## Who’s got oysters?!

Him: Free rum?
Me: I don’t think I can make it.
Him: Free rum at 6:30 and you can’t make it? Who are you?

Met up with some friends at the Hudson Terrace last week. Think that’s why I love NYC – you can be sitting down in front of a court pleading one second and then drinking a nice aged rum with a slice of orange at an open air, open bar the next.

Him: I dunno, not my thing.
Me: Please, you’re single in the big city, on a roof deck, drinking some free rum. The world’s your oyster. (turning to friends) Who’s got oysters?! (we all raise our hands and he laughs and does the same)

This one fella kept shoving people aside to get to the bar, me included. Wanted to get in his face but since I’m not a child, decided against it. But this’s not to say I didn’t entertain myself.

He leaned in to ask the girl sitting next to me to dance and she did. Sitting back down, he went to get them drinks.

Me: He’ll ask you to marry you tonight, you know.
Her: (laughing) What makes you say that?
Me: He seems the type. Kinda pushy. Brave when he’s drunk; dull otherwise. So what’s your deal?
Her: I’m here from Toronto.
Me: Wow, your American is excellent.

We chatted for a bit and when the guy came back, he scowled at me but handed her her drink.

Me: I just saved you from a night of boring.
Her: (nodding) You did, you did.
Me: (turning to her redheaded friend standing in front of us) Hey Red, I’m going home to see my lovely fiancee, why don’t you take my seat before Mr. Dull takes my seat and annoys your friend all night.
Her: (laughing) You got it, mister.

Never a dull moment if you don’t want it here.

Location: the office
Mood: insanely busy
Music: my God, just confess, you want it, you want it, you’re just like the rest
YASYCTAI: Take up the invitations. (180 mins/1 pt)
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## Technically…

Location: a law firm off Grand Central
Mood: excited
Music: Don’t you know that the years will come and go?

Brother
: Remember when he says, Now everybody’s talking about this new decade – that was 20 years ago.
Me: Yeah I remember. Was a freshman in college.
Him: (laughing) Well, now it the start of a new decade again.
Me: Technically next year’s the start of a new decade.

Nuthin exciting to tell you about the past week. The lady and I went out for a fine dinner and were in bed by the time the ball dropped.

What’d you do for 1999? Don’t recall it at all myself. Hafta add that to my lista fuzzy memories.

This time however, woke up early the next day to see the rents – they showed the lady picturesa me when I was a fatty-fat-fat. Hadta drop off the car; too expensive to keep a car in the city these days so that was onea the things that had to go for 2010.

Wrestled with a kid that was born the year I went to college. Demolished me, course. Spent the resta the weekend popping ibuprofen. Did manage to have a drink at the Soho Grand.

The “00s” are ending and the “10s” re beginning. It’s a sobering thought but I’ll never see the “00s” again.

Him: Technically, every year’s the start of a new decade. S’like that Mitch Hedberg joke when a guy says to him, Lemme show you a picture of me when I was younger. And he goes, Technically, every picture of you’s a picture of you when you was younger.

Today, start working at an office for more scratch. Still eat-what-you-kill but with a better view.

Lotsa changes for this new decade.

I’m still around, though. See you Thursday.

YASYCTAI: Write down whatcha did for 2009. Cause you’re gonna forget (10 minutes/1 pt)

## Fridays Online

Location: 19:00 yest, cooking pork for the first time in kitch
Mood: inspired
Music: we the stars Steady rockin’ on y’alls boulevards

Paul stopped by my place the other night. There was a time when I’d spend mosta my time with him chatting about Heartgirl rather than the other way round.

He’s still (kinda) living the life of a singleton – he’s got his front-runner – as’re lotsa my other friends. S’funny, the charm of being single’s the potential to meet someone that makes you not.

This salesman named Alan Stillman was tired of being single so he started a bar to pick up girlies on 63rd Street and 1st Ave back in 1965. Dunno if it worked but kinda shows what people’ll do to not be by their lonesome.

Which kinda makes me wonder why people don’t explore the avenues out there to meet someone appropriate.

Like online dating – dunno why anyone’s got anything against it. The actual meeting of a body makes it just as normal as anything else. Sides, how’s it any more likely you’re gonna meet your better half in some smoky bar?

Said it before, it’s like y’got this aunt named Match or something like that, who says to you, “I know that guy/girl that y’might like.” Plus, how often when you go out and about do you also get a resume of the person in front of your face?

Oh, the name of the joint that that guy Stillman started was TGI Friday’s – he also started Smith & Wollensky’s, the joint that HG brought me on my bday.

Y’probably aren’t gonna meet someone right for you in TGI Friday’s but you get my point.

