All sheen and no substance


Me: Sit down to eat your orange.
Boy: Why?
Me: I don’t want you to run around and choke on it.
Him: (rolling eyes) That’s never happened!

Don’t think things in the past are dispositive of things in the future, but I do think that they show probability.

Case in point, a month ago, wrote about the Empress Dowager and how the political corruption seemed eerily reminiscent of what’s going on in Ukraine now.

Back then, China’s navy – called the Beiyang Fleet – was supposed to be the largest fleet in Asia and the 8th in the world at the time.

According to all reports, it looked awe-inspiring.

But the basic purpose of a navy is to fight battles on the sea and, in this regard, it was all show. Because all the stuff you don’t see – ammunition, navigation tools, even basic training – was all lacking.

In other words, the Beiyang Feet was all sheen and no substance.

So, it seems the same with the Russian military machine.

Visually, its military looked formidable with modern looking tanks and such, but the less showy but equally important stuff was/is lacking.

Simple stuff like basic training, communication equipment, even navigation tools were all missing, which could explain how alla these career politicians like Putin could afford $700 million yachts.

Russian pilots are using store-bought GPS taped to their dashboards to navigate and Russian leaders are shooting their own wounded troops because they don’t have the basic medical supplies needed to save them.

And therein lies the problem with corruption, it hollows-out things of value from the inside so that everything looks good but it’s all for show.

Like I said, I don’t think things in the past are dispositive of things in the future, but I do think that they show probability.

Me: Past performance is no indication of future results. Sit down, eat your orange, and then you can play.
Him: Fiiiiine.

Me: Totally random but I’m gonna be taking my kid to Central Park on the east side on my bike today at around 5:30 or so if you’re out and about and want to randomly run into us.
Her: OMG, that sounds like so much fun!

Been biking around the city with the boy and we ended up on the East Side at some random playground not too far from the Counselor.

While we were there, the kid made friends with a little girl and they were having a pretty good time when I asked him to come over to do something for me.

He did and, presently, the little girl came over, put her hands on her hips, and exclaimed, “What’s going on here?! What’s taking you so long?”

That part made me laugh.

Counselor: I like her style.
Me: I can see the type of woman he’ll attract [in the future].
Her: Might run in the family.

It turns out that, of course, Heidi ended up going to Paris.

What’s with everyone heading to Paris, randomly?

Then again, I was actually planning on heading to Paris myself a few years back for some reasons that you wouldn’t believe if I told you.

I’m not even sure I believe it myself.

I laughed as I wrote this line because, man, I’ve been pretty starkers the past few years, lemme tell ya…

Pac: “Spam” stands for “specially proceed army meat.”
Me: Nope. It stands for “spiced ham.”
Him: Bet.
Me: $20 bucks says I’m not.
Tom: (looking it up) It stands for “spiced ham.”

As I said, I’ve been really busy lately, especially with Scenic Fights.

But, completely unrelated to it, Pac came by late two nights ago for me to fix up his laptop.

It was try number two, since the first time, we didn’t have the right items due to alla Apple’s proprietary nonsense.

We ended up trying to fix it for hours, without success. The thing about Pac is that he’s a man of his word. Without even asking, he Venmoed me $20 because of the Spam bet.

So, I told him I’d keep trying to fix his computer until it was done. It’s a gift for his dad, you see.

I know all about wanting to do stuff for people you care about.

Especially, when it comes to your parents.

And people that are more substance than sheen – like people that follow through with their commitments – get from me the most valuable thing I got besides the kid: My time.

Location: earlier tonight, just off Union Square, trying to rip off a friend’s lower leg
Mood: slightly less crazy
Music: Un peu naïve mais pas trop Pour ne jamais perdre la tête (Spotify)
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I’m a bitter person


Last week was super busy. By design. Didn’t wanna have time to think.

We had a double shoot of Scenic Fights and will again this coming weekend. It’s been exhausting.

