This time around

 

Camera Obscura in concert at the South Street Seaport

 

Camera Obscura – the drummer was smoking like a chimney.

Baltimore was nice. Coming home was nicer. This time around, there was silverware. Sorta.

Was in the Baltimore Penn Station and I remembered being there a year ago asking my brother what I should do when I got home. He reminded me of something:

You’re 33. How can someone that you’ve been with for four years define you? What’d you do before her?

Told him the same thing once before.

I’m troubled again, but this time, for totally different reasons.

Was going to make a peanut butter and marmalade sandwich but instead had a rendezvous with a single-barrel, seven-year rum. No oranges.

This week is going to be very unpleasant but I just told someone here that life has it’s highs and lows. Life’s like that.

I’m ready for some more highs.

Camera Obscura in concert at the South Street Seaport

Location: 9PM yest, Freehold NJ, hearing a sad story
Mood: troubled
Music: I’m a stupid little thing

Logan still hates mice and AT&T

Switched mobile phone carries and thought of something

Note to self: After a major car accident and a two-week cold, avoid fencing.

Avoid…fencing.

———-

Haven’t seen my furry little houseguest in a few days, but the other thing I said still holds true.

After nine years, I’ve left the devil I know and ended up with the devil I don’t know, but already hate.

Funny, it’s sorta like my personal life, except with customer service, but just imagine…

Voice:

  • To leave a message, press 1.
  • To admit everything’s your fault since we’ve met, press 2.
  • To perform the traditional swapping of the stuff, press 3.
  • To find out things you really don’t wanna know but just gotta know, press…

Hope my 8/2007 is better than my 8/2006.

Location: 7PM yest, heading west on the LIE
Mood: sore
Music: ni wang ji wo xing ming
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Pets, Pt. II

Being friends with an ex comes with its own special baggage

Think I’m pretty much just feeding the mice at this point. They even keep eating all the poison bait I put out, with no effect.

Mouse1: Look, I like that he leaves us food on these shiny wood and metal plates. But, #$@#! That green stuff gave me a @#$@#! stomachache.
Mouse2: Why do you have to curse so much?
Mouse1: I’ve become inured to it as the expressive vocabulary of my society. It’s neither indicative of a belief nor of a value system.
Mouse2: (…)
Mouse1: (sighing, shaking head) I know, we totally gotta get outta this #$@#$@ joint.

May take one of No. 6’s cats. Besides the mouse issue, I miss having a pet that doesn’t swim in its own waste.

Unfortunately, my last conversation with her was decidedly unpleasant. While I like the thought of having a cat that I’m used to, I’m worried it’s gonna come with baggage.

No more baggage for this bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, Asian boy, thanx.

Plus, I’ve never had a little kitten before; that might be kinda cool.

But we’ll see.

Wonder how Harold’s gonna take it.

Location: PM yest., 26th Precinct, writing a check
Mood: still sick
Music: After all the b__s__ I’ve heard It’s refreshing
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You’re kidding me / PB&J

My Ex stopped by and peeked into my fridge

A bachelor's refridgerator

Got a gig to go to fancy dinners and chat with rich people.

Him: You really don’t know? They want you because of how you look.
Me: (surprised) You’re kidding me. What about my resume?
Him: (shrugging) Didn’t even look at it. You’re meeting Ed Koch on Wednesday. Free up your nights, wear a suit and don’t bring a date. Oh…don’t get fat.

After a breakup, I tend to get hit on more. Even Gio noticed people looking at me tonight. I think it’s the lack of sleep, plus, I don’t eat much when I’m single. It’s nice but my hands are shaking again.

I’m usually the icebreaker of my friends. Some of them (not Gio) “love” the women I’m with but the moment I’m single, they tell me things like, “Oh, I never liked her,” to get me back in the scene.

Ugh. I hate that. I hate gossip folk.

My exes weren’t perfect but I was with them for a reason.

Speaking of which, The Ex stopped by unexpectedly on Sunday night to pick up some of her things.

For some reason, she looked in the fridge. All it had was protein shakes, rum and PB&J. She laughed when she opened up the freezer and saw the Mac & Cheese and all the veggie burgers.

Wish I could tell you something terribly interesting happened when she was here. She looked amazing. But I’d be lying.

You know, I could survive on protein shakes, rum and PB&J.

Maybe even just the rum.

Location: @8PM, my favorite dive bar w/Gio
Mood: irritated
Music: Then I’ll just be waiting here right here

What to do?

72nd to Canal promo: Abraham Lincoln

Long post. I come to you with questions. But first, some background:

Her: Do you only date non-asians?
Me: (puzzled) Most the women I’ve dated have been Asians. In fact, I’ve only dated two four that weren’t. I’m equal opportunity.
Him: Yeah, everyone deserves an opportunity to be miserable with Logan.

With nods to Mylai, I have FOUR weddings to go to in the next two months and I’ve already RSVP-ed with a date as…oh, I’d rather not say, it’s complicated. Anyway, questions for you – answers will be much appreciated (really, I wanna know):

  1. Should I call and tell them all that I’m going stag? Inevitably, I’ll have to say at least 12 times: “I’d rather not say, it’s complicated.”
  2. Should I just bring someone? Pro: no questions. Con: You read this blog, use your imagination. I’m reluctant to bring a friend because weddings are big deals – especially these weddings (man, reading this, I am an idiot).
  3. Unrelated to the above, am I updating this blog too much? I’ve had RIDICULOUS insomnia these days.
  4. Are you enjoying these teasers/promos?

We’ve got a crapload of them coming your way.

Location: @12PM yesterday, hurtling up Route 9A
Mood: disappointed
Music: baby don’t waste your time I know what’s on your mind

Possible pasts

We all think about what could have been

Quite a weekend.

