Tag: human condition

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personal

Doing the right thing

Two different kids

Went to see my mom and sister for my nephew’s birthday the other day.

We went to Flushing first to get some dumplings from White Bear,…

…some Taiwanese from the local mall, and to get a little shopping done before heading to their place in Queens.

We didn’t eat all that much because my sister was going to get ribs and pizza for everyone for the bday.

It was a small affair, just some of my nephew’s school friends and us.

But, in the middle of it, a neighbor’s kid that stopped by for a brief bit and he was…just awful.

Obnoxious, loud, rude, etc. But I found out afterward that his family life was pretty rough and then I was torn.

Like, people are the way that they are because of their upbringing.

Then, on the ride home, we were in a packed subway car, and it was the NYC Dominican Day Parade.

Well, it was like half the parade was trying to be in our subway car.

In the middle of it, a teen girl turned on music, began dancing inappropriately, and then started vaping in front of my kid.

Me: (tapping her on the shoulder) Hey, can you not do that? My kid is right here.
Her: OK, sorry.

And she stopped. Also heard her say to her friends – that had packed the car and were also vaping, “Hey, there are kids here!”

When we left, I tapped the girl’s shoulder again.

Me: Hey, thanks for doing that.
Her: No worries, mister. Sorry about that.
Her friend: Yeah, sorry mister.
Me: You did the right thing here, so…thanks.

Martin Luther King Jr’s in the news again lately, for the most ridiculous reason.

But he had a quote on the topic that I’ve always liked that seems appropriate to this situation: The time is always right to do the right thing.

As we walked home, the kid talked to me about it all.

Him: They were really loud and scary. Why did you thank her?
Me: Because she did the right thing in the end. Yes, she should have been quieter and yes, she shouldn’t have vaped in the first place. But when someone recognizes they did something wrong and try to fix what they did, you have to give them credit for that.
Him: She was still really loud and scary.
Me: (nodding) Yes. But she was trying to do the right thing in the end. And we always hope that, even if it takes a long time, ultimately, people do the right thing. Maybe next time, she’ll be even better.

Location: a playground, watching a mouse explode
Mood: nauseated
Music: This is a moment in the prime of your life – you better own it (Spotify)
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No such thing as inclement weather

Only poor clothing choices

Her: The artichokes were good. But they’re just too much work.
Me: They’re the crayfish of the vegetable world.

It’s been quiet around here for a change. Most exciting thing was that I made the Firecracker artichokes for the first time.

Did get stuck in the rain the other day though.

It wasn’t that bad.

After all, there’s no such thing as inclement weather, only poor clothing choices.

Location: bed, waiting for the sandman
Mood: sleepy
Music: no music, just the rain
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My collection can’t be beat

The McKenzie Method

Me: (after dropping something) Sorry, I can’t get it up.
Her: (bursts out laughing) Do you…
Me: (sighing and holding up hand) I heard it when I said it.

My collection of injuries seems to be growing every single day.

About a year ago, I started getting these weird wrist pains. They’d come and then go, no real rhyme or reason.

For the past month, my wrist has been bugging me non-stop; I don’t go to the gym anymore without a wrist brace on.

This is just an old pic of mine after some party.

Then, about a week ago, I started getting these shooting pains in my lower back.

Him: Are you ok? What happened?!
Me: That’s the thing – nothing happened. No major event. It just started hurting one day.

A buddy of mine is a doctor, and I mentioned it to him. He asked me a few questions, which I answered.

Him: Sounds like you have a herniated disk.
Me: What?! You’re kidding. What do I do?
Him: (shrugging) Wait and try not to injure it more. It takes about two years to resolve itself.

The Firecracker started digging around and found something called The McKenzie Method for back pain.

Essentially, it’s about seven exercises that you do every 2-3 hours; it takes about 15 minutes to do from start to finish.

Man, I hate it.

But I hate feeling like an old man more so…this is what I’m doing for the foreseeable future.

Blargh.

Her: (to a friend) I’m glad that Biden dropped out. I can’t vote for him again. He’s older than Logan.
Me: That was uncalled for.

Location: my floor, doing these $@#$@#$ exercises
Mood: grumpy
Music:  I just keep pretending I’m okay (Spotify)
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Goodnight Ms. Binnie Meltzer

I’m sorry I never told you

In the red bag that my mom brought to me while I was in Flushing was my Junior High School yearbook, that my sister found and told her to get to me.

The reason I was thrilled to get it was for one reason and one reason alone – I wanted to figure out the name of my English teacher.

