Monday

Walked with a woman I met on the train

 

Last Friday, Cain and I went to my friend Gshok’s housewarming. I was feeling a bit down and didn’t want to go but I’m glad I did. It was nice to not think about my worries. The Laura was supposed to come but she got into a car accident on the way there (she’s ok).

We played a rousing game of Taboo; we were tied when Gshok and I did a sudden-death round and my team won. My prize was what you see above.

Saturday, Paul and I made the Lower East Side drinking circuit. Crashed a birthday party, ate some cake (we didn’t wanna but the birthday girl insisted), and hit about five joints before calling it a night.

At 2AM, I bumped into a girl on the street and offered to keep her company on the long walk home, She smiled and said, OK so we walked and chatted for a bit. After we got where we needed to be, she said, Thanks for keeping me safe.

How did you know I’d keep you safe? I asked.

I could tell, she said and then she gave me a hug goodbye but not before I snapped the pic below. Another good deed.

Sunday, woke up just in time for a date with a pretty green-eyed school teacher (GES) I had been orbiting, but more on that later. Went to church and tried to make sense of everything.

It’s Monday. I don’t like Mondays.

 

Location: 20:30 yest., reintroducing myself on Broadway
Mood: thoughtful
Music: mother feels so shocked Father’s world is rocked

Pamela Luss

Went to see my friend sing some jazz

Met a singer named Pamela Luss a while back and we kept in touch. I always missed her singing engagements so I told her that her next one, I would absolutely make it.

And tonight I did. She was great.

Bebe Neuwirth came to hear her sing for the first set, which I missed, of course, but it’s just as well.

On the way there, Cain and I managed to catch an old man as he slipped on some gravel so I felt I did my good deed of the day.

That’s why NYC’s so cool – you just never know how your night’s gonna end up. I’ve lived here my whole life and I’m still surprised by it all.
Location: 9PM yest., @ 38th & Mad
Mood: hopeful
Music: Maybe it was the music, or the glamorous sky of blue

I’m in

I need a weekend for my weekend

 

Him: All expenses paid. Interested?
Me: What am I an idiot? I’m in.

If I get it (or I don’t) I’ll tell you soon. Friday at the latest.

———-

Was out a lot this weekend. Hazel, Bryson, Gio and I went out till 4AM on Thursday night (when I met this girl) and then my brother was in town for the weekend.

I need a weekend for my weekend.

The Grey-Eyed Girl invited a bunch of us out to a party the other day. It was for an ivy league grad thingy and I assumed everyone there was from NYC.

So I end up spending some time with these two really nice girls. Here’s our conversation after we swap info.

Me: So if you’re 24, I’ve gotta think your friend’s like 18.
Girl1: She’s 28.
Me: (shocked) You’re kidding me.
Girl2: It’s the Asian genes.
Me: (nodding) Nice.
Girl2: So what are you? 24?
Me: (laughing) 34.
Girl2: (shocked) You’re kidding me.
Me: It’s the Asian genes.
Girl2: (nodding) Nice.
Me: So are you here for the birthday party?
Girl1: Oh no, we’re just in town from Boston for the weekend.
Me: (laughing) Of course you are.

Never a dull moment.

Location: underneath a ceiling fan in Queens
Mood: tired but hopeful
Music: been happy lately thinking about the good things to come
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Hit or miss

Met another woman and asked her to draw a picture for me

Her: Will you call her?
Me: Possibly. These thing are hit or miss.
Her: But you got her number, right?
Me: Better.
Her: Better?
Me: I told her to draw a picture of herself. This way, I’ll know which one she is.

Location: 2AM, Sway
Mood: Sotted
Music: That pretty red dress
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Why?

People are looking for relationships for different reasons. Here’s mine

People ask me all the time why I’m looking.

The pathetically honest answer is that when I’m with someone, I sleep just a little bit better. Maybe ten percent. It’s enough. I do it so I can sleep ten percent better. Crazy.

It’s not about sex. It’s about something else – and that’s a different post; but if you’ve read me enough, I’m sure you could guess.

You remember the last time you didn’t get a good night’s sleep? You look at your clock and do that mental math – if I fall asleep right now, I can get four hours sleep? Three hours. Two. Forty minutes. You remember how horrible you felt the next day?

Yeah, that’s me every two weeks for 20 years.

I’ve avoided talking about insomnia for almost two months but here we are.

Another date today. Another pretty face. Biker. It usually takes about three dates for either the girl or me to call it quits. Goes either way.

Hazel thinks I’m luckier than most cause I meet so many people but I tell her that it just means I’m disappointed and I disappoint more frequently. I know it’s crazy. I know it.

And yet I sit. I smile. I ask, So, what’s your story?

Inside I hope, this time’s the last time.

Location: 2PM yest, in front of the Flatiron saying, Bye
Mood: awake
Music: Tell me, where is the shepherd
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Girl with a pretty face vs. A pretty girl

A very strange night to add to my list of very strange nights

 

I crashed this party with some friends including an old friend, Buckley, whom I’ve known for 14 years. He’s a decent fellow. The problem’s that he’s 36 and he still thinks that drinking to excess is somehow cool.

