Day 1 of the insomnia again
My insomnia stretches have no rhyme or reason.
I could be happy or sad and they happen. Successful or failing and they happen. Have a late night or early night and they happen.
But I did notice that a few weeks ago, when I stopped drinking coffee altogether, I slept for two days in a row without any of the hard meds I usually need.
Less than a week ago, started drinking regular coffee again and last night, I slept for about two hours.
I also realized that No 6 and I started getting into our insane insomnia-fueled fights after we got an espresso machine.
Wrote someplace else a dozen years ago about our coffee ritual of my making us two cups of coffee before she went to work. That’s neither here nor there.
Now, I usually stop all caffeine by 4PM; the average person takes up to six hours to process caffeine.
The thing is, I only have, at most, two cups of coffee. But perhaps it’s related now. Maybe that and all those possible pasts that I’ve gathered in my head alla these years means that the insomnia is stronger than it’s ever been.
I used to have a ritual to help me sleep but that’s gone now for reasons I’m sure you can figure out.
But we both love the boy. So I suppose it doesn’t really matter which one of us is here.
Him: Open the door, just a little bit.
Me: No – sometimes the quiet darkness is your friend. For example, it helps you sleep.
Him: Go to sleep, too.
Me: I would love to. If only I could.
Location: the edge of insomniaville again
Mood: clear-headed and addled at the same time
Music: Wonder how I ever made it through. And there are children to think of
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