See, the most influential teacher I had was a Ms. Meltzer and for years I always meant to find her and let her know that, but life got in the way.

Plus, I had no idea what her first name was.

But with the yearbook, I immediately looked for her and was disappointed to find that it only had her first initial was “B” and that led me – well, really, the Firecracker to a search and we found “Binnie Meltzer’s” obituary.

I’m certain it was her.

It made me both happy and sad; happy in that I found her, in a manner of speaking, and – of course – sad that I was too late.

She died in 2006. A lifetime ago.

She was the first teacher that I was always happy to see and that made me think that I had any type of talent for anything at all.

If she was still alive, I woulda told her what a profound and positive influence she was on me – I write because she told me once that I was a good writer and I believed her.

That’s the power of a good teacher.

Goodnight, Ms. Meltzer.

You were an amazing teacher and human, and I’m forever grateful we met.

On a much more mundane note, because of alla my injuries, my sleep’s been crap lately, so the Firecracker suggested that I get some nature – well, as much nature as NYC provides.

To that end, we had a little picnic in Central Park near Sheep’s Meadow, which was pretty great, I gotta say.

Her: Honestly, this is all I really need. My person, a picnic, a park, and my pup.
Me: I could do without onea those things.
Her: Oh, stop…

Location: supermarket for tea, which I forgot to buy despite it being WHY I WENT IN THE FIRST PLACE
Mood: annoyed at myself
Music: I got an open mind so, tell me where you wanna go (Spotify)
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Husbands are six-times more likely to leave

Shannon deserved better

Me: Her dying has fucked me up.
Her: I can tell. (later) This is a perfect example of you not understanding people. This doesn’t surprise me.

Didn’t know Jenny Wilder, Maggie Malene, Kris Witherspoon, Brenda Walsh, Rene Mosier, or Prue Halliwell.

But I did see Heather Duke in Heathers on a date in high school. Don’t remember the date much but I liked Heathers enough to watch it again on video.

That pretty much encapsulates all I know about Shannon Doherty.

Well, that and the fact that she died of cancer.

(c) Creative Commons

Was still surprised when she died, though.

Somehow, I thought, with her wealth and connections, she’d pull through. She was just two years older than me.

But I read this news article that took my breath away, which was titled, Shannen Doherty’s divorce from Kurt Iswarienko was finalized one day before her death.

That led me down an awful rabbit hole, where I ended up reading this article: Men Leave: Separation And Divorce Far More Common When The Wife Is The Patient

That pretty much says it all; evidently, if a wife gets cancer a husband is six times more likely to leave than the other way around.

Put another way, if a husband gets sick, the wife is six times more likely to stay and help while the husband is six times more likely to peace out if the wife gets sick.

What. The. Fuck.

That made me so mad that I couldn’t sleep. The inequity of it all.

Because I remember – so clearly – how much physical and emotional pain Alison was in with her cancer and her treatments.

I remember her daily struggles and I remember all these medical people acting as if I was some angel because I stayed with her.

Always thought it was fucked up how many times it was mentioned – to the point that I got irritated and would simply change the subject.

Learned later that when women get brain cancer, their husbands usually leave:

One study from 2009 found the strongest predictor for separation or divorce for patients with brain cancer was whether or not the sick person was a woman. That same study showed that men were seven times more likely to leave their partner than the other way around if one of them got brain cancer.

I stayed for one reason alone, which was that she was my wife. We were a team. Sickness and in health and all that shit. That was the deal. And I knew, in my heart-of-hearts, that she would have done the exact same for me.

She would never have left me.

And it never once occurred to me to leave her. How could I? She needed me. Plus, she was my wife, and I loved her.

Full stop.

I’ve seen this firsthand.

Have a scumbag relative that cheated on his wife and divorced her while she had cancer.

I have zero to do with him and plan on having zero to do with him ever again.

And Newt Gingrich divorced his first wife Jackie when she had uterine cancer and his third wife Callista after she had been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis.

All this to say nuthin of Trump and his multiple marriages, rapes, and affairs.

Party of family values, folks.

What a fucking joke.

Think the reason this whole thing bothered me so much is that I knew how much Alison suffered with her cancer and the thought that someone out there in Alison’s situation has to deal with her same horror AND also have to deal with the pain of being tossed like a piece of garbage by the person she pledged her life to makes my blood boil.

Yet another reason why I think the less I have to do with people, the better.

I didn’t know Shannon at all but, man, no one deserves having to deal with the hassle and heartbreak of a divorce while facing death.

Oh, and regarding her ex-husband, fuck that guy.

