Breathe, me, breathe…

How much is too much in a personal blog?

 

Can someone gimme my old life back?

Also, anything pre-2001 would be good too, and 1990 would rock so hard.

In any case, if you’re reading this, you probably either blog yourself or read blogs regularly.

Question: How much is too much in a personal blog?

OK, clearly this is too far but what about that grey area in-between? Note that, before you answer, I already know what is right for me – I’ve made my decisions.

I know my lines and I don’t cross them.

But I’m interested in your opinion, purely for my own curiosity.

For the skirts that read my blog, say you met me and I told you on the third date I had a blog, what would you think?

And what about the rest of you? Do I kiss and tell too much?

Not that I….ever…you know…actually get to…kiss anyone…

Location: yest – 9:00, arriving at the office; 21:00, leaving it
Mood: braindead
Music: Yeah I think that I might break I’ve lost myself again

Leaving

Found out a family friend stole from me today

I lent a friend some money because she was going through a divorce and was in a bind. It’s not like I had that much spare scratch but I figured that she was good for it so I borrowed some dough against the cards and gave it to her.

I stopped by her place cause I haven’t heard from her and was worried. Apartment was empty. She up and left. I’ve known her seven years. She didn’t even say sorry.

On the same day, I took the last straw from another friend too. I’ve known him since the 90s. The very last straw.

What a day. It was…indescribable.

Then I got a call from the guy that gave me the gig in Mancini Duffy a decade ago.

Him: Dude, how’ve you been?
Me: (stunned) What made you call? I haven’t heard from you in years.
Him: I dunno. (laugh) I got the urge to call.

Then Bryson called me.

Him: Hey brother, thought I’d see how you were.
Me: I can’t even tell you.
Him: (pause) Tell me.

When you keep cutting your friends, you end up with the ones that matter. I guess that’s something, yeah?

———-

I’ll be posting a lot of pictures – still a work in progress. I wanted to write more, but I drank my night away.

I really gotta go.

I feel terrible here.

Location: 12AM, getting a free drink on the UWS
Mood: indescribable
Music: Some glad morning when this life is o’er I’ll fly away Like this post? Tell someone about it by clicking a button below.

Not enough time

Going on a quick trip around the world

I got it.

I’m going to Paris on Friday.

Then Nantes, Groningen, and Rotterdam, three blurry days for Oktoberfest in Munich, then Brussels, Innsbruck, Dover, and London.

Work, in a manner of speaking. My somewhat peculiar and particular skill set.

What it is doesn’t matter.

Cause I gotta go, I gotta go, I gotta go…

————

If you send me your email address, Fiona and I’ll send you a postcard.

Location: 2AM with Nadi and Anne on my porch
Mood: completely sotted
Music: This life would just be so easy
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Where you need to be

I’ll C U When U Get There

The thing about relationships is that you develop shorthand. Like calling up your girl and saying, Hey, it’s me.

For years my brother was torn whether or not he should go to Cali. I told him that that I knew he’d get there someday and when he did, he should listen to the song above for me.

Then one day, he up and went.

That week, I got a call from a Cali number and when I answered, it was just the song playing. And I knew he was where he needed to be.

I woke up today with it in my head. I think about it every so often cause there’re so many good lines from it:

  • Life is a big game so you gotta play it with a big heart, somea us gotta run a little faster cuz we gotta later start
  • I’d be a fool to surrender when I know I can be a contender
  • if everybody’s a sinner then everybody could be a winner
  • wrap up your pity and turn it to ambition

Now I know I have at least five people that read me that sound depressed. Real depression.

So I interrupt my usual tales of complete randomness to say that you should take it seriously. It’s such a hateful thing because in the best case, you lose time. At the worst – well the outcome is like any other terminal disease.

The line that I particularly like from that song goes:

I’ma scuffle and struggle until I’m breathless and weak

To get to where you need to be, you gotta. And you should, until you’re breathless and weak.

Then you should do it again, yeah?

Back to complete randomness tomorrow.

Location: 8PM yest, showing the apartment to rent
Mood: concerned
Music: you gotta face responsibility one day, my brother
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Girl with a pretty face vs. A pretty girl

A very strange night to add to my list of very strange nights

 

I crashed this party with some friends including an old friend, Buckley, whom I’ve known for 14 years. He’s a decent fellow. The problem’s that he’s 36 and he still thinks that drinking to excess is somehow cool.

I crash a lotta parties cause I get along with everyone. But Buckley was a slobbering, augmentative drunk. Before I knew it, he was being tossed out by this group of guys at the behest of the birthday girl. It was a whole production with me having to get between them all.

Ugh.

Eventually, we got him into a cab and I walked back with Hazel and Kane to apologize to the birthday girl. I should mention now that the birthday girl has a pretty face.

Here’s the thing. It’s NYC. You can’t go two feet without running into a girl with a pretty face. They’re like a dime-a-dozen. I’m pretty calloused to girls with pretty faces. But as I’m apologizing to her, she’s apologizing back to me. She said, I’m sorry I was being so douchey.

This whole time, everyone is staring at our exchange because I think they all expected some beef. Instead, she and I are smiling and laughing, like we’re old friends. She said I came off as good guy and I told her that I thought she was just really all that.

As we’re talking, she went from being a pretty face to a pretty girl. There’s a very big difference between the two. Like the difference between gold paint and gold.

She invited us to come back in but I told her that we came back purely to apologize. We chatted a bit more before I gave her a hug that she returned. If things were different, I might have given her my number. Then again, the poor girl’s been through enough.

It’s not all the time that people’s insides match their outsides. My ex said mine don’t.

It’s nice to meet someone whose stuff did.

