Chasing the Dragon

I am the people

Chad’s been teaching in Brooklyn the past few months at Kings Williamsburg – great bunch of folks so if you’re in the area, you should definitely give them a go.

Pez gave the boy and me a lift there twice this week; I needed to go because it’s Chad’s last week there teaching so he can focus on getting his own gym up so that means at least a month-to-two-months of not rolling.

The fella sitting behind Chad giving the bunny ears in the main picture above is my buddy Robinson and he’s taking over the BJJ program at Williamsburg.

My son was super cute because he kept asking everyone where Mouse was.

Him: Did you see her?
Curt: Don’t worry, buddy, she’ll come.

I’ve been helping Chad with things in his gym when I can. And it’s interesting because you can see there’s a clear difference between how the wealthy look at the world and how people like me look at it.

Heiress: You’re there doing manual labor? Don’t you have people for that?
Me: Lady, I am the people.

There’s a saying called, “Chasing the Dragon,” which has multiple drug-related meanings but the one I find the most interesting is this one: The very first time someone tries a new drug, it produces this amazeballs high that they’ve never felt before.

Addicts then spend the rest of their lives trying to feel that insanely good first hit: They chase the dragon.

Now, I’ve never done any hard drugs in my life but I have been in love before and it’s the most indescribable and intoxicating feeling when it’s real.

It’s how I know the difference between love, something-a-lot-like-love and just killing time.

And when it’s gone, man, the crash is something else.

Causea that, I feel that these adventures I’ve been having lately is just me chasing the dragon. I can’t shake the feeling that something-a-lot-like-love and just killing time – but not love itself-  is in my cards.

The question is if it’s even worth the bother. Like I said, I’m le tired.

Having said that, at least I’m being entertained and some people are more entertaining than others.

After all, if you can’t have love, you might as well be entertained, yeah?

Her: I have my Hermes bike for [recreation].
Me: You have a bike…from Hermes? They make bikes?
Her: Yep.
Me: That’s wild.
Her: LOL. It’s at the beach house. If you weren’t always so busy and have the kid and took some time off you would see it!

Location: jits with The Chad in Billlyburg one last time
Mood: resigned
Music: Been steering clear of your face (Spotify)
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Not my bag

Literally, everyone has a dog

When Shawn and I went drinking a few weeks back, he said he never saw anyone talk to a stranger like I did the other day.

Him: Dude, you’re on fire.
Me: I’ve had a lotta practice in my life.

But being able to meet people and being able to connect with them are very different things.

I get that I don’t look 48, but – mentally – I’m probably a lot older than that.

And I don’t fit into this world of modern dating, I don’t think.

I have a very good friend that never wants to get married, nor kids, and wants to just have a string of one-night stands, like that old song, Goodbye Stranger.

It’s not my bag but it is his. That’s fine, we all get one life to live.

After Alison died and I started filling in my time with women I met out and about, I realized that a lot of the people that I was meeting up with were non-starters.

Because what they were looking for and I was looking for was radically different. You only get the highlights in this here blog; the nitty-gritty conversations that make the basis of any relationship aren’t really for public consumption.

But in the end, what I want out of life, I don’t think is in high demand, and that bums me out.

I used to speak high intermediate German but I never had anyone to speak to on a regular basis so I just kinda forgot it all.

Similarly, I feel like I’m the last person that speaks my language and that bums me out in ways I can’t adequately express.

Her: Just because two people are married doesn’t mean that they’re not attracted to other people. I wouldn’t mind if my guy has his fun as long as I do too.
Me: (shaking head) That’s just not my bag.
Her: What’s wrong with you?
Me: Evidently, quite a bit. I wasn’t meant for this modern love. I just want my person and I want my person to want just me. 

As an aside, I will probably die alone in NYC because I don’t like dogs and every woman in NYC – including the Heiress – has a dog.

Another random: But he’s only 10 pounds.
Me: I’m just not a dog person. Plus my condo don’t allow pets.
Her: Well, this has been a complete waste of my time.
Me: For that, I’m sorry. If there’s one thing I hate, it’s having my time wasted.