YASYCTAI: Try cooking something completely new today. (30 mins/1 pt)

## Halloween 2009

Location: 21:00 yest, Battery Park City
Mood: groggy
Music: you should be wilder, you’re no fun at all

Her
: Pennsylvania’s not that far. It’s only two hours away.
Me: Good grief, woman…
HG: (finishing) …that’s exactly how far we thought it was!

Stopped by PB’s where I had my body weight in pixie sticks and rum after the rain. Heartgirl and I wore Star Trek uniforms that were way too big on us. Either medium in America isn’t what it used to be or I’m shrinking. Just realized right this moment that for the past five Halloweens, wore red.

Him: …so then I was like, “You’re the class of 2013? That’s crazy!”
Me: Tell me about it – that’s 20 years after I graduated.
Him: (surprised) Wait, what? How old’re you?
Me: 36 – it’s the Asian genes. Plus I drink the blood of a white baby every morning.
Him: (nodding) Of course, who doesn’t?
Another Halloween done and gone. Suppose it’ll be just a mattera time fore I’m the old dude that still gets dressed up for Halloween. I’m ok with that.
Me: Goodness, I do love Halloween. And women exercising questionable clothing choices.
72Suburbs: We love it, too. There’re so few chances to exercise questionable taste
Me: God bless you, 72Suburbs. God bless you.

Saw RE Mike last night. He’s been making lotsa deals and picked himself up a nice one-bedroom downtown. We were talking shop over some \$6 Halal food and a bottlea red.

Me: …so you walked outta the bank with \$40K in cash to put a down payment on this place cause some guy dared you to?
Him: I did get a little carried away.
Me: Y’know if I were there, totally woulda robbed you.
Him: Course. (phone rings) Speaking of which, this dude calling me’s in jail. Been there for two months.
Me: Why do you still talk to him?
Him: No idea (picking up phone) yeah…

Also met up with the lawyers been working with on some things. Went out to this crazy nice Italian joint and met their wives. Super nice, all of them. Says a lot about you when you meet someone’s favourite person and they’re exactly like y’thought they’d be.

November 2009, already. Where does the time go?

YASYCTAI: Buy next year’s costume early. Never hurts to be prepared. (20 mins/0.5 pts)

## The SOOR

Me
: Realized why I don’t wear flip-flops out. Think it’s cause when I was a kid, used to and then when the other kids tried to beat me up, couldn’t run away fast enough.
Her: (immediately) Oh don’t worry, I’ll protect you now.
Went drinking with Nadi and Paul at his pad this past Saturday. Quite something when you start drinking at 5PM and call it a night at 10.

Things have been pretty good these days; clients’re slowly coming out of the woodwork. Been busy lately, not so must busy with coin production so much as busy with preparation for coin production.

Eh, tomayto, tomahto…

———-

Him: Gonna have the talk with her today, wish us luck.

Got no fewer than four friends that’ve had the SOOR (Status Of Our Relationship) talk.

Two got their walking papers, one got conditional employment, one got a permanent position – though, really, all good relationships’re temp-to-perm at some point, yeah?

Think maybe that’s why I was upset with onea my friends. Cause I felt like he already filled the position with some imaginary person and was just stringing the contestant along. But he says he wasn’t and he’s an honest fellow.

Frank Sinatra had this song I heard once where he said something like, doesn’t matter if you’re the dumper or the dumpee, sucks either way. Or not.

———-

Me: Can’t do it, my finger’s broken.
Him: (rolling eyes) Somethings always broken on you…

Lost my health insurance. This means no wrestling for me for now.

Still gonna fence though – grown men stabbing each other with pointy things, what could go wrong there?

Location: apparently Dante’s eighth circle
Mood: goodness, so hot
Music: been looking for something else. Duel it
YASYCTAI: Help me find that Frank Sinatra song! (60 mins/1 pt)

## Weirdos

Location: 14:00 yest, Cuban joint on Washington
Mood: awake
Music: (von Vagabondshoes) I cannot reach a pen for me to draw the line

Her
: (annoyed) What kinda guy doesn’t sleep with a girl when he can?
Me: (shrugging) No one ever says to a girl, Man, I can’t believe you didn’t sleep with that guy.
Her: It’s different for us.
Me: Only cause you think it is. To answer your question, The kinda guy that thinks that he’s got plentya chances.

Went out the other night with WM, Paul and a female friend. WM ended up being straddled by this attractive girl in the middle of the club, so the resta us bounced.

Midnight, we get a call from WM saying that he’s coming over. We all ask him why he didn’t bring the girlie home and get to know her in the biblical sense.

He said it was cause he liked her and wanted to see her again. Paul and I understood but our female friend didn’t. Thought it a bit of role-reversal.

