Bye Betty

Saw my friend Betty for dinner

Was supposed to do all these things yesterday. Instead, I went for a walk; cleaned up my pad; did some laundry; read some magazines; even cleaned out the fish tank.

Felt normal again – well, as normal as I get.

KG Betty is on a plane but we had a long talk before she left. She said she might visit Germany but she’d never move back. Her friends are all over the world now; home isn’t home any more.

Like me, she’s working her way through the world.

In 2002, I was supposed to attend the University of Dresden for a graduate program in Chinese Political Science and Law (I’m geek, what can I say).

But then I met this chick…

Ultimately, our lives are just strings of choices we make, like those Choose Your Own Adventure books from childhood.

Think I got off schedule somewhere between Chapters Three and Four.

But it’s been hella fun.

Well, Hello Weekend!

Did ya miss me?

Location: 4PM yest, walking down Broadway
Mood: content
Music: I hope you’re thinking about me daily
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Still thinking of the other side

If we fail, let’s fail greatly

Saw my friend Skinny tonight. He’s on his way to Japan to a new life.

I’m secretly a little jealous, but happy for him too.

Teddy Roosevelt once said that of the person who tries something bold and new:

at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat.

I’m always impressed by who just pick up and go. Thought so many times about moving here or here. But I never did.

Don’t know why I don’t just get to the other side.

Someday.

Until then, Skinny, if you meet a nice (non-pescatarian) Japanese girl, send her my way?

I’ll be here. I’m ever here.

Location: 10PM, yest., with friends
Mood: sotted
Music: What does this city have to offer me
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Fancy meeting you here

I’m running into too many people I know

I’m away again.

After this past weekend, I’m actually slightly glad to be somewhere else.

I love my city, don’t get me wrong. But when you’ve lived in one place for, basically, your whole life, you’re bound to keep ending up at familiar places.

And running into old ghosts.

Him: So, are you a partner somewhere yet?
Me: Not so much. (pause) I’m writing, actually.
Him: Oh. That’s…cool. Are you and that girl married now?
Me: Well, she’s married. Not to me though. Kid any day now.
Him: Oh! (pause) Are you happy at least?
Me: (thinking) I’m happy in my head.

Location: 20 feet from the middle of nowhere
Mood: busy
Music: Who? I really wanna know Who are you?

Hanging with Nadi

Conversations with Nadya

 

Nadi: Oh god, why don’t you ever write about when you actually succeed?
Me: What’s the fun there? Met a girl, we hooked up, blah, blah, blah. There’s no story there. Plus, you know I don’t kiss and tell.
Nadi: At least put something there. It’s depressing otherwise.
Me: There’s a fine line between hopeless romantic womanizer and sleezeball player.
Nadi: But it always sounds like, “Oh poor sad sack Logan screwed up with another girl.”
Me: Maybe I’ll put up a 10-to-1 ratio of…wait…sad sack?
Nadi: A ratio might be…
Me: Sad sack?!
Nadi: Look, all I’m saying is…
Me: Whaddya mean, sad sack?! Do people feel sorry…
Nadi: FOCUS, LOGAN!

May be focusing too much at times. How’s your dating life going?

Me, I’m out and about. But I’m also waiting.

After some modicum of attraction, there is only ever two things any relationship needs, and neither one of these things is love.

The two things are loyalty and fun. Everything good comes from these two.

Everything bad comes from when one or both are missing.

If you find someone with these three things, you’re doing well.

But more on that later. Right now, gotta catch a plane.

Location: in Queens, packing
Mood: full & sick
Music: When we were close I’ll remember these things the most

Ain’t she fly?

Decided to name my camera “Fiona”

edit: There was a vid of me up with really dark circles under my eyes but I’ve since taken it down. Thanks for all the concerned comments last time around.

Very kind, but unwarranted.

Because I’m always hopeful.

BTW, I’m going to call my camera Fiona.

So now, if I go, it’ll be me, Harold and Fiona.

