Categories
personal

Bit Player

Talking with my mom about the situation.

Her: Are you worried?
Me: (nodding) Yes.
Her: Don’t be scared. Are you scared?
Me: (nodding) Yes.
Her: But you’re gonna be alright, right?
Me: (lying) Yes.
Her: (satisfied) God will take care of you.

Here’s my fear. What if I’m the bit player?

Take the story of Job. The story is that he suffered, but through his suffering, he lived the remainder of his life in happiness. So it worked out, in the end, somehow for him.

But one of the reasons he suffered was because his kids all died. They were the bit players in Job’s story. It didn’t work out for them at all. We don’t even know their names or anything about them. Nothing.

Maybe my rotten luck is just for the benefit of some greater thing. I dunno. I’m going to the doctor for the fifth time tomorrow for something I’ve not mentioned yet because…my life’s already so insane.

I keep wondering if it’s the lions’ turn to win.

The worst part of it all is that my mom’s so worried already. I can’t tell you how that makes me feel.

Location: 20:00 yest, leaving office hating life
Mood: indescribable
Music: On silver stars I wish and wish and wish (Spotify)

Categories
personal

Bello

More random meetings

It’s pretty safe to say I’ve been on a plane over 200 times in my life. Each time I secretly hope to sit next to a beautiful female stranger. I never have.

Until early last Thursday morning.

My name’s Logan, I said. Che cosa? she asked.

She spoke almost no English. Of course. So, after a bit, I decided to have a real-life IM with her. I typed out sentences on my phone and she read them and answered slowly. Her name was Roberta. She was going to see Niagara Falls (Cascata) with her family who were sitting somewhere else. We passed an hour chatting back and forth.

When we arrived I said goodbye and started my work in Buffalo.

Late that night, I caught the last flight to New York. And there she was. I never thought I’d see her again. She waved to me and as she walked over, I laughed and took out my phone. She too was only there for a day. The cascata was bello, she said, but way too freddo.

Her: How old you?
Me: Guess.
Her: 24?
Me: (shaking head) No, 34.
Her: Wow.
Me: How old are you?
Her: Guess.
Me: 24?
Her: (shaking head) No, diciotto (18).

I laughed and said, Of course you are. She didn’t understand and just nodded.

Then I stopped again said, “I hope you stay good and that Life is kind to you.” Maybe I said that because I knew she wouldn’t understand. She looked at me with a puzzled smile so I smiled back and said slowly, Goodbye, Roberta.

Arriverderci, Logan, she said.

I nodded and walked outta JFK and hopped into a car. Had another weekend, another story, but that’s for another time.

Funny, airports are such sad and happy places at the same time.

Location: 10:45 yest, 9th Street & Ave A
Mood: thoughtful
Music: We tried to find some words

Categories
personal

Sue and the King

Location: 14:00 yest, being poked on 33rd & Lex
Mood: stressed
Music: its bad in December When they play those Christmas songs

By the time you read this, I should be about here.

An ex popped into my head today on the drive home. She’s happily living in London with her new fella. I told her two summers ago that I would take a picture of my place and send it to her since it changed so much and she couldn’t picture it. I never got around to it.

I always think of her around this time because we traveled together for the holidays. She and I got along great but it just wasn’t right.

I really should take that pic of my apartment and email it to her but I never do. It’s kinda nice at times when people pop into your head for no reason – like they stopped by for a cup of tea or something.

Me: Stay, stay…just for a bit. I have Earl Grey and something sweet.
Her: OK, just for a bit.

I miss her; not so much the romance part but the friend part. I think that’s what I always miss with every ex.

This song makes me laugh but the King was right, few things are as good as Susan when she tried.

Categories
personal

2008

Location: 19:00 yest, cleaning out the fridge
Mood: weird
Music: oh, you don’t do me in siren song; yeah, anyone would drown

Hazel, Paul and I went to three, very different, parties last night. The first was near me with the most amazing views and the nicest folk. The above pic was from the party. I met a museum curator with a nice laugh and got to know the hostess, a sweetheart from church, a bit better. The crowds were maddening.

The second was in a 14th Street loft that was pitch-black, loud and not my scene. There, I ran into a girl I met randomly once. It turns out I kissed her friend. Super small world. I met a girl from Connecticut who drew me a picture. At the strike of midnight, I realized I was by myself again.

The third was in the financial district with some old friends – the best kind, yeah? Clark, a buddy from law school was there. He’s a MUCH better cook than me and taught me how to make the best baked brie and love Tabasco on anything. I wish I was sober enough to remember more.

Called it a night at 4AM. On the train ride home, I had a sotted discussion with a nice young couple

Her: We’ve been together eight years.
Me: Eight years? Why don’t you two lock it down?
Her: Because marriage is just a concept. What does it do?
Me: It keeps you from meeting a guy a like me, maybe.
Him: (laughing) You seem a like a nice enough guy.
Me: And that’s where you’re both wrong. (to guy) Lock her down. ‘fore she meets a fella like me. Don’t let my drunken charm fool either of you.

It’s true.

2008. Here’s hoping it’s less interesting but more fun.

Come with? Y’know you wanna…

Categories
personal

Happy New Year!

(c) Nadya Mittenhat
Him: There’s no place like New York City.
Me: There really isn’t.

———-

Just a female friend. But it looks like something more, doesn’t it? Well, I’ll take a pretty lie over the ugly truth most nights. Fridays in particular.

Anyway, speaking of pics, could you send me a pic of your New Year’s?

I wanna know how it was for you in your world.

Location: the ending of 2007, waiting for 2008
Mood: wishful
Music: I shine a little more lately

Categories
business personal

Scurry

Location: in front of the tube, with a Coors Light
Mood: better
Music: Hielten sich fuer schlaue Leute

Hey, for everyone that volunteered for my project, apologies I’ve been out of touch. Things are nuts. I’ll follow up soon, gimme a bit.

