Month: November 2023

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personal

Coming back to the UWS

I’m a (50-something) comeback kid

After having Thanksgiving dinner at my family’s, my brother and his girl came back to our pad for a little bit.

One of my fave places to bring people to eat, pre-COVID, is this tiny little restaurant tucked away above a supermarket in my hood called The 74th Street Cafe.

Mentioned it once to you in passing, over a dozen years ago.

Well, that closed during COVID and it remained closed for the past three years. BUT a few weeks ago, it reopened – so off we went.

It was the first time I’d been there in years. The supermarket sold to new owners a little before the pandemic, so it was both under new management and pretty different looking.

But the food was still top-notch and we lucked out in that it wasn’t particularly packed, despite it being the weekend.

Gotta figure that people were just away for the Thanksgiving holiday maybe.

Her: These fries are great! They have rosemary on them.
Me: I’ll still eat a couple of them.

Another restaurant that I went to with regularity since I first moved here almost three decades ago was a restaurant called La Caridad, which was a Cuban-Chinese restaurant that had been in business since 1968.

The restaurant expanded two decades ago into the restaurant next door to it but, just like the 74th Street Cafe, closed over COVID.

But that just recently reopened as well – also under new management and in a new location – BUT with the same menu that I’d loved all these years.

Things are coming back in the Upper West Side of New York City.

Very different but still substantially similar to their old iterations.

Suppose I can relate.

Her: You didn’t tell me that you had a good Thanksgiving with me. I had to read about it in your blog.
Me: I thought you knew I did.
Her: It’d still be nice to hear.
Me: I had a great Thanksgiving. Thanks for coming.
Her: Thanks for having me.

Location: watching the kid do a double-leg takedown to side-control in the UWS
Mood: accomplished
Music: You can knock me out, you can hold me down. I’m a comeback kid (Spotify)
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Thanksgiving 2023

Quartering an entire turkey

Her: Happy Thanksgiving!
Me: Thank YOU! And SAME! (later) OMG, it’s pre-brined! This is glorious. Thank you so much again!

A few days before Thanksgiving, I actually won a HUGE turkey from a woman who was giving it away; I didn’t think I’d win so I just entered my name for the heck of it.

But, I won it and then had to figure out what to do with it.

Now, in between winning it and entering, I decided to see my mom and sister for Thanksgiving this year, which is the first time I was doing Thanksgiving by them in a while.

For the past six years, I’d been going to my in-laws; and before that, it was Alison and me. So, this year was already gonna be different.

Winning the turkey meant that it was gonna be very different as I found myself quartering an enormous turkey by myself for future meals for the kid and me.

And making broth until 2AM.

Because I knew that my family was gonna have Chinese for Thanksgiving, I braised and then roasted a leg and thigh for the Firecracker and myself, which is what you’re seeing above.

Me: What do you think?
Her: It’s great!
Me: (to son) And you?
Him: It’s ok.
Me: (sighing) Everyone’s a critic.

My brother was in town with his girl and the Firecracker didn’t have any plans so I invited her along with us.

So, to be a good guest, the Firecracker baked that pumpkin pie you see above. Of course, you know, I prefer pie to cake.

She couldn’t do a water bath because she did it in an electric oven but the taste was on point.

We took the train out to see my mom and my sister picked us all up.

Unfortunately, while exiting the car, she slammed the door on my foot – thank goodness I was wearing shoes because it woulda been really bad if I didn’t.

Her: OMG, I’m so so sorry, are you ok?!
Me: Can’t. Talk. Hurts.

Luckily, I was wearing shoes so it was bad but not terrible. I was 90% normal by the next day.

But I was pretty uncomfortable for most of the night, although I tried not to show it.

And alla the absolutely killer food helped for sure.

She and I both loved the fried shrimp you see above as well as the lobster rice, also above.

There was also fish for my brother, who was a vegetarian.

His girl seemed to like everything as well, which was good.

I was really happy to have Peking Duck, since it’s been ages since I last had it, but the Firecracker was already too full from everything else to eat too much of that.

Me: There’s dessert!
Her: I’m so full…
Me: Rookie mistake.

Afterward, my brother, his girl, the Firecracker, and I all headed back to my place for the night.

Spoke to my therapist about it not soon afterward.

Her: Why was this year different?
Me: (thinking) The last time I had Thanksgiving with…someone…
Her: (interrupting) A partner?
Me: (nodding) Yes, yes, a partner. The last time I had Thanksgiving with a partner was with Alison like six years ago. It’s been a long time.
Her: But it was good, right?
Me: Yeah. It really was.