Brought the kid out to a diner and had brekkie with the ABFF around the way.

Her: You’re both having a burger for breakfast?
Me: (shrugging) It’s the breakfast of champions. Protein, fat, and fiber. What more do you need?
Boy: Burger! Burger! Burger!
Her: Wait, you gave it to him on whole wheat toast?! (to the boy) You know, in the real world, you have burgers on these fluffy, delicious…
Me: (interrupting) Stop undermining!

We almost had to reschedule the Scenic Fights shoot because I couldn’t find anyone to babysit the kid while we did the shoots but Pez came in and saved the day.

Her: Your kid is a RIOT!

He does have his moments.

After one shoot, we grabbed a quick drink before she left.

Me: I’m gonna warn you that it’s super sweet.
Her: (tasting the wine) Whoa, that is super sweet.
Me: Well, I’m a bitter person so…

She’s dealing with a whole raft of stuff, but that’s her story to tell. It was nice to catch up.

Which is less than I can say about the Counselor because we were trying to catch up most of the week. But, either something comes up with her or something comes up with me and we have to change plans.

We’re just two too busy people. Maybe this week.

Speaking of stuff to deal with, that girl Heidi, I mentioned, is dealing with some really crazy ones.

To the point that she dropped everything and high-tailed it to Europe for a spell.

Didn’t wanna pry but I’m gonna guess that she didn’t head to Ukraine.

Like Daisy, she’s dealing with a whole mess of things all at once but is trying to be better.

Me: Someone once said, “To try to be better is to be better.” So, I’m glad you’re trying.
Her: Thank you. I have a long way to go and I’m afraid I’ll never get there.

I give credit to people trying to be better. There’re few things more soul-crushing than to try and be told, repeatedly, that nothing is good enough.

Speaking of Heidis, I know a number of women with that name.

One is pretty well known in the cosplay circuit under the name Cosplay Kitten.

Her issues have been leaning towards horror; normally, I wouldn’t tell someone else’s story but she recently put up a GoFundMe for hers, which is cancer. It’s legit crazy how many people I now know with it or had it.

Anywho, if you want to toss some scratch her way, she’s a doll and could use the help here.

Getting back to Scenic Fights, there’s actually video connected to the podcast that mentioned last time, which you can see below.

It’s embarrassing because you literally just see the top of head for most of it.

But, it’s still better than nuthin, which is what happened earlier. See, this was actually the second one we did with these guys; the first one – which was better, IMHO – didn’t record properly so it was lost.

So, if you’ve not heard our podcast yet, here it is again in video. Enjoy my enormous head talking about nonsense.

Location: earlier today, just off Union Square, getting slammed to the ground by Pac
Mood: exhausted
Music: Let’s leave before we eat each other alive (Spotify)
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I found treasure

Aloha Teahouse

Mother’s Day was hard. Alison would have been 43 this week.

That’s all I have to say about that.

Counselor: How was your Mothers Day?
Me: It started off pretty bad but ended really amazing.
Her: Oh, why?
Me: (excitedly) I found treasure! Hold on, lemme show you!

While I saw my mom and sister’s family for Mother’s Day, my head was fulla Alison and my dad.

My sister asked that I help clean out the basement, which was mostly my dad’s stuff, but also some of mine and my brother’s randomness here and there.

I’ll tell you more about all that later but do you remember when I told you about the paper umbrellas and my dad?

Well, there’s a coda to that story: He had alla these scary, but cool looking, mugs and glasses that we weren’t allowed to use. Those were for the customers.

Only discovered when I was older that they were tiki mugs and my dad’s restaurant – called Aloha Teahouse – was fashioned after a Japanese hibachi restaurant and tiki bar.

Fast forward to last week. My sister wrote my brother and me that she found a whole box of these.

Sister: Finally giving away these mugs from Aloha Teahouse that dad kept in the garage.
Me: (shocked) Wait! Is there one I could have?! I didn’t realize we had these!

