Speaking of advice, a friend asked me to go with her to court to help her with a case she was involved in.
Well, a case she had to restart because of things way outta her control.
I’m not a court attorney but I know enough to at least tell her where to go and what to say.
We all need help finding our way, sometimes.
It’s good to have a friend during those times.
To this end, we went down to the courthouse the other day.
Me: I used to come here with my buddy Steele when we were both clerking for the same judge. Her: That was a while ago. Me: A lifetime ago, really.
The building directly in the center of the main picture is where Alison and I got married.
Now that feels like several lifetimes ago.
Going to court in NYC is a bit like going on a scavenger hunt, because, invariably, you gotta go to several different offices and speak with different people to get anything done.
While she didn’t get to accomplish everything that she intended that day, she got a bit closer to her ultimate goal, which is always a positive.
Afterward, we walked over to Chinatown to get some lunch – Taiwanese food over at Taiwan Pork Chop House.
Her: I never realized how close the courts are to Chinatown. Me: That’s why there are so many lawyers that have lunch there.
Along the way, ran into not one but two Scenic Fights fans.
The first one was on the train ride down there.
Him: Excuse me, but do I know you? You look super familiar. Me: Do you watch Scenic Fights? Him: Yes!
The second was after we were done with court and went to Chinatown to get food.
Stuart: I love Scenic Fights! Me: OMG, will you take a picture with me? Him: Sure!
In the end, my friend didn’t get everything done that she wanted to get done, but it was a (good) start.
Court stuff is difficult, for sure.
But all difficult things are overcome, as long as you start – it’s the starting that usually the hardest part.
Her: Thanks for coming. Me: Happy to help, although I’m not sure I did much. Her: You did – we have a contact now and a plan. Me: That’s more than you had before. Her: Absolutely.
Location: earlier today, a rooftop with Ricky and the Firecracker
Mood: fatty-fat-fat
Music: Knee deep in a muddy trench (Spotify) Subscribe! Like this post? Tell someone about it by clicking a button below.
If you’ve never been, you should stop by – it’s part of the NYC Public Library System and free.
So, bright and early on Saturday morning, we went there.
There was almost no one around when we got there.
It was gorgeous – both the place and the weather.
But, unfortunately, we could only stay for a little over an hour because there was so much construction going on around there.
This is what it used to look like, ages ago.
We were planning to walk down to Koreatown to get some Korean fried chix, but we didn’t make it too far because we took a detour at West 37th Street to check out Reichenbach Hall, a beer garden.
We got a liter of hard cider to split between the two of us…
…and ordered some brats and a schnitzel.
It was perfect.
Afterward, we went back to the main library on West 42nd.
Me: When I was studying for the bar, I came here a few days and just spend the day studying here. Feels like a million years ago. Her: It’s gorgeous here!
I sat, roughly, where I sat some 28 years ago when I studied to pass the LSAT.
Afterward, we decided to try and walk home, which was good because we ran smack dab into a street fair.
Unfortunately, one of the pigeons took a liking to the Firecracker.
Her: I think it pooped on me. Me: Sorry, baby. (brightening) Wait, we should buy a lottery ticket!
So, we walked over to Columbus Circle, where she got cleaned up, and then we took the train home.
Another year and another May 24th to August 24th, done.
I think it’ll always be hard, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing.
I’ll tell you why sometime but not today.
My brain and heart are tired.
Location: videochatting with the Professor, refusing to believe we’re in our 50s
Mood: better, thanks
Music: you and I will be alright (Spotify) Subscribe! Like this post? Tell someone about it by clicking a button below.
Years ago, he wrote me something while I was struggling. Dunno if I ever shared it with you.
I’d forgotten all about it because he sent it to me when I was still pretty muddle-headed but it came up between us, recently and I wanted to share.
He took words from my blog and put them to some electronica music he composed and called it: Logan’s Stressful Day.
In any case, here is below.
I definitely don’t have much musical talent – certainly nuthin like my mom and brother.
But it’s nice that my kid has it as well.
He’s actually going to be in the school talent show and he just started playing Hotel California recently – here’s his audition for it.
Just keep in mind that’s he’s only eight…
I joke with friends that I’m still hoping that he’ll be a surgeon or doctor versus a performer.
But in the end, I suppose I just want him happy and productive.
Although I do have some personal preferences.
Teacher: Your son (programmed) a game that my other students want to play. He has talent there. Me: Great! I’ll take programmer, surgeon, or lawyer. Her: (laughing) I’m sure one of those will happen. Me: That’s the hope!
