Tag: hope

Categories
personal

Me Again

Location: on my couch
Mood: refreshed
Music: Please allow me to introduce myself

At the enda Interview with Vampire, we find out this once wild vampire’s alive. But he’s a shella himself – scared and scarred.

Hold that thought.

Contrary to what most people think, the fast food fight isn’t between McDonald’s and Burger King. McDonalds has about 31,000 stores across the world but Subway will have more than 32,000 by the end of the year. Cause during this yeara horrible economic times, Subway profits grew by 17%.

It went from number whatever to number one cause it saw it’s chances and took them.

And Wayne Gretzky said that, You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. It’s all about seeing your chances and taking them.

There’s been debate as to JFK’s notion that the Chinese word for crisis is an amalgam of the characters danger and opportunity – but that doesn’t make it less true a concept. Crisis’s when y’can take your shots.

The breakup, the theft, the car accident, my grandmother leaving, and the cancer scare took their toll on me. Once told someone that as a lawyer, a fencer and a kickboxer, wasn’t afraida nuthin. But the last three years, was scared and scarred. Of everything (cept maybe the girlies).

A body can only handle so many crises.

Three years’s enough to not take my shots, to be onea those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat.

After three years, a twelveth of my life, not only am I home again, feel like I’m me again.

Gonna be in DC over the weekend. Catch you next week.

YASYCTAI: Take your shots. (0.5 secs/3 pts)

Categories
personal

Support

Location: inside all day
Mood: guilty
Music: You and me got so much to prove

The clock in front of Lincoln Center

KG Betty called me tonight from Korea to tell me the news.

Me: $50,000?! How big is something like that?
Her: Three carats.
Me: Jeez! Considering how short you are, y’should just wear it around your neck. Like Flavor Flav.

OK, I didn’t say the Flavor Flav line, but I totally wanted to.

———-

Different conversation with a different woman.


Her: Did your parents support your decisions growing up?
Me: Well, not so much during the 80s, 90s and 2000s. (pause) But I’m hoping this year’ll be different.
Her: (pause then laughter)

They’ve actually always been mostly supportive of the truly questionable decisions my siblings and I’ve made in our past. Which is not to say they weren’t typical in some respects, like our education, but they gave us a good amount of latitude. For that, I’m grateful.

My pastor once said that everything in our lives can be traced back to being born to the parents we were born to. That’s so true – imagine your life if you were born to a Somalian farmer or a North Korean soldier.

My brother called me recently in the middle of the night. Apparently, my dad got lost. The thing is, he doesn’t get lost. He just doesn’t. Especially not in near home.

It’s a small thing, yeah. But it bothers me greatly.

Me: Y’ok?
Him: Me? Don’t worry, I’m fine. I just got a little…confused.
Me: (pause) Hey, I’m gonna come home for dinner this weekend.
Him: Oh, that’s great! I’ll cook.
Me: (slowly) Yeah, sounds great…

YASYCTAI: Check in with people. (20 mins/1 pt)

Categories
personal

Beautiful plans

Trying to be better

woolworth building, solitary man

 

Him: Ran into your ex the other day…she didn’t really want to talk about what happened with you two.
Me: Don’t blame her – wasn’t our best moment, if you will.
Him: You don’t hate her?
Me: (thinking) Put it this way – if you were a 31 year-old chick in a happy, stable, relationship, would you throw it all away on some meaningless flings? In other words, how much of a ______ would I have to be for her to do that? Wasn’t our best moment. Wasn’t my best moment. But I’m trying to be better.

Her: He and I were married 10 years. Now we’re not. I had all these plans…
Me: Yeah, you had all these beautiful plans. Now you gotta come up with new ones. And you will. Right now, y’think of them every minute yeah? But in a while, it’ll be every other minute. Then it’ll be every other hour. One day you’ll realize, y’didn’t think of them, or him, all day. Then someday months’ll go by when you don’t think of them.
Her: I can’t imagine that…
Me: That’s what I thought.

Since I’m probably older than you, two random thinks I’ve learned:

———-

Had a condo board meeting today. Tried several times to resign as president. Nope. It’s like being in the mafia. Damn that Asian work ethic…

Location: 20:00, yest, leather couch on 73rd
Mood: still hot
Music: I was following though with my beautiful plans

Categories
personal

Details in my eye

NYC nighttime skyline

 

Spent last Friday bouncing around a farm in upstate NY in the rain. Funny thing was that the price for 3,441,240 SF farm is about the same as my 1,700 SF apartment.

Came back to hit up a birthday party for my bro at a karaoke joint. Friends, pizza, rum – what’s there not to like? Afterward we went to this rooftop bar in midtown. My liver and I’re on speaking terms again so took it easy.

Feel bad that I didn’t have enough time to spend with my bro but was glad to see him when I could.

Told onea our close friends and favourite people that when I was 14, I was 5’3″ and 185 pounds.

And she told us that she had a little sister that she lost when the sis was 19.

Dunno how y’make it past something like that; how do you overcome that blow?

Let’s you and I never find out, yeah?

