me. Him: (pause) Man, you’re a self-sabotaging bastard. Me: (sigh) I know, I know, I know.
We broke up twice before and each time, she felt I moved on too quickly. This time, I waited and made sure this is what she wanted. Yes.
We broke up because of an argument. I learned the hard way that it’s better to have honest disagreements than pretty lies. She wants someone who doesn’t argue with her and I guess that’s possible but I can’t see how real a relationship that could be.
Her past relationships have been rough on her and now I think I know why. Easy is fake; hard is real. Such is life.
I was going to tell her when I reconsidered. She would have just disagreed with me and that’s a losing bet. She’s not my girl anymore.
Me? I met up with a girl who’s leaving town. She loved a brown-eyed man on the other side of the world and I loved a blue-eyed girl on the other side of NYC.
We’re perfect for each other – except that we’re not.
With enough rum, we are and that’s good enough for the time being.
Looking back at all my posts this week, you must think I’m conceited. My friends always catch me staring at myself in mirrors. I’m not staring because I’m vain. I’m staring because I’m always surprised.
Because, in my head, I don’t look like that at all.
This is a mixture of two recent conversations I had, one of which was Caligirl:
Her: I heard you’re seeing her again. Me: (joking) You’re late. As usual. Her: What happened?! Me: I’d rather not say, it’s complicated. Her: Oh I’m sorry. (pause) She’s come back before – twice, right? Me: You never know, though I’m sure she’s out and about with her backup plan. It’s ok, she knows that I’m nobody’s careful consideration. Her: I think it’s not as important that someone leaves; it’s more important that there’s something about you that the person misses enough to come back for. Me: (laughing) If she did come back, it’d probably just be because she forgot something. Her: (exasperated) Why is everything a joke? Me: (pause) I couldn’t take it any other way.
It was a beautiful day. Made some scratch, took a weird gig, got hit on a few times, had some rum – the usual spring twirl.
I’m disappointed but still hopeful.
Because you can never tell what time and tide brings.
I’ve been stuck here for a bit. Don’t ask. But it reminds me of something from a while ago.
One of my closest friends in college was a guy named Crawford who was a god at meeting women – he was (a) good-looking, (b) charming and (c) shameless. We had a blast for two years.
He told me a story once. He said that real cowboys were hired, maybe five to eight at a time, in one state to drive cattle to the other end of the country. This bunch of guys was thrown together for months at a time and, during this time, they were each others’ friends, doctors, entertainers, cooks and guardian angels. They needed to keep each other sane and safe to get the job done.
And once the job was done, they separated. No emails, faxes, phone calls, letters. Just onto the next job.
The question Crawford posed to me was: were they truly friends? Is there such thing as friendship when there’s a finite ending?
What about when two lovers separate – was there any love really there?
My answer to all is yes.
Because at some point everything ends. Life will take everything and everyone you love. There is nothing you can touch that you won’t lose at some point down the line.
Five months, fifty years, the time doesn’t make it any more or less real.
I take solace in that.
At some point, these people I loved, once loved me. It’s sad when relationships end but goodbyes are always sad.
Crawford and I both moved here to the big city. We met up once but then I never saw him again.