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personal

Way less sad

Taking it every day I can

KG Betty: I just moved a few weeks ago; once I’m settled in it’ll all start sinking in. How about you? Still super happy? I hope everything is good with you!
Me: I wouldn’t say I’m super happy but you just reminded me of a song I’ve been listening to called “Way Less Sad.” It’s got a line goes, “I’m not happy yet, but I’m way less sad.”

Been chatting with KG Betty again.

She reached out to me a few times while Alison was sick but I couldn’t pull myself together enough to chat with her.

Or anyone, really.

Afterward, I was even more of a mess.

But, she always kept in touch, something I really appreciated. And she’s been dealing with her own stuff these days so I reached out to her.

Like I always said, old friends are such a valuable thing to have in your life.

I’m grateful for the ones that have stuck around.

Speaking of friends, my buddy Katrina was in my area the other day.

Her boyfriend was part of a bartending contest at our fave rum joint, Tiki Chick, to raise money for EPIC: Empowering Pacific Islander Communities.

Wanted to go – both to see them and because it’s my regular rum joint – but I was dealing with more tech issues, which I’ll tell you about one of these days.

Me: Sorry, was a crazy busy day with my network going down. Very annoying.
Her: That sucks. But it’s okay – you’re a busy guy

It’s a shame that I couldn’t make it but I figure they’ll do something like this again in the future and I can make it next time.

Until then, back to fixing this @#$@#$! network…

What I told KG Betty and my buddy Owen is true and I think that pretty much sums up my entire mindset these days.

I think that once someone deals with a double-whammy loss like I did, happy is something that seems very quaint and far away.

Way less sad is a win in my book and I’ll take it every day I can.

Obviously, the Firecracker has a lot to do with this, so I’m grateful for her as well.

Location: The New Cottage with my two tiny roommates
Mood: tech-y
Music: you’re so insane – shut up and just enjoy this feelin’ (Spotify)
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On the same page

Turning paper cuts into hemorrhages

Buckley was my roomie for decades – we lived on the same floor in college, then after school, he crashed at my parents for a while, and then we moved into my current place in 1997.

He stayed until at least 2007.

That’s him up above with Bryson. We were like in our late 20s in that pic.

Anywho, I met him because we were both interested in computers and he was FAR more skilled at me at them.

So, I was constantly asking him to help me, which – being the good soul he was – he always did.

That is, until, I hit him up one time too many.

Him: Dude, I’ve got homework and exams. I can’t do it.
Me: But I think I have a virus!
Him: Can’t, man. I’m really sorry.

Legit, I had one of the first viruses known to man – a variant of the Stoned virus.

So, not knowing what else to do, I wiped out my harddrive and reinstalled everything from scratch.

The next time I saw Buckley, proudly told him what I did and he looked at me like I was the stupidest person he’d ever met.

Him: You did what?!
Me: I wiped and reinstalled everything.
Him: (smacking his head) Logan…the worst thing that virus coulda done is wipe out your drive, forcing you to reinstall everything. You literally did its work for him.

33 years later, it’s one of my absolute clearest memories from Cornell – and one of my most salient life lessons.

One that I didn’t really fully appreciate until after the Reporter and I broke up.

See, I was convinced she was cheating on me, and I accused her of doing it.

Here’s the thing, though, I just thought she was cheating on me (she may well have been, I was just super suspicious) but, because I was already accusing her of doing so, she went ahead and did it.

After all, if you’re gonna do the time, you might as well do the crime, right?

The common thread between those two stories is that, you can easily make a bad situation much, much worse by overreacting.

I’m telling you this story because I just found out that someone I casually know – neither Buckley nor Bryson  – absolutely demolished a solid relationship by taking a tiny little thing and bringing it to Defcon 1.

Like, seriously – cops were almost involved and things were thrown.

It’d be laughable if it weren’t all so sad because, he spent a large part of the relationship terrified that she would leave him, and looked at every disagreement as World War 2.

But, if every disagreement is World War 2, why would any sane person stick around for the next battle?

And guess what?

He’s always been convinced that every single disagreement is a potential relationship ender and has finally managed to convince her as well.

At the very least, they’re both finally on the same page.

Years ago, I told you that life is a series of heartaches or papercuts, you get to decide which.

But a coda I’d add to that is to not turn a papercut into a hemorrhage.

Here’s hoping he’ll learn the lesson I learned back in 1992, and again in 2006.

Location: Not a bartender contest at Tiki Chick
Mood: nostalgic
Music: Long nights and dumb fights (Spotify)
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Love you, buddy

Another School Year

Firecracker: Love you, buddy.
Me: Did you just say, “Love you, buddy,” to me?
Her: (laughing) I was just talking to my son, but I do, anyway!