Evidently, they’ve been sitting in our garage since 1984 and I never knew.

Asked her to hold onto four of them for me and she did. My book bag was already stuffed to the brim with things to bring back to my pad, which I’ll tell you about later.

Mom: Just bring back the cups next time.
Me: I can’t. I’m worried they’ll break or they’ll be lost. I gotta bring them back now.

Took my time getting home because I had to manage the kid, all the junk I was hauling back, the food my mom and sister gave me, and the treasure in my bag.

After getting the kid settled and putting away the food, I gently washed each one of the cups and dried them. Once the kid went to sleep, I put all four of them onto the kitchen table and stared at them.

The last time I laid eyes on them was in 1980, 42 years ago.

I had never drunk out of any of them because my dad wouldn’t let me since we were so young.

Somehow, they gave me comfort. I still haven’t drank out of them yet but I will. Maybe in 42 years.

They made me feel like my dad was still around.

I’ve not seen nor spoken to Mouse in months.

But we used to have this thing that we used my little cubby in the gym as a dropbox; I’d leave her things like stuff she left in my house and she’d leave random things for me, like a magazine she knew I loved to read but never bought.

A few months ago, I came in and found these paper umbrellas there.

No real reason, she just decided to leave them there for me.

I asked her why later on – she didn’t leave a note or anything, but I knew it was her – and she said that she just wanted me to have them so I could make the kid a Shirley Temple and tell him stories of my dad.

And that, in a nutshell, is Mouse.

As for me, I think I will use them for exactly what she suggested.

Maybe even with these cups/mugs. Maybe.

Him: Why can’t I touch them?
Me: Because they’re from my papa. He’s not here anymore and I miss him so much that just having these make me think he’s here. Because they were his, so they’re special to me.
Him: (sadly) I don’t know why but that makes me sad. I’m sorry your daddy isn’t here. (thinking) Can I give you a hug?
Me: Heck, yeah – c’mere, kid!

Quick little admin note, Chad and I are in a podcast this Friday the 13th at 11AM so tune in and check us out?

Here’s where you can go:


Location: 1979, a barstool in a hibachi restaurant on New York Route 141, drinking a Shirley Temple from a highball made by my dad
Mood: gutted
Music: I just wish I could have told him in the living years (Spotify)
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What gets wetter the more it dries?

Unseeing things

Him: What gets wetter the more it dries?
Me: A towel.
Him: Correct!

It’s been a weird week, which sounds about right. Like always, I need to sort it all out.

Her: I just want to be normal and boring: A job that I sort of hate, two kids that have too many activities, and a husband that knows that when I make a certain favorite dinner of his, it’s my silent I Love You.
Me: Let me get the kid down and I’ll give you a quick ring. 
Her: Not best time to speak.
Me: OK, then we’ll try at some point. I’m sorry things are so hard.
Her: Thank you. I feel like you understand better than anyone else
Me: Like I said, grief and I are old friends. Take care of yourself.

For all the other single parents out there, I honestly don’t know how you do it. I’m tired all the damn time. Him getting COVID and missing a week of school didn’t help matters.

Still, I’m grateful that his COVID experience was radically different than mine. He was happy as a clam and at full energy levels.

Him: What was the tallest mountain in the world before Mount Everest was discovered?
Me: Hmm, I don’t know.
Him: Mount Everest!
Me: Clever…

He’s so full of energy and curiosity that it’s hard to manage. But I’m trying to see the world as he does – full of wonder and mysteries to be solved.

Him: (walking outside with me) How does water get into our apartment?
Me: (stopping) Do you see that wooden barrel on the top of that building? Ok there are two pipes inside, one small pipe that sends water up to the barrel. The second pipe is bigger and…
Him: (later) There are wooden barrel everywhere, papa!
Me: That’s called the Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon; once you see something, you can’t unsee it.

Therein lies my problem with life. I’ve seen way too much. I know too much.