Sometimes, dunno if we’re the weirdos or everyone else are.

———-

Was on the train the other day when a really drunk girl and a guy stumbled in. The train lurches so she grabs me for support.

The guy, obviously trying to close the deal with her, looks mildly annoyed. So, chat them up until my stop.

At the end of the stop, he asks if I wanna grab a drink with them but I say, Can’t. I’m seeing my girl. Goodnight, Alex. Goodnight, Jessica.

Goodnight, Logan, they say.

I do so enjoy my random meetings.

YASYCTAI: Try a different slice of pizza. Been eating a lot of white pizza lately. (5 mins/0.5 pts)

## Heartgirl’s surprise elements

Spent the last two months planning a surprise birthday for Heartgirl.

Everyone should have a nice surprise from time-to-time. Mine are always of the, “Think you should sit down,” ilk.

Started off with a buncha her friends at a tapas joint Saturday. Four pitchers of sangria and 24+ plates of food later, waddled off to M1-5, where we threw the opening party for 72nd to Canal. Heartgirl was totally surprised.

Her best friend brought a huge cake (and I forgot Clara, my newest camera). We barely made a dent in it. Interestingly, her best friend’s also Irish and her husband’s also Asian. He and I spent the tail end of the night picking at the cake. Mainly cause we just don’t let things go to waste like that.

Rain, Paul, Tess, WM, Gio and Hazel all made an appearance too, if only just to drink with me. We had a whole section to ourselves. It was 2AM when we left and 4AM when we called it a night.
Cabdriver: (pointing to her) She drunk?
Me: Yes, but she’s not going to boot in your car.
Her: I’m Irish. We don’t do that.

Sunday, Heartgirl and I took the whip out in a misguided attempt to go shopping in the burbs. The reason why it was misguided is best illustrated with Boolean logic:

Elements ($in$)

• Gut-wrenching nausea (Gwn)
• Hangover (H)
• Heatgirl (Hg)
• Logan (L)
• Rum (R)
• Wine (W)
• Sundry alcoholic products (S)

Where

• + = “and”
• ~ = “not” or “no”
• = “but not”
• = = “results in”

Ergo

• L+R=~H
• Hg+W+S-R=H+Gwn

In short, my trip to the burbs was ill-conceived at best.

However, Heartgirl did note that she enjoyed her birthday greatly. She said she was glad she spent it with me, then fell asleep on my couch as I went off to church.

———-

In other news, the buddy that swung by last time when that woman was screaming Chinatown came by again and brought me out for Malaysian food on his per diem. Man, I miss having a diem.

And I’m becoming a chunky monkey. Gotta start working out again. Stupid cold…

Location: 20:00 yest, ordering the Roti on 72nd
Mood: busy ~sick
Music: count to five Let’s craft the only thing we know into surprise
YASYCTAI: Try some new cuisine. Like Spanish tapas. (60 mins/1 pt)

## So here’s what I remember

Location: 20:00 yest., eating another piece of sushi in Queens
Mood: burp
Music: I’m tearing at the seams. You on the other hand

Don’t wanna go out for my birthday but Paul insists. He, Hazel and WM take me out for some killer Indian food. Afterward, Paul and Hazel pick up a bottle of rum and we kill it on a balcony overlooking Broadway in the Village. Paul even picked up a cake.

Me: Have I thanked you enough for this?
Paul: Yeah…no prob, as long as you had a good one for a change. Everyone needs a good birthday.
Me: Well, my birthdays are usually pretty good – it’s just that the other 364 days leave much to be desired.

Stupid friends won’t even let a guy be depressed on his birthday.

Saturday, dash off to Brooklyn for something and rush home to make a wedding for a buddy I’ve not seen in years. The most beautiful woman in the room spies me walking in and takes my hand.

Her: (beaming) You came! I keep talking about you. (takes me by the hand and pulls me in front of a table of strangers) Everyone – this is my son.
Everyone (in unison): Hello!
Me: (laughing) Hi.

My world’s a small place. Alla my guy friends are comparing their ueber expensive automatic watches. Sold mine to pay for for law school stuff. Miss my Seamaster the most.

But don’t have time to be sad. Dash off to see my buddy El for her housewarming. Rain and the gang’re there including Tess (who’s in Kings, should it not get canceled) and Eve. We all go up to the roof, which is dark. But not in a cool way, more in a pitch black kinda way.

Eve: This is sorta nice.
Me: Yeah, if you’re a rapist.

Rape-y
becomes the word of the night .

While there, get a call from a girl Shin I’ve not seen in 15 years telling me she’s in town. She’s a professor now. Crazy. So we meet up and soon, about eight of us are in a karaoke bar downtown where people are butchering Phil Collins.