Location: 7:15PM yest, saying hi at church
Mood: tired
Music: we throw parties, you throw knives
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Never gonna fall for

Saw a concert with Camera Obscura and The Last Town Chorus

 

The Last Town Chorus playing Modern Love at the South Street Seaport

Hopping on a 6AM train bound for Baltimore tomorrow. Exam.

Not ready but when are we ever for these tests we take in life?

Did go to that concert Friday at the seaport to see Camera Obscura. Opening act was The Last Town Chorus – that’s a pic of the lead singer, sorry so blurry, I was hella far away. They sang a cover of Bowie’s Modern Love.

Camera Obscura at the South Street Seaport

Told the Grey-Eyed Girl I went with that I got dropped off by my party bus rental at the seaport and spent my prom night there. She got a kick outta that. Been in this @#$! town too long.

Speaking of towns, looks like she and I are heading for Friendsville – weird, it’s usually me driving there. Well, it happens.

Been on 20 dates with 14 girlies in 60 days. Plus I met two separate women on the way to the concert. Not sure I’m cut out for this modern love – I’ve essentially turbo-charged my disappointments and disappointing. Perhaps I’m just all charm and no substance.

Startin’ to think dating’s just an excuse for me to blow coin I ain’t got, time I don’t have and hope I can’t spare.

Actually, hope? That I got.

Cause I keep thinking, this time’ll be different.

This time…

Location: on the telephone, dealing
Mood: indescribable
Music: Its just the power to charm
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Camera Obscura

Wondering if I should play hooky and see a concert

 

Argh! Camera Obscura is playing live and free tonight at the South Street Seaport at 8PM.

Was planning to stay in tonight for the first time in months just to prep for the exam but these guys are so awesome.

Should I go? Man, I’m so torn…

Location: about to run out the door
Mood: confused
Music: I’ve got my life of complication here to sort out

The little things Pt II

The little things make life that much better

Me: Actually, I bought a lottery ticket that night. I was sure I’d win.
Her: (laughing) I think you already used up your luck for the day.

The girl that was in the car with me politely told me that we probably wouldn’t be seeing each other again. I guess a car accident on a second date’ll do that.

That same day, I also realized I how much work I had ahead of me both with the car and with real work.

And to top it all off, I got onto the wrong train on my way to the junkyard to deal with my crashed car. Was going to waste at least an hour getting there now.

Little things, yeah. But we know that the little things mean a lot to me.

Pisser.

Then these three kids stepped into the subway car and started hitting everything around them with drumsticks.

Asked them if they would play me something. They did.

The little things almost ruined my day. Then again, a little thing saved it. The guy at the pound said I was a lucky boy. The doc said I was fine.

Later that night, I met four lovely ladies, three of whom were traveling from Sweden. The girl in the conversation above lives around the way. Also met some other people but those are stories for a different time.

Finally fixed my screen.

Perhaps best of all, I slept six hours that night.

Thank God for the little things.

Location: my black chair
Mood: less freaked out
Music: Can music save your mortal soul

Still Shaky

My insomnia is getting to me

Looked for Selene in the blue sky today. I didn’t see her.

I know I’ve picked up a bunch of new readers and I’m sorry that I’m not more entertaining at the moment.

My insomnia and hand shaking has returned with a vengeance, recent events – both open and secret – have kinda brought me down.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m very grateful I’m alright. Very.

The hand of God is in all things.

But I sometimes I feel like I take a step forward and two steps back all the time, you know?

Do you know where the word, tantalize comes from? There’s this myth where this dude Tantalus, cursed to be thirsty, bends to a stream to drink, only to have it recede just beyond reach. Cursed to be hungry, reaches for an apple, and the branches pull back.

Never go more than a week without a sleepless night. Last week, I slept. Last night, it started again. It’s ever the same. Two weeks now. I know it.

I hate it.

And it’s killing me bit by bit. Absolutely…breaking me.

Not at once. Just a little at a time.

OK, I’ll stop. Emo – just learned the term recently. Sorry. Working through a few things.

Above, the ever popular and lovely KT Tunstall again for your entertainment.

You cannot buy love. You cannot buy sleep. But red, red rum…that you can have for $10 a glass. And YouTube is free.

Friday the 13th. Of course.

I’ll be back on Monday after I’ve bent some time.

See you then.

Location: my red couch
Mood: still freaked out
Music: And now I’ve got a hole for the world to see

The little things

I live my life through tiny cues

Despite my best efforts, had to go outside today for work. 95+ degrees of hell.

I live my life via interpersonal perception: quick, acute, and intuitive cognition. In other words: tiny cues.

Was at the bookstore the other day and this guy with hella scary tats came in. He had two short sticks in his bag and callouses on his right hand. So I asked, “Are you an XXXX fencer?”

His face broke out into this huge grin and he gave me the salute for my system, which I returned. We’re gonna roll after work craziness stops.

When it comes to women, think I fall or don’t fall for them based on these cues.

Broke it off with this one girl because she never said, “Thank you” to people. There’re a million pretty girls in the big city – I don’t need one that can’t be nice.

Once fell for another girl because, when she thought I couldn’t hear, she’d wash the dishes and sing just…terribly. Another girl would bob her head back and forth when she was happy or wanted to dance. I loved her right away.

In this video, look at Imogen’s eyes 3 mins, 35 sec before it ends. Things like that kill me. I can’t explain why. It just does.

KT Tunstall is half-Chinese with a smoky Scottish voice. My people rock so hard.

In the vid above, watch her eyes 11 seconds before it ends. Eyes get me every time (here’s another version – I’m crushing).

Little things. I’m a sucker for the little things.

Hey, aren’t we all?

Location: still in front of my cracked screen
Mood: oddly content
Music: won’t you please send me back