Location: in front the computer, breaking down numbers for my biz partner
Mood: solitary
Music: Will we ever meet again? (Spotify)
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The Lo family

Buying a cat and moving to Vermont.

It’s funny what hits the grief button. It’s family week at his school and the boy excitedly brought home the picture above and the picture below.

Him: (proudly) I drew us, it’s our family. (seeing my face, sadly) You don’t like it?
Me: (smiling) Sorry, I was thinking about work. I love it. Thank you. It looks just like us.
Him: We’re wearing shorts!

Spoke to my new therapist. She was nice enough but I do question her observational skills.

Me: …and that’s what the past five years of my life has been like.
Her: I see. Would you say that it was traumatic?
Me: (pause) Just so I understand, you’re asking me if the loss of six pregnancies, my wife, my father, my career, my dreams, and my last relationship was traumatic?
Her: Did I just offend you?
Me: You seem like a bright enough young lady, doc. What do you think?

Have you ever heard of Soft Ghosting? It’s essentially where you kinda keep in touch with people you’ve dated but not really.

If I were honest, I would say that I kinda like that.

Cause I’ve always hated giving someone the talk that I wasn’t their fella but it seems to be roundly accepted these days that everything is ephemeral and nebulous.

It works for me because everything around me seems ephemeral and nebulous.

On the flip side, random women I’ve met through life contact me on the reg to ask for my advice, or – even nicer – just to see how I’m we’re doing.

I find this somewhat endearing, especially considering how I met all of them.

Me: Out of everyone, why ask me? I’m a womanizer and clearly not right in the head, to the point I’m seeing a therapist. You know my dating history – you’re part of it, in fact.
Her: (shrugging) You give good advice. Plus, you’re still better than most guys out there.
Me: Man, that’s…sad.
Her: (laughing) It really is. Let me tell you, I’ve definitely considered just buying a cat and moving to Vermont. It’s too bad we never worked out.

Another friend…

Her: I swear to god, Logan, none of this better end up in your blog.
Me: Too late.

Location: the park with white wine and plastic cups, just before the rain
Mood: thoughtful
Music: should I call to see if you’re alright (Spotify)
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A New York French Bistro and a Connecticut Italian Pizzeria

You’re normal

Was chatting with the blond banker the other day.

Her: Did you just get out of a long-term relationship?
Me: Yeah, how’d you know?
Her: You’re normal.
Me: Most guys aren’t?
Her: (laughing)

Man, is she gonna be disappointed. Or impressed. It can go either way.

Had dinner with another blonde on Alison’s birthday.

Was debating whether or not to go but, in the end, I decided to do it. After all, the alternative was just me drinking alone in my apartment; the boy had a sleepover with his sitter because I knew I’d be self-medicating.

We ended up heading to a French Bistro around the way. It was cool, we sat in these bubble-enclosed tables and it was oddly secluded and private, considering that we were surrounded by people.

I arrived first and she showed up just a few minutes later.

Me: Whoa, you look great.
Her: (laughs) Thanks.

We ended up ordering mussels, ribs, and escargot.

The last time I had escargot was May 18th, 2008. The girl in this entry was Alison. She didn’t remember meeting me. I didn’t mind because Mouse didn’t remember meeting me either.

It’s weird, but I pride myself on being the Grey Man most of the time.

We figured we’d just order more food as necessary.

Her: Do you wanna see me eat this whole thing?
Me: Nah, I wanna still find you attractive afterward.

The mussels came with fries but, because I was trying to be good, I asked for a salad instead. They brought both.

Waiter: Do you want to keep the fries?
Me: (sighing) Yes.

We also ordered an Old-Fashioned for me, a French Martini for her, and then, split a Chocolate Martini. She was really great company.

Afterward, we went to the Arthouse Hotel for some more drinks.

I ordered a daiquiri and she had an amaretto sour. The bartender said that both weren’t on the menu but that he’d whip them up for us.

I saw him taste each one (with a single-use straw) so I knew they were going to be good.

