Logan Music: Ghost of Goodbye

She used to pick out my shirts

Logan and Alison out to dinner

Spend my nights writing, sipping rum, listening to songs that make me cry, and looking through old pictures.

I’ve become such a cliche.

The writing is random, the pictures like the one above and the songs are like She’s Gone covered by the Bird and the Bee, Everyday is a Holiday, and Her Diamonds.

Probably not the healthiest thing to be doing right now but it is what it is.

The song I’ve been listening to the most these days is Ghost of Goodbye, by Ford Turrell, which is about right except I drink rum not whiskey, unless it’s an Old Fashioned.

But yeah, otherwise, it’s about right.

Alison always loved when I wore a simple, pressed, white shirt.

Rings on the table
From the sweat off my glass
Like the trace of a memory
Stained into the past

Whiskey and water
Burns the back of my throat
For a minute it lets me
Let it all go

CHORUS:
Can’t leave it behind me
It haunts my mind
When I try to fall asleep
It’s laying right by my side
There’s no place to hide
From the ghost of goodbye

Grey like morning
Clouds filled with rain
Like everything’s waiting
For something to change

I sip some more coffee
And get dressed for work
Remember when you used
To pick out my shirts

Location: home, alone
Mood: struggling still
Music: There’s no place to hide from the ghost of goodbye
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Blogarama - Observations Blogs

Everything’s amazing and nobody’s happy

Him: Think I’ll bring my wife here for some wings and beer.
Me: (surprised) Your wife’ll eat wings and drink beer? She’s so health conscious.
Him: (laughing) I think you have a misunderstanding of what we’re like.

Met up with two buddies to discuss some business ideas the other night. Found it useful cause we all have our core competencies and the other two didn’t know each other – also bringing together disparate groups of friends is always interesting.

One guy’s a former athlete that’s trained world-champions so it was fun to sit and eat greasy food with him and chat about business.

Speaking of eating stuff, back on the topic of BLBT (aka Pink Slime), turns out that it contains a total of 0.02 grams ammonia per 100 grams of meat.

According to the previous link, that’s lower than what found in peanut butter (0.049), mayo (0.041), and onions (0.027) – at least in the 1970s when this report was made.

Whenever I hear about something that’s suddenly a huge scandal and we’re supposed to be immensely concerned, I always wonder what’s real and what’s for sale?

More and more, it’s the nightly news and internet news that’s for sale, clamoring for our attention – regardless of the cost. This means entire companies shutting down and people losing their jobs in this economic time. Just so we tune in tonight.

Comedian Louis CK hit it on the head when he said, Everything is amazing right now and nobody’s happy. Think it’s partly cause people are always telling us we shouldn’t be.

Now I want a burger.

Location: surrounded by clothes
Mood: excited
Music: Hey, kids – look at this, it’s the fall of the world’s own optimist
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Yes, but it is not I

Church in NYC

My insomnia is back in a big way. Feel tired and irritable all of time. Worried that all the things I do to manage it aren’t working any more, which then keeps me up even longer. No fun.

The Professor was in town over the weekend so the wife and I went with him to the local dive bar. He’s one of my oldest friends but, oddly, we never really hung out until after college. The other funny thing’s that he was a wrestler in high school and some 20 years later, I’m trying it out.

Him: (to my wife) When I was a kid, I was a busboy at this restaurant. It was fine except one day they caught me trying a wrestling move on a bag of rice.
Me: (to my wife) That’s not what they were mad about. They were mad because he was naked and put lipstick on the bag of rice.

Old friends that make the cut are always good to have around. The problem’s that people change and you change. Sometimes the people that once mirrored you no longer do. Learned long ago, this isn’t a good thing, or a bad thing. It’s just a thing.

Coincidentally, went to church the next day and the pastor repeated a story that I wrote about over five years ago.

The story is that St. Augustine was once this womanizer who once famously prayed, da mihi castitatem et continentiam…sed noli (“Grant me chastity and continence…but not yet”). It should be noted that he’s also the patron saint of brewers, as an aside.

Anywho, he was a frequent visitor of prostitutes before he changed his life around. Afterward, he went back to visit an old place and ran into a prostitute he used to know in that biblical way. He continued on his way so she tried to get his attention for his usual and called out to him, Augustine, it is I.

To which, he replied without stopping, Yes, but it is not I.

I think I’m a better person now than I was a decade ago; actually, know I am. But to get here, had to let some people because they don’t reflect who I am any more. It’s like that Cowboy story I told you.

Sometimes you go away, sometimes they do, and sometimes people just stay. It’s how the world is and how it’s supposed to be. Accepting it’s the hardest thing, yeah?

Now if only this insomnia would go away.