As much as I’d like to unsee things, most times I can’t. Which is why I value the ability to forget so much.

I spend a lotta my time actively trying to forget things and people. To survive everything I’ve survived, I have to leave so many things I once loved in the past.

Man, to be like this kid and see the world for the first time. To get a do-over.

Him: What are those lines in the street for?
Me: It’s so the cars don’t hit each other. They’re called “lanes,” and people try to stay in them to keep everyone else safe.

I’m not sure how I could possibly be more jaded. Shit, the entire month of May is a reminder of things I’ve lost and try to forget.

Him: What do you have to break to use?
Me: Eggs.
Him: Correct!

As much as I take care of the boy, the boy takes care of me as well.

I can be coldly dispassionate about things but, with children, that’s not healthy. So, I find myself trying to be in the moment with him as much as I can – with optimism and joy, which is pretty much him in a nutshell.

Him: What has four legs, is green and brown, and would hurt you if it fell off of a tree?
Me: (thinking) I don’t know.
Him: A pool table!
Me: (laughing) Well, that’s just silly.
Him: (giggling) I know! A pool table!

I know he doesn’t know that I’m faking it.

But I worry that, someday, he will.

See, while I know a shitton of nonsense, people escape me.

I don’t get people. While I’m great with people, I don’t understand people.

That’s a whole entry in itself.

In some ways, I’m great with the kid because I talk to him the way I talk to most of the world, for better or worse.

Few people get my full dispassionate cerebration, otherwise, I’d just be alone again, like I was when I was a kid.

Him: What eats apples and books?
Me: A bookworm!
Him: Correct!

I remember watching Dexter with Alison in Bermuda and wondering if she made the connection that both that character and I (to a much lesser degree) fake so much of being normal.

If she did, she never let on.

Suppose, in the end, it didn’t matter.

As for the kid, all I really want is for this kid to be better, and happier, than I. At the very least, I hope and expect that he’ll get along with people as well as I do but he’ll understand them in a way I don’t think I ever will.

If wishes were horses, yeah?

Him: What building has the most stories?
Me: A library!
Him: You’re good at these, papa!
Me: (nodding) I spent a lot of my life thinking, kiddo. A lot of time alone with my thoughts. Something that I hope you won’t have to do.

Location: the basement of my brain again
Mood: dreading Mother’s Day
Music: Are we out of the woods yet? (Spotify)
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Cupcakes for brekkie

A small kindness

Been doing all sorts of activities to try to keep the boy entertained.

He’s happy to not be in school but misses his friends.

So, I just baked a whole crapton of almond flour chocolate cupcakes and cake for him, just to cheer him up and so he would have something tasty and, relatively speaking, nutritious.

Several of the boy’s classmates also have COVID, so we’ve worked out our own little pod system where they rotate time with each of us.

It’s better than nuthin.

Little girl: I’m bored.
Me: Wonderful! I have math problems for you to do.
Her: Noooooo! We’ll read.
Me: Good choice.

As always, May’s a pretty awful month for me in general. I still hate May.

Alison was born in May. She died in May. Mother’s Day is May.

It’s like, one hit after another.

On a smaller, but more annoying, note, it turns out that allergy season peaks in May as well. Of course.

Somehow, though, I feel that this May will be more manageable – emotionally, at least – than previous Mays.

One thing that really gave me a sigh of relief was when the kid’s teacher wrote to say that they wouldn’t be doing Mother’s Day or Father’s Day this year but “Family Day.”

Evidently, I’m not the only parent in the class that has an unconventional family.

I wrote her a short thank you and she wrote back that she was glad she could help in some small way to give me one less thing to stress about.

It’s the small kindnesses that I think I value the most.

Him: Can I have a cupcake for breakfast?
Me: A muffin is just a naked cupcake so, sure, why not?
Him: You’re the best papa, ever!
Me: This may well be true.