It was pretty empty so we had the whole place to ourselves.

Her: I loved someone once.
Me: Was it love or something a lot like love?
Her: I’m not sure any more. I thought it was then. How can you tell?
Me: Time, I guess. I don’t think you ever really fall out of true love.

The drinks were so good, in fact, that just before we left, I commended him on them. He beamed from ear-to-ear. Random kindness from strangers is always a good thing.

Before we left, we sat on the couch in the bar and chatted a bit more before stopping by my pad for more rum and conversation.

It was just past midnight when she called an Uber to head home.

Me: Thanks for the company. I had a great night.
Her: Me too.

The next day, I had a business meeting in Connecticut with my buddy Thor. We’re potentially doing a little bit of work together on a project. Potentially.

I was still hungover when I boarded the train but he met me at the station.

Me: I need protein and coffee. Do you have like a protein bar at home?
Him: I have coffee and I’ll make you some eggs.

What he made me was a killer frittata, which I inhaled. After the coffee and food, we got down to brass tacks.

It was just before four when we finished up.

I offered to pick us up dinner and he brought me to a pizza joint.

Him: The pizza in Connecticut is probably better than the pizza in NYC.
Me: You’re dead to me now.

It was delicious OR I just thought it was because it was the first time I’d had pizza in over three months.

Figured that, since I ate the fries the night before, in for a penny, in for a pound.

I made the train with five minutes to spare, got home, showered, and just as I finished getting dressed, the boy and his sitter walked in the door.

Him: Papa! I went to Coney Island and had a Nathan’s hot dog!
Me: (laughing) Let’s get grandma on Skype and you can tell us both all about it.

Chad and I’ve been busy shooting more Scenic Fights stuff.

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Location: earlier today, wondering where we were
Mood: conflicted
Music: if I could I’d change but you were that one that wanted this (Spotify)
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A little déjà vu

An unexpected night at the gym

Pez was helping out again with the boy and the two of them randomly decided to go to the High Line together.

She sent me some hilarious pics but I can’t post most of them.

They came back for dinner and afterward, she said, “I’m thinking of heading to class tonight.”

Me: Whoa, wait, are you driving?
Her: Depending on traffic, probably.
Me: Can you bring the kid and me?
Her: Sure, do you have a car seat?
Me: (puzzled) I’m a parent. I have a car seat.

I got clearance from the gym owners and Chad, the instructor, to bring him.

It was the first time that I’d ever brought him to the gym and both he and the people there were great. I gave explicit instructions for him not to leave the bench for any reason and he didn’t.

Because Chad and most of the upper belts knew him, they all made sure he was fine. Mouse was there too and he spent several minutes trying to get her attention. In the end, they caught up and it was sweet to see. For a moment, I forgot.

Afterward, Pez gave us a lift back. But not without some more entertainment.

Him: That was fun. Can we go again?
Me: It’s like two hours after your bedtime. I think that’s the real reason you want to go again.
Him: (sleepily) No…

If my birthday was the most I’ve been insulted in recent memory, then the past few days have been some of the most ego-boosting.

A girl I dated a while ago rang me to hang out recently; I hadn’t seen her in ages. So, we met up around her new pad. I told her about some of the conversations I had recently.

Her: Kinks? I seem to only really like guys that graduated from Stuyvesant High School.
Me: That’s a weird kink.
Her: (continuing) There’s you and X and Y. That’s three. You’re all smart and cute.

Her: So, you and Mouse are finally done?
Me: Looks that way.
Her: Good. I met the perfect girl for you.
Me: (shaking head) Nope, nope, nope. No more setups. Do you know how many setups I’ve had in the past month? Actually, my whole life?
Her: (shaking her head) They don’t know you like I know you. This girl’s exactly your type. 33, blond, busty, green eyes, super smart, and a boss. Wants a family.
Me: OK, I need a picture. (hands me her phone) Whoa, ok. What’s wrong with her?
Her: (shrugging) I don’t know if she’s good enough for you yet.
Me: First of all, super flattering. Second of all, you just said…
Her: You deserve the best. I told her all about you, so we’ll see.
Me: Hopefully not everything. I like to surprise people with some of the things I can do.