Location: Earlier tonight, walking the kid back home in the freezing cold with him belting out gospel songs down Broadway.
Mood: busy again
Music: I say I’m not visiting cause I’m here to stay (Spotify)
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Proud of the work we do

Korean BBQ at home

My boiler’s been acting up again – I had an emergency appointment the other day because there wasn’t any water in it.

A boiler without water can crack so I shut the whole thing down and called up our old boiler guy, who sent us someone within two hours.

Within three hours, we were back on track.

So, not horrible but not great either.

The Firecracker’s sister and fella live just a few blocks south of us, so we had a kinda pre-thanksgiving get-together with them and their kid.

Because of the Frenchman and his wife’s amazing food the other night, we did our own version of Korean BBQ.

They brought over drinks.

Her: You’re not supposed to eat the cranberries!
Me: (grimacing) Ooooh, waaay too late.

We ate our fill of food and then decided to play a round of Codenames, with couple-vs-couple.

Her: Three [is the clue]. Two words.
Me: (after getting only one word) I’m stumped as to what the second word is. (after the game) OK, which other one was three?
Her: “Trip.”
Me: “Trip?!” Are you on drugs? How is “three” the clue for “trip!?”
Her: “Triple!”
Me: It said “trip,” not “triple.” No one would get that.
BIL: Well, I saw it.
Sister: Yeah, I did too.
Me: (grumble) You’re all clearly insane.

After a few rounds of that, we decided to up the ante a bit with the Firecracker’s BIL and me versus the Firecracker and her sister.

The Firecracker and her sister won both rounds BUT only by a single point.

Me: I’m not sure this is really a huge win. After all, you two have know each other more than 30 years while he and I only met like four months ago.
Her: But we still beat you.
Him: By a much smaller margin than I would have expected.
Sister: But we still won.

It was a fun night.

We’ll most likely do it again.

Oh, the kid got his first new belt in BJJ. I was thrilled.

Him: Are you proud of me?
Me: Of course I am, kid. But more importantly, are you proud of yourself?
Him: Yes. I worked really hard.
Me: Then that’s the most important thing. You gotta be proud of the work you do in life.

Location: Earlier tonight, the Bronx, looking at trains.
Mood: exhausted
Music: gonna twist your game, raise the stakes (Spotify)
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His First Concert

We’ll see

There’s a band that my kid likes called Kidz Bop – really, it’s just random kids that sing clean covers of current and older pop songs.

While walking past the Beacon Theatre the other day, the kid noticed that they were gonna play in town this month.

Him: Can we go, can we go?!
Me: Money doesn’t grow on trees, you know.
Him: PLEASE!?
Me: We’ll see.

 

I figured that I’d let the Firecracker be the deciding vote. If she and her kid didn’t wanna go, I wasn’t gonna go – the tickets were at least $120 each so it was a pricey gift for them.

Her: I’m not sure [my kid] will wanna go, BUT we can try.
Me: Really?
Her: Sure! This will be the first concert for both of them.

Considering how much fun they had on the Disney cruise – including the live music – I figured we’d be ok.

Once we made it into the theatre, the kid bounded up the steps. He was so excited.

We settled into our seats and I figured that we would have room to stretch out.

Her: Oh, no – this whole thing was sold out pretty quickly.
Me: You’re kidding me.
Her: Nope. Some people really love their kids.
Me: Seems that way.

She was right; the whole joint was packed – there wasn’t an empty seat in the house, including on the main Orchestra level, which I think was going for at least $400 a ticket.

Nuts.

Well, my kid was thrilled; her kid was pretty bored by the whole thing. He’s not really into music but he was definitely a good sport about it all.

But my kid was dancing and singing in the aisles – that’s him in the middle singing his little heart out.

Me? I was a little less enthused.

But, at the end of the day, he had a blast. And I think the Firecracker’s son, while not nearly as interested, enjoyed the next experience.

Him: Aw, why does it have to end?
Me: All good things must end.
Him: Is that true?
Me: Unfortunately, yes. But that’s a good thing, because it makes you value these kinda things.
Him: I guess. (thinking) Can we go again next year?
Me: We’ll see, kid. We’ll see.

Location: My kitchen, making turkey stock
Mood: busy
Music: Last Friday night, yeah, we danced on tabletops (Spotify)
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A Hidden Find

The Irish Hunger Memorial

Me: (hobbling home after a workout and groaning the whole time)
Her: You’re really selling this, “Look at me, I’m so young for 50” thing.
Me: I need a nap.

