Reliably unreliable
Was supposed to see A-SIL our in NJ today, but the weather was just gross so we just all stayed in, although my brother did come by because he’s in town from Cali.
It’s just as well, we’re all feeling run down around here.
Me: Are you sick?
Her: I dunno. I just feel like I’m fighting off something.
Me: Same. I don’t feel sick per se, I just feel…rough.
Think I said a dozen times just in this blog that the trait that I find the most attractive is kindness.
So, it logically follows that unkindness is the most unattractive quality, at least to me.
Before Alison, I once briefly dated a wealthy lawyer. She was attractive and very nice to me.
Just…not to everyone else.
She was rude and curt to waitstaff, always late to everything, and never – ever – did what she promised she’d do. Not for me or anyone else.
She was reliably unreliable.
One day, a rude event on an escalator followed by another one to a waiter in a restaurant was enough.
When we broke up, I remember Cappy asked me why and I remember saying, “Attractive is temporary, douchebag is forever. She was a douchebag.”
When we broke up, her sister – a successful lawyer in her own right and whose personality I liked more than hers, actually – told me that she and her husband would buy me a new Porsche if I reconsidered.
Remember telling them, “I’d rather have a Metrocard and be alone, than have a Porsche and be with her.”
Because, at some point, you just tired of making excuses – to yourself and others – for someone’s poor behaviour. It’s exhausting.
It was with her that I came up with the term, “Something a lot like love.” Cause, at one point, I really thought I loved her as she was attractive, smart, successful, and nice – but only to me, which wasn’t enough.
But I obviously didn’t love her, because I left her.
And I never once regretted it.
Bring this up for two reasons:
The first is that I’m so regularly pleasantly surprised with just how kind Sara is, along with all of her other good points.
I honestly don’t think that character trait can be overstated enough when it comes to just having a life partner.
Because looks and so many things can go away and, in the end, you’re stuck with who they are deep down inside.
Who Sara is is just as nice on the inside as she is on the outside.
There’s a second reason, though, which is that a whole raft of people from my past have been making reappearances in some fashion in my life and I’m reminded about how much I value this trait because some of the reappearances were very kind while others were less so.
But this is already a longer entry than I had expected it to be, so I’ll wrap it up in the next one.
Location: wet and gross NYC
Mood: cough cough
Music: all over everybody seems unkind (Spotify)
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One reply on “Unkindness, Pt 1”
[…] Like I said, a buncha people from my past have been making a reappearance in my life, in a manner of speaking – either they actually have or I thought about them, which I’d probably not done in a while. […]