———-

Up and out at 7AM. Worry, worry, super scurry. Finally stopped at 9PM. Hate, hate, hate. Tired. Too tired to go home so I went to see the rents. Ate lunch at 9:30PM.

Was beat but my dad said, Let’s watch a little more of The War. So tired but I said, OK. It’s not like I sleep.

In the middle of part three, where the Marines were at Tarawa, he asked me to pause it. He said, “Y’know why I came here? To America? Because if I was born just 10 years earlier, I would have had to kill Americans. I would’ve had to hurt this country I love so much. But I was lucky. I just missed all that. I wanted to go to America. I said I would be brave because I was lucky.”

I don’t know why but that made total sense to me. It made my day slightly less craptastic.

Midnight. Guess it’s time for dinner.

Categories
personal

Events

Holidays are hard, yeah?

———-

I did alotta living last Friday night after work.

Event 1
I went to another office party – I think maybe my fifth? It’s one of the perks of being a consultant. The usual: food, handshakes and drinks.

Event 2
Met up with Hazel for a drink on the UWS where I ran into a woman, Cia, I just met earlier on in the week. I also chatted up two British girlies but I was beat and hopped home at midnight.

Event 3
At 1AM, I was still up so Cain and I decided to grab a drink in our local bar. So out I went again. There I ran into Cia for the third time. My hood is tiny.

Event 4
As soon as I got home at 2AM, Gio rang me. He got his Xmas bonus and wanted to hit the town. “Dude, I’m beat, I just went to…,” I started when he interrupted, “I got a car, a wad of cash, and you never turn down an invitation.”

Dammit.

Soon, I’m hurtling down the West Side Highway and grab superstar parking outside an underground club. There I got shut down for the second time since I became single. The last time it happened the same way, “You’re a talker, go talk to her.” I swear, fastest way to get self-conscious. Twice in 18 months is not bad but still – Totally. Shut. Down.

Gio was amused. Me, not so much. Ah, who am I kidding? I know what I am. We called it a night at 4AM.

Event 5
But Gio’s hungry and I’m a pig. So we grabbed the whip and hit up Blue Ribbon for a late night seafood dinner. I accidentally ate all the lobster. I was amused. Gio, not so much. We sat next to this gorgeous twenty-something blond and her older French date. Gio and I chatted with her a lot, something French dude wasn’t happy about.

He kept trying to hold her hand and I wanted say, “Dude, dude, dude, please…have some pride. She’s a fetus.”

Just as we were getting up to go, she engaged us in conversation again so we sat down and chatted with her a bit more. I contemplated slipping her my card but I reconsidered. Gio told me I should have. Eh…

I woke up four hours later on his couch, stretched and went home. Stepping outside I thought, My friends rock so hard, before I slipped underground.

Location: 19:00 yest, coming home
Mood: exhausted
Music: Heartbreak, cigarettes and songs, with a winter’s chafe

Categories
personal

I’m a hazard to myself / Fiona / The War

Location: on my family couch watching the tube
Mood: slightly poisoned
Music: always in a fight cuz I can’t do nothin right

I almost accidentally killed myself this Christmas.

See, I spent the weekend moving stuff into my new office and wrestled on Saturday. My neck was killing me. So, at the rents, I popped about four tabs of naproxen. Then at night, I took about four tabs of Tylenol PM. I woke up the next morning and popped two more tabs of naproxen cause my neck was still busted.

BUT it turns out my mom actually ran out of naproxen and put Tylenol into the naproxen bottle for reasons she doesn’t remember. So I took 5000mg ((4+4+2)*500mg) of Tylenol within six hours – a potentially lethal dose. Luckily, my brother realized this before I took any more.

Man, I’m my own worst enemy.

———-

Fiona and I aren’t right for each other. It’s not her fault – as usual, it’s mostly me. My hands shake so much that I’m only able to use about 10% of my night shots. She’s already gone.

I need another camera with an anti-shake feature like this, but fast. The pictures I take remind me that the things I write about really happened.

———-

I’m watching The War with my father and brother. Crazy isn’t it? To see how close we are to angels and animals at the same time. I forgot to breathe more than a few times.

Seems like some things never change.

Dunno why, but I find it appropriate for the holidays.

Categories
personal

Happy Xmas / Holidays

Location: saying goodbye on 75th and Amsterdam
Mood: sotted
Music: She looked at me and said you’s a baby right?


A Charlie Brown Xmas as performed by the cast of Scrubs.

———-

I kissed a woman tonight who was lovely. I wish I got her name. She smelled like vanilla and thought I was gay. And I met another woman who said she was good. We’ll see.

———-

Someday, I’ll Flow

You know the drill,
peace and goodwill.
We know it but don’t show it,
we want it but can’t find it.
There’s a sign up above,
that maybe it’s love.
Or maybe it’s just
something ’bout us.
That, I dunno,
I’m just lettin’ it go
praying to God,
that someday, I’ll flow.

Categories
dating personal

Bachelor Cooking Ep 2 Outtakes

Location: 14:30 yest, speeding down the 495
Mood: busy
Music: Take it slow Take it easy on me

This is, IMHO, one of the funniest things we’ve done together. If you’ve watched none of the others, watch this one.

———-

I spoke to a friend recently about my now pretty much dead dating life.

Him: Really? Nuthin?

Me: I got zero time. (thinking) Although, do you remember Brunette Stockbroker from that office party? Well, she did slip her number into my shirt pocket before the end of the night. I might…

Him: (interrupting) You know that she’s X’s girlfriend, right?

Me: (sigh) Well, now I do…so yes, nuthin…