Catching me

She deserves someone who’s head is in the game

I saw GES tonight for dinner at a new local spot and a movie at my pad.

Her: So, what do you think about you and me?
Me: (pause) You’re catching me at a really weird point in my life.
Her: (sighing) That’s the story of my life. I deserve more than what time you can spare.
Me: (nodding) I know. (pause) You do.

When I see her, I feel guilty I’m not working; when I’m working, I feel guilty I’m not seeing her.

We’re supposed to see each other again. I’d like to, anyway. But she deserves someone who’s head is in the game.

My head? Come on…you know.

You know.

Location: 20:00 yest, laughing on 72nd
Mood: sad
Music: what would you do if you were me?
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I don’t see why

Someone stole every penny I had

 

Well, I suppose I should tell you what happened now that things have settled a bit.

Someone stole every penny I ever made. Six figures. Gone. I have 11.62 to my fine name.

But I think I’ll be ok. I’ll survive.

It’s what I do.

————

Was thinking about the curly-haired girl recently. I haven’t seen her in a month or so and I don’t think I will.

But I thought about a conversation we had the last time I saw her.

Her: So I don’t see why you’re still single.
Me: I’m really good at hiding the crazy until about the third or fourth date.
Her: Ah, (slowly nodding) good to know…

It all seems so unreal. Unfortunately, it’s all true.

Location: 20:00 yest, on 32d btw 8th and 9th
Mood: completely sotted
Music: feeling lonely I had a life to give many dreams to live

Leaving

Found out a family friend stole from me today

I lent a friend some money because she was going through a divorce and was in a bind. It’s not like I had that much spare scratch but I figured that she was good for it so I borrowed some dough against the cards and gave it to her.

I stopped by her place cause I haven’t heard from her and was worried. Apartment was empty. She up and left. I’ve known her seven years. She didn’t even say sorry.

On the same day, I took the last straw from another friend too. I’ve known him since the 90s. The very last straw.

What a day. It was…indescribable.

Then I got a call from the guy that gave me the gig in Mancini Duffy a decade ago.

Him: Dude, how’ve you been?
Me: (stunned) What made you call? I haven’t heard from you in years.
Him: I dunno. (laugh) I got the urge to call.

Then Bryson called me.

Him: Hey brother, thought I’d see how you were.
Me: I can’t even tell you.
Him: (pause) Tell me.

When you keep cutting your friends, you end up with the ones that matter. I guess that’s something, yeah?

———-

I’ll be posting a lot of pictures – still a work in progress. I wanted to write more, but I drank my night away.

I really gotta go.

I feel terrible here.

Location: 12AM, getting a free drink on the UWS
Mood: indescribable
Music: Some glad morning when this life is o’er I’ll fly away Like this post? Tell someone about it by clicking a button below.

Three

Went on three dates today

I went on three dates in one day today.

One was sad. Berlingirl showed up unexpectedly – a nice surprise. Spent some time with her before she had to catch her flight. She said, I wish you a wonderful fall. (Ich wunsche dir einen wunderschonen Herbst).

Don’t think she knows how much that meant to me.

One was random. She gave me her digits and said,It was nice meeting you (Wo hen gaoxing renshi ni).

I’ve already lost the piece of paper – of course.

The last?

It was sad in a completely different way. She said, May you have a good year (L’shanah tovah tikatev v’taihatem).

She said once that she hated the disappointments. Tonight, she said, in a manner of speaking, I’m working through a few things.

Funny, it sounds different on the other end. She put on her blue jacket. Gave me a red kiss. Hopped into a yellow cab. And was gone in a green light.

Why, look at that. The weekend’s almost here.

Location: here
Mood: Sotted
Music: Then she said, Don’t get cute
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Comings and Goings

 

A buddy had a going away party on Saturday at one of my favorite joints, Solas and different people from different circles of my life met up there.

We ran into others like Candyfiend – whom I also bumped into last week midtown, an actor from 72nd to Canal, and a Texan and her friend (like the hat?) I met at a party a week ago. Sometimes NYC’s a small town.

Lots of memories there. Before my time it was called Café Tabac and Madonna worked there. You know, I met Somena there, was there for dozens of parties, was slapped there and last saw Blue-Jean Eyes there.

Had my 30th birthday party at Solas too.

The coolest thing about Saturday night was that there were at least 10 people there for my buddy’s thing that were at my 30th as well.

Friends come and go. Some stay with you physically; some stay with you mentally. Some do both.

Have a safe trip, buddy.

