Tag: parenting

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personal

Not everybody

Two good samaratins pulling a guy off the tracks at Times Square the other day.

Joan Murray survived a 14,500 Foot Fall

Last year, I saw a guy fall into the tracks at Times Square.

Two fellas immediately hopped into the tracks to save him, which I thought was pretty admirable.

But whenever I see something like that, I think of an old joke that goes something like this:

A songbird was flying one winter day when it got so cold that he dropped right outta the clear blue sky onto a farm.

The bird lay there helpless and injured until a horse walked by and, not noticing the small bird, dropped a huge steaming pile of hot poop on him.

The poop, however, was warm and made the bird feel much better – so much better, in fact, that he started to sing. But then a cat heard him sing, found him, and dug him out.

The bird was happy to be outta the poop, but the cat didn’t give him a chance to thank him because the cat gobbled him up and went on with his day.

There are three (shitty) morals to his story:

    1. Not everybody who shits on you is your enemy.
    2. Not everybody who digs you outta shit is your friend.
    3. When you’re in deep shit, shut up.
This is a picture of when a bird pooped on the Firecracker – which happens with alarming regularity.

Now, there’s actually a real life version of this joke about a woman named Joan Murray who survived a 14,500 foot fall, which is almost three miles of free fall straight down.

See, she was sky diving and BOTH her parachutes failed.

Normally, this would be just a death sentence, but she ended up crashing into a huge ant hill – but not just any ant hill, a fire ant anthill.

If you don’t know what a fire ant is, it’s a venomous ant that can these intensely painful stings.

Normally, if you fell onto a fire ant hill, that would be at the very least, an incredibly painful experience – most likely you’d end up in the hospital.

In Joan’s case, however, the softness of the mound coupled with the intense pain of the venom kept her alive with the former softening her impact and the latter keeping her heart beating.

She ended up in a coma with shattered bones on the right side of her body and a few lost teeth, which required 20 reconstructive surgeries, 17 blood transfusions, a metal rod into her right leg, and 5-inch spikes grafted onto into her pelvis.

But she survived.

And she survived precisely because these fire ants were trying to kill her.

Joan actually died in 2022, 23 years after her accident, of cancer (unfortunately – fucking cancer…) with nary a parachute nor fire ant in sight.

(c) Unilad

I’m telling you this story because I see how the kid sees the world: In simple terms of black and white.

Children and the stupid see things so simply binary.

It’s difficult for me to figure out how to explain these subtle nuances in the world, especially in light of world events, to him and, well, generally stupid people, who are uncomfortable with grey.

Soupy grey is never appealing, but it’s still more realistic than stark black-and-white.

Him: If Donald Trump lies all the time, how did he become president?
Me: (whistling) Hoo-boy. That’s gonna take a little while to explain. Not now though.

Location: downright balmy 40+ degree NYC
Mood: not completely frozen
Music: it’s your heart, it’s alive, it’s pumping blood (Spotify)
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Sticking, for some reason

The algorithm I came up with

Did you know that Mark Twain was instrumental in the creation of the bra?

Or that Charles Darwin invented the office chair?

Or that Brian May, the guitarist and co-founder of Queen, is also a celebrated astrophysics that helped NASA land a rocket on an asteroid?

People that reach high levels of achievement in disparate fields have always fascinated me, with my personal hero being Hedy Lamarr.

The question is whether this kinda thing can be taught. Like, can a parent teach someone to be successful in many areas?

Long before the kid came into existence, I was trying to figure this out for whatever kid I might eventually have.

The algorithm that I came up with:

Lifetime curiosity + the ability to properly research + discipline = success in various fields

Because, at least for me, I try to keep my childhood curiosity alive.

With the internet and all the tools out there for research, it’s a lot easier than it used to be to find out information – although separating the wheat from the chaff is more difficult than ever what with the sheer amount of information out there.

Have no idea if this is correct, or if it’ll work with everyone, but I believe hope it will.

Suppose only time will tell.

