Category: personal

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personal

Marathon

Learning about the Mad Beast

The NY Marathon was this past Sunday. A marathon is 26.2 miles, which is about 26 more miles than I can run.

Bumped into someone from a while ago at a party on Saturday who’s a runner. I can’t relate to it because I find it painfully boring but she says she does it cause she loves it.

Then Sunday, I went to a celebratory thingy at 3PM at my local dive bar. Paul’s friend, Runaround Sue, ran the marathon in under four hours. That’s her in the pic above asking a DJ to play better music a few weeks back.

I’ve been so busy with the drama, I haven’t run myself. I keep thinking I’ll hit the road and never come back.

Just a dream.

———-

I saw GES this past weekend for another brunch. That may become our thing. Brunch on the weekend.

She runs too. I must be missing something.

———-

I’m meeting a lot of teachers these days.

Her: You never heard of the shiz? What about mad beast?
Me: You do realize I’m 34, right? (pause) Could you use it in a sentence?
Her: (thinking) Well, one student said, Yo Miss, you can’t give us all that mad beast homework. All the cool kids use it.
Me: Ah, there’s your problem right there; I’ve never been cool.
Her: Ever?
Me: Around 2004 I thought I might be cool but then I decided it was just something I ate.

Location: 6AM yest, in bed pretending it’s 7AM
Mood: puzzled
Music: I wanna be like you, just as strong as you are

Categories
business dating personal

Everything

My GPS lies to me, but otherwise, all is good

Spent the day running around Connecticut, Westchester, and then stuck for two hours on the Cross Bronx Expressway – the GPS said it would take 22 minutes. It took 2.5 hours.

Damn lying GPS.

Was rushing back because I had a church function to attend. Eventually I got there and did my thing.

Somehow, two girls and I got onto the topic of dating and I told them that I had a mental block about meeting and dating someone from church. I just feel that’s sleazy somehow.

For some reason, they thought that was the one place I should be looking to meet someone.

Huh.

I then went home and got a call from a pretty lady and met her for a quick drink.

Quite a day.

———-

Got a few emails and comments from people saying they felt bad for me. Thanks much, but don’t feel bad for me, please.

I’m good. God gave me everything.

Location: One hour ago, getting a kiss on Columbus
Mood: exhausted
Music: God gave me everything I want; I can’t stop

Categories
business personal

Pretty Card

No one else to send it to

So it appears that none of the postcards I sent was received by the people to whom I sent it. I honestly wrote everyone that sent me an address.

I then gave them all to the two clerks at the Hotel New York in Rotterdam and had them mail it – they ran my Amex.

Bastards.

When I’m in a better place, I’ll ask you to resend me your addys and I’ll send you an NYC postcard.

Him: (pointing to this card) There’s just an address on this one, sir.
Me: It’s for someone that doesn’t know I still think of her. But I thought she’d like it.
Him: Doesn’t she know your handwriting?
Me: Oddly enough, no.
Him: (politely) It’s a pretty card, perhaps you can send it to someone else?
Me: (laughing) I’ve no one else to send it to.

Was locked outta my apartment for four hours yesterday, which was just plain awful. However, I did see GES yesterday for a 45-minute coffeebreak.

That was rather nice.

Location: 19:00 yest, in an office wondering what I’ve done
Mood: determined
Music: The day’s still ashes and wine

Categories
personal

Happy Halloween

And so and now Somena

Went to a Halloween party I went to with Cain last Wednesday. Had to carry him home. So he had a great time.

Don’t know about you, but when I like a song, I listen to it a million times. Then, whenever I hear that song again, I think about that period in my life.

I listened to The National singing, And so and now I’m sorry I missed you – I had a secret meeting in the basement of my brain all the time during the fall of last year. I remember I kept thinking of my ex. I almost never think of her any more. Weird how that works.

I met my very good friend Somena a year ago on Halloween. She was a librarian. Who says you can’t have meaningful relationships from people you meet in bars? She liked to listen to Secret Meeting and pretend she was a spy.

I’d never tell her but, late at night, on those long walks home, I do the same thing.

Like I said, Venn Diagrams…

Location: 15:30-20:24, locked outta my #$#$@#$! apartment
Mood: just plain irritated
Music: Didn’t anybody tell you how to gracefully disappear in a room?

Categories
personal

Venn Diagrams

People enter and leave our lives like Venn Diagrams

Was talking to GES this past Sunday about Venn Diagrams.

You see, people walk around the world like 3D Venn Diagrams: we’re all in our own little worlds. Strangers, friends, family, lovers, acquaintances – all, for better or for worse, enter into your little world, do their little bit, and then leave.

Some people stay, some go. Sometimes they do something nice. Sometimes they rob you blind and leave you wondering if there’s someplace you could sell a kidney and how much you could get for it.

And sometimes they write you tell you everything’s gonna be alright.

Thanks for that last one.

Now…does anyone know the going rate on a kidney?

———-

Here’s Fiest again (with members of the National, more on that tomorrow), playing a guitar and reminding me of those teenage hopes.

Location: 16:45 yest, the 66th St. Post Office, waiting
Mood: grateful
Music: Sleepless long nights That was what my youth was for

Categories
personal

No Chance

 

I’m at my parents and my father’s playing a sad song on the harmonica. He’s never had a lesson in the piano or the harmonica in his life.

But he can sit down in front of either and just break your heart.

Went with Cain, Paul, and Paul’s roomie to a costume party on Saturday. I was gonna go as Kato but I couldn’t find a hat.

Him: Just wear what you wore last year.
Me: What if I run into someone from last year?
Him: (exasperated) Dude, it’s a totally different party, there’s no chance of you running into someone from last year.