Location: 7:15PM yest, saying hello at church
Mood: psyched!
Music: On my way to see my friends who live a couple blocks away
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We all have our own Black Swans

A Black Swan is an unforeseen event that makes a huge impact

 

A Black Swan is an unforeseen event that makes a huge historical impact. The assassination of Franz Ferdinand, 9/11, and the rise of dot coms are considered Black Swans.

But we all have our own personal Black Swans, yeah? Those events that changed everything about our lives completely unexpectedly?

The ex moved out a year ago this week.

I recorded the above video for my brother after I got back from Baltimore and saw that she, and all her stuff, was gone (nothing risqué; trust me, totally SFW).

I used the spatula to make myself a peanut butter and orange marmalade sandwich. I sat in my empty living room and thought, Well, this is gonna suck. And it did. Really bad.

But it doesn’t anymore. When I do think of a girl, she’s not the one I think of. I never would have believed it.

Time and tide changes everything.

Note to self: If you ever live with a chick again, do not throw out your utensils just because hers matches.

Life is good.

Location: -20 mins, on Broadway, picking grapefruit
Mood: grateful
Music: My heart was broke, my head was sore, what a feeling
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Biscuit?

Three dates

Blue Eyes

Me: (joking) You’re not a pescatarian are you?
Her: No.
Me: Good.
Her: I’m a Lacto-ovo vegetarian.
Me: (nodding slowly) Of course you are.

Brown Eyes

Her: I don’t think this is gonna work out.
Me: I’m surprisingly ok with that. (handing her a breadbasket) Biscuit?
Her: (shrugging) Sure.

I think I hate dating.

Green Eyes

Her: (after thinking) I liked that.
Me: That’s good. I may do it again.
Her: (pause) OK.

OK, fine, that last one was nice, but still…

Location: 8PM yest, going east on the LIE
Mood: better
Music: I really love your peaches wanna shake your trees
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The little things Pt II

The little things make life that much better

Me: Actually, I bought a lottery ticket that night. I was sure I’d win.
Her: (laughing) I think you already used up your luck for the day.

The girl that was in the car with me politely told me that we probably wouldn’t be seeing each other again. I guess a car accident on a second date’ll do that.

That same day, I also realized I how much work I had ahead of me both with the car and with real work.

And to top it all off, I got onto the wrong train on my way to the junkyard to deal with my crashed car. Was going to waste at least an hour getting there now.

Little things, yeah. But we know that the little things mean a lot to me.

Pisser.

Then these three kids stepped into the subway car and started hitting everything around them with drumsticks.

Asked them if they would play me something. They did.

The little things almost ruined my day. Then again, a little thing saved it. The guy at the pound said I was a lucky boy. The doc said I was fine.

Later that night, I met four lovely ladies, three of whom were traveling from Sweden. The girl in the conversation above lives around the way. Also met some other people but those are stories for a different time.

Finally fixed my screen.

Perhaps best of all, I slept six hours that night.

Thank God for the little things.

Location: my black chair
Mood: less freaked out
Music: Can music save your mortal soul

I know, I know, I know

I’m good at self-sabotage

 

Had coffee late the other night with a girl I met just last week. Here’s a discussion I had with a friend when I got home.

Him: Hey, you’re back. She seemed really cool.
Me: She was. But, we both decided not to see other again.
Him: (surprised) What? Just like that? You guys seemed to get along really well – she’s pretty, smart, an omnivore, AND an insomniac. That’s right up your alley.
Me: I know, I know, I know.
Him: Politics?
Me: Interestingly, no…just a…personal choice I made that she disagrees with.
Him: Have you really thought this through?
Me: (thinking) Probably not. But she has my digits, she knows where to find me. Plus, maybe I’ll call her if things change with me.
Him: (pause) Man, you’re a self-sabotaging bastard.
Me: (sigh) I know, I know, I know.

Location: 7PM yest, 1345 Ave of the Americas
Mood: disappointed
Music: Time on my hands Could be time spent with you
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72nd to Canal Episode 1 – Part 2

Let’s have a code, you and I

Met a nice girl recently. She lives…quite far away. Thus, no shiny future for the two us. Sad, really.

Still, another pretty friend in the world is nothing to shake a stick at.

And we both know that I’m the type of guy just that’ll just up and go someday.

Let’s have a code, you and I; should I ever just leave suddenly, I’ll post Gone Fishing!

Nothing else.

Then you’ll know.

You’ll know I cashed in those miles, packed my bags, sold the car, gave away Harold and the fish, and left. I’d be elsewhere.

Actually, I’d bring Harold.

I think he’d like to see the world too.

Location: nowhere special
Mood: cloudy
Music: I’m tired of whys choking on whys Just need a little because
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