Me: Try it. Nothing beats beets.
Him: I don’t like beets.
Me: Well, if you like candy and cake, you should like beets.
Him: What? Why?
Me: Well, most American sugar comes from beets.
Her: Is that true? How do you know all this stuff?
Me: (shrugging) I always wonder things. So, then I look it up and a shocking amount of it sticks in my head for some reason.

Location: home, trying to make sense of things
Mood: annoyed
Music: suddenly I see why the hell it means so much to me (Spotify)
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Sunday in Greenpoint

Searching for burgers

Her: What about that truck?
Me: (squinting) It looks like they have “respect, compassion, caring, and kindness,” but no burgers.

It was raining cats and dogs for part of the weekend and the other part was cold, so we met up with the Surgeon and Steele to head over to the Ferox Ninja Park in Brooklyn so the kid could get some exercise.

The Firecracker had to level up with some coffee first, though.

As soon as we arrived, I was hungry and started my quest for food.

We thought there was a food truck across from the park but it ended up being a volunteer group’s truck instead.

So, despite my wanting a burger for brekkie, we ended up heading to Compton’s Sandwich Shop instead and ordering a buncha breakfast wraps.

Me: Can you put bacon in them?
Him: Which one?
Me: All of them?

They ended up not doing that so I went back to say something. The manager apologized profusely and comped up like four kombucha drinks, which was nice.

Afterward, the kids spent the next three hours playing like crazy.

I, of course, got hungry again.

Him: Burgers?
Me: I’ve been wanting a burger all day – heck yeah!

We ended up ordering from this joint called Jubilee Marketplace in Greenpoint which is pretty well-known for amazingly good $2.50 burgers.

Think of small shake shack burgers.

Me: How many did you order?
Him: 20?
Me: Good call.

We ate 19 of them on a park bench in the chilly sun.

There was one left after we devoured them, and I took that one home for the kid for dinner.

All in all, not a bad way to spend the day.

Location: a musical with my son this morning by Ajna
Mood: angry
Music: I’m all messed up, I’m so out of line (Spotify)
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Physical education and spite

Oh, yeah

I raise my son like my parents raised me – after all, it’s all I know.

But the one thing that I do differently is to give the boy a sense that physical education is as important as a mental one.

Now, my dad swam every single day for at least 90 minutes a day, for years.

Yet, he never emphasized physical fitness to me, something that I picked up myself after getting beaten up one-too-many times.

On that note, the boy’s really been excelling at his swimming lately.

And he also got his first stripe on his new belt.

Him: Are you proud of me?
Me: Super proud! But more importantly, are you proud of yourself?
Him: Yes!
Me: Good – because that’s really the most important thing.

As for me, I need to work out a lot more because I keep finding myself out and about.

The Frenchman and Bryson swung by my hood the other night, so we hit up my local dive bar and caught each other up on what been going down.

Him: How is deep fried cauliflower any better than French fries?
Me: Because it’s deep-fried cauliflower!
Both of them: (shake their heads)

I also filled in the Frenchman on why I pick my particular types of physical activities.

Frenchman: Wait, is that why you do BJJ?
Me: Yup! Bryson said I was too much a germaphobe to ever do anything like BJJ.
Bryson: So, Logan’s been doing BJJ all these years purely to prove me wrong.
Me: My level of petty spite is pretty spectacular.
Frenchman: And you’re really a germaphobe?
Bryson and me: (nodding) Oh, yeah.

Hey, it works is all I’m say’n…

Location: filming Scenic Fights all day at Paxibellum
Mood: exhausted
Music: I’m just gonna keep on dreaming’ of the way it used to be (Spotify)
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Square-jawed

Tough food=tough people?

Still waiting to get my ceiling repaired.

BUT the leaking seems to have stopped so I’ll take that as a win.

The Firecracker accidentally made butter the other day while whipping up heavy cream.

Her: Sorry about that! I thought it was cold enough.
Me: It’s fine – we now have homemade butter!

I’m definitely a fan of homemade stuff, regardless of how it happens.

On that note, a buddy of mine started chewing this jaw strenghtener lately.

Human faces seemed to have been shaped by two major things: (a) violence and (b) the type of food we eat.

The classic angular face for both men and women is innately attractive to us because it’s a sign of vitality and strength so when we meet people with soft faces and jaws, it seems “wrong” to us, but we can’t exactly explain how.