The Firecracker and I were trying to figure what we could do to entertain both kids when we decided to take a long bike/scooter ride down the West Side Greenway to Battery Park City.

We ended up at the Rockefeller Park Playground for a few hours where the kids had fun…

Me: (watching him start playing with some new kids) Man, this kid can be friends with anyone.
Her: That is impressive.

…and the Firecracker and I continued with some stupid human tricks.

Her: I want a cuppa coffee. Do you want some?
Me: It’s getting late. Can I just get some of yours?
Her: Fiiine.

Afterward, I ended up going to the coffee shop myself to use their restroom when I passed the Irish Hunger Memorial.

I’d read about it in Times a little while back and saw a quick little video on CBS Sunday Morning on it.

This isn’t it but you get the point.

I thought about Alison, who was fiercely proud of being both Irish and Italian, as well as the time I went to Boston and saw the Irish famine artwork there.

It was a quiet and peaceful place and, weirdly, it really does make you feel like you’re somewhere else. Now, I’ve never been to Ireland before but I can picture it looking similar.

Took this with my phone and it’s way overexposed. Sorry.

Sometimes, I wonder how Chinese and how American this kid will be. And will he have any interest in the Irish and Italian sides of himself?

I’d love for him to be able to speak Chinese, though. Unfortunately, my Chinese is so crappy, I avoid speaking Chinese to him but maybe I should just do it.

Although, at the end of the day, he’ll be whomever he’s supposed to be, I suppose.

Me: Are you listening to the Backstreet Boys?
Him: (stops singing) Yeah, I like this song.
Me: Where on earth do you find these songs?
Him: (shrugging) I dunno. (starts singing again)
Me: (shrugging also and join him)

 

Location: Two different supermarkets, trying to bake some pumpkin pies
Mood: fat
Music: Looking back on the things I’ve done, I was trying to be someone (Spotify)
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A night of stupid human tricks

Silver and Gold

Forgot to put up pictures of the cooked purple sweet potatoes (on the left) and the regular purple potatoes (on the right); the sweet potatoes tasted a bit mediciney while the purple regular potato tasted exactly like a regular potato.

I bought a bunch so I’ll keep messing around to see what I might be able to do with them.

The Frenchman invited us to his pad the other night for hot pot.

Me: We’re in! What should we bring?
Him: Awesome. Food-wise, I’m covered.
Me: I can bring an assortment of sticks and knives?

The Firecracker and I brought our respective kids as well, so it was a full house.

The Firecracker never had hot pot until this past summer with my college friends, so I told her that this was a Japanese version of it, which she was excited to try.

Now, the Frenchman is half Japanese so he did a bang-up job with everything, making a hot pot version of Chanko Nabe, which is a special type of Japanese soup that was designed for sumo wrestlers to gain weight.

Her: Wow, that looks so great!
Me: I’m particularly excited for alla the mushrooms.
Her: Me too!

The cool thing that no one realized was that it was the Frenchman’s birthday just a few days later so his wife Tess ended up turning it into a surprise birthday party – the Firecracker and I felt honored that we were invited.

Afterwards, we got to know some of his other guests – some of them, he’s known for over 25 years, which is pretty impressive.

Like that old poem: Make new friends, but keep the old; Those are silver, these are gold.

They’re both in finance so their apartment’s view was full-on gorgeous.

The food was so amazing that we stuffed ourselves silly. At the very least, I did.

Now, I brought a six-pack of beer to go with dinner and the Firecracker brought a bottle of rose. However, considering that I drank five bottles of the six-pack and the Firecracker drank several glasses of wine, we essentially showed up with drinks for ourselves.

It also meant that, after several hours of eating and drinking, I started doing some stupid human tricks.

Now, the Frenchman is super athletic – we met in our gym, after all – and I mentioned that the ability to sit and stand without the use of one’s hands is an indicator of overall health and strength.

Well, we went one step further and did this drill I did in my 20s, which is sitting down, hugging your knees, shooting a foot out, holding that foot/ankle with your hand, and then standing up with one single leg, all while never allowing your held foot to touch the ground.

I had eaten – and drank – waaaaaay too much that night and kept falling down.

Me: Welp, honey, looks like this may be the first and last time we’re ever invited over.
Her: (laughs)

But the very next day, in the park with the Firecracker and our kids, I tried it again and was able to do it every single time – AND I have video proof of it.

I’m sure I’ll find ways to embarrass the boy even more as he gets older.

But more on that in another entry.