Location: Zepplin Hall with a relative and the Firecracker
Mood: angry and sooooooo drunk
Music: Some’ll win, some will lose. Some are born to sing the blues (Spotify)
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Hating people

Not alla them

Me: I’m gonna fucking punch them both in the face and then call the cops.
Her: Then they’ll be dealing with you and not her.

Olivia’s death definitely messed with me a bit this past week.

But so did another very disturbing thing that also took my breath away.

See, Firecracker and I were sitting in a park and this little Asian girl went running to her mother…with a CLEARLY compound fracture in her arm.

It was dangling off her elbow like a limp noodle. Both the Firecracker and I gasped when we saw it.

Any idiot could see that this kid was about to go into shock; the pain musta been insane for this 5-6 year old.

Yet BOTH parents were yelling at her and asking her what happened, as if that mattered.

And the mother started shaking the broken arm as if it was a wet towel.

Yup, you read that right. She most definitely made things worse and that girl was definitely in shock.

Almost lost my shit.

You have to call an ambulance. Now! I yelled.

But they essentially ignored me, continuing to blame the kid for having a broken arm.

The father continues to look at his phone while the mother goes to check the bus schedule.

I’m doing my level best to control my temper when the Firecracker tells me that the parents are probably overwhelmed but I don’t think so.

The kid and mom start walking, we hope, to the hospital, which is miles away while the father remains with the other two kids, casually looking at his phone.

Had to leave because I was so upset by this whole thing; was worried I’d get into a shouting match with the dad in front of his two other kids.

I hate people.

Well, not all people. Just most.

Location: my somewhat air conditioned pad with the kid
Mood: hard to explain
Music: why you gotta be so heartless I know you think it’s harmless (Spotify)
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New Mexico came before Mexico

Plus, Germany and Switzerland don’t like debt

Me: I have all this useless information in my head for some reason. Like, which do you think came first, Mexico or New Mexico?
Her: I would think Mexico.
Me: And you would be wrong.

If social media has taught me one thing, it’s that (a) people are easily fooled because (b) we put a outsized value on common sense – but “common sense,” differs radically from one group to another.

For example, the German word for “debt” is the same as their word for “fault” and “shame” (in the sense of, “what a shame”) which tells you a lot about how they look at borrowing.

And that’s probably why Germany and Switzerland, both German-speaking nations, have the lowest home ownership rates in alla Europe.

Here in the US, it’s just common sense to strive for home ownership.

There, in Germany, it’s just common sense to never have debt.

As I see the kid grow up, it’s alarming how much certain bits of information is just taken for granted and is so often wrong:

These are all things that have the air of truth but only a tiny bit of actual truth to them.

Like all kids, he asks a million questions.

But, for some reason, when kids grow up, they stop asking questions and just assume that what they’re told is correct.

After a while, people just assume things – they don’t even need anyone to tell them stuff.

That’s why I’m hoping that the boy’ll always be curious and intellectually inquisitive.

Her: How is that possible?
Me: New Mexico was first called that in 1598 (Nuevo México) but what we now know as Mexico was never known as that until 1821; prior to that, it was known as New Spain.

Location: the Dakota bar, with a buncha school principals
Mood: floaty
Music: Man, it’s a hot one – like seven inches from the midday sun (Spotify)
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Why she said it

Cleaning up the hard drive

Firecracker: Is that a black bagel?
Me: Yeah, it’s pumpernickel.
Her: Oh, I’ve never had it before.
Me: You’ve never had it before?!
Her: You know, you do that all the time: I tell you that I’ve not had or done X and you immediately say, “You’ve never had X?!” No, Logan, I haven’t. THAT’S WHY I SAID IT!
Me: Noted. (under breath) You didn’t have to yell…

My buddy Annabel swung by my pad the other day and dropped off some gifts for the kid.

I’m always touched when someone goes out of their way to help us out or do something nice for us.

Thank goodness for the good souls.

The main problem with having such easy access to a good camera these days – after all, even the cheapest cell phone still takes pretty good shots – is that you end up with hundreds if not thousands of pictures that you really should go and clean up.

I keep having to upgrade my harddrives because I have so many pictures.

So, the other day, I started deleting pictures that either aren’t good or that I just don’t care for.

Been coming across some cool ones though.

Like the woman above obviously shooting a model shot.

Or this one below of people jumping onto the tracks to save someone.

Think he just fell in, and those two fellas jumped in to rescue him.

Again, thank goodness for the good souls, right?

