Month: September 2020

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personal

He’s ambulatory

Seafood in the rain

Chad ended up fracturing his foot in two places the other day. Since he’s as much eat-what-you-kill as me, this was not good news.

Him: According to PT Steve, I’m looking at six weeks at a minimum. Most likely six months before I get full mobility back.
Me: Well, that’s not good news.

Our buddy Cho was nice enough to chauffer him around the place.

Chad: Do you wanna grab some food with us?
Me: I just made lunch so…
Him: We’re going to Queens for seafood.
Me: Heck, yeah!

But first we Skyped with my son, who decided to do math problems for them by adding three sets of three digit numbers.

Chad: Is that right?
Me: How would I know?
Cho: Do all four-year-olds know how to do that?
Me: I don’t think so. He takes after his mom.

Somehow, we all decided to pick up Mouse as well so – after a snack of some homemade ribs and collard greens, we went off to Brooklyn to pick her up.

Her: Where in Brooklyn are we going?
Cho: We’re going to Queens.
Me: An hour from here.
Her: What?! Why would we do that?
Me: Because Cho’s the driver and that’s where he wants to go.
Her: OK, I’m sold.

Because of Mouse’s diet, she’s super limited as to what she can eat. But she can go to town on seafood. Which worked out perfectly because Cho was hankering for some of that.

Chad: I’m not a big fan of seafood.
Mouse: (correcting him) You’re not a big fan of fish. That’s different from seafood. You’ll like seafood.

Just to hedge our bets, we got him some wings and an arepa from the food cart on the street. Because of the lockdown, we sat in a rainstorm on the street under a tent. It was pretty fun, actually.

Cho and Mouse then proceeded to show Chad how to eat lobster, snow crab, raw oysters, and the like.

Mouse: What do you think?
Him: Pretty good, actually.
Me: Mouse and I used to eat 48 oysters at a time.
Chad: Get outta here.
Her: It’s true. They’d give us like six forks each and we’d say, “We just need one.”

I ended up having two pina coladas, Chad’s lemon drop – it was Alison’s go to shot drink and he wanted to try it (he wasn’t a fan) – and a beer so I was pretty lit by the time we headed home.

Cho, who didn’t drink, wanted to drop everyone off – me uptown, Chad downtown, Mouse in the middle-of-nowhere Brooklyn, and himself in deep Queens – so Mouse insisted on paying for everyone’s dinner.

Me: I’ll cover half, at least.
Her: Nah, I just got a promotion. It’s fine.
Me: Are you sure?
Her: I had good company, good drink, good food, and good music. I’m sure.

While heading home, our buddy Robinson wrote me…

Him: Have you talked to Chad? Is he ambulatory?
Me: Yup!

…and I sent him this picture.

I generally don’t like last minute anything but they do have their moments.

Especially when they involve good company, good drink, good food, and good music.

Podcast Version
Location: yesterday night, eating in Jackson Heights
Mood: busy
Music: I’ve got friends that will fly once called  (Spotify)
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personal

It’s not ideal but it’s something

A Man from Nowhere

Headed out to Queens early in the morning a few times last week to go to a friend’s place and roll.

I’ve been maintaining my weight and such by eating right and doing a little exercise when I can at home but it’s not easy. It’s tough to go from being in the gym four-to-six hours a week to…nuthin.

So, the alarm goes off at 6 in the morning, I straggle to the train station, and head out to roll around with some buddies, including one I’ve known a dozen years.

Him: Lo-lo! Good seeing you, you’re the first one here.
Me: Blargh.

It’s not ideal, but it’s something. Which, I suppose, is the situation for most people in this pandemic.

Speaking of working out and such, Chad and I have a new Scenic Fights, Fight Scene Breakdown – this time, featuring, The Man from Nowhere.

If you’ve never seen it, it’s supposedly one of the inspirations behind John Wick – and I think it supersedes it in many regards. One of the best action flicks I’ve ever seen – on Pac’s recommendation.

Him: Dude, it’s got a karambit in it!

Subscribe, like, and repost please. I need to get some passive income and stop working all together.

Speaking of working, met up with Mouse and RE Mike. Needed his help on a project and wanted to pick his brain on a few things.

Me: I’ll take you out to eat.
Him: You don’t need to do that.
Me: Sure I do. Besides, I gotta eat too.