 

Location: earlier today, my kid’s gym, watching him get his first coloured belt
Mood: tired
Music: probably with that blonde girl who always made me doubt (Spotify)
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Purple (Potato) Eater

Unlimited food and Listerine

Me: 10 mins to next train!
Her: Boo!

Been on a different quest lately, this time to find purple sweet potatoes – that is to say, purple fleshed sweet potatoes, versus just purple skinned sweet potatoes.

I’d been searching for it for a while now, including at various green markets throughout the city, but it’s almost always the purple skinned but white fleshed variety.

With that said, after leaving the gym this past Saturday, it was a 10-minute wait until the next train, so I decided to look around for paw-paws.

No paw-paws were to be found BUT I came across this tiny little sign on a small table with purple potatoes and grabbed a few pounds of it.

With that in hand, I decided to continue looking for the paw-paws when I came across some Adirondak Blue potatoes from Cornell University.

Me: Are these sweet potatoes or just regular potatoes?
Him: Just regular ones. (long pause) Except they’re purple.
Me: Noted.

These I’d never heard of, so I picked up some of these as well.

Him: I dunno. One out of ten?
Me: (shaking head) No, man. It’s one outta three.
Him: GTFOH.
Me: (shaking head) For real, man.

Alison’s sickness has had a profound effect on me as a parent.

The reason why I’ve been searching for things like purple sweet potatoes is their amazing health benefits – particularly because those that eat it as a staple carbohydrate often life to 100.

I cannot tell you how many times during a week that I meet people that think that I live a particularly rigorous life, when it comes to diet and exercise but what is now normal for most Americans.

But the normal American diet and lifestyle means that one outta three people will get cancer in their lifetime.

That’s just insane. That means, outta a group of a dozen friends FOUR will get cancer in their life.

So, I do what I can so that the kid’s lifestyle is as anti-cancer as I can make it.

Nuthin’s guaranteed in life but I’m trying to do whatever I can to make this kid’s life better.

He’s my treasure, after all.

Hopefully, his seeing me drink predominately green tea and eat things like purple sweet potatoes and head to the gym four times a week will have a lasting effect on his own choices.

That is, of course, if they actually like it.

Me: What do you think?
Him: (makes a face) I don’t like it.
Me: (to Firecracker) What about you? What do you think?
Her: I dunno. It has an aftertaste of…Listerine?
Me: Wha?! I don’t taste that all. You’re crazy. (much later) OK, I taste it now.
Her: See! I told you! Listerine!
Me: (grumble) Lemme think about this…

The kid(s) have been talking about going on another cruise non-stop.

Honestly, I kinda wanna retire completely just so I can go on cruises indefinitely.

Great views, unlimited food, exotic locales, unlimited food, instant vacations, unlimited food…

Really, what more could one ask for?

Location: this evening, sitting on at playground, hearing a teacher at a French school talk about the wild horses in Chincoteague, Virginia
Mood: sore
Music: It’s a hunger that never ends, it’s an urge you can’t comprehend (Spotify)
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Date night!

A stellar night

Me: I just realized that the kid has a party tonight from 6:30 to 9PM, do you wanna…
Her: Date night!

A few months ago, I got an email from my kid’s school on a Monday that there was a movie night they were having that week. Figured that I had plenty of time for it so I didn’t bother buying a ticket until Thursday but, by then, everything was already sold out.

Had to scramble and write several parents to see if anyone had a spare tix. After a few hours of trying, managed to snag one from my friend Debbie – told myself that the NEXT time the kid’s school was having a party, I’d buy the ticket immediately.

Well, that happened a coupla weeks ago and I totally forgot that the kid had his school party this past Friday.

Turns out, he did too.

Him: There’s a party tonight? Whose birthday is it?
Me: (laughing) It’s not a birthday party, kid. It’s your school.
Him: Really!? Yay!

I happened to already be dressed up in a suit for work, so I dropped off the kid and met up with the Firecracker at a joint I’d never been to before and not far from the kid’s school.

Told her I was in a suit so she showed up dressed to the nines as well.

Me: Whoa!
Her: You like?
Me: Heck, yeah! You look amazeballs!

We stayed there for a while, playing a game of question and answer, but soon…

Me: I’m hungry.
Her: It’s past your (eating) time (for intermittent fasting).
Me: (shrugging) I’m drinking so I’m already breaking it.

Was really in the mood for sushi so we ended up an Asian restaurant not too far from the first bar.

We got more drinks…

…and I got a plate of deep-fried shrimp.