Location: in the gym for the first time in a while
Mood: hesitant
Music: you are my sunrise on the darkest day, got me feelin’ some kind of way (Spotify)
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It’s always something

But at least he’s happy

Client: Did you finish [the work]?
Me: Shoot, no, my entire weekend and this week got shot. I can get it to you this afternoon. I’ve just gotta get a few things done right now. Is 4PM too late?
Him: That’ll be ok.

The kid’s eczema is somewhat under control in the sense that it’s gone from pretty darn bad to just bad.

Whereas before, it was the entirety of his lower back, arms, and back of legs, it’s now somewhat localized to just his arms. It still keeps him up at night, scratching, though. It’s painful for both of us – in very different ways.

Found myself sitting outside his room, hoping that he won’t call me to come in and help.

Fortunately, the oatmeal baths, a crapton of homemade oatmeal cookies/bars/pancakes/cereal and constant moisturizing seem to have helped matters a great deal.

But, of course, it’s always something.

He got COVID.

I’ve been taking COVID tests every few days because I’ve been coughing my head off for months. All negative.

I think that – back when I got COVID in 2020 – it really messed up my lungs without my realizing it. Had really light allergies that basically meant a consistent but light cough and that was about it.

Now, when the pollen count is high, I’m in misery. Coughing, sneezing, itchy eyes/throat, etc.


To the point that, during gym class, Chad literally has to stop teaching for a moment because I’m coughing so much.

Him: I’m trying to time it.

Of course, considering that my dad died of lung cancer, there’s that concern as well. But I note that, when pollen counts are low, I tend to be fine.

When they’re high, sometimes I’m fine, most times I’m not.

Right now, I wanna crawl into bed and just sleep everything off.

Anywho, regarding the kid, I wasn’t planning on having him take a COVID test because – eczema aside – he’s just totally normal: High energy, bright-eyed and bushy tailed.

But he was supposed to see the ABFF’s kids over the three-day weekend so, outta an abundance of caution, I gave us both a test.

As always, mine was negative but I was floored when his was positive.

That set off a flurry of emails, texts, and calls to rearrange a whole bevy of things and give notice to a raft of people.

Me: I have to cancel this week, I…
Her: If you don’t want to see me, stop wasting my time.
Me: It’s not that, I… <CLICK> Well, that worked itself out…

Least of which is the Counselor as we’ve been playing phone, text, and date-tag for the past few days because we’re both so busy.

Me: I’m on daddy duty all week as my son’s not allowed back into school until Friday. COVID. So, XXXX may well be out. I’m hoping he’ll be negative for my sitter at [some point]. We’ll play it by ear?
Counselor: Woooow. Sheesh it really is everywhere again. And it’s fine.

Chad and I had a podcast to do just the other day, which I arranged for the kid to be safely away at that time, and we did quite well, I thought.

Him: I got bad news.
Me: Oh no, what?
Him: The video didn’t record. Something happened on their end. We gotta do it again.
Me: Well, of course we do.

Dammit. It’s always something.

At least the kid’s happy.

Him: No school?! All week?! YAAAY! No school! No school! No school!
Me: Yeah. Yay.
Him: No school! No school! No school!
Me: (nodding, slowly)

Location: home, obvs
Mood: so damn tired
Music: gimme some sign. I think that we’re supposed to be (Spotify)
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Maximum Angles and Old Ghosts

So much for sleep

The second birthday party was pretty brief – people from my old gym.

Chad and Kung were there – like me, they both had wrist issues, but much, much worse. Both had surgery.

That’s them comparing the maximum angle they can have their hands.

It was pretty funny. OK, you had to be there.

They did it a lot.

A fella that worked for the government and helped me with the whole crypto theft was there too.

Me: I gotta take you guys out for some steaks and beer.
Him: No, it’s really…
Me: Dude, don’t be selfish – what if I just want an excuse to eat expensive steaks and cheap beers? Or cheap steaks and expensive beers? I’m easy.