I crash a lotta parties cause I get along with everyone. But Buckley was a slobbering, augmentative drunk. Before I knew it, he was being tossed out by this group of guys at the behest of the birthday girl. It was a whole production with me having to get between them all.

Ugh.

Eventually, we got him into a cab and I walked back with Hazel and Kane to apologize to the birthday girl. I should mention now that the birthday girl has a pretty face.

Here’s the thing. It’s NYC. You can’t go two feet without running into a girl with a pretty face. They’re like a dime-a-dozen. I’m pretty calloused to girls with pretty faces. But as I’m apologizing to her, she’s apologizing back to me. She said, I’m sorry I was being so douchey.

This whole time, everyone is staring at our exchange because I think they all expected some beef. Instead, she and I are smiling and laughing, like we’re old friends. She said I came off as good guy and I told her that I thought she was just really all that.

As we’re talking, she went from being a pretty face to a pretty girl. There’s a very big difference between the two. Like the difference between gold paint and gold.

She invited us to come back in but I told her that we came back purely to apologize. We chatted a bit more before I gave her a hug that she returned. If things were different, I might have given her my number. Then again, the poor girl’s been through enough.

It’s not all the time that people’s insides match their outsides. My ex said mine don’t.

It’s nice to meet someone whose stuff did.

Location: 7:15PM yest, saying hi at church
Mood: tired
Music: we throw parties, you throw knives
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What I remember

9/11 made me believe in evil things again

So, I had a heartbreaking day today.

It rained, which was perfectly apropos.

Wasn’t planning on writing anything – every two-bit hack with a computer writes something about the day and I didn’t wanna be another one.

But here I am. Makes sense; I am a two-bit hack with a computer.

I’ve lived here my whole life. I had one of my first elementary school class trips to see those buildings. I remember I was scared to look up at them because I thought they might fall on me.

After college I worked on the 2nd Floor. Wheelock NatWest. Then again about a decade ago. Mancini Duffy. My brother worked there once.

My sister went to school in their shadow.

They were always there.

That’s why when you lose someone close to you, it’s so heartbreaking. It’s because they’re always there. And then one day, poof. They’re gone.

The scene I remember most is that of strangers gathered around cars, the city quiet, save for the radios.

Can you see it?

Cars stopped along Broadway with their radios on full blast for strangers? No music, no commercials, just the news. Everyone quiet and craning their neck so they could hear the latest bit of misery.

I believed in evil again that day. I believe in it now. I remember thinking of that line from American Pie that goes, I saw satan laughing with delight, the day the music died.

I’m not a good enough writer to put into words how I felt then or feel now. So I’ll just say that I had a heartbreaking day today.

It rained, which was perfectly apropos.

Location: in my living room, trying not to be depressed
Mood: see location
Music: and there we were all in one place
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A little kindness

The world can be a nice place sometimes

Got a package in the mail the other day from The Laura. She had sent me some clothes because she mentioned that she had some in my size.

The thing is that we’ve only ever met three times and each time very briefly. So the gesture was all the more appreciated because it was so unwarranted. She even sent a lovely card.

Thanks!

———

Berlingirl stopped by on Sunday. She’s going home this week and I’m most likely in Syracuse by the time you read this so we won’t see each other again for a while.

But I told her that she has a friend in NYC if she ever comes back.

Me: It was nice meeting you too.
Her: (smiling) Will you see that girl you like this week?
Me: I hope so.
Her: (She smiled, leaned in and gave me a kiss) Strange. I’ve never kissed a German-speaking, Chinese-American in a Mexican museum exhibit before.
Me: And now you have.
Her: (laughing) Yes, I have. I hope you have a happy life, Logan.

You too.

The world can be a nice place sometimes. I forget.

Ich vergesse so viel…aber du vergesse ich nie. Gute reise!

Location: 6:30PM yest, saying tschüss @ 72nd & Broadway
Mood: grateful
Music: by and by, I’ll fly away

Das ist fuer dich

Went on a date with the Berlingirl

 

I saw Berlingirl again the other day:

Her: I like your happy words, like lovely and wonderful. I also like hilarious, what a great word! And actuallyactually is actually so useful!
Me: (nodding) It is.
Her: I brought you something. (hands me a gift)
Me: Lemme guess, it’s a baseball.
Her: Funny…No, but it does come with a catch – is that how you say it? You have to drink it with me here before I go or with me in Germany someday. (pause) Unless you drink it with the woman you love.
Me: (laughing) Fair enough.

Life is long and the world is small. I’m sure I’ll see her again.

 

Almost a year ago, I wrote this. After I walked the girl to where she was staying, I ducked into the 24 grocery on Broadway. That same manager saw me and gave me a big smile.

Him: How’s everything my young friend?
Me: It’s a beautiful night – I’ve no worries, no troubles.
Him: (nodding) That is a beautiful night.

Location: 12AM, 86th and Broadway
Mood: content
Music: she knows I know what she’s thinking
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Time after time

 

Met another young lady tonight.

Asked her what we the most difficult part about dating in the big city.

Her: I’d have to say the disappointment. I keep hoping this time’ll be different…
Me: Huh. (pause) Funny you say that…

Huh.

See you Tuesday guys, be safe.

Location: 12AM Columbus, having this conversation
Mood: thoughtful
Music: circles. Confusion. Is nothing new?
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