My insomnia is maddening but this means I can tell you a quick story (one of two for this night):
I was walking home late tonight and pulled my jacket around me because I was cold. A young woman smiled as she brushed past me and I smiled back. She tripped and fell down, embarrassed, and her heart fell out from her jacket.
I saw it fall so I leaned over and picked it up and called out to her but the wind drowned me out. She had already crossed the street. After the light changed, I ran after her but she disappeared.
So I stood there in middle of 14th Street and 3rd Avenue holding onto something that didn’t belong to me. I decided to put it in my pocket in case I ran into someone missing a heart in the big city.
As always, I took the long walk home. For some reason, I wasn’t as cold.
My insomnia’s resulting in a lot more late night eating than usual. Better hit the gym soon.
Someone from my past dropped me a meaningless email today. But it stopped me cold. It’s so weird how someone can encompass your life and then, much later, just shoot you a random email about randomness. It made me feel very much adrift.
Speaking of which, had dinner with a very old friend of mine yesterday who happens to be a head-shrinker. Told him that I just wanted to hop the next plane to anywhere and he laughed and said that, generally, people that have a desire to travel are looking for a place to call home.
Keep thinking of going far away; all I really end up going is mad
Think I’m going a little mad.
My hands won’t stop shaking and I’ve become obsessed with idea of just hopping on a plane and going somewhere far away. I don’t know where or what I’d do about the mortgage, the businesses, the job, everything.
I was once very happy on this little beach in just south of Denmark. I was also once happy in the Forbidden City. I was also once happy in my little apartment off 5th Avenue. I was also once happy here.
In yet another nondescript motel. Spend an inordinate amount of time in seedy hotel rooms.
Also, find that when I travel, end up eating junk – a lotta junk. Had Denny’s for lunch and tacos for dinner. Have no idea what comes over me when I travel. When I’m in the City, eat only healthful foods but man, once I change latitudes, I become Homer Simpson.
My hands are shaking again.
Got some sleep last night but not enough. This cold isn’t helping but I think the NyQuil is. Thank goodness for OTC drugs.
Actually had a thought today that it was Parkinson’s (especially since it’s all over the news these days) but then, that’s just me being a hypochondriac. I’m fine when I sleep six or seven hours and a wreck when I sleep less.
It’s been another blur of a weekend. I actually managed to sleep some last night although I don’t think enough. My hands have been shaking like a crack addict on withdrawal.
Ricky had his birthday party last night and I saw him and the rest of the guys. I would have stayed longer (there was a very cool girl I was talking to when I was leaving) but I had agreed to meet Rain downtown so I left at midnight or so.
I’m glad I went, though, because I met another nice girl who’s studying to be an actress and it turns out that we both go to the same church (although at different locations). I offered to give her a lift back home if she wanted to swing by my upper west side church but she had to call me, which she did this morning. She couldn’t make it this Sunday but we agreed to do it next Sunday. She has a nice web page of her own for her career so it was part of what prompted me to get cracking on finishing up my page.
I would type more but my hands keep shaking. I’m going to try and get some sleep. I’m flying back upstate this week for more boring work.
I had another sleepless night. That makes two in a row. I hope this isn’t the start of another string of string of sleepless nights. I’m cloudy headed again.
I’m on my way back home. I can’t wait to relax in my own pad.
Today was the second time I took a ferry in my life – the first being earlier this week. The water was really choppy and I had my window open and this huge wave hit the boat absolutely soaking the driver’s side of the car. As I was polishing my new ring at the time, one of the best mens wedding bands I had seen, and it slipped out of my hands. I found it quickly enough at least. I spent the next hour I was driving with the windows open to dry out the inside. It was very Three Stooges.
I got to the airport some three hours early and had to go through the screening three times. The first time I had a tube of toothpaste so they made me go back downstairs and check my bag in. The second time, it was because I lost my ticket. The third time was after I got a copy printed.
I think both the leaving the window open and the ridiculousness at the airport is related, somewhat, to my lack of sleep. I’ve really got to find a way to sleep when I’m traveling because I’m traveling again next week.
Been upstate since Monday; the work is mind-numbing but it’s a good distraction.
Right now, I’m on a bed that looks like it’s been using the same cover since the 70s. As I told several people, any hotel with “quality” in it’s name is bound not to have any. The oddest thing is that there’s a very old, small sticker in the bathroom that says “Please do not use the linen for anything besides bathing.”
What those other options are, are a mystery to me – and frankly a bit disconcerting.
The weirdest thing about being this far north is that there’s just no mobile reception – at least for Sprint. It’s maddening. I had to go out and buy a headset to make calls on my computer.
Another strange thing that happened to me this morning was that I had a dream about No. 2 except she was actually No. 6; she just looked like No. 2. I thought it was real when I woke up.
Speaking of which, I’ve been having lots of trouble sleeping again. I always have trouble sleeping when I travel and now is no different. At least I’m being super productive although not with work.
So actually, you could say that I’m just honing my procrastination skills.
Even when you’re depressed, you have some sunny days
It’s a beautiful day today – the weather’s just right. A few more days like this would be ideal but I think it’s supposed to rain in the coming weekend.
I was a bit concerned that perhaps I’d go back to my depressive state but for the past four days, I’ve been good. Last night I slept for about six or seven hours and I think that’s the best indicator that I’m over the worst of it.
Yesterday I spent most of the day at home working on some personal projects. A friend called me and told me I had to meet his friend that was moving into the City. I told him I ate and was going to gym afterwards but he said it’d be worth it for me to meet her so I agreed to skip out on my gym class.
She was very nice but she’s seeing someone out in California – my friend said something to the effect of, “Come on, he’s a college boyfriend. He’s done for.” I thought that was pretty funny. I didn’t ask her for her number because I figured I’d just run into her again in the near future and I didn’t want to interfere with her current situation. A few other friends joined us and we hung out for a bit before we split up. I found out later on that two friends, who were heading south, saw a fight happen right in front of them. You almost never see street beef any more.
I had called Ricky and Roger when I passed their respective places to see if they wanted to come out but they were both occupied. I worked my way across the island to the west side to grab the red line home.
Today I’m in Queens working on some things but I’m going to leave soon because I’m catching an indie flick in the city called MY LIFE…DISORIENTED.
I’m still pretty disoriented so it should work out swimmingly.