Probably too easy. Even before I arrived, I had way too many drinks already that night, including two more there. Think that put me at eight?

At some point Chad said that he had to dash, which I was thrilled to hear because I just wanted to get home and crash.

He barely got the words out when I was already high-tailing home.

Walking out the door, I made it to West 4th to hop the train. Somewhere between there and home, I ran into an old ghost with blond hair and green eyes.

Her: Logan!

I’m such a sucker for blond hair and green eyes. A boy could marry a girl like that.

So much for getting any sleep.

These late nights have caught up with me because I woke up today with a fever and sore throat after weeks (months) of battling allergies.

I’m convinced that COVID has made my – previously almost imperceptible – seasonal allergies into weeks of misery.

Me: I think I’m going to just spend the night in bed watching junk. Sorry, just feel like trash.
Her: No worries, definitely been there. Feel better!

Location: double-masked, waiting for the boy in Union Square
Mood: sicky-sick, send soup
Music: Three months without you, I don’t know what to say next (Spotify)
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No sense in wasting time

I gotta jet

Actually went to two more birthday parties, back-to-back, the other night.

The first was for RE Mike’s girl on the roof of the Daintree – he booked the whole room. Of course. Because he’s RE Mike.

As soon as I walked in, the lady at the front put a bracelet on me.

Her: This is for the open bar.
Me: Sweeeeeet. I’ll have a Hemmingway daiquiri.
Her: I’ll have your waitress get you that.

Pretty much had three of those and then an old fashioned.

I knew several people there, including my friend-from-around-the-way.

Me: How’s work?
Him: The usual. Our new offices are near your gym.
Me: Ah, we should grab lunch. (thinking) You know, I think we’ve known each other 20 years?
Him: 22. I met you the first day I arrived there for work.
Me: Jesus Christ. We be old, yo.

Kinda wonder where my life would be if I stayed in corporate America.

Don’t think I woulda met Alison or done kali or any of that. I woulda been a totally different person living a totally different life.

There’d be no kid, no Paxibellum, no Scenic Fights, prob no blog.

I’ll stop now before I meander too far down my possible pasts.

Anywho, afterward, I went upstairs – with yet another Hemmingway daiquiri – and immediately started chatting with a redhead.

Her: …but I’m leaving for France tomorrow.
Me: Shame. Everyone runs off to Paris right when things get interesting.

Still, I actually spent most of the time talking to her friend who offered to take pics of me and vice versa.

Me: Sorry, I have to ask, how old are you?
Her: 29.
Me: Oh, so close…
Her: You’re not going to invite me downstairs for a drink with your friends?
Me: Tempting, but I have these rules, you see.

We chatted a bit more but then I had to dash off to go to the other birthday party waaaaaaay downtown.

RE Mike: You should get her number.
Me: (shrugging) Nah, I meet women every night. It’s not a good fit. No sense in my wasting her time, or her wasting mine. The night’s young and I gotta jet. Thanks, as always, for the invite!

I’ll tell you about the second birthday party tomorrow.

Still trying to catch up on sleep.

Location: earlier yesterday, a huge Manhattan apartment, getting a new phone case and then running into my buddy heading to Union Square. Small world.
Mood: allergic to the world right now
Music: I can speak to you by saying nothing at all (Spotify)
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Most New Yorkers

Checking out the Chrysler Building

Attorney-at-my-Office: Logan, this is X. You just caught him just in time because this is his last day here.
Me: Oh my, was it something I said?
Her: (laughs) He’s going to back to law school.

Was in my office the other day just to catch up with some co-workers, but also because I was supposed to have drinks at The Campbell with a young lady.

See, the bar’s just a few blocks from where I work. When I go to the office, that is.

As luck would have it, her office was also a few blocks away.

Me: Where are you again?
Her: The Chrysler Building.

Been here close to half-a-centry but I’ve never been inside the Chrysler Building, which – I think – is probably true of most New Yorkers. In fact, I’ve not been to most touristy things.