Was planning on writing this whole entry about my trip to Vienna but I thought I’d take a little sidetrack to wish you all a Happy New Year.
The Firecracker and I went to the Albertina Museum and saw the Michelangelo and Beyond exhibit and saw a whole buncha things that I could tell you about.
But the thing that stuck with me was the sculpture called The Wrestlers, which is actually not by Michelangelo but by an unknown Roman sculptor.
This is actually a copy but still…
The interesting thing about this sculpture is that it’s a pretty common move even today called the “cross-body ride,” and the top wrestler would probably move to a position called a twister or a guillotine.
My buddy Ricky stopped by my pad the other day because he was in the neighborhood…
Me: The Firecracker baked cookies, you want one? Him: Sure! (later) Is that real milk [in the coffee]? Me: Shoot, yes. I shoulda thought about that.
…and Bryson gave me a ring to see how I was doing. I’m guessing they read up on my mom and wanted to make sure we were all ok.
Bryson: Dude, next time, before you rent a car, gimme a call. I’m happy to pick you up and get you to your mom. Me: Thanks, man. I appreciate that. But, what’s going on with you? Him: Nah, man, I didn’t call to talk about me, I called to check in on you.
I’m grateful for old friends that check in with me to make sure that I’m ok.
Speaking of being ok, I’ve been seeing a therapist for some time now.
She asked me this past week the details of what happened with Alison.
Me: Oh, I thought I told you. Her: You only told me that she died and your struggles with everything. You never told me the details.
So, I did.
About halfway through it all, I realized that she was crying. By the time I wasdone, she was pretty emotional – well, as emotional as a professional can get.
Her: (drying her eyes) That’s a lot for you to have dealt with. Me: She dealt with more. Her: Well, thank you for sharing with me. And you should be kinder to yourself.
Told her that I felt guilty that I was alive and got to spend alla this time with the kid and she didn’t.
She only got to hold him once.
Just writing that sentence fills me with both sadness, anger, guilt, and a bevy of other emotions I can’t fully express with my limited vocabulary.
Her: There’s useful guilt and useless guilt. Me: (nodding) I know. Intellectually, I know. Emotionally is a different matter.
Prob for the best; I’m not sure a lotta people would go to McDonald’s to order a hot dog.
I saw The Flash when it came out because he was always one of my favourite superheroes – mainly because super speed is the only power I think really matters.
That’s an entry for another day, I suppose.
But, while I don’t think it deserved to be as maligned as much as it has been, I wanted to tell you why I think the movie failed.
As a comic book nerd, I always gravitated more towards DC comics than Marvel comics, even though I really liked both.
See, Marvel likes to ground its characters in realism – the teenage Peter Parker trying to make ends meet while dealing with massive guilt, the alcoholic Tony Stark, the rage-filled, revenge-seeking Frank Castle, etc.
Comparatively, DC heroes are like otherworldly gods – Superman is essentially a god from the heavens, The Flash is as fast and mercurial as Mercury, Wonder Woman is a goddess.
The thing about these gods, though, is that they are innately good, and – more than anything – bastions of hope.
Me: Did you like Man of Steel? Him: No, because he killed Zod. Snyder doesn’t understand Superman never kills. He doesn’t understand that Batman doesn’t use guns. He doesn’t understand what makes them…them. DC Comics are all about hope. But Synder’s film have no joy, no hope. It’s all spectacle without heart.
And that, I think, is why The Flash bombed.
It’s one of the saddest and darkest superhero films out there; everyone and everything is disposable. Heroes are introduced merely to die. No one and nothing matters.
Look, don’t get me wrong, I understand that tragedy is a part of life.
Fuck, if anyone’s life is a tragedy, it’s mine (albeit, fulla joy).
Plus, there’s nuthin wrong with a cinematic tragedy; but kids trying to see their fave hero on the big screen – especially a DC-based one – want the good guys to win.
Evil to be overcome. Good to prevail.
Goddammit, I thought my own tragedy wouldn’t actually be one. Thought we would prevail. But I was wrong.
I digress.
In any case, just like you don’t go to McDonalds for a hot dog, you don’t go to a DC based film to leave feeling hopeless.
And that – not just the bad CGI (which I didn’t hate) and the foibles of the main actor – is why I think the movie failed.
The Firecracker was busy for most of the following day but we met up for a walk to the pier near my pad when she was free.
