I have a theory
Me: Lemme tell you this joke I heard once.
Her: OK, whacha got?
Me: A genie appears to this fella one day and says, “I’ll give you a $1 million but only if the person you hate most in the world gets $2 million.” Before the genie can even finish, the guy says, “Done!” And the genie goes, “I’m surprised you agreed so quickly.” And the man shrugged and said, “Why wouldn’t I want $3 million?”
We all have these secret and semi-secret beliefs that we keep to ourselves or share only with a select few.
For example, my friends in real life know that I believe that people don’t eat nearly enough fermented foods and that a hallmark of what it means to be human is empathy.
These are the kinda things that either one:
-
- doesn’t normally bring up in everyday conversation, or
- shouldn’t bring up in everyday conversation.
But recently, Hunter Biden said something that I’ve believed for years decades, which is that the most bigoted and angry conservative politicians that vote against LGBTQ+ rights are secretly closeted homosexuals that are deeply unhappy.
And it’s their internalized struggles that cause them shame and manifest in angry obscene rhetoric and homophobic policies against the LGBTQ+ community.
So, personally, I’ve always had this theory that, the more homophobic you are, the more likely it is that you’re gay yourself and just hate yourself for it.
Time-and-time again, we’ve seen things that seem to bear this out.
I mean, the number of examples we have are ridic:
- The fact that whenever there’s a large conservative meeting, there’s always an uptick in Grindr – a gay dating/hookup site – activity in that area.
- The number of formerly anti-gay crusaders like John Smid, the leader of a homosexual conversion group that ended up marrying another male pastor like himself.
- Ken Mehlman: The former chairman of the Republican National Committee, and manager of George W. Bush’s 2004 presidential campaign, heavily touted anti-same-sex marriage initiatives to bring out the vote. In 2010, he publicly came out as gay.
- Roy Ashburn: A California State Senator that never met an anti-gay rights legislation he didn’t like. But, the same year as Ken Melman, he too came out after being arrested for a DUI while leaving a gay nightclub with another fella.
- Randy Boehning: A North Dakota State Representative who also never missed a vote denying any rights to the LGBTQ+ community. He was outed in 2015 after a man he was messaging on Grindr released unsolicited explicit photos Boehning sent him.
- Ed Schrock: A US Rep from Virginia who co-sponsored the Federal Marriage Amendment to ban same-sex marriage. He dropped outta politics in 2004 after an activist leaked audio recordings of Schrock trying to solicit sex from men.
Those are just politicians. There are so many other examples.
If I listed them all, we’d be here all day.
Legit, every time I hear someone talking about how much they hate this person or that group, I always think: This dude probably wishes he was that person or in that group.
I think that so much of the misery of the world today comes from self-loathing.
There’s no way you can tell me the orange pedo and Musk don’t – deep and not so deep down – hate themselves.
Because they had awful parents and awful parents create awful kids.
I think so much of the world would be better if there were just better parents who loved their kids no matter what or who they are.
Even if they’re inveterate liars.
Man, Billy and Gertrude really knew what they were talking about when they said, The lady doth protest too much, methinks.
For me, there’s at least one person whose side, I am always on.
Here’s hoping that he’ll be better at being human than I.
Him: Can we video chat?
Me: Oh man, papa’s got…you know what? Sure. But let’s keep it to 10 minutes, ok?
Him: OK!
Location: a downpour, right outside of a hotdog joint
Mood: hot and sticky
Music: I hear the words I’ve spoken and everything comes out wrong (Spotify)
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