Been sick for the past week or so. Damn, that party really took it all out of me – prob more the setup than the actual party, TBH.
Coughed so hard that I blew out a blood vessel in my eye the other day.
But it’s also given me time to think.
When I was a kid – 11, maybe? – there was a store we all called Angie’s that sold these flying saucer type toy guns for, say, $2.00. But they were always sold out of them.
One day, found a store that sold them for $1. Figured I’d sell them for $1.50, a 50% markup but still 25% less than Angie.
So I took all of my savings, bought every gun I get my hands on, and brought them back to Queens.
Took me a while, but I ultimately sold alla them. My dad asked me where I got all the scratch I had and I sheepishly told him.
Afterward, he smiled, reached into his pocket and gave me double the amount I made.
Him: You made an honest dollar and you helped people. You get rewarded for doing things like that.
That was my very first business deal and I remember it to this day.
I bring it up for two reasons. The first is that I was chatting with my buddy Cable. He asked me about my past.
Him: Is it true?
Me: You really wanna know?
Him: Yeah, tell me.
Me: OK, make yourself comfortable. (15 minutes later) …and I did what any good Chinese boy would do; I sunk it all into real estate.
Him: I’ve always wondered about that. That explains so much.
I call it hacking: I hack my life.
Another example: The program that I use the most is something called Dropbox – my buddy Rick told me about it…10 years ago?
It’s free for 2GB of space; the next step up is $120 a year.
I did the math and figured out that if I used the free referral link they had, I could buy ad space on Google to advertise my referral code. Some rando would get an extra 500mb, I would get an extra 500mb, and Dropbox would get a new customer. Win-win-win.
Even cooler, I had a $100 credit for Google cost-per-click buys, so I used that, and netted…well, check out below:
So, for $0 across a decade, I’ve had 28.2GB of Dropbox space. The max is actually 16GB, but I hacked that too. That’s another story.
I’m not so much bragging – ok, I am, but it takes me 10-35 years for me to brag/talk about stuff – so much as I’m trying to explain what fascinates and drives me.
In The Godfather, Vito saw the world as two groups: pezzonovante or puppets.
Don Corleone: … I refused to be a fool dancing on the strings held by all of those big shots. That’s my life, I don’t apologize for that. But I always thought that when it was your time, that you would be the one to hold the strings. Senator Corleone, Governor Corleone, something.
Michael: Another pezzonovante.
But I’ve always felt there was a third option: Someone in the margins of society, exploiting inefficiencies while maybe making life a little better.
Those are my people: The Devil. Rain. Sheridan. We’re the hustlers that eat-what-we-kill. There’re few of us left. The grey men.
This is all prelude to the second reason I’m walking down nostalgia lane with you: A business associate recently presented me with a problem for which I think I have an elegant solution. It’s a gamble. But I believe in my power to hack things. So does she.
In some ways, it was that belief that crushed my soul the past few years; I think I felt the weight of Alison and my father’s death even more heavily because I felt I should have figured it out.
“It” being cancer. How fucking arrogant is that?
That’s what I’ve prided myself on my entire life; seeing things that other people didn’t see. I consumed every medical article I could get my hands on to try to hack that fucking thing.
In the end, I bought Alison and my dad a few more months/years, but at such a cost. Yet another bit of guilt for my soul to enjoy.
Him: You can’t hold yourself responsible for them dying of cancer.
Me: (drunk) Yeah? (laughing) Watch me…
And I hated myself so much for being able to figure out alla these meaningless bullshit things like Dropbox and toy guns, but not figure out the things that might have saved the people I loved.
I’m only now able to take solace in the fact that it was a fool’s errand, but at least it was borne of love. And I’m nuthin if not an arrogant fool for love…
In any case, I have a new puzzle to fill my otherwise dull and vicious life.
The stakes are more than toy guns but less than cancer. If I figure it out, I’ll tell you all about it.
In about 10-30 years.
Me: There’s actually a lot more. But that’s enough for today. Every day, we choose the life we’re gonna live. I choose to set myself apart. In my head, I’m in the world, but separate from it.
Music: Staying in my play pretend, where the fun ain’t got no end
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