There was a salsa party going on so we had to fight our way through that to make it to the edge of the pier, but it was worth it.
Me: What are you thinking? Her: These are the times where I think, I can’t believe that I live here.
This fella named Richard Ford once said, The more we see our parents fully, see them as the world does, the better our chances to see the world as it is.
The boy just got his first red stripe in BJJ, which is kinda a big deal – certainly to him, if nuthin else.
Him: LOOK, LOOK! (shows me) Are you proud of me? Me: Of course. But that’s not as important as if you’re proud of yourself. Are you proud of yourself? Him: (beaming) Yes! Me: That’s the most important thing, kid. Do things that make yourself proud of yourself, not me or anyone else.
I mean, my mom’s still around and she and I talk about these things but I wonder what my dad was thinking when I was the kid’s age and doing similar things.
Realize all the times that my dad was right – and wrong – about things. I so wish he was here to talk about it all.
If he was, I wish I could tell him that I understand now, so much more about him than I ever did.
Wish I could tell him that I loved him, still do, and always will.
I wonder if he’d be proud of me. Then again, I think I did the best I could with everything I was given.
In that sense, then, I’m proud of myself.
Still, I wish he was here.
Although, truthfully, I always wish the people I loved were here with me.
Him: You looked like this again (makes face). Were you thinking of mommy again? Me: (smiling, shaking head) I always think of her, but at that moment, I was thinking of my papa. Him: (hugs me) I’m sorry, daddy. Me: Thanks, kid. You’re my faves. Him: YOU’RE MY FAVES! Me: (laughing, hoping that I’ll stay in his top 10 forever)
Location: getting a second free soda at a street party because the person wanted a pic of me
Mood: hollowed
Music: how I wish you were here (Spotify) Subscribe! Like this post? Tell someone about it by clicking a button below.
One thing that I’m learning as a parent is that summer stuff needs to be planned super early.
I’ve already got a surprise trip planned for the kid as well as a few weeks of things here and there but trying to fill up an entire summer is daunting, lemme tell ya.
Hopefully, we’ll have some stories to tell you after the summer’s over.
Boy: Will you come to Germany with me? Me: Sure! I love Germany. That sounds like fun.
Met up with the Firecracker and her sister the other day for an early dinner.
Conveniently, her sister also lives in the Upper Best Side, so that made things easy and we just met up at a local bar around us.
I’ve been really into fish and chips lately, plus this place had sweet potato fries, so that made things even better.
She just had a burger, which I always approve of.
Her: Look, they branded the burger with their initials! Me: Ooooh, fancy!
Her sister speaks Japanese, which was pretty cool.
I’d just bought a new camera (I’ll tell you about that later) and she was actually looking at the one I was seriously considering before I ended up choosing something else entirely.
In any case, my brother, sister, and I, plus my cousins were all talking about a summer 2024 trip back to Taiwan and I asked them if they would be interested in coming along as well.
Firecracker: That sounds like fun! Sister: I’ve never been but it’s on my list of places to visit. Me: Sweet, we’ll plan something out.
It feels weird planning things for the future with the kid. Weirder with the Firecracker.
There’s something inherently hopeful about planning for the future.
The last decade has seriously fucked with my head when it comes to being hopeful.
Even before everything went to shit, I was always cautious about being too hopeful about anything.
After all, the more you hope for things, the harder you crash if they fall apart.
Then again, what is life if not somewhat hopeful?
Her: The kids are away that week, do you want to go somewhere? Me: (long pause) Sure. That sounds like fun.
Holy cow, one of my videos has 10 MILLON views on it.
It’s yet another thing that’s kinda hard for me to wrap my head around.
That’s a joke, of course. But I did just turn 50 this past week, so it’s not quite as funny as it’s been in the past.
The pic above is of me when I was a few days old.
Man, it’s a kick in the head to get my mind around that I was once that infant in the picture above some 50 years ago.
Realize that I probably don’t look 50 to you, which is fine because I don’t look 50 to me.
In fact, when I think of 50, I think of Molly Shannon’s Sally O’Malley (who’s actually 58 in the clip below):
It’s funny because a lotta my friends tell me that they use me as an example of what 50 might be like for them.
This is my friend Hawk, who – like a lotta my friends – only texts me on my bday, but that’s fine, I’m always thrilled to hear from them.
Spent a lotta time wondering what I would write about to commemorate this momentous occasion and the best thing I could come up with was the five concepts that changed my life the most.