The Firecracker’s son has been away for a bit as well and he’s scheduled to come back this week – the Firecracker is just as excited to see him as I was to see my son last week.

But all this also means that school is starting soon and that means the kid is another year older.

Told you once, years ago, that my year always starts in September. That waned a bit but, now that I have my own kid, that feeling is exactly the same – and as strong as it ever was.

On that note, Angel and her son came by for dinner with us the other night.

Her: Thanks so much for inviting us.
Me: No problem. Plus, I get it – just spending a week in Vienna, I Was longing for a home-cooked meal. I can’t imagine traveling for months and eating out every night.

Forgot to take pics but we had a fun time eating and catching up.

Just a pic from Din Tai Fung.

Her son’s off to a boarding school in Europe and she’s moving to London to be (somewhat) near to him.

Should mention that it was her son’s choice to head to Europe; if my kid wanted to move abroad, I’m not sure I’d let him just because I think I’d miss him too much.

Then again, it’s not fair for me to have lived my life and also try to live his life.

As the kid gets older, suppose we’ll have more things to wrestle with.

Until then, I’m just glad he’s around and such a bright bit of my otherwise drab life.

Him: Can I eat in my room to watch something?
Me: You don’t wanna eat with me?
Him: I ate with you for brekkie!
Me: (sigh) Yeah, I guess so…

Location: home but dreaming of Belize
Mood: ambitious
Music: That’s just how I deal with crisis (Spotify)
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If you sit here long enough, everyone walks by

The Firecracker and the Asians

Alex: There’s a spot in the middle of Central Park, the Bethesda Fountain. If you sit there long enough, the entire city walks by.
Isabel: Hmm. And I know of this one canyon, that if you sit there long enough, nobody finds you and you die.

This pic is over 20 years old (I age very slowly); that’s Bethesda Fountain behind me. It’s from this entry.

Matthew Perry was in this rom-com that I absolutely loved when I was a kid called Fools Rush In, with Salma Hayek.

In it, their two characters were comparing the beauty of nature in Nevada, versus the excitement of New York.

I think a lot about maybe getting some place away from NYC, but I honestly can’t imagine living anywhere else but here.

Anywho, I gotta agree with the character of Alex – there’s something about NYC where the entire world really does seem to stop by for a visit.

In the past month alone, we had two doctors from Pittsburg, my relatives from Indiana, and friends from Spain stop by.

This past week, my friend Angel came to town with her son.

She wanted to go to Japanfes, which just happened to be in my neck of the woods this time around so off we met.

She brought her son, who was a Scenic Fights fan, which is always a plus.

Angel: He decided to study German. No idea why.
Me: Oh, I get it. If he can speak English, Chinese, and German, he’s speaking the languages of the Top 1, 2, and 3 world economies, in that order. He can literally work in 95% of the planet with those three languages.
Her: (smiling) Well, ok then!

The kid used the chance to get himself a bubble tea while the Firecracker got herself a salmon sushi taco.

Her: I think if I wrote an autobiography, I’d call this time “[The Firecracker] and the Asians.

Afterward, we went to my fave bistro around the way and got some more food and drink.

It was good seeing Angel – It’s been at least 20 years since I saw her last but she looked pretty much as I remembered her.

After a spell, we went back home, where we convinced Angel and her son to play Big Two.

The Firecracker is an addict.

But she came in second after Angel’s son.

She’s supposed to come back again before she leaves for dinner as she and her kid have been traveling the world and miss having a home cooked meal.

I’ll tell you about that next time.

Location: booking a hotel for a far-off place
Mood: content(ish)
Music: like a narc I knew I had to leave my mark (Spotify)
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Everything’s moving at lightning speed

Plus jewelry in Chinatown

Him: What was that?!
Me: What was what?
Him: You didn’t feel that?
Me: (puzzled) No. (later) Whoa, ok, I felt that! I think we just had an earthquake.

The kid was settling down for the night when the August 2nd, 2025 east coast earthquake hit.

Nothing really happened in the pad, although I did do a cursory inspection around the place.

It’s kinda crazy how much the world’s changing yet we’re all a bit inured to it all.

I had to run an errand in Chinatown for a relative and I also promised the kid we’d head down so he could have some pasteries, so the Firecracker, he, and I all headed down the other day.

While we were there, the Firecracker found some jewelry that she fell in love with, so I bought her a little something. I’ll tell you more about that someday.