Because of Mouse’s diet, we went to this place that was pretty paleo friendly. We all really enjoyed our dishes and even had a nice malbec too.

It’s not ideal, but it’s something.

Podcast Version
Location: an hour ago, stabbing two guys in the park – they’re fine
Mood: productive
Music: I’ll be outside, I’ve been cooped up (Spotify)
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personal

Goodnight, Uncle Jay

Thanks for the gifts

Me: My uncle passed away.
Her: (puts arms around me) I’m so sorry to hear that.
Me: You’re choking me…
Her: I’m giving you a hug!

The picture below’s of a Montblanc Meisterstuck 925 Sterling Silver and 18K Gold fountain pen. My uncle Jay gave it to me when I got into law school way back in 1995.

My dad got me something similar when I graduated college. I never thanked either of them for either gift.

I was upset and petty, you see. A pen? Who gets someone a pen? A computer, a TV, cash – that kinda stuff I understood as a fella in his 20s, but a pen?

I tossed both into a drawer and forgot about them. Found them earlier this year – a quarter of a century later.

I’d meant to say thanks to my dad for his pen, but I always forgot to. And when I found the pen from my uncle, I asked my mom if I should call.

Mom: He’s sick. He won’t understand.

Uncle Jay never had any sons. Only daughters. He was always kind to me. I was too young to know what to do with kindness from relatives.

There’s this saying that I’ve always liked that goes, Youth is wasted on the young.

I was so arrogant and immature for so long. I made so many mistakes. It always feels like it’s too late. But maybe, with the boy, he’ll be better. Nuthin would make me happier than if he was better than me.

Thanks for the pen, Uncle Jay. I didn’t deserve it and I wish I said thanks when I had the chance.

Sister: Are you ok? You were close to him.
Me: I am. He got to live a long life and watch his kids grow up. Meet his grandchildren. What was he, 86? I would take 86 right now. I wish Alison got half that. He lived a good long life where he was loved and respected. We should all be so lucky. He’s no longer suffering. He earned his rest.
Her: You’re right, he did. Thanks.
Me: No, thank you for calling. I’ll give mom a call now.

Podcast Version
Location: yesterday night, having drinks with a pretty lady
Mood: pensive
Music: I hope everything is gonna be alright (Spotify)
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Your computer is updating, Ms. Claire

Welcome to Kindergarten

I went to see my son the other day. My mother-in-law made me chili.

Me: This is the first chili I’ve had in years. After Alison died, I pretty much ate chili every day.
Her: Is chili going to be ok?
Me: Absolutely. I can’t wait.

It was delicious, of course. They’re as much family to me as my own. But, then I had to go. There’s never enough time.

Him: I wish you could stay forever.
Me: I know. Me too.

I’m glad that he’s young enough that he’ll probably not remember the virus and everything related to it. But, I wonder how it’s changed the trajectory of his life.

I wonder so many what if things, as you might imagine.

He started kindergarten virtually this week. I was pretty bummed that I wasn’t there with him. All the more so that Alison wasn’t.

Again, as you might might imagine.

I meant to tell you that, towards the end of prekindergarten, his teacher pulled me aside to talk to me. I was worried that it was something bad – of course. She spoke to me in her thick Irish brogue.

Her: Today, your son came up to me and said, “Your computer is updating, Ms. Claire. It will be ready in a moment.” He read that from the computer screen! 11 years I’ve been doing this, I’ve never met anyone like your son.
Me: Oh god, I was worried you were going to tell me that he did something wrong.
Her: You worry too much, Mr. Lo.
Me: I have good reason to.

On the first day of school this week, the teacher turned to the class and asked if anyone knew what she wrote on the board.

The boy raised his hand and read to the class, “Welcome to kindergarten!”

She woulda been so proud.

Alison and my dad woulda been so proud of this happy, brilliant little kid.

Podcast Version
Location: yesterday morning, getting squashed in LIC
Mood: sore
Music: I loved you right away (Spotify)
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Don’t let damaged people damage you

Do you want a report?

Lviv’s still looking for her person.

Her: This 47 year-old hit on me the other day. People that are 47 look super old.
Me: Wait, I’m 47.
Her: (scoffing) You don’t look THAT old.