Honestly, the biggest turn-on – my biggest kink, if you will – is kind people. There’s something about someone that goes out of their way to make your life better.

Conversely, there’s something so ugly about people when they’re cruel and hurtful. It’s the biggest turn-off.

Anywho, she and I didn’t work out for reasons we don’t need to get into here. But she was beyond sweet and I told her that.

Thank goodness for the good souls.

Her: I started seeing this guy I really like so I’m not gonna invite you back to my place.
Me: Good choice, we’ve got alcohol and you’re being incredibly sweet so that’s a dangerous combo for me.
Her: I thought you didn’t make out with your friends.
Me: (laughing) I never said we were friends, darling.
Her: (smiling) It’s good seeing you again, Logan. I’ve missed you.
Me: Same, Lviv. Good luck with your fella.

Saying goodbye to her was reminiscent of Daisy and Gradgirl because they, like her, belong to someone else.

But, I suppose we all have our roles to play and I guess I’ve finally accepted mine as the other guy, which is precisely what a woman once told me ages ago.

See, she wanted to fix me up with her kid but she didn’t know how old I was so I politely declined.

And she got upset and said I only seem to seek out people that can’t be in relationships because I enjoyed the game. I told her that wasn’t true, I was looking for my biggest fan.

But, that was then. Maybe – now – she’s right. After all, I was the love of someone’s life once and that should be enough.

Boy: You’re home!
Me: I am.
Him: How was your friend?
Me: Very sweet.
Him: I wanted to meet her.
Me: (laughing) I think you’ve met enough of papa’s friends. Come on, let’s go play.

Location: Upper east side
Mood: flattered
Music: This is feeling a little déjà vu (Spotify)
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Being scared and being brave

Aren’t mutually exclusive

The boy’s not been feeling well so I had to cancel/rearrange a lotta my weekend plans.

Him: Are you mad?
Me: I’m not mad, I’m worried, there’s a difference.
Him: (apprehensive) Is this going to hurt?
Me: It’s gonna feel uncomfortable but, no, it won’t hurt.
Him: (begins to cry)
Me: No. Stop crying. I need you to be brave.
Him: But, I’m scared.
Me: Being scared and being brave aren’t mutually exclusive, kid. You have to be scared to be brave, otherwise, you’re just nuts. You’re not nuts are you? (he shakes head) Good. Be brave. You get points in life for being brave.

I think he’s ok. We’ll see.

Should note that I felt a lot more scared myself than I let on. A kid needs confidence that everything will be ok, even if you don’t necessarily feel that yourself.

Goddamn, being a parent is often…difficult. Being a single parent is that much worse.

On that note, I was scrambling to find coverage for him recently and I needed someone I could trust with him, especially since he wasn’t feeling well, so I reached out to Pez.

She was a doll and came by on on Monday to watch him so I could get some things done.

Chad swung by as well to make sure it was all handled; it’s nice knowing I have people that care.

Unfortunately, it appears that the boy hijacked Pez’s phone as evidenced by the above video grab…

All-in-all, I bailed on three women this past weekend but managed to see a blond banker for some Korean BBQ.

Decided that I’m only going to eat Korean BBQ when I go out from now on because it’s just so easy to stay keto/paleo without doing anything special. I’m a solid 153 right now, three pounds from my ideal weight.

Anywho, meeting up with people is just interesting to see what life out in the world is like.

After all, my regular friends all have some aspects that mirror me, whereas strangers provide glimpses into lives I know nothing about.

The blond banker told me that another guy asked her out and she had already agreed to meet him when he – without first having met her, just based on her looks alone – asked her to come move in with him and he would also cover all her bills.

Seriously, how shallow – and I say this as an alleged shallow, selfish, womanizing, narcissist – are people these days?