———-

This is one of a few songs that plays in my head when I’m up late at night.

————

Started a Twitter feed for a project I’m planning. The account’s called MenMadeOfStone add me, follow me, etc. There’s nuthin up there right now but there will be.

I’ll tell you more in a bit.

Location: last night, in misery
Mood: guess
Music: in the morning i will wake up in the shivering cold
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Watson is Skynet / Bad Robot…bad (2)

Me: This is the beginning of Skynet. It’s like no one’s learned anything from watching Hollywood movies.
Her: For serious!

Been watching the Jeopardy series which has this computer named “Watson” going against two of the best champions the show’s ever had.

Pretty interesting to see how computers are becoming more and more human-like. Was saying to someone the other day that when I went to school, people had just started using computer on a regular basis but I graduated college having never sent a single email. This was back when messages were left via blinking light.

In all seriousness, the Skynet thing is a unnerving in the sense that something else recently happened that most American’s aren’t aware of: Predator drones are now flying in US skies, something that’s never happened before. Sure, it’s a coincidence but it’s still weird.

Am pretty excited for the future and if anyone loves their electronic doo-hickeys, it’s this bright-eyed Chinese boy.

Still, gotta force myself outta the house and take a walk more often; just did that yesterday.

The real world, especially New York City, doesn’t really care if y’interact with it or not.

Her: Today was a good day for you.
Me: Why is that?
Her: Well, we made out, we had pizza, and you got to watch a computer compete against a person.
Me: Two people!

———-

Can’t believe this was four years ago – deserves another look:

Location: in fronta glowing things like always
Mood: artistic
Music: And how the days have flown too few & fast
YASYCTAI: Take a walk for lunch. (30 minutes/1 pt)
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Yes? Yes.

(no, there’s no sound)

Me: Hi there.
Her: (looking through camera) I got you.
Me: (laughing) Alright. Point it down.
Her: I have your entire head in the frame.
Me: OK
Her: (four seconds later) OH! (laughs)
Me: Yes?
Her: Yes.

Location: 15 mins ago, having drinks@28th and Park
Mood: content
Music: Don’t you understand? I already have a plan
YASYCTAI
: Consider stopping this blog. We’re home, after all. (60 mins/2 pts)

Fatty of my own

Maybe someday

Townhouse in the Upper West Side, NY

 

Walked down to Times Square from the UWS to catch the da Vinci exhibit.

That’s a whole entry there but just lemme say that: (a) there was a time when religion, science, and art went together and (b) it strikes me as really strange that the same country that gave us da Vinci gave us the people on the Jersey Shore.

Speaking of giving us people, Bryson came by with his fatty today and she was the cutest thing. Make’s me think about having a kid myself. Then again, can barely take care of George and Harold. Still, think all guys start thinking about cranking out a few rug rats roundabout this time.

As I told you before, Bryson’s no joke – took the bronze at the Pan-Americans. But something about a kid mellows a fella out.

Cooked him up some wings and we kicked back a beer as she drooled happily all over him.

Then had dinner with a buddy that owns this jaw-dropping 4,400 SF pad and four kids a few blocks from me.

It’s cool, seeing your friends become men.

Like I said, maybe I’ll get a fatty of my own some day.

Location: three blocks away
Mood: stuffed
Music: Sleep tonight And may your dreams Be realized

Tom, Helen, Paris and Ray

Location: four hours ago, in a Honda driving home
Mood: busy
Music: Bad news comes don’t you worry even when it lands

Don’t come, it was two years ago (whoa) – I’m not at my place and don’t have a pic for this entry so I’m reposting – you can watch it at 72canal.com if you want.

Me: What do you think it is?
Her: (thinking) I think it’s a self-selecting industry. I mean, you have to be somewhat greedy and self-centered to enter the profession. So when you give a bunch of greedy, self-centered people a ton of money, is anyone really surprised when they give themselves million-dollar bonuses for “retention” even though there’s no job for them to go to?

Normally I never write anything political but I just gotta say this.

The problem with tossing out all these numbers like million, billion and trillion is that they all kinda sound the same – lemme put it in some perspective:

  • A million seconds ago, was 11 days, 20 hours, 4 minutes and 4 seconds ago. I was still a 35-year old nobody.
  • A billion seconds ago, was 31 years, 8 months, 6 days. I was a 3-year old nobody.
  • A trillion seconds ago, was 31,688 years 269 days 17 hours 34 minutes 25 seconds. Nobody was anybody.

Y’know that quote from Edison? He was asked how it felt failing all those times while making the lightbulb – he replied, I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.

There’s this insane fear of failure. And it is very, very insane. Spending a lotta A‘s dough, to bail out B just seems wrong to me. Even worse, spending that much money, knowing, knowing that they’re just going to spend it on themselves, as they have before, is just more insanity.