My brother’s best friend is there with her 18 year old sister who delights in the fact that I’m, quite literally, twice her age now. She puts a note in front of me that makes me laugh. But it’s almost 3AM and Shin’s boyfriend turns out to be a drunk douche so I bounce before I can deck him.

Yesterday, I see Heartgirl. We go out and she has a glass of wine and listens to my stories. I like her more than anything. Even rum.

Today, have dinner with the family at an all-you-can eat buffet.

Sister: Why are you sitting like that?
Me: So I can get a better view of the sushi chef. You have to plan these things.

Thanks for the birthday wishes, they meant a lot to me. Really. Every writer likes knowing that someone, somewhere’s reading them.

YASYCTAI: Have you called your mother? (10 mins/2 pts)

## Snowed in

Location: trapped in my pad
Mood: pensive
Music: something to keep the chill From freezing our own free will

Gio had his annual birthday party this past weekend. His buddy, Ron, rented out this entire club in Times Square with a top-shelf open bar and scantily clad dancers. Wish I brought my camera. Heartgirl met some old friends of mine and brought some of her own.

Two fellas were hitting on her so I took the time to sneak away and stuff my face and watch them try. Ended up talking to an old friend who’s taking a break from her boyfriend because after eight years, she’s still not a Mrs. but rather a Ms. She’s probably one of my most attractive and sweetest friends.

Her: Man, Logan. Only you can go to a party and bring a girl down.
Me: Don’t mean to. Just think you deserve better. Cause y’do. S’long time to wait for a day that might never come.

Heartgirl recently saw the Sex in the City film. One of the characters is stood up at her wedding. It’s funny – I always wondered who’d try to marry someone that might bail. Figured that it’s something one would know beforehand, right?

Gave her a hug as Heartgirl sat down next to me and patted my hand.

I then drank enough rum to kill an elephant and stumbled home at 3, I think. But, as always, woke up without a hangover. Rum’s the best.

Was trapped in my apartment into Monday due to the snowstorm.

Me: It’s Monday. It’s my workout day.
Her: What does that mean?
Me: It means that I put on an electric blue spandex outfit with matching legwarmers and crank up Olivia Newton-John’s (Let’s Get) Physical. I think our relationship’s strong enough to handle it.
Her: Logan, no relationship is that strong.

An eyelash was on my face so she told me to blow it off her finger and make a wish, so I did.

YASYCTAI: Maybe it’s time to learn to cook something new. Try salmon. (60 mins/1 pt)

## Why not?

Her: I can’t believe that you’ve got a girlfriend. (slaps me lightly across the face three times)
Me: (rubbing face) I’m as surprised as you are.

My roomie had an attractive and cool friend stay over during the summer and we got along well. She showed up recently to stay for another week and she opened with the above conversation. We both laughed before she gave me hug hello.

Seriously, though, the ebb and flow of my life does still surprise me. It’s always nice when the surprise isn’t a nasty one.

Him: Canal Street, please?
Me: Sind Sie Deutsche?
Him: (surprised) Ja.

Friday, crashed a party in Chinatown. Maybe cause I got a face that says, I know where places are – though I don’t – or a face that says, Ask me, I probably speak English. Regardless, on the way there, three groups of people asked me directions. Last, was a group of German tourists. Per their reaction, answering them in German was akin to my sprouting wings and flying.

Get sucha kick outta that; I imagine them recounting the story when they return – And then in Chinatown, in America, we asked this Chinese guy how to get to Canal Street and he answered us in German! (it was crappy German but still!)

Party was interesting. Since I’m tired of The Standard, and there was a whiteboard, made a buncha girls tell me what they did for a living a la Pictionary. They had no rum so PB and I killed the scotch.

A buddy got a text from his pseudo-girlfriend and he beamed so much that the girl he was chatting to started to cry! Turns out, the girl just got outta a bad relationship and wished that her guy would be as jazzed to get a text from her as my buddy was from his girlie.

So I pointed at the exit and said, You never know what’s coming through those doors. You can never change how people think, only yourself. So why put yourself through that?

Dunno if she believed it but it’s true – it’s all heartache or paper cuts; either way, it’s nonea your business.

Sunday, had a quickie brunch with Heartgirl by the water. We both agree that 2008 sucked hard for each us.

However, we also agree that 2009 looks promising.

Her: Warum sprichts du Deutsch?
Me: Warum nichts? Weil bin ich Chinese, ein Amerikaner oder…?
Her: (denken) Beide!

Location: 20:00 yest, my favorite dive bar
Mood: full
Music:
there’s reason to believe Maybe this year will be better than the last
YASYCTAI: Consider learning a foreign language, if only for the entertainment value. (120 mins/0.5 pts)