That’s why it’s a compliment is to call a man “square-jawed,” and not “round-jawed.”

(c) Someone else

Unfortunately, as the years go on, more and more people will start having these softer features because we:

    1. avoid violence as a whole, and
    2. eat more-and-more ultra-processed foods and a hallmark of ultra-processed foods are that they’re not gritty – as they take out all the fiber – and not tough.

Think applesauce versus a tough piece of steak or nuts.

Was telling the Firecracker that the danger here is that the baseline level of what is “soft,” should be, say, the level of well-cooked chicken but, because of things like whitebread and applesauce, the floor is much lower.

This, in turn, means that what was once considered “soft” is now considered tough because the curve changed.

I’m always fighting the boy to eat more real food; to wit, minimally processed foods like whole raw nuts and fresh fruit.

No less than four of his friends cannot eat normal – non-ultra processed – foods at all.

I know at least one adult who can’t eat something unless a machine made it.

So far, the boy’s been good about listening to me when it comes to food but I’m worried that his peers will convince him that “normal” means “ultra-processed” while actual real food is strange.

What a world we live in these days.

Parenting means that there’s a never-ending litany of things to be concerned about.

Him: Can I have more cucumbers?
Me: You can have all the cucumbers you want, kid.
Him: But we don’t have that much.
Me: I’ll get more. You can always eat as many vegetables as you want and if we run out, I’ll get more, don’t you worry.

Location: A dive bar with Bryson and the Frenchman, enjoying $5 mixed drinks of questionable quality.
Mood: fatty-fat-fat
Music: I find that old habits don’t die (Spotify)
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Fixing the kid’s cracked tooth

Getting screwed by Biden

While I generally like that the boy takes after me in most regards, there are some things that I wish he wouldn’t.

Just like I did in May of last year, my kid cracked his tooth a while ago in his BJJ class and we went to the dentist for a cleaning and general checkup, but I wasn’t expecting to repair his tooth during this particular visit.

In any case, I had earmarked 15 minutes of buffer to make sure we made his appointment.

What I didn’t factor in was that President Biden was gonna be in the Upper West Side that day.

Holy cow, what a mess.

Gotta think that Biden was crossing at W 79th because we were stuck there for a while before we decided to try out the subway.

Luckily, that was still running.

So, we were late when we arrived.

Unlike the last several times I went to this dentist, they were actually much more well run such that we were seen only 30 minutes after our scheduled time, instead of the usual hour/90-minutes.

This was an improvement.

However, unlike when the kid went to his regular dentist, this one didn’t give him any laughing gas to do his cleaning.

He wasn’t thrilled but he was still a trooper.

But, we weren’t done.

Her: You know your son’s tooth is cracked, yes?
Me: I am aware.
Her: Do you want to fix it?
Me: I dunno. We only scheduled the cleaning. He still has to make his Chinese class.
Her: Oh, you’ll be done in 15 minutes. I would do it because it’s only going to get worse; it won’t get better if we don’t fix it.

We left with only five minutes to spare but this time, the train let us down because it skipped our stop.

So, we had to run to his class and ended up being 20 minutes late.

It was a pretty exhausting day, but I’m glad that the kid’s tooth is taken care of.

Hopefully, we can go another year before he needs to get his teeth looked at again.

Firecracker: You know you’re supposed to go every six months, right?
Me: Nah, we’ll be fine.
Her: Logan Lo!
Me: Fiiine, I’ll consider it.

Location: the kid’s BJJ gym, telling him he has to wear his mouthguard
Mood: beat tired
Music: White teeth teens are up for it (Spotify)
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Music Together

My Son’s First Recital

So many people did so many things for Alison, me, and the kid when she first got sick.

But there’s a story I don’t think I ever told you about which is this small little group called Music Together and this woman named Deanna DeCampos.

My memory is completely fuzzy during this time but she somehow heard about Alison and me and offered for me to take the kid there. I only went a few times because I was busy so with Alison but we had sitters that brought the kid there the whole time that Alison was sick.

It was such a godsend to have some place for him to go and be happy.