Her: It was kind of a cool offer but, meet a girl first, you know?
Me: Well, my son and I’ll take him up on his offer if he’s still looking.
Her: (laughing) You and your son want to live with him?
Me: If he’s paying all my bills and giving us free room and board, sure. Plus I cook. I don’t clean though.

Seriously, thank god for the average frustrated chump. They make grey men like me look amazeballs.

Her: (texting me later on that night and sending the below) Thanks for dinner! I think I was actually very nice to this guy.

Me: Please, for the love of god, please let me [share this].
Her: LOL! As long as you don’t [leave any identifying information], go for it.

Location: my blue bathroom, asking if he’s ok
Mood: so very entertained
Music: I would never break this promise (Spotify)
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Breaking my own heart

Kicked outta bed

Recently, there’s been a spate of just awful news coming out about Asians getting brutally assaulted in NYC. But  I was surprised to get a phone call about one such assault that I just read about.

Her: I need some help. Is there a good time I can call you?

Turns out that she was called to be a trustee for this woman that died from her injuries from one of these beatings and wanted my legal advice. I told her that I couldn’t technically offer legal advice but I would help if I could.

After all, I don’t know where I would be myself if people didn’t try and help Alison and me.

Me: Sure. We can chat now. Let me get my headset.

I started my son in a Chinese class not too far from my house. It was oddly nerve-wracking for me but the teacher made me feel at ease.

Her: You don’t speak to your son in Chinese at home?
Me: Lady, *I* can barely speak Chinese.
Her: Well, I have to say, I’ve never met a child that didn’t speak Chinese that was so … social. He literally walked in like he knew everyone here.
Me: Yeah, that sounds like him.
Her: Whatever you’re doing, keep doing it. (laughing) Oh, during the kitchen portion, while we were pretending to make a sandwich, he made an actual one and ate it.
Me: Oh yeah, that’s definitely my kid. Sorry about that.

Note that everyone’s been calling me, not the other way around.

I point this out only because I find it funny how literally no one contacts me in the past year due to COVID but since the day I wrote that I got the vaccine, the floodgates open.

On that note, My buddy Mas stopped by to catch up and bring me out to lunch. We’ve known each other since forever.

Me: Do you talk to anyone else from back in the day?
Him: Nope, just you.
Me: I think we’re the only ones that, pretty much, look the same as we did 20 years ago.
Him: I think I look better actually. I’ve been on the carnivore diet – essentially just meat and fat with leafy greens. No carbs.
Me: Jesus. That’s even harder core than me.

He was there on the night I met Alison. Dunno if I ever told you that.

The blurry pic below is the only one I could find of Mas and me from that night – he’s in the lower right hand-corner.

It was almost exactly 13 years ago, April 7, 2008. I was just about to turn 35. It was a little after midnight when this pic was taken and I had just made out with the blonde behind me.

30 minutes later, I had her number and was walking out the door, when I met Alison McCarthy right before 1AM. She was walking in with her date, Tall Scott, but asked me to stay.

Instead, I left, but not before telling her that we’d have beautiful children someday. All these years, later, I was right about that.

Well, fuck me. I think I just broke my own goddamn heart.

Speaking of eating out with friends, someone I dated once dropped me a line unexpectedly and invited me out to dinner.

I’m super busy with life and the kid these days but it’s hard to say no to people that are just nice to you, like Mas and her. In this world, I think nice is underrated.

It helps that she’s a hot, grey-eyed, busty blonde that’s the same age as I was in the pic above, but you get my drift.

God, I’m so shallow.

Honestly, I judge alla these people that wanna hang out with a shallow, selfish, womanizing narcissist like me.

Speaking of hanging out with a fella like me, a chat with a green-eyed nurse I had recently proves that, again, I’m not – at all – equipped to deal with modern love.

Me: You know, you’re the second girl I know that had someone slap them in the face while fooling around. When did this become a thing?
Her: Did she kick him out of bed, smash his phone against the wall, and tell him to never fucking call her again?
Me: No idea. But that’s kinda hot (quickly) what you did, not what he did. (laughing) I can assure you that that’s not my thing.
Her: So, what’s your thing?
Me: You wouldn’t believe me if I told you. No girl ever does.
Her: Try me.
Me: I will. But not tonight.

