I’ve had time to digest what happened over New Year’s Eve. Overall, it was great.
There were some moments I could have lived without but that’s pretty much my life.
Went to my fencing class tonight and actually got clocked because I was thinking about it. Not fun.
Well for me, anywho; the guy that hit me thought it was hilarious.
Tonight, I spoke with a girl I just met. She’s potentially going through a breakup too. That makes 11 that I know of in as many weeks. It’s gotta be something in the air. Or maybe relationships are just hard.
Someone once said to me that it’s better to be the star of your own movie than have a cameo in someone else’s.
She was totally right about that.
It’s funny because Kirk’s never been in a long-term relationship and wants to be in one; I’ve never been alone and want to try it out. But it’s not easy because it’s just nice to have someone to think about about in my quiet moments.
Oh, bother, bother – let’s just be honest with each other.
I probably already think of you, you just don’t know it, or I don’t show it.
But I’ve tricked you, you see;
It’s quiet now,
And I made you think of me.
My insomnia is maddening but this means I can tell you a quick story (one of two for this night):
I was walking home late tonight and pulled my jacket around me because I was cold. A young woman smiled as she brushed past me and I smiled back. She tripped and fell down, embarrassed, and her heart fell out from her jacket.
I saw it fall so I leaned over and picked it up and called out to her but the wind drowned me out. She had already crossed the street. After the light changed, I ran after her but she disappeared.
So I stood there in middle of 14th Street and 3rd Avenue holding onto something that didn’t belong to me. I decided to put it in my pocket in case I ran into someone missing a heart in the big city.
As always, I took the long walk home. For some reason, I wasn’t as cold.
My insomnia’s resulting in a lot more late night eating than usual. Better hit the gym soon.
Someone from my past dropped me a meaningless email today. But it stopped me cold. It’s so weird how someone can encompass your life and then, much later, just shoot you a random email about randomness. It made me feel very much adrift.
Speaking of which, had dinner with a very old friend of mine yesterday who happens to be a head-shrinker. Told him that I just wanted to hop the next plane to anywhere and he laughed and said that, generally, people that have a desire to travel are looking for a place to call home.
Keep thinking of going far away; all I really end up going is mad
Think I’m going a little mad.
My hands won’t stop shaking and I’ve become obsessed with idea of just hopping on a plane and going somewhere far away. I don’t know where or what I’d do about the mortgage, the businesses, the job, everything.
I was once very happy on this little beach in just south of Denmark. I was also once happy in the Forbidden City. I was also once happy in my little apartment off 5th Avenue. I was also once happy here.
In yet another nondescript motel. Spend an inordinate amount of time in seedy hotel rooms.
Also, find that when I travel, end up eating junk – a lotta junk. Had Denny’s for lunch and tacos for dinner. Have no idea what comes over me when I travel. When I’m in the City, eat only healthful foods but man, once I change latitudes, I become Homer Simpson.
My hands are shaking again.
Got some sleep last night but not enough. This cold isn’t helping but I think the NyQuil is. Thank goodness for OTC drugs.
Actually had a thought today that it was Parkinson’s (especially since it’s all over the news these days) but then, that’s just me being a hypochondriac. I’m fine when I sleep six or seven hours and a wreck when I sleep less.
It’s been another blur of a weekend. I actually managed to sleep some last night although I don’t think enough. My hands have been shaking like a crack addict on withdrawal.
Ricky had his birthday party last night and I saw him and the rest of the guys. I would have stayed longer (there was a very cool girl I was talking to when I was leaving) but I had agreed to meet Rain downtown so I left at midnight or so.
I’m glad I went, though, because I met another nice girl who’s studying to be an actress and it turns out that we both go to the same church (although at different locations). I offered to give her a lift back home if she wanted to swing by my upper west side church but she had to call me, which she did this morning. She couldn’t make it this Sunday but we agreed to do it next Sunday. She has a nice web page of her own for her career so it was part of what prompted me to get cracking on finishing up my page.
I would type more but my hands keep shaking. I’m going to try and get some sleep. I’m flying back upstate this week for more boring work.
I had another sleepless night. That makes two in a row. I hope this isn’t the start of another string of string of sleepless nights. I’m cloudy headed again.
I’m on my way back home. I can’t wait to relax in my own pad.
Today was the second time I took a ferry in my life – the first being earlier this week. The water was really choppy and I had my window open and this huge wave hit the boat absolutely soaking the driver’s side of the car. As I was polishing my new ring at the time, one of the best mens wedding bands I had seen, and it slipped out of my hands. I found it quickly enough at least. I spent the next hour I was driving with the windows open to dry out the inside. It was very Three Stooges.
I got to the airport some three hours early and had to go through the screening three times. The first time I had a tube of toothpaste so they made me go back downstairs and check my bag in. The second time, it was because I lost my ticket. The third time was after I got a copy printed.
I think both the leaving the window open and the ridiculousness at the airport is related, somewhat, to my lack of sleep. I’ve really got to find a way to sleep when I’m traveling because I’m traveling again next week.