And when Alison died, they kept saying the kid should continue to come but, after a while, I felt I was taking advantage of their generosity so I eventually stopped but a huge part of the kid’s insane love of music is because of them.

Now, I’ve only ever shown his face once in this blog, and this is the second time. He’s the munchkin in the front – he was maybe just two years old here.

I honestly think that a major reason why the kid never felt the unbelievable sadness of what was going on with Alison was because of the joy of music that Music Together gave him.

So, if you’re in NYC and want to support a wonderful organization with some amazing instructors and have your kid love music as much as mine does, drop them a line.

I cannot recommend them highly enough.

Speaking of the kid’s love of music, he had his very first recital the other night with his guitar teacher.

He was the only kid that both played an instrument and sang a song at the same time.

I was am super proud.

He def needs to sing louder – but I was still a proud papa.

Afterward, I brought the Firecracker and both kids to that Irish pub because (a) I was in the mood for some good fish and chips and (b) I wanted to thank the bartender for finding my iPad and stuff.

Wrote about the bar a while ago.

He def needs to sing louder – but I was still a proud papa.

Got the kid a burger but the rest of us had some killer fish and chips – beer battered not breaded.

Alison always wanted him to learn the violin and I do my darndest to try to respect her wishes but I couldn’t imagine the thought of years of screeching before he got good.

Then again, he’s been a natural with music thanks to Music Together so maybe it wouldn’tve been that bad.

Him: Did you hear people singing the song when I was singing?!
Me: I did!
Him: That was so cool!
Me: It was. (turning and whispering to the Firecracker) Hopefully, he’ll wanna go to med school or law school, though.
Her: Oh, hush, Lo.

Location: at a swimming pool, writing this and trying not to get splashed.
Mood: proud
Music: Tell me why, ain’t nothin’ but a heartache (Spotify)
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Popping over

A doctor’s visit and a magic show

Took the kid outta school the other day because we had to have his annual physical.

Me: I’m curious if you have an idea how tall he might be.
Her: Hmm, lemme see. (types into her computer) Well, it looks like he’ll be something between 5′ 6″ and 6′.
Me: (laughing) That’s a pretty broad range. His mom was 5′ 2″ or so and I’m 5′ 8″ so I’d be thrilled with 5′ 10″.
Her: (laughing also) It’s not an exact science. Hopefully, he will be.

The kid was pretty nervous about his flu shot but she said he could just do a nasal spray.

Him: Will it hurt?
Her: Nope! It’ll feel like a little water in your nose.
Him: OK!

The kid was thrilled that he didn’t have to have a shot. Well, he was kinda thrilled, at least.

Him: Wait, do I still get my double dessert?
Me: What? No, you didn’t get a shot.
Him: That’s not fair!
Me: Well, we could go and get a COVID booster shot and then you can get your double dessert.
Him: (sighing) Nevermind.
Me: Good choice, kid. Good choice.

So, we’re good for another year, I suppose.

Later on in the week, we got invited to go to the holiday party from the ginormous building next door to ours the other day that we normally do Halloween at, so off we went.

The Firecracker’s kid had never been there for Xmas and was excited to be there – my kid’s always excited to do fun things.

We got there just in time to see the magic act, which was pretty cool, I gotta say. For example, the man took a long, slender ballon about three feet long and swallowed it whole.

Her: Where did it go?!
Me: I honestly don’t think you wanna know.
Her: On no…
Me: (laughing) He’ll probably see it again in like 24 hours. Ideally, we won’t.

Afterward, we had dinner there and chatted with our neighbor friends.

Her: You know, he and his wife always say hi to me when they see me in the neighborhood.
Me: I have a lotta nice neighbors.
Her: So nice!

The kids had a grand time running around like maniacs and then playing with some friends they knew there from Halloween.

We had to leave early because it was still a school night I made sure to thank our hosts.

Me: Thanks for always inviting us!
Me: You’re our neighbors, of course.

Like I always say, thank goodness for the good souls.