ML also dropped me a line. Some guy was super upset he got rejected by her so he wrote her this nasty, nasty email. I find that disappointing.

Me: There are lots of damaged people in the world. Don’t let their damage damage you.
Her: Thank you for that.

Dating’s rough in general and doesn’t get any easier as you get older. On that note, I also got a ring from the ABFF yesterday.

ABFF: One guy wrote me and asked me how my weekend was. I was like, “Do you want a report?!”
Me: Maybe he was just trying to be nice?
Her: Look, Logan, I’m just trying to keep rapists and murderers away from my kids…
Me: Jeez! That should be a general life goal, irrespective of kids.
Her: …and I agree with you 100% on “LOLs.” Like, what are you, a balloon? It’s hard meeting someone normal in their 40s.
Me: Wait, there’re normal guys in their 40s. I’m in my 40s.
Her: Nope. I’m not doing this backhanded compliment thing with you where you get to brag that you look great for your age.
Me: Well, that’s disappointing.

I think the pandemic’s getting on the nerves of single people. A buddy of mine’s getting tired of being cooped up so he’s been hitting on randos he meets on the streets. It reminded me of a conversation I had once.

OK, many times.

Her: Sorry, I have a boyfriend.
Me: Well, good thing I’m gay then.
Her: (laughs)

Interestingly, Lviv, Mouse, and the ABFF are all at career – and personal – crossroads.

After Mouse drove me back to my pad from the Scenic Fights shoot, I invited her to come in to eat and watch a flick.

Mouse: No. I have a headache. Man, that’s the first time I’ve ever used that excuse before.
Me: I literally just asked if you wanted to eat and watch a flick.
Her: Sorry, still trying to get a handle on all my heath things. OK, I’ll come in. We can spin the wheel of misfortune! See where we end up.
Me: Always good to be positive.

We ended up watching a completely innocuous rom-com called Love, Guaranteed. I’m always a sucker for a good passable rom-com.

While very trite, I did like that that they made this guy who was an avowed womanizer a good person. The women he met, he didn’t end up with but they all thought he was generally a good and decent guy.

In that respect, I thought it was rather unique. Also, they had a the main female character drive a Karmann Ghia.

Me: I used to want one so bad. But they don’t run fast.
Mouse: Perfect, neither do you.
Me: So glad you decided to come in, Mouse…

Podcast Version
Location: this morning, getting pressured in LIC
Mood: busy
Music: save all your dirtiest jokes for me (Spotify)
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personal

I’m not saying no

Another Scenic Fights shoot

Chad and I met up early this past Saturday to shoot some more episodes of our Scenic Fights show.

Him: Wake that sexy ass up!
Me: You don’t own me.
Him: Well, I own some shares.

I’ve been on a strict low-carb diet for the past several weeks but I figured we needed all the energy we could muster for a five-hour shoot.

We tried to find a Vietnamese joint open early in the morning that had seating but found nuthin. So, we ended up at a soup dumpling place neither of us had ever been to.

Me: I think I ordered us too much food.
Him: Oh, I’m finishing this.

Mouse offered to pick us up and drive us to the shoot because she happened to be in the city.

Me: You really don’t have to.
Her: I put on makeup. I’m picking you two up.
Me: (to Chad) She’s picking us up at Mott and Canal.
Him: See, this is where a bright red leather jacket comes in handy.

We ended up at the studio train on time.

Mouse only stayed for a bit before she had to jet. But not before she insisted on running out and getting some makeup for me because I’d scratched my face.

Her: Look, I know you. It honestly doesn’t bother me that much but I know it’ll drive you crazy for years to come if I don’t fix it.
Me: Fiiiine. Do it.

The shoot was long and we only did two outta the five scenes we planned on, mainly because of all the noise from the street while we were shooting.

Director: You both did a great job. Well, Chad did…
Me: You’re all against me.

Afterward, Chad and I got some tortas at a local cafe before Mouse came back to pick us up.

Him: Are you sure you two aren’t…
Me: (interrupting) You know as much as I know. Besides, I’m not saying no to a hot chick driving us around town and putting makeup on me. Wait…

Podcast Version
Location: this past Saturday, the armpit of Queens
Mood: carbed-out
Music: What could’ve happened if we kept going? (Spotify)
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In the gutter

My little human needs me

For reasons we don’t need to get into, I had to head to midtown just before 8PM the other night.