Friday I spent quietly at home because I went out Monday and Thursday of last week.

Saturday was a different story:

  • 7AM – 2PM Work
  • 2PM – 4PM fencing
  • 4PM – 7PM dinner party
  • 7PM – 9PM speed dating thing (I didn’t participate, I was just catching up with a friend that ran the event)
  • 10PM – 11PM Birthday party
  • 11PM – 3AM Club
  • 3AM – 7AM Extracurricular activity

I’d put in more details but I’m still trying to remember them.

Been running into ex-girlfriends in the oddest of ways. In a manner of speaking.

At the speed dating thing, I met a girl that knew my first girlfriend. She told me that my ex was still single. For some reason, that didn’t surprise me.

The birthday party was full of girls that actually stayed at my house 10 years ago, (wait for it) for a church retreat sponsored by my third girlfriend. They’re all about 26-28 now. Quite weird. They told me that my third girlfriend is married, pregnant and happy. I’m glad to hear.

I just got home about 15 minutes ago and in my in box is an email from another ex-girlfriend from Europe. She’s going to send me some pictures of my time in Europe. She’s a sweetheart.

My past likes to visit me.

It’s fine.

I enjoy the company.

Location: @1AM, lying on a red bed listening to the rain
Mood: thoughtful
Music: our possible pasts lie in tatters and rags Do you remember me?

Mr. Fix-it

It’s easier to start new things than try to replace old things

My tub faucet sprung a leak the other day so I decided it was time to fix it.

I’m always trying to fix things in my life.

My car, my finances, my computer, my body, my love life – the list goes on. I decided just the other day to repair my relationship with my lower abs. We’ve kept in touch but I’ve just not seen them in six months.

Spent almost all of last summer trying to fix my hellish relationship with my ex.

As an aside, it would have been nice if she told me that it was not only broken but that she had already given speaking lines to three other drivers (whom I don’t think have seen any of their abs in decades, one word: flexbelt; of course, it’s not just about looks, to their credit they’re also dull as rock soup).

Sorry, just snarky because I’ve got a drip that’s driving me mad.

Point is, fixing is different than building. It’s been a while since I’ve been able to build. This spring I’m building things with old friends and new.

But for now, oh man, where’s that #@$@#$ wrench?

Location: @2:30PM yesterday, on Broadwayasd downing a burger
Mood: insanely busy
Music: Sunlight on my face I wake up and yeah, I’m alive

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Love and Pride

Met up with the Ex one last time

I’m tired – my insomnia’s returned. I’m running about at half-speed and, more stressing, half-wit.

Saw my ex again a few days ago. She came by to pick up one last thing she left here. It was actually pleasant. She and I both managed to crack a smile or two.

Told her that I was seeing someone. Nothing yet, I said, more the chance that it could be something.

She nodded and slowly smiled and said that she hoped it worked out for me.

I believe her.

She also said that I should get a handle on my insomnia because it was a major problem in our relationship. The irony of her comment was that it kept me up all night despite a massive amount of chemicals.

But the other thing that kept my past girlfriends and me from being happy, I realized, was pride. Admittedly, it was usually mine. It’s a horrid sin.

Our respective pride has not served my ex nor me well.

Regardless of who I end up, I’ve decided to choose her over my pride.

Pride enables you to say, But at least I was right, to an empty room.

And I tell you from experience that there’s no more deafening an echo than that.

Location: in front of a nice warm cup of espresso
Mood: busy
Music: love is stronger than…it’ll serve you longer than pride

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Leftovers

Splitting cellular phone plans is like signing divorce papers

(c) Postsecret

Saw my ex the other day. We split up our mobile plan; so comically modern – it’s today’s equivalent of signing divorce papers for domestic partners.

It would be funny if it…well…if it just weren’t.

Not one kind word was spoken by either of us. Not one.

She looks like the woman I once loved; I’m sure I looked like the man she once loved. But we’re both not; just shells that can’t even manage to smile.

The above pic summaries perfectly her sentiment as to what went wrong. Who am I to disagree? I know what I am.

When we broke up, I ate my bones and chewed on my heart. Then I had leftovers for @#%^&$! months.

I’ve been seeing a few people; I had drinks with someone just last night. There is this one girl with eyes like faded jeans that I can’t get out of my head, though.

Finished those leftovers months ago; I’m ready for something new.

Location: @12:20, Duane Reade buying cures
Mood: thoughtful
Music: Someday you’re going to get hungry and eat most of the words you just said

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78,000

Dreaming of somewhere else

Taipei Subway Station – I wish I were there now.

Another sleepless night for me.

I’ve gotta get the hell out of here. It’s been heavy on my mind again. I’ve not slept well in a few days now.

My week went from bad, to worse, to…this. Too much to get into but in a nutshell: saw my ex, fell out of love, fell in love, fell out of love. Crazy, I know.

I actually had the start of a good night. But now at 3:something in the morning, I’m checking my miles (78,000) and seeing what the weather’s like in Australia and New Zealand.

It’d be nice to open the door and not run into anyone that knows me for tens of thousands of miles.

My brother said that all of life’s problems can be divided up into health, wealth and relationships. It seems as if I can only get one out of those three going at any time.

I’ve been thoughtless with other people’s hearts and people have been thoughtless with mine. I suppose it’ll all just work out in the end.

At least I hope so.

In the meanwhile, 78,000 miles.

Where to go?

Can I stay with you?

I’m an excellent cook. And I tell stories.

Crazy little Logan stories.

Location: @8PM, laughing at dinner; @4AM, not so much
Mood: Disappointed
Music: on the telephone line I am anyone, I am anything, I want to be
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