Location: earlier today, asking the doorman if I was in the right place
Mood: hopeful
Music: I like the way your heart works, not cold like the others (Spotify)
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Don’t let damaged people damage you

Do you want a report?

Lviv’s still looking for her person.

Her: This 47 year-old hit on me the other day. People that are 47 look super old.
Me: Wait, I’m 47.
Her: (scoffing) You don’t look THAT old.

ML also dropped me a line. Some guy was super upset he got rejected by her so he wrote her this nasty, nasty email. I find that disappointing.

Me: There are lots of damaged people in the world. Don’t let their damage damage you.
Her: Thank you for that.

Dating’s rough in general and doesn’t get any easier as you get older. On that note, I also got a ring from the ABFF yesterday.

ABFF: One guy wrote me and asked me how my weekend was. I was like, “Do you want a report?!”
Me: Maybe he was just trying to be nice?
Her: Look, Logan, I’m just trying to keep rapists and murderers away from my kids…
Me: Jeez! That should be a general life goal, irrespective of kids.
Her: …and I agree with you 100% on “LOLs.” Like, what are you, a balloon? It’s hard meeting someone normal in their 40s.
Me: Wait, there’re normal guys in their 40s. I’m in my 40s.
Her: Nope. I’m not doing this backhanded compliment thing with you where you get to brag that you look great for your age.
Me: Well, that’s disappointing.

I think the pandemic’s getting on the nerves of single people. A buddy of mine’s getting tired of being cooped up so he’s been hitting on randos he meets on the streets. It reminded me of a conversation I had once.

OK, many times.

Her: Sorry, I have a boyfriend.
Me: Well, good thing I’m gay then.
Her: (laughs)

Interestingly, Lviv, Mouse, and the ABFF are all at career – and personal – crossroads.

After Mouse drove me back to my pad from the Scenic Fights shoot, I invited her to come in to eat and watch a flick.

Mouse: No. I have a headache. Man, that’s the first time I’ve ever used that excuse before.
Me: I literally just asked if you wanted to eat and watch a flick.
Her: Sorry, still trying to get a handle on all my heath things. OK, I’ll come in. We can spin the wheel of misfortune! See where we end up.
Me: Always good to be positive.

We ended up watching a completely innocuous rom-com called Love, Guaranteed. I’m always a sucker for a good passable rom-com.

While very trite, I did like that that they made this guy who was an avowed womanizer a good person. The women he met, he didn’t end up with but they all thought he was generally a good and decent guy.

In that respect, I thought it was rather unique. Also, they had a the main female character drive a Karmann Ghia.

Me: I used to want one so bad. But they don’t run fast.
Mouse: Perfect, neither do you.
Me: So glad you decided to come in, Mouse…

Podcast Version
Location: this morning, getting pressured in LIC
Mood: busy
Music: save all your dirtiest jokes for me (Spotify)
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How JFK killed the hat industry

The president leads

A cornerstone of this blog is that communication isn’t what you say, it’s what the listener hears. That’s because this is my blog and that’s a cornerstone of my life.

Above’s a picture of JFK’s presidential inauguration. Look at the men in the crowd of the picture. What do you see?

Hats. Dudes wore hats back then. Period.

But now, check out Johnson’s inauguration pic just a few years later. Notice that, while there are hats, there are a lot fewer of them.

What happened?

The answer’s pretty simple; JFK generally didn’t wear hats. And dudes that saw him walk around without a hat thought – consciously or unconsciously – Well, if he’s not wearing a hat, I’m not gonna wear one either.

Did JFK purposely go out of his way to single-handedly destroy the hat-making industry in America? Probably not. But that’s what happened.

Unintended consequences and alla that.

I’ve been noticing that the deep red people I know are suddenly fixated on China as the evil empire – which it is, for sure – when they never previously posted anything about it before.

Similarly, wearing a mask has become a political statement versus a simple safety measure.