As for the kid, well, he got what he really wanted all along.

The Firecracker ended up hanging out in Chinatown to do her own thing while the kid and headed back – but not before stopping by a soccer store so he could check it out.

He’s grown a solid inch since March, which is already something I’m already trying to wrap my head around, but more than that, he’s got a lotta opinions now.

And we’re doing things like checking out stores for stuff for him to buy.

When I was a kid, I remember my mom telling someone that we were growing up so fast whereas I remember everything being such a draaaaaaaggg…

Now I get it.

Everything’s moving at lightning speed, and I’m worried it’ll all be over before I realize it.

In my head, the kid looks like the 18-month-old above.

But he’s not anymore and I feel so many different things all at once about that.

Location: home, organizing a ton of boxes
Mood: nostalgic
Music: all over, I feel the earth move under my feet (Spotify)
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Did you just lap me?

Din Tai Mars 2112

Me: (laughing)
Her: What’s so funny?
Me: I just read this woman in her 20s writing about online dating and meeting men that married and divorced. She wrote, “It’s a trip when you go on a date with a divorced person and think, ‘Did you just lap me?'”

Decades ago, I worked a lot in NYC clubs – which is all I’ll say on the matter – and one such club I worked at was Mars 2112.

It was a Mars/space-themed restaurant that was enormous at 33,000 SF.

HUGE is an understatement.

It opened in 1998 and closed (ironically) in 2012.

Well, Din Tai Fung took over a chunk of that space and, despite it not being the entire space, man did it feel huge.

If you aren’t familiar with Din Tai Fung, it’s a major upscale Taiwanese restaurant chain with 170 locations worldwide with the Manhattan one as one of their flagships.

The main picture of this entry is just of its staff making dumplings. That’s a lotta dumplings, man.

Anywho, earlier last week, one of the Firecracker’s closest friends, the Liberian, was in town with her husband.

They have a cool story in that they sold off their home and most of their possessions here and bought a villa in Spain where they’re living their best lives.

The one negative is that they’re not getting the level of quality Chinese food they were getting when they were here in NYC.

So, that’s how we ended up at Din Tai Fung.

I’d actually been to the one in Taiwan before but that was it, and decades ago. So having it was a treat.

The food was pretty killer, as I expected, if not super carb-y, as I also expected.

Her: Carbs aren’t that bad.
Me: I gotta disagree – one in three teens here are prediabetic.

Anywho, it was weird being back in that space because it felt familiar yet very different.

On a related note, I should mention that the gym I go now also used to be a club that I also worked at.

Living in NYC your whole life means that things start to make laps in your life.

Wonder what these joints will be like in another few years.

Location: a street fair with an angel and her kid
Mood: full
Music: “Lonely or alone?” Way to Mars by Somersault & Xavier Naidoo (can’t find it anywhere)
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What is home if not the people that call it that?

Never having a home

Speaking of home, movies like the Warriors – which is based on a true story that happened almost 3,000 years ago – can be countlessly retold because the themes of longing, home, and survival are universal.

Hold that thought.

While I enjoy the modern takes on the Incredible Hulk – particularly the 2008 Ed Norton reboot – for someone that grew up with the 1978 television series, The Incredible Hulk, it’s very different.

Not just in terms of technology, production values, and the like, but the thrust of the show itself.

Essentially, the modern movies make stories about a god-like/monster-like hero, the television show was mainly about the other part of the Hulk, Dr. Banner.

There, Banner is shown as a drifter, and I thought that the show was the story of a man with a mindless monster inside of him.

As I got older, I got wiser and thought it was the story of a man searching for a home with a monster inside of him.

But this was wrong also, I realized.

It was the story of man that can never have a home, ever. He must always be on the run and can never relax or settle down.

Not my copyright, obvs.

Because the moment he finds someone to create a home with, that person will forever be in danger of the monster inside him.

So, he can’t have any relationships – no friends, no lovers, no children, no one.

Which is why the ending scene was always of Banner walking alone, to nowhere, with nothing but the clothes on his back and a duffle bag.

Banner can never go home because he can never have a home. He will never have a home.

So, there’s no home to find.

Because what is home if not the people that call it that along with you?

And he has no one to call it that with him.

It’s such a tragic story and can probably explain how a primetime television series about a big, green, comic book character in the 70s lasted five years.

In any case, just a random thought.

Think I’m finally starting to understand the world a bit.

Which isn’t necessarily a good thing.

Oh, by the way, my son’s home.

Him: I’m home!
Me: (laughing) Yes you are!