Location: in front of 3 East 17th Street, remembering Paul, WM, Heartgirl, and my possible past
Mood: ruminative
Music: If it wasn’t for the good souls, life would not matter (Spotify)
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Proud of the work we do

Korean BBQ at home

My boiler’s been acting up again – I had an emergency appointment the other day because there wasn’t any water in it.

A boiler without water can crack so I shut the whole thing down and called up our old boiler guy, who sent us someone within two hours.

Within three hours, we were back on track.

So, not horrible but not great either.

The Firecracker’s sister and fella live just a few blocks south of us, so we had a kinda pre-thanksgiving get-together with them and their kid.

Because of the Frenchman and his wife’s amazing food the other night, we did our own version of Korean BBQ.

They brought over drinks.

Her: You’re not supposed to eat the cranberries!
Me: (grimacing) Ooooh, waaay too late.

We ate our fill of food and then decided to play a round of Codenames, with couple-vs-couple.

Her: Three [is the clue]. Two words.
Me: (after getting only one word) I’m stumped as to what the second word is. (after the game) OK, which other one was three?
Her: “Trip.”
Me: “Trip?!” Are you on drugs? How is “three” the clue for “trip!?”
Her: “Triple!”
Me: It said “trip,” not “triple.” No one would get that.
BIL: Well, I saw it.
Sister: Yeah, I did too.
Me: (grumble) You’re all clearly insane.

After a few rounds of that, we decided to up the ante a bit with the Firecracker’s BIL and me versus the Firecracker and her sister.

The Firecracker and her sister won both rounds BUT only by a single point.

Me: I’m not sure this is really a huge win. After all, you two have know each other more than 30 years while he and I only met like four months ago.
Her: But we still beat you.
Him: By a much smaller margin than I would have expected.
Sister: But we still won.

It was a fun night.

We’ll most likely do it again.

Oh, the kid got his first new belt in BJJ. I was thrilled.

Him: Are you proud of me?
Me: Of course I am, kid. But more importantly, are you proud of yourself?
Him: Yes. I worked really hard.
Me: Then that’s the most important thing. You gotta be proud of the work you do in life.

Location: Earlier tonight, the Bronx, looking at trains.
Mood: exhausted
Music: gonna twist your game, raise the stakes (Spotify)
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His First Concert

We’ll see

There’s a band that my kid likes called Kidz Bop – really, it’s just random kids that sing clean covers of current and older pop songs.

While walking past the Beacon Theatre the other day, the kid noticed that they were gonna play in town this month.

Him: Can we go, can we go?!
Me: Money doesn’t grow on trees, you know.
Him: PLEASE!?
Me: We’ll see.

 

I figured that I’d let the Firecracker be the deciding vote. If she and her kid didn’t wanna go, I wasn’t gonna go – the tickets were at least $120 each so it was a pricey gift for them.

Her: I’m not sure [my kid] will wanna go, BUT we can try.
Me: Really?
Her: Sure! This will be the first concert for both of them.

Considering how much fun they had on the Disney cruise – including the live music – I figured we’d be ok.

Once we made it into the theatre, the kid bounded up the steps. He was so excited.

We settled into our seats and I figured that we would have room to stretch out.

Her: Oh, no – this whole thing was sold out pretty quickly.
Me: You’re kidding me.
Her: Nope. Some people really love their kids.
Me: Seems that way.

She was right; the whole joint was packed – there wasn’t an empty seat in the house, including on the main Orchestra level, which I think was going for at least $400 a ticket.

Nuts.

Well, my kid was thrilled; her kid was pretty bored by the whole thing. He’s not really into music but he was definitely a good sport about it all.

But my kid was dancing and singing in the aisles – that’s him in the middle singing his little heart out.

Me? I was a little less enthused.

But, at the end of the day, he had a blast. And I think the Firecracker’s son, while not nearly as interested, enjoyed the next experience.

Him: Aw, why does it have to end?
Me: All good things must end.
Him: Is that true?
Me: Unfortunately, yes. But that’s a good thing, because it makes you value these kinda things.
Him: I guess. (thinking) Can we go again next year?
Me: We’ll see, kid. We’ll see.

Location: My kitchen, making turkey stock
Mood: busy
Music: Last Friday night, yeah, we danced on tabletops (Spotify)
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