I ran into two people from last year. How embarrassing.

Oh…like I really care.

 

Like last Sunday, I woke up just in time to meet the pretty green-eyed schoolteacher (GES) for brunch. We walked all over the UWS again, to the East Side, then back and finished up with some sodas in a Columbia cafe – five hours. We actually saw two weddings in Central park – one was of a Chinese couple and I said gong xi (congrats) to them. The bride smiled at me.

The weather was just as I like it: cold, clear and crisp.

Her: Man, we walked so much, I’m going to sleep so well tonight.
Me: Lucky you.
Her: (puzzled) You won’t?
Me: (shaking head) I never do.

Location: 20:15 yest, asking someone in church to pray for me
Mood: resigned
Music: Babe, I’ll walk the seven seas when I believe that

Categories
business personal

Regular Job

I’d rather it this way than have a regular life

…ain’t gon’ follow no footsteps I’m making my own…

I think you read me because you find my life interesting. Without a hint of arrogance or pride, I can tell you I find my life interesting.

Every time I write something, I think, man, no one’s gonna believe this.

But I write about what happens. And I know why these things – good (dates, tv shows, random meetings, free trips to Europe) and bad (dates, car accidents, insomnia, robberies), keep happening.

Because I keep trying. I keep pushing. I keep thinking I’m someone.

It is better to try and fail greatly then never try at all. And I fail all the time. Health, wealth, relationship. Every one of them is a failure – I got my arm torn out trying to fight; I got robbed of all the money I’ve made in 34 years; and the last one? You know…

And stupidly, I keep trying. Because I asked for all this.

Y’ever listen to 8 Mile by Eminem? There’re these lines that go:

don’t got enough pep The pressure’s too much man,
I’m just tryin to do what’s best
And I try, sit alone and I cry
Yo I won’t tell no lie, not a moment goes by
That I don’t pray to the sky, please I’m beggin you God
Please don’t let me be pigeon holed in no regular job

 

When I was a kid, I told God I never wanted a regular life. And it’s like He laughed and said, You got it, kid – but everything’s got a price.

Sometimes I think I should have just married No 3 and worked in that law firm and had my 2.5 kids by now. Bought myself a red Porsche. When I started to find out about everything, that’s one of the first things I thought of (the life, not the Porsche).

I think I’d rather it be this way then be stuck in a regular job. A regular life.

I’m a man, I’ma make a new plan
Time for me to just stand up, and travel new lands
Time for me to just take matters in my own hands
Once I’m over these tracks, man I’ma never look back

 

The thing that just about broke me, was when I had to tell my parents. My mom worries so. And my father? I think I’m like every son, I just want him to be proud of me.

But he told me to keep daring greatly. Cause he did. It’s what we do, he said, you have to keep trying. I would only be disappointed in you if you stopped trying.

I nodded and stammered in my crappy, crappy, Chinese, I will.

Location: 19:46, having diet ice cream@79th & Amsterdam
Mood: heartbroken
Music: I got every ingredient, all I need is the courage

Categories
personal

I don’t see why

Someone stole every penny I had

 

Well, I suppose I should tell you what happened now that things have settled a bit.

Someone stole every penny I ever made. Six figures. Gone. I have 11.62 to my fine name.

But I think I’ll be ok. I’ll survive.

It’s what I do.

————

Was thinking about the curly-haired girl recently. I haven’t seen her in a month or so and I don’t think I will.

But I thought about a conversation we had the last time I saw her.

Her: So I don’t see why you’re still single.
Me: I’m really good at hiding the crazy until about the third or fourth date.
Her: Ah, (slowly nodding) good to know…

It all seems so unreal. Unfortunately, it’s all true.

Location: 20:00 yest, on 32d btw 8th and 9th
Mood: completely sotted
Music: feeling lonely I had a life to give many dreams to live

Categories
business personal

Boys do make passes

Men do like women that wear glasses, Dorothy

I submit that Dorothy Parker was wrong.

I have a new female roommate – like the last two, she’s stunning. Also like the other two, she’s off limits to me. Mainly because I’m not a creep.

However, she hung out with me, Paul and Cain the other night:

Her: Really? No way…
Me: It’s true. (turning to Paul and Cain) What do you guys think?
Paul: Glasses, definitely.
Cain: Glasses.
Me: (turning back to her) See. We love that. Men also love them because chicks can toss them off all sexy-like. You just can’t do that with contacts. I mean you could…but that’d just be weird.

Location: 19:30 yest, driving through Central Park
Mood: sad
Music: I love the way you say, good morning

Categories
dating personal

Hug or Handshake?

On a first date, do you do the hug or handshake?

Me: Hi there. (pause) Ah, the awkward, Hug or handshake?
Her: (smiling) I’ll give you the hug.

Because of the craziness of various things in my personal/business life, I’ve not been dating at all. But, as I said yesterday, on Sunday I met up with a pretty green-eyed school teacher for a cup of coffee and we had the best time – the weather was killer and we just walked about the neighborhood. It was probably the most relaxed I’d been in while.

For a few hours at least, I forgot about my worries. I’m supposed to see her again this week.

It’s funny, even in my darkest hours, I can still find ways to distract myself with utter randomness. Case in point, I was queuing in the bank the other day:

Female Teller 1: (handing me receipt) Is there anything else?
Me: Yeah, (pointing to Female Teller 2) What’s her name?
Both: Lisa
Me: (turning to Female Teller 2) Hello, Lisa.

All three of us laughed and then I politely excused myself. The rest of the week sucked but I live for the weekend and these random bits of entertainment.

That and the blue sky, of course.

Location: 20:00 yest., on the 7 train, coming home
Mood: concerned
Music: rescue me lemme have a good time