Tag: goodbye

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personal

Time and Tide

Couldn’t take it any other way

(c) Aki Muira

This is a mixture of two recent conversations I had, one of which was Caligirl:

Her: I heard you’re seeing her again.
Me: (joking) You’re late. As usual.
Her: What happened?!
Me: I’d rather not say, it’s complicated.
Her: Oh I’m sorry. (pause) She’s come back before – twice, right?
Me: You never know, though I’m sure she’s out and about with her backup plan. It’s ok, she knows that I’m nobody’s careful consideration.
Her: I think it’s not as important that someone leaves; it’s more important that there’s something about you that the person misses enough to come back for.
Me: (laughing) If she did come back, it’d probably just be because she forgot something.
Her: (exasperated) Why is everything a joke?
Me: (pause) I couldn’t take it any other way.

It was a beautiful day. Made some scratch, took a weird gig, got hit on a few times, had some rum – the usual spring twirl.

I’m disappointed but still hopeful.

Because you can never tell what time and tide brings.

Location: @5PM, the UES, thinking
Mood: insanely busy
Music: I will be your storm at seas And I’ll be your sharp intake (Spotify)

Categories
personal

Cowboys

Aren’t most friendships finite?

I’ve been stuck here for a bit. Don’t ask. But it reminds me of something from a while ago.

One of my closest friends in college was a guy named Crawford who was a god at meeting women – he was (a) good-looking, (b) charming and (c) shameless. We had a blast for two years.

He told me a story once. He said that real cowboys were hired, maybe five to eight at a time, in one state to drive cattle to the other end of the country. This bunch of guys was thrown together for months at a time and, during this time, they were each others’ friends, doctors, entertainers, cooks and guardian angels. They needed to keep each other sane and safe to get the job done.

And once the job was done, they separated. No emails, faxes, phone calls, letters. Just onto the next job.

The question Crawford posed to me was: were they truly friends? Is there such thing as friendship when there’s a finite ending?

What about when two lovers separate – was there any love really there?

My answer to all is yes.

Because at some point everything ends. Life will take everything and everyone you love. There is nothing you can touch that you won’t lose at some point down the line.

Five months, fifty years, the time doesn’t make it any more or less real.

I take solace in that.

At some point, these people I loved, once loved me. It’s sad when relationships end but goodbyes are always sad.

Crawford and I both moved here to the big city. We met up once but then I never saw him again.

He was a good friend.

Location: @ 7:10 AM, taking the east side local
Mood: optimistic
Music: Its such a shame, Always ends the same

Categories
personal

Friends and funerals

The average American only has two friends

Went to yet another funeral last week. I’m going to far too many for my age. Or maybe it’s just right. I don’t know.

No joy.

My friend said, afterward, “It makes you think who’ll show up to your, you know, your…thing.”

I wonder who will.

You know, a recent survey says that the average American has only two close friends. I’ve got a few because I know I need them.

I hope you have more than two – life is hard enough as it is.

Plus it would just be sad if no one showed up.

Not that…oh, you know what I mean…

Location: -5 minutes in kitchen, waiting for coffee
Mood: sick
Music: Heads we will, Tails we’ll try again

Categories
personal

Catching a cab uptown

Met this young lady out-and-about and said exactly the wrong things

Indie band playing in Brooklyn

Saturday night, I went out to see a band play in Brooklyn, which ended up being hella fun. Course, had to up and ruin the night for myself.

Everything was going fine until we hopped a cab back into the City and ended up at a pizza joint downtown. I sitting to the side and when this very attractive blond comes in and sits down next to me. I’m not sure how we started talking but I find out that she’s from Florida, works with on a network program and is recently divorced. Somehow got her to also trade driver’s licenses with me and I realize that she’s six years younger than me. And divorced! Crazy.

We’re chatting a bit more and then she tells me that she’s going to eat more pizza. Scoff and tell her that women always think they can eat a lot but they never can, to which she tells me, “I can eat you under the table.” She goes and gets another slice and it’s just then my friends decide to leave. When she gets back, I’ve got my jacket on. Here’s the rest of the conversation:

Her: Oh, you’re leaving?
Me: Yeah, my friends are going.
Her: Do you go everywhere your friends go?
Me (wait for it): Well, we’re catching a cab uptown so, yes.

*sigh*

Did take down her number and I’m debating if it’s worth calling her at this point.

Oh who am I kidding – I’m calling…

20061024 UPDATE – Check that; I’ve lost her number.

I’m my own worst enemy.

Location: @8:15 – half breath, sight, pull
Mood: Silly
Music: the colors mix together to grey and it breaks her heart
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Categories
personal

Changes

Getting your ex off your cell / mobile phone plan is a lot like a divorce

Tom Otterness, Life Underground sculpture

Went out with some friends the other night and I met a girl who recognized me from years ago. She’s 24 years old and an art director now but it turns out that she went to the same church as No. 3. Moreover, some 10 years ago, she was in my apartment, when I was 23 and No 3. was 22, and had a “sleep-over/retreat” of some sort. Vaguely remember it. She was 14 at the time. Felt old.

So very old.

My friend signed his divorce papers yesterday; it’s sad because I was part of his wedding and I thought it would last. It actually the third wedding that I was part of that ended in divorce. I spoke to him today and he said he was fine (he sounded fine) but it was still sad to hear. His best friend dropped me a line about the situation too; it was good to hear from him. It’s good having friends that worry about you.

Speaking of which, my ex contacted me this week. It was the first contact we’ve had with each other for two months. Nothing angry or kind or anything. Just business. She wanted to tell me that my health insurance would run out at the end of this month (I’m currently on her plan) and she would like me to spin off her mobile phone (she’s currently on my plan).

Hadn’t thought about it or her for a bit. Well, that’s not entirely true. Try not to think about it or her.

Dunno…for me, it’s a little like signing divorce papers.

How disappointing.

Location: @ 3:00 – having a burger on Grand Street
Mood: disappointed
Music: Hol fuer dich den Stern vom Himmel
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