So, I hopped onto my scooter and zipped down 9th Avenue to the Penn Station area. I did what I had to do and then headed home.

Was going down West 33rd Street when there was a slight dip in the road, which I hit it perfectly.

And by perfectly, I mean that I went flying through the air – I was literally weightless for a moment. I crashed down into the street gutter, right next to a cop car.

I swear the two cops in the car both looked at me as if I had just messed up their drink order. It was a combination of puzzlement and wonder. They never left the car, and instead just turned away from me and waited for the light to change.

I got up and did a quick visual and mental check of myself. Most of my left side stung; nothing insanely painful but still pain.

I put myself back together again and started to head home as the cops slowly pulled away. I’m guessing they figured I woulda motioned to them in some manner if I was hurt?

It was late enough that I didn’t have to worry too much about a car hitting me. If it was before COVID, I woulda had to worry about a second impact.

When I got home, I realized that my bag was ripped, a chunk of my thigh was scraped open, as were my shoulder, and a solid part of my left palm (click here if you wanna see my hand – which is how my leg looked as well). The rest of my body looked like my elbow, above.

I think nuthin really bad happened because I was wearing a helmet and managed to breakfall correctly.

The thing that bothered me the most was thinking that if I got hurt, the kid would be left alone in the world. That, and my stinging palm, kept me up for a while.

Need to be more mindful of things. My little human needs me.

Podcast Version
Location: at Verdi Square, ranting to a man of God
Mood: still ouch
Music: Maybe it’s in the gutter? (Spotify)
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Naked Chinese Man

Scattergories

In addition to the health issues that Mouse’s mentioned in her blog, she’s also been dealing with some other issues that were out of both of our wheelhouses.

Luckily, we had a friend Hawk that knew what to do and helped point us in the right direction.

As a thank you, we got him a fine bottle of rum and invited him and his girl over for some food this past weekend.

Him: I’m essentially a pescatarian.
Me: I am so sorry to hear that.

Mouse picked up a side of salmon and I made this super easy AIP salmon dish that was honestly delicious. While I did that, Mouse helped me cleanup the pad.

Mouse: I didn’t know what to do with a lot of it so I just put it on your desk.
Me: Makes sense. That’s where it’d probably end up anyway. Thanks for helping!
Her: (laughing) Well, thanks for cooking.

Hawk and his girl H came by with two bottles of wine and we all had a fine dinner. I think.

H: He told me how old you were; I didn’t believe it.
Me: I literally look for any excuse to take off my clothes. I’ll take them off now.
Her: (laughs)
Me: No really, I’m serious.

Afterward, we settled down for some board games.

Her: We like Scattergories.
Me: Oh, that was one of Alison’s games. We always meant to play it. I suppose tonight’s as good a night as any.

Mouse and I dug it up and we played it. I could see why Alison liked it. She always loved word games like that and Boggle. Essentially, you have to make up lists of things that begin with random letters.

For “N,” one clue was, “Things you find in a home.”

I just thought of something when the buzzer went off.

Him: What were you going to say?
Me: I was going to take off my clothes so I could write, “Naked Chinese man,” but I ran outta time.

It was a fun night. In some ways, it made me miss the boy more. I want all my friends to meet him because he’s such a joy.

Soon, I hope.

Podcast Version
Location: earlier today, near Penn Station, cleaning off my blood
Mood: ouch
Music: just another lonely night (Spotify)
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Rolling in Brook

Holy guacamole

Chad: If you’re biking there, I can meet you at the Brooklyn Bridge and we can head over there together.
Me: Can we hold hands while we do it?
Him: (scoffing) How else were we gonna do it?

I’ve been working 10-15 hours day on this big project as well as things with Scenic Fights.

Holy guacamole, in 11 days, the video that I mentioned to you earlier got over one million views!

One. Million. Views. In 11 days.

That means that somewhere out there, there are a million people that don’t know me as a writer, or as a lawyer, or as Alison’s husband, or the kid’s father, but rather as a guy that plays around with knives in his free time.

Which I do, but that’s neither here nor there.

Dunno how I feel about that.

I wonder how many of those views are from my mom? I should call my mom.

Since we’re talking about violence, I went to roll with Chad and some friends at another friend’s place. It was the very first time I’d rolled since the last time I told you about it. And it showed.