———-

I can only hope

that Some day, some day,

not quite so far away,

the contrails in the sky

match the details in my eye

and I’ll be who

I’m meant to be.
Contrails
NYC stop sign
 You see,

I do believe I would be free

if only these memories would leave.

But then the places of my past

contrast the faces of my mind.

So then I think of them,

and they of me.

Well,

silhouette
I can only hope.

———-

Just screwing around with HTML, folks.

And now, a duck goose:

Upstate duck

 

Location: my pad all day
Mood: melancholy
Music: We stood so tall we caught a plane by the wing and held it

Categories
personal

Jail Debt

A rainy view from NYC

 

Her: Oriental Avenue, $100. Do you want to buy it?
Me: Yes. I am Asian, after all.

Went to see the musical Rock of Ages this past weekend as an escape from the rain in NYC. Was packed.

Was also one of only two Asians in the whole crowd and don’t think I saw a single black or Hispanic in the lot. Dunno why.

Good show.

Next night, played Monopoly for the first time in over a decade. One would think that it would be impossible to end up in jail six times in a row and nine times overall. One would be mistaken.

You and your luck, she said.

Lost a lotta hands. But won the game.

Maybe my life’ll be the same, yeah?

———-

Just walked in the door after helping a little old lady fix her computer somewhere north of the city. Cost me three hours of my life.

But she helped me out some a little while back. Hate being in anyone’s debt and I never forget a favour. As a bonus, she gave me a bowl of ravioli and a Coors Light.

Dinner of champions.

Location: 23:00 yest, hurtling down 9A
Mood: puzzled
Music: I’m a cowboy, I got the night on my side (Spotify)

Categories
personal

God help us – Ole!

Location: my pad, all day
Mood: sore-throat-y
Music:
is this the ceremony? I don’t know, well I don’t mind

I’m sick. Not pig flu. Don’t think. Just tired with a horrible sore throat. Send soup.

So I’ve been reading and watching stuff. The above vid’s prob the best thing I’ve seen in a while. I said once before, that being grateful is the key to not being broken. Sorta what she’s talking about.

One other interesting thing was from Heartgirl. She sent me this from the tiny government that manages to cling to political survival in Somalia – it’s their response to the swine flu.

SOMALIA: No capacity to deal with such pandemics due to the prolonged civil war and destruction of medical facilities. “We are not prepared for anything like the swine flu; we don’t have the means to deal with it,” Awad Abdi, adviser to the Somali Health Ministry said. God help us if it reaches here….

How sad and comical is that, all at once?

YASYCTAI: Watch the vid, you’ll thank me. (19.29 mins/1 pt)

Categories
personal

10,000 Outliers

I’m free

The moon against the blue sky in New York City

As I said, just finished reading Outliers. One very interesting point is that to be truly, truly skilled at something, you have to do something for 10,000 hours. Not cause someone makes you, but cause you wanna. 20 hours a week, say 50 weeks in a year, that’s about ten years.

Started this blog for a number of reasons. Onea which is to just write every day for public consumption. Cause when you write for public consumption, your writing’s gotta to be better. Least it should be (see: Twitter/Facebook).

Not saying my writing is actually good but it’s the process. Been distracted from the process for the past year or so cause of the theft and my business. But now maybe I’m back on track.

Me: I’m calling to say, Thank you. For letting me out of the lease. I’m just curious as to why you did. Last time, had to go to court and it was painful.
Him: (shrugging) Figured that with the market being like it is, you’d call me eventually. But you could have withheld rent or whatever, but you didn’t. And you always kept your word – you don’t know how many people tell me the check’s in the mail and it never is. Your checks were. (pause) Plus I know about what happened to you. You deserved better than having that bitch screw you. So…I’m cutting you a break.
Me: (nodding) Thanks. I do appreciate it.
Him: No problem, Logan. I’ll send some business your way when I can. You’re a good guy. (holds out his hand) Good luck.

I’m finally out. I’m free. Took me less than the 36 months I thought it would. Broke, but free.

Deep breath. 10,000 hours. I’ll be 46. OK, I’m game…

———-

…and I finished my thesis…

…and I has new toof.

Location: 15:00 yest, a law firm off Grand Central
Mood: quixotic
Music: Heartgirl singing in Spanish

Categories
personal

Taking the Fall

Location: 12 hours ago, getting choked on 27th
Mood: bruised
Music: Maybe the only choice we’ve ever got is how to take the fall

Chinatown in NYC

My weekend started off just terrible but it improved greatly.

Said it so many times before, all of life’s problems can be divided up into health, wealth and relationships. Y’just need one of those to be off-kilter to be bent outta shape. Well, my weekend started with all three undone. Guess all three had to do with disappointments.

What do you think is worse? Hoping and being disappointed or never hoping at all? I always go back and forth on that one.

But saw my blue sky and my girl so it got better. Plus baked a pan of lasagna and how bad can life really be with a fresh, hot pan of lasagna?

This week, gonna be 1/3 of the way through to getting my mouth repaired. And I’m trying to land this client. So maybe I can get the other two straightened out.