Location: NJ, getting my treasure
Mood: steamy
Music: There’s a monster in me who shut down (Spotify)
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Tent or Cave?

Troglodyte

Me: I think all housing is either a tent or a cave. Like a modern home is a modern tent and a modern apartment is just a modern cave.
Firecracker: What would you call a stone house then?
Me: That’s still a cave. It’s like when you say all foods are soups or sandwiches, although I think that there’s a third category of salads.
Her: (shaking head) No those are soups. But I think there are a lot more things than tents and caves.
Me: Disagree on both points!

For years, I lived in my parents’ basement and then lived in my own basement for a while.

Told someone once that I was an actual troglodyte – which is someone that lives in a cave – in that an apartment is essentially a modern cave.

She disagreed as well.

But really, people have been living in caves since the dawn of time and things don’t really change, we just get used to things.

Like I live in a cave in the middle of Manhattan.

There are worse places to be.

The kid’s coming back this week and I’m super excited. There was a long time where I thought that home was wherever Alison was.

Suppose that’s a major reason I become unmoored after she died. I lost my sense of self.

But I’ve gotten better all these years because home is where the kid is now.

And the Firecracker and her son round out what home now means to me.

In fact, the Firecracker and I talk a lot about maybe getting a trailer and a car and traveling across the country when the kids go off to college.

Someday, maybe.

Until then, think I’ll make the kid some pancakes when he comes back for brekkie in our little cave we call home.

Me: You’re back in two days!
Him: I know! I can’t wait.
Me: Me neither, kiddo. Me neither.

Location: almost home
Mood: hot, hot, hot, hot
Music: don’t matter where we go, we always find our way back home (Spotify)
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Concert: Andy Grammer at Pier 17 2025.07.18

A Night at the Seaport

After Patrick Droney’s set, things were quiet for almost 45 minutes before Andy hit the stage.

But when he did, he did it with his typical high energy, which everyone in the crowd appreciated.

Here’s him singing a covers mashup before sliding into his own song, Fresh Eyes, a song that I’ll talk to you about one of these days.

Her: Man, he hasn’t been off pitch all night.
Me: I wouldn’t know but I’ll take your word for it.

The Firecracker knew pretty much every song by him and sang along the whole night.

It was great to see her so happy.

Me: Having a good night?
Her: I’ve got Andy Grammer, my guy, and a beautiful summer night. So, yeah.

The crowd was really into it as well. Like I said, the man gives a great concert – if you get a chance to catch him life, you totally should.

Here’s him playing a song I love called Monster, which I absolutely relate to.

Afterwards, the Firecracker and I took a little walk around the South Street Seaport.

Living in NYC my whole life means that I’ve seen a lotta changes – and man, has the Seaport changed a lot since I was kid.

But that’s a story for another time, I suppose.

Location: humid and wet NYC
Mood: sweaty
Music: You dress up just a little and I’m like, “Oh, damn” (Spotify)
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Concert: Patrick Droney at Pier 17 2025.07.18

A Surprise(ish) concert

Her: What?! Oh no!!
Me: What happened?
Her: I just got a text that our concert is tonight.
Me: What? No, it’s not. It’s in August.

Was making dinner on Friday when I heard the Firecracker yell out, so I quickly went into the room to see her on her phone, quite perplexed.

We’d bought tickets for an Andy Grammer – we’re both big fans – and Patrick Droney concert from someone that couldn’t make the show, and it turns out that they pushed up the date of the show over a month from the original date.

Evidently, they didn’t let us know.

So, we literally shoved alla the food I’d made into our faces and dashed off downtown.

Had to tell my kali class and the Radiologist – who was gonna stop by the class – that we couldn’t make it that night.

Me: OMG, we just got an email which is wild; a concert that we booked for August 23rd was resecheduled for tonight! This is the first we heard of it. Literally just got an email right this second.
Him: Enjoy the concert! I’d do Andy Grammar first second and third.

So, off we went.

We were there in less than 30 minutes – living in the middle of Manhattan does have its perks.

The weather and venue were absolutely perfect.

And we were right up near the stage.

So, we had amazing views and sounds.

Patrick Droney was the opening act, and I was actually a fan of his song, Stand and Deliver, which I didn’t get a chance to record.

But, as good as he was, we were there to see Andy and, man, did he deliver.

That fella throws a concert, lemme tell ya…

But I’ll write more about that in the next entry.

Until then, here he is performing one of my fave songs, Honey I’m Good, which is just so catchy.

More Andy in the next entry.

Dude rocks in concert. Literally.

Location: home
Mood: beat
Music: I’ll stand and deliver for you (Spotify)
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