I was gassed after only the second roll.

Me: (lying on floor)
Him: Who’s free to roll?
Me: (lifting up arm) I am. But, I am not moving. You gotta come to me.
Him: (walking over) That’s just gonna make me mad, Logan.
Me: Goddammit.

The crazy thing is that I biked from my apartment in the UWS, ten miles to the place in Brooklyn, rolled for two hours, and then did the ten mile bike ride back.

Now, to be fair, part of that was with the electric bike turned on. But, most of it was with it off. And I somehow managed to lose a mask, my fave pair of sunglasses, and mess up my bike seat on the ride back.

My legs – and body – were jelly when I got home. Mouse and I had plans later that day, which was dumb. Because I was in no shape to do anything or see anyone.

Her: Are you ok?
Me: Everything hurts.
Her: Do you want me to walk on your back?
Me: God, yes.

There’s more, but I’ll tell you tomorrow.

Podcast Version
Location: earlier today, making beef ribs for a girlie
Mood: busy, busy, busy
Music: already flying through the free fall (Spotify)
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McDonald’s Wars

Pan con tomate

Back when I still ate bread, Alison would make some pan con tomate for us every so often. The first time she ever did, I told her to grab a loaf from the bakery around the way.

Me: Make sure it’s one that has condensation on the plastic.
Her: What? Why?

There are things that I do that might not make any sense to you if you just heard it. But it does to me. Like not letting my kid play tug-of-war, for example. Or avoiding any country that doesn’t have a McDonald’s.

Not because I want to eat McDonald’s – which, let’s admit it, I do – but because the existence of a McDonald’s indicates a relative level of economic and social stability.

In fact, there’s an interesting and related fact: No two countries that have a McDonald’s have ever been at war with each other.

It’s like that M&Ms story I told you about; on the surface, some things I do seem silly, or downright stupid to people that don’t understand why I do what I do. But, I don’t generally care enough to explain myself.

    • I don’t go to doctors that wear ties.
    • I don’t like waiters that don’t write things down.
    • I won’t be friends with someone that cheats on their significant other.
    • I won’t debate anyone that leads with a logical fallacy.
    • I won’t start static with anyone with funny looking ears.

These are just some of the hundreds of random rules I live by that I don’t generally say out loud but keep in my head. Some just keep me from wasting time. Others keep me safe.

I met someone a little while back and she was super attractive, nice, etc.

But she was 20 minutes late and didn’t mention it. At all. At best, that means that she’s rude. At worst, it means that she has no concept of time management. And time is something that we’re all losing at a rate of 24 hours a day.

I’m running outta time to run out of.

Anywho, there are things in the world that I’m seeing that are setting off massive alarms in my head and I hope I’m wrong.

Which isn’t a huge stretch, I’m wrong a lot.

Here, though, I really hope I’m wrong…

Me: It’s an indication of freshness. When it’s old, there’s no condensation because it sat out long enough for it to evaporate. But, if there is condensation – even if it’s cool –  you know it was still recently baked because the condensation didn’t have time to evaporate.

Alison’s pan con tomate
1 loaf of crusty french bread, halved, lengthwise
3 tbsp EVOO
1-2 garlic cloves, smashed and finely chopped
four medium plum tomatoes, cored
Flaky sea salt
Freshly ground black pepper

    • Take the halved loaf and brush it with the EVOO, you’ll have some left.
    • Cut the bread again, so that it’ll fit into your broiler and put it aside.
    • Take the tomatoes and, using a box grater, carefully gate the tomatoes on the side with the biggest holes until you’re left with skin. Toss out the tomato skins.
    • Mix in the garlic and some grinds of black pepper.
    • Put the bread in the broiler on high for two mins or so, should be lightly toasted.
    • Take it out and spoon the tomato mixture over the bread and drizzle what’s left of the EVOO over it. Sprinkle salt over the top.
    • Wait a minute or two before eating; the bread needs just a bit to soak up the tomato juices.

I made that from memory so I hope it’s right. Haven’t had that since the last time she made it for me.

Don’t think I will again.

Podcast Version
Location: earlier today, getting a flu shot from a guy without a tie
Mood: worried
Music: I can be so damn crazy but I know you like it (Spotify)
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