Left my office and was just about to turn into Grand Central to meet her when she wrote me to say she was stuck in the office late

Her: Sorry, can you actually just come here? Si por favor?
Me: Yes.
Her: Thank youuuu!

So, just a few minutes later, I exit the elevator on her floor.

I’m guessing she’s pretty good at her job because she had a killer office with some killer views.

She actually pulled out a bottle of white from her office fridge but she also had a shelf fulla fine spirits and one cool looking globe decanter.

Me: What’s in the decanter?
Her: I’m actually not sure. It was a gift from someone. I’m not even sure it’s still good.
Me: I pretty much have a cast-iron stomach so, let’s find out.

I opened it and smelled it – it smelled like some really good quality rum. So, I poured myself a glass and tried it.

Me: God, that is so good.
Her: Really?
Me: Yes, you should try it. (hand her my glass)
Her: Whoa, that is good. Shoot, I don’t even know what brand it is since it’s in a decanter.

She introduced me to one of her co-workers and it was nice and somewhat sweet. It’s been a while since someone introduced me to their co-workers in an almost prideful way.

I stayed for a bit, chatting up with her, and we both lost track of time. It was kinda cool, having most of the office to ourselves, not to mention her own nice slice of it.

But we both had other plans so we had to call it an early evening.

Me: I’m heading cross-town for a birthday party, you?
Her: Uptown. Drag-show with my college friends.
Me: Shame. Maybe we’ll see each other this weekend?
Her: I’m sure we’ll figure something out.

There’s a lot more but this is as good a place as any to stop.

On a different matter entirely, my first short for Scenic Fights was just put up.

Do me a favour and check it out, plus like, subscribe, and comment?

Thanks! Back to the usual nonsense tomorrow.

Location: earlier today, getting smashed at Paxibellum
Mood: coughy…
Music: a new perspective, seeing my reflection from a better point of view (Spotify)
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A fella like me

Thinking we’d have more time

Her: I never met a guy who wore a bright red leather jacket before.
Me: (shrugging) Makes sense. You never met a fella like me before.

My son’s been away for a little bit and I miss him terribly.

Still, it does give me a chance to be out and about, something I’ve not had the luxury to be for extended periods of time.

So, I take advantage of it while I can.

One rainy night after we finished rolling around in our gym class, my buddy Miller and I went to get some drinks.

Or, rather, I did, as he’s a teetotaler.

Bartender: You off the sauce tonight?
Him: I’m always off the sauce.

Miller brought me out for my birthday to a nice joint around the way from the gym.

Me: I’ll have the caprese, since I like the sandwich so much.
Him: (after drinks come, he laughs) Now that’s a manly drink.
Me: (shrugging) What can I say? I like my girly drinks because they’re delicious and I love myself. Too bad there’s no umbrella.

It’s funny because Alison made me my first caprese and I used to eat them all the time with the Gradgirl so it made me think of them both.

Didn’t feel right having him cover the bill when it was just me drinking so I secretly paid the bill while he wasn’t looking.

Still, I was touched by the gesture.

Him: Dude, not cool! I wanted to bring you out for your birthday.
Me: And I appreciate it. Thanks for the company.

The bartender struck up a conversation with us and comped me a lemondrop, which also always makes me think of Alison since that was the first drink I ever got her at Solas.

Wrote about it in this entry. In some ways, I’m filled with regret that I didn’t put in more details about all my interactions with her – like the fact that I bought her a lemondrop – but I try not to write about other people if I can help it.

I thought I’d have her with me to reminisce about the details. I thought we’d have time.

Well, fuck. I guess this entry’s done.

Her: I’m finishing up if you want to stop by.
Me: Not tonight, I’m afraid. I’m outta sorts.
Her: You’re no fun.
Me: Evidently not.

Location: home, waiting for him to come back
Mood: detoxing from the week
Music: Rebound, feelin’ like a re-run (Spotify)
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