Finally, the below conversation between the Firecracker and her sister made me laugh…

Location: late evening, picking up my son late from school. There’s a lot to do at the end of the year.
Mood: sleepy
Music: Christ, I’m out of my mind (Spotify)
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The right to be nobody

Just because I can

Him: But it fits!
Me: Kinda. You’re definitely Brittney Spearsing it here.

Clothes that I just bought for the kid last year are already not fitting him.

I remember that, as a kid, I loved this yellow shirt with a red V on it. Wore it until my bellybutton was constantly out, all Britney Spears like.

Think my parents were just happy that I didn’t ask for new clothes, but I always think that Alison woulda wanted him to be put together so I try my best.

My best being a sliding scale.

(c) Getty Images

Him: Why don’t you ever show my face?
Me: Because I don’t have that right. At least, I shouldn’t have that right.

Been enjoying my new gym – it’s interesting rolling with people from a completely new gym because no one knows my game and I know no one else’s game, so each roll feels very different than at my old gym.

Recently rolled with a very talented but smaller female. While I could have easily beat her, that wasn’t why I was there; I was there to get better.

Just because I can, doesn’t mean I should.

In a way, that’s why I don’t put up pictures of my kid where you can clearly see his face.

See, I grew up in a time where you could grow up in relative anonymity.

Never realized what a gift that was until YouTube because – MAN – did I do some jaw-droppingly bone-headed things when I was younger.

Legit, thank god everyone didn’t walk around with a video camera because I would most likely be hated by the world writ large.

In that sense, I feel that it’s not fair or right that I – as someone much bigger and much older than my kid – have the right to take away my son’s chance to be anonymous.

Just because I can, doesn’t mean I should.

He’s a little kid right now but little kids grow up to be adults.

When he is one, he might resent not being able to tell his own story his own way.

If you think about it, the thing that probably pisses you off the most is when someone else tells your story.

Janet? She’s such a slut. Did you hear last Friday, she…

Tom? He’s a loser. When we were kids…

That guy? Lemme tell you about him…

But I have to balance that with the fact that I’m proud of him – so proud of him – and what he can do so I wanna show him off.

And that’s really what it is with parents, isn’t it?

They want to show their kids off, not for their kids sake, but for their own. And that’s not right, I don’t think.

Just because they can, doesn’t mean they should.

So, my concession is that I blur or hide his face and name so that when/if he does want to have a public face/name, that’s his choice to make when he’s old enough to make that choice.

For now, I realize that, just because I could put up anything I want about him, I shouldn’t.

Me: One day, you’ll be old enough to decide who you are and how you want the world to see you. You and your friends are gonna be some of the first kids on the planet that’s lost that right to be a nobody.
Him: (thinking) What if I wanna be someone?
Me: That’s your choice to make. I’ve lived my life. I don’t have the right to live your life as well. You get to decide who and what you want to be. (pause) For what it’s worth, you’re always someone to me. You’re my most important someone.

Location: a pier with four lovely ladies – including the Firecracker – the boy, and a bottle of white
Mood: so. full.
Music: I just wanna be someone. Well, doesn’t everyone? (Spotify)
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Naked hope

Wait for it

Her: It’s gonna overflow!
Me: It’ll be fine.
Her: It’s gonna overflow! We should get something.
Me: It’ll be fine.
Her: (momentarily) It didn’t overflow! You were right.
Me: I was just hoping.

This qualifies as middle-aged excitement.

And I always tell myself that things will be ok, even when I have no idea if they will be.

It’s just naked hope.

All these decades later, it’s still just naked hope and I still don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing.

For reasons that we don’t need to get into, had to leave my gym recently and join another one.

All-in-all, it’s fine because there are so many great schools in the city, I was able to join another one less than 48 hours later but it’s a bummer that I had to say goodbye to alla my friends from my old spot.

I also have a lotta really seasoned BJJ people to coach me while I make the transition, like Bryson, Giph, and the Frenchman, who’s a black belt himself.

Speaking of the Frenchman, he headed up my way and we – the kid, the Firecracker, him, and me – all grabbed some food around the way.

Because it’s May, and I hate May, been eating a lotta Greek, Japanese, and Chinese food because that’s comfort food for me.

Although I do try to slip in a salad or two here and there since beach weather is coming up.

Have to lose about 5-8 pounds from alla my traveling and eating, but I’m already down about three pounds with the new gym.

Another Mother’s Day and Alison’s birthday down.

Just need to make it to June and then past August and I can breathe a little easier until next May.

Location: my old gym earlier today, shooting some Scenic Fights stuff
Mood: sleep-deprived
Music: Night after night my heartbeat shows the fear (Spotify)
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