Afterward, we went together to pick up the kid.

Me: I’m still in the mood for sushi.
Her: You want to stop by a restaurant?
Me: Nah, I’ll just pick up some from [the local supermarket].

So, I did just that and ate even more.

When it comes to parenting, that’s what I’d call a stellar night.

Stellar.

 

Location: late this afternoon, the Irish Hunger Memorial
Mood: sore
Music: How I hate to spend the evening on my own (Spotify)
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I, the doctor?

My quixotic quest for paw-paws

Been having this peculiar Baader-Meinhof moment with alla those paw-paw fruits that I got a month ago.

I’ve been noticing the tropical variants on sale everywhere – the three below I got while getting some suits tailored in Chinatown with my usual guy.

The big one in the middle is a cherimoya while the two on the side are sweetsops or sugar apples.

Gotta say, the sugar apple version was pretty amazeballs with so much sugar in them that there were actually sugar crystals in the fruit itself, which was both weird and cool.

The cherimoya was definitely good and tasted a lot like the paw paw although slightly less banana-like.

Her: I like this one better – it’s less banana-y.
Me: What are you, a Communist?

Also found some sour sops in Queens when I visited my mom – I’d never had them before and was tempted to buy them but I figured I’d blown enough scratch on my quixotic quest for paw-paws.

Speaking of my family’s home, went to see my mom for her birthday the other day but she was stuck at work, so I didn’t even get to see her.

At least last time I saw her for 20 minutes.

But the kid and I did get to spend some time with his cousins as well as my sister, which was nice.

No one could pick us up from the train station so we ended up taking the bus from Manhattan to literally two blocks from their house. It wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it would be BUT the bus itself was 30 minutes late, so that was annoying.

We did take the train home though.

I find that we spend an inordinate amount of time planning on leaving and then leaving the city.

And yet, we always come back.

Me: Would you ever wanna move, kid?
Him: No. I would miss my friends too much.
Me: You could always make new friends.
Him: I suppose.
Me: (laughing) We could always just stay here.
Him: It’s our home!
Me: Yes, yes it is.

The Firecracker cut open her head pretty badly the other night.

She was gonna go to the ER when I convinced her that I could patch her up with some Hibiclens and Crazy Glue.

She was a bit hesitant but I asked her to trust me. After all, I’ve done it to myself a dozen times or so.

But she did and I patched her up. A week later, most of the Crazy Glue had broken off and the super deep gash on her head was completely gone. Barely a scar.

Hmm, I wonder if my brother shoulda been the lawyer and I, the doctor?

Location: the kid’s room, asking why there are always pencils everywhere
Mood: super beat
Music: I see you; do you see me? (Spotify)
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Lonely Private Passages

Wanting but not needing

Her: Don’t miss me too much.
Me: I can’t promise that.
Her: Good answer.

I’ve always daydreamed about living someplace completely different, like Oregon or Washington state. But the weather in NYC’s been more like Seattle these days in that it’s been raining pretty consistently; I think there was rain on every weekend we had for three months or so.

But the weather was pretty nice the other day so the Firecracker, the kid, and I took a bike and scooter ride down the West Side Greenway to the Clinton Cove Lawn just to enjoy the weather.

The kid wanted to run around on the grass and decided to just walk up to a family playing soccer and ask if he could joint them. They laughed and said, “Sure!”

Her: I’m impressed how he can just make friends. I was never able to do that.
Me: Hopefully, it’s something he’ll always be able to do.

Afterward we ended walking past the Private Passage sculpture – neither the kid nor the Firecracker had seen it before.

Her: It’s a little home!
Me: It’s supposed to be a ship cabin. (to kid) Can you imagine using the bathroom in a little home like this?
Him: Nooooo!

Read recently that loneliness is one of the most damaging things to happen to someone because humans are such social creatures.

Think I became acclimated to my loneliness as a child and find I enjoy being by myself most days. After all, solitary trees – if they grow at all – grow strong.

But I like having just a few people, like the kid and the Firecracker, to spend time with.

If I want to be with people, though, I have that option. And I hope the kid has it as well.

The hope is that he will want to be social at times, but not need it.


On that note, the Firecracker did manage to have some time to ourselves while the kids were both away for a bit.

Me: What about happy hour near us?
Her: Sure!

Crazy, but one of my videos – the one below – just hit 20 million views.

Friend: That’s more than two New York Cities!

Crazy…

Location: a super long bus ride from Manhattan to my family’s home
Mood: tired
Music: never wanted to be famous, I only do it for me (Spotify)
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