1. Invest in the S&P 500
One of my summer jobs in college was helping two accountants do paperwork for a company called Ziff-Davis, where I ended up working at after college. They asked me to come in on the weekend and said they’d buy lunch. As a poor college kid, that was enough, so I did.
While I was there, we got to talking about investing and they told me to just dump every spare cent I ever made into the S&P 500.
Basically, “S&P” is “Standard and Poor,” think of them like the New York Times, except they only report about companies. And one thing they do is list the 500 biggest companies – in terms of how much they’re worth –Â at any given time.
When, say, Company 498 becomes Company 502, it’s kicked out, and some other company becomes 498.
A fella named John Bogle figured out that if you invested money evenly into each of the 500 companies, you’d end up making about 11.8% annually.
If you invested $1,000 a year for 50 years, you woulda “spent” $50,000 but you would end up with $2,505,311.97, or $2,455,311.97 profit.
There are hundreds of funds that track the S&P 500 for little or no money.Â
Started doing that 30 years ago, when I was 20. My life woulda been radically different if I never took that weekend gig.Â
Think they got me turkey club both days.
In any case, you should probably start investing ASAP, if you haven’t done it yet.
2. Do pushups – or something – every morning
I was a pretty fat kid from 10 to 14 – when I was 14, I was 5 foot 3 inches and 185 pounds with a 44-inch waist.
I went on a fast for four months – legit stopped eating, cold – and dropped down to 120 pounds and a 28-inch waist.
I’m now 50 years old with a 28-inch waist.
It all started when I stopped eating completely to reset my brain and started working out. When I first did it, I could barely do two pushups.
By the time I was 18, I was doing 100 pushups without issue. I just banged out 79 pushups in 60 seconds a few weeks ago.
Look, I don’t really do pushups anymore because I kept needing more. I’m in the gym like 10 hours a week these days.
You don’t gotta do pushups, you can do situps, you can run, you can walk for 30 minutes. Whatever.
But you gotta do something.
Otherwise, you’ll definitely look your age.
3. Learn to cook and stop eating stuff made by machines
OK, I admit that I eat quite a lotta things made by machines, like protein bars and stuff.
But I make sure that at least three out of every four meals I eat, I’ve made most of it myself.
This way, you know what you’re putting into your body.
As an aside, the bulk of my diet is beans and nuts, mainly peanut butter, honestly.
I found out that they sold five-pound jars of peanut butter but I’m more than half-way though one jar and it’s only been less than two weeks.
So, I bought another jar.
But that’s really neither here nor there…
I still have two more things to tell you, but I’ll do that tomorrow because it’s getting late and I don’t wanna mess up my sleep schedule any more than it already is.
And because it’s never too late to be better.
I’m trying to be better, even now.
We should all try to be better than we were yesterday.
Her: (finishes singing a song and turns to look at me) Do you think I’m weird? Me: (nodding) Oh, yeah. Totally. Her: Oh… Me: (laughing) You’re adorkable!
This past weekend, I had a few things really stop me in my tracks. None were what you might call, “good,” but neither were they “terrible.”
They were, however, things that made me radically reassess my life and look at things very differently.
All three are gonna mean that my life is gonna change drastically and I’m not sure how it’ll all shake out.
The smallest of the three – and the only one I can really tell you about – is that the Firecracker and I got into our first real big fight but it was really about nuthin.
Honestly though, most fights are about nuthin, if you think about it in the grand scheme of things.
In any case, my takeaway, though, was her style of fighting. It worked well with my style of fighting such that the whole things – while arduous – was over and done by the evening. That’s a net positive.
I suppose, in life, you gotta take all the net positives you can.
The other two events I’m still sorting it all out in my head. But really big changes are ahead for the Lo family, lemme tell ya.
Ultimately, though, I’m trying to go back to my old mindset from a decade ago and accepting the world as it is, not as I wish it to be.
It’s funny, suppose I started upgrading my OS ages ago but it got interrupted with alla the tragedies.
It never stopped loading into my brain, though.
It’s still loading now, I think.
At least there was lots of music all weekend, between the Firecracker and my son singing.
This is his latest – Emily, another parent from his school, thinks he would rock the talent show. He says he’s too shy.
I dunno, I think he’d be pretty good.
Him: (sadly) Do I have to do it? Me: Only if you want, kid. Him: Oh. OK. I don’t want to. Too many people. Me: Maybe someday. Him: (nodding) Maybe.
In the end, my friend didn’t get everything done that she wanted to get done, but it was a (good) start.