Location: my own blue bed
Mood: sick but excited
Music: My method is uncertain It’s a mess but it’s working
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72nd to Canal Episode 1 – Part 2

Let’s have a code, you and I

Met a nice girl recently. She lives…quite far away. Thus, no shiny future for the two us. Sad, really.

Still, another pretty friend in the world is nothing to shake a stick at.

And we both know that I’m the type of guy just that’ll just up and go someday.

Let’s have a code, you and I; should I ever just leave suddenly, I’ll post Gone Fishing!

Nothing else.

Then you’ll know.

You’ll know I cashed in those miles, packed my bags, sold the car, gave away Harold and the fish, and left. I’d be elsewhere.

Actually, I’d bring Harold.

I think he’d like to see the world too.

Location: nowhere special
Mood: cloudy
Music: I’m tired of whys choking on whys Just need a little because
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My real life

 Have I blinked and missed it all?

Logan Lo in Prague
Reading by the Vltava river, two years ago.

The show’s tomorrow but I’m in the attic of my mind right now, putting stuff away.

I spent 34 years waiting for my real life to begin.

Now, I’m worried that I’ve blinked and missed it.

I’ll be back writing on Monday.

I think.

1:26:32 AM
Location: yest. @ 2PM, an office, getting another job offer I’ll never take
Mood: nostalgic
Music: Any minute now my ship is coming in

Desk

What does your desk look like right now?

This is what my desk looks like right this minute.

Please note that my passport, rum and gum are within easy access should I need to bolt. You can barely see it, but the hardcover book behind my screen is A Cricket in Times Square. On that note, the other books are travel books for places I will never see.

What does yours look like and what’s the most interesting thing there?

Location: In front of the picture you see below
Mood: restless
Music: I hope you don’t mind that I put down in words, how wonderful life is

Interesting

Been looking at my passport like a guy looks at his girl

I just found out that Blue Jean Eyes reads my journal. Interesting.

She also told me that she’s already signed up for a dating website looking for a Jewish, vegetarian version of me. Also…interesting.

I don’t believe those options are available on my particular make/model. Odd comes standard, though.

A lot of women from my past seem to be popping up in my life lately. I miss some aspect of all of them, I think. Europegirl is now UKgirl, French-Koreangirl is happily occupied and No. 6 is…still No. 6.

Been thinking of my conversation with the blue-eyed Lawyergirl but that’s for later.

In the meanwhile, I’ve been looking at my passport like a guy looks at a pic of his chick.

I’m heading to SFO in May (I lost my place to crash so if you’ve got a couch in SF in May, drop me a line: logan607 at hotmail). Some friends are going to Montreal and I just got an invitation to Las Vegas in June.

Outside it’s cloudy in New York, but in my head, it’s sunny elsewhere.

Location: still here
Mood: peripatetic
Music: If I could escape I would

The other side

Suppose we all want to get to the other side of something

(c) Someone else

My ex-girlfriend from Europe dropped me a line yesterday. It was good to hear from her. As always she said little except that she’s doing well, seeing someone, and happy. I’m glad.

It would be nice to hear how the other is doing occasionally, as there was a time when we were very close.

True. It was a lifetime ago – before planes hit buildings in my fine city and burned them to the #$@#$ ground.

Remember driving to this drawbridge in her tiny town outside Denmark and waiting for the bridge to come down so we could get to the other side. I liked being there; actually, I like being elsewhere, which is quite different from being somewhere.

On that note, I just bought tickets for the left coast. SFO.

I’ll need a place to crash for a weekend so if anyone has a spare couch in May, I’m there. I’d cook dinner in exchange for some hospitality. If you’re a pescatarian, I’ll buy/make some mac & cheese.

It’ll be good to see the California sun again; I missed her, though I’m sure she didn’t notice I was gone.

Me? Oh, I’m OK, thanks.

I’m just waiting to get to the other side.
Location: in front of the computer all #@$&*^@! day
Mood: drained
Music: Let’s get out of this country I have been so unhappy
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