Even if I don’t, suppose the trying is worth something. Heartgirl doesn’t think I’m optimistic but I think I am. I’m, thankfully, stupid like that.

Me: Hey, let’s look at apartments we can’t afford.
Her: It’s always good to dash dreams on a beautiful Sunday afternoon.

Me: So we’re in agreement then.

A pan of homemade lasagna

YASYCTAI: See some open houses this weekend. Just cause it’s nice to dream. (120 mins/1 pts)

Categories
personal

Swept Away

Location: my living room
Mood: cautious
Music: I know exactly how he feels

Nantes, France, at dusk.

Me: You’ll meet her Friday – don’t tell me what you think of her.
Him: Don’t tell you?
Me: No. Cause I think she’s amazing and don’t wanna hear it any other way.

Friday was Paul’s B-day so we headed down to our usual joint. Some shots, some rum, some conversation. The usual NYC twirl. Bumped into a curly-haired blond downtown and she said “Excuse you,” with a big toothy smile. I smiled back politely but slipped out the door with Heartgirl by 1AM.

Her: Your friends are nice. I can see why you’re friends with them. That’s not always the case.
Me: I’m 35. (pause) Got ridda mosta the jerks by now.

Spent mosta Saturday and all of Sunday by myself. Me time is always a good time. Chatted with PCD online for a bit.

PCD: You’re like an imaginary person now.
Me: I find that both funny and sad. Why is that?
Her: Because we aren’t real life friends
Me: Because we never see each other? (thinking) I try to see things from Heartgirl’s point of view, if there was a guy she liked a lot and saw him regularly, I’d be a little peeved. (pause) She knows I’d never cheat on her. But I also told her that you were kind and good and that kind and good people we should keep around. I do consider us real friends.
Her: I know. Just have a fun vacation, ok?

———-

Her: I kind of feel that I…I just got swept up in my own life. How weird is that? To get swept away by your own life?

At the party, met a friend that was easing into single life as I was easing out. One minute, I’m 27 and walking outta the Harbor Hotel in Beijing to a waiting car wearing Valentino and a Speedmaster. The next minute, I’m 33 and out both a girlfriend and all of my scratch. Then the next hot minute, I’m here. Telling my secrets to reeds and strangers. And thinking of a girlie I didn’t know existed before 4/7/2008.

The problem with being half-asleep all of time is that reality and dreams blur. There’ve been plenty of times I thought something was something, but just turned out to be a lotta nuthin. Kinda wonder if this’ll all just turn out to be nuthin at all. Man…that would suck.

Me: Yeah, I know what you mean.

———-

Supposed to be the coldest weather here in NYC in 15 years. But I’m leaving this week for sunnier climates and’ll, thankfully, miss it.

I’ll write when I can.

YASYCTAI: Get ridda mosta your jerks. Screw em. (time/3 pts)

Categories
personal

My first days of 2009

Location: 15:15 yest, Grand Hyatt, Washington DC
Mood: cranky
Music: tell them I’m fine and to show I’ve overcome the blow

Rosslyn Metro Station in Washington DC

New Year’s, had dinner with Heartgirl by mine. Ate so much that we had to leave at 23:30 to get into our fat clothes – and by “we/our,” I mean, “me/my.” But she’s a trooper. Saw the ball drop on the big screen and promptly passed out.

New Year’s day, stayed in and mostly digested but we did see Slumdog Millionaire. See it.

Friday, was on the way to see Ricky Wong and a buddy at a bar downtown when I saw a guy playing a piano on the platform in the subway station – not a keyboard, a full-on piano. Took out camera and started taking pics. When other people saw me snapping, they did as well – about 10 people all snapping pics of this dude that somehow managed to drag a piano into Union Square Station. At the bar, sat next to Jason Patric who was sucking face with some chick.

No place like NYC.

But, on Saturday, hopped into the whip with Heartgirl to go to Washington DC where we didn’t see any pianos on any of their stations. Stayed at the Grand Hyatt – nicest hotel I’ve stayed at in over two years. Note to self: buy an apartment that can fit a queen-sized bed make some scratch. Had a dinner of tapas at La Tasca where I discovered that I love tapas.

Sunday, saw the American History portion of the Smithsonian and went to the Spy Museum. When in Spy Museum, see the exhibits but avoid the interactive game, Operation Spy. You’ll thank me. Were too tired for dinner so got some sandwiches and ate on the 11th floor lobby balcony.

Monday, hopped back into the whip and took off for home. It’s PCD’s birthday, should give her a call to wish her well, but it’s late. Sure we’ll talk soon.

S’funny – used to wanna call the ex to tell her that I survived the blow. But stopped caring enough ages ago to ever bother.

Washington DC’s nice. Not as nice as NY. But nice.

So, 2009…

Lobby of the Grand Hyatt in Washington DC; view from 11th Floor
Guy playing the piano on a NYC subway platform; Union Square, 14th Street
Spanish Tapas at XXXX, in Washington DC
Heartgirl and Logan Lo

YASYCTAI: Go to a museum. Cause you just should. (90 mins/2 pts)