The worst part is that it keeps happening and the economy keeps getting worse.

Rough times cut away the fat of our lives to see the muscle underneath. I truly believe that. Failure and death are ugly things but ugly things are part of the natural course of the world.

I meet so many young people that think spending coin’s the way to solve things. It isn’t.

The world needs more people like Helen Keller who have nothing and made something of themselves and less people like Paris Hilton who have everything and make nothing of themselves.

YASYCTAI: Read about Ray Kroc. He was a failure until he was 50-something. Then he wasn’t. (60 mins/1 pt)

It’s Gestalt

Location: 20:00 yest, Sido in the UWS
Mood: ticked-off
Music: hear the clock tick and think of you

Had this brilliant plan about a year ago, which was to only date people in my area. For those of you new to dating: terrible idea. Cause you keep running into them. After one of several such run-ins, one girl said after a long silence, Yeah…it’s not awkward hanging out with you.

Course, some run-ins are very nice. Remember the curly-haired girl? She dropped me a very personal email of condolence regarding my grandmother. Had to stop reading it halfway cause it was so honest. She was always very sweet. Also, a beautiful girl I’ve not seen in a decade sent me the following: Don’t know why, but I’m not worried about you at all. I know very little about you but I know you’ll make it again.

It’s the random bits of kindness that help us through.

Speaking of which, yesterday, PCD and I took a walk around town after work. The weather was just perfect. Today, spent the day in a lawyer’s office for some litigation I’m a part of. Always impressive to see people that are good at their craft at work.

As I write this a friend just dumped his bad day on me. Man! That’s like the opposite of a random bit of kindness – it’s a random bit of here’s my crap, you deal with it. Don’t want someone else’s bad day – got enough of my own, dontcha think? Luckily, got my good moments too:

PCD: You just like her (Laura Wilkinson) because she’s old like you.
Me: OUCH!

Her: I’m kidding…

Me: Good.

Her: Yeah, you’re a lot older than her. (later) Hey, make a face like the monkey in the video.

Me: Why would I do that?

Her: Because you’re cute and monkeys are cute – it’s gestalt!

Thought it was a tautology but I think I’m wrong. Eh, it happens. Either way, smart girls’re hot.

Speaking of which…Heartgirl’s back tomorrow.

My corner in and of the world

Happy Birthday!

 

No lie, this video chokes me up.

Sometimessome and I both agree that it’s often the foreigners, the outcasts, that love this country the most. I’ve been to other countries and young people that rant about the state and the past of this joint have got to travel somewhere and see how lucky we are here.

A dude named Anthony Walton once said that, America’s greatest strength, and its greatest weakness, is our belief in second chances, our belief that we can always start over, that things can be made better.

This country has treated my family well. Not by handouts (we took none) but by chances. We only ever wanted the chance. I’ve made so many horribly stupid, stupid mistakes in my life. And each time, it’s like I get another ticket to ride. Quite something, this joint.

I’m always forgiving people their stupid mistakes. Cause I want so badly to be forgiven mine.

This place suits me just right.

It’s a fantasy. The hope that my better day around the corner is at a corner in Germany. Or China. Elsewhere. Still, this is home.

Yeah, I wanna spend some time elsewhere. But I can’t imagine getting old anywhere else.

Happy Birthday.

Location: 15 mins ago, leaving a gin mill
Mood: sotted
Music: Let them say of me, I was one who believed

Dressing for success

Location: 03:00 yest, bumping into a friend on Broadway
Mood: mischievous
Music: Again and again and again, I think I will break but I mend

Me: Oh for…why would you ask that now?
Her: Well, you have low, or no, creepiness factor and you dress well. A girl’s gotta know.
Me: I would think by now, you’d have figured it out.
Her: You could be bi.
Me: Oh for…

Been doing the online dating thing. Four months ago, it was about 90% RL and 10% online, then it flipped (please don’t search for me, that’s just stalkerish and weird). Lately, it’s about 50/50.

Dating in general is tiring – the constant hellos and goodbyes. But like most things, on the net it happens faster; the disappointing and disappointments zip by and I don’t even have time to register them. Still meeting lots of pescatarians. Don’t ask.

This weekend, I took a break. Friday, stayed in, cooked, and watched a Law & Order marathon. Saturday fenced and then Paul and I saw CaptainRedStar and crew. Ran into L – twice in a week. Bumped into each other earlier Tuesday at Candyfiend‘s party. We’re always so busy.

On another point entirely, decided to act and dress my age. There’s a story there, but it’s for next time. Guess I gotta start shopping at the Gap or something.

The other part’s harder – how does a 34 year-old act?