I also note that Trump has generally not worn a mask and that the US now leads the world in COVID-19 rates and deaths.

To say that JFK destroyed the hat industry is to simply go back and piece together facts.

To say that Trump killed his fellow Americans by the thousands is probably similarly accurate, although only time will tell.

As for me, I’m glad that JFK didn’t wear hats because, with my huge head, I’d probably block out the sun.

Podcast Version
Location: Battery Park City, seeing about a girl
Mood: hot, hot heat
Music: I’m just gonna go out (Spotify)
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Young Boy Logan

Helping after the fact

I don’t give everyone I meet a name because I never know if something is going anywhere enough to merit that.

But, I finally met up with this girl ML for a first date on Friday night after penpaling for a bit because of COVID.

Like I said, having antibodies is assuredly fun.

And, I’m finding that I definitely have a type because she’s super sweet and attractive.

Me: I would put it in this order: Kindness first, and then ambition second. Because pretty goes away but those types of things stay.
ML: I would say kindness, and then honesty.
Me: Shoot, now I want to change my answer to kindness first, honesty second, ambition third, and, oh, probably big boobs fourth.
Her: (laughs) You’re so shallow!
Me: Wait, what about one, two, and three?! I’m deep, really. I just like what I like.

She was in the mood for some Korean food so I made her some.

Normally, a first date is just a walk, but we’d been talking for a while so I figured it was fine. The thing is that I live on the ground floor of a building so I can imagine that it’s a bit terrifying for someone to meet a total stranger by going through a large metal gate and into a relatively dark apartment.

We hung out most of the night so she eventually relaxed and said that when she first walked in, she was very apprehensive.

Me: (puzzled) Wait, if you were afraid I was going to hurt you why didn’t you run out the door?
Her: Because I gave my mom your address.
Me: But, if I was going to hurt you, that would only help you after the fact.
Her: I don’t care as long as justice is served.

We ended up consuming way too much wine and carbs and it was super late when the night ended.

Me: Here’s a toothbrush.
Her: Do you have a constant stream of people coming by?
Me: (shrugging) I’m just centrally located is all. You have to brush with children’s toothpaste, though.

Her: I’ve never done that before.
Me:  It’s good for you. You’re welcome.

Speaking of children (wait for it), Lviv came by early the next day for brekkie and a cup of coffee as we both had plans for the day.

She showed me this cool filter on Snapchat that makes people look like they’re children – I stress that she’s over 30 in real life. That’s her with an Old Man Logan.

I have my rules, people.

Me: Do you want a toothbrush?
Her: You know, brushing your teeth too soon after you eat isn’t good for your teeth?
Me: So I’ve been told. But every guest gets a toothbrush and brekkie in the morning.

I passed out not soon after she left. I still managed to chat with the boy some before I did, though.

Son: It’s Independence Day!
Me: Yup! It’s a special day: It’s America’s Birthday!
Him: Can we sing it, “Happy Birthday?!”
Me: (laughing) Sure! (we sing)

I briefly checked in on Mouse to see about her dad. She only ever spends the 4th of July with family, or those she considers family, so we’ve never actually spent the 4th together.

I was supposed to head out to Brooklyn to see BrightBea but she was going to a small gathering and I wasn’t in the mood to meet new people so we just chatted online.

Me: You’d be surprised how many people don’t want to video chat.
BrightBea: Oh, I get that. Either they’re really interested in you or they’re really not.
Me: Wait, how does that work?
Her: Well, if you’re really interested in the person, you have to put on makeup and all that, and no one looks great online. But, if you’re not that interested, you don’t want to bother putting on makeup in the first place.
Me: Speak for yourself about not looking great online, lady.

Ended the night with just me and Harold, which is fairly typical of my 4ths of Julys. I miss the boy plus Alison and my dad, of course.

Mouse is right: 4th of July is for family and I haven’t had that in years.

No offense to Harold.

Maybe next year will be different. One can only hope.

Podcast Version
Location: heading up to Harlem
Mood: nostalgic
Music: Don’t know why I do this (Spotify)
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