Survival is not pretty

Ned Stark was an awful father

Ned: You want me to serve the woman who murdered my king, who butchered my men, who crippled my son?!
Varys: I want you to serve the realm! Tell the Queen you will confess your vile treason, tell your son to lay down his sword and proclaim Joffrey as the true heir! Cersei knows you as a man of honour; if you give her the peace she needs, and promise to carry her secret to your grave, I believe she will allow you to take the black and live out your days on the Wall, with your brother and your bastard son.
Ned: (laughs) You think my life is some precious thing to me? That I would trade my honour for a few more years of…of what?! You grew up with actors; you learned their craft and you learnt it well. But I grew up with soldiers. I learned how to die a long time ago.
Varys: Pity. Such a pity. (Varys moves to leave, but turns back for one last word) What of your daughter’s life, my lord? Is that a precious thing to you? (Spoiler: Ned chose his honor over his own fucking daughter, who ended up getting raped and tortured repeatedly)

Years ago, I wrote a letter to my son, telling him about our family motto, “Survive.”

I had a number of people tell me how much that entry spoke to them but, in my head, I knew they didn’t really understand what I was saying.

Because they looked at it as some noble, honorable thing, when it was the exact opposite of that.

One guy I knew thought it was such a deep entry, but we clashed years ago about – of all things – Ned on Game of Thrones.

He’s the same guy who, like most people, completely doesn’t understand what “Survival of the fittest,” means

You see, I think Ned Stark was an awful father. Let’s run through the list:

      • Robb Stark – Murdered after he executed Rickard Karstark and the Karstarks abandon his army
      • Sansa Stark – see above. She suffered until she learned to be cold and survive.
      • Arya Stark – Survives because she’s precisely the opposite of what Ned hoped her to be.
      • Bran Stark – crippled but survives because he’s 10 when Ned dies
      • Rickon Stark – Killed
      • Theon Greyjoy (ward/foster son) – Hoo-boy, you don’t wanna know
      • Jon Snow (foster son) – Survives but only because he dies first

This dude was so upset that I said Ned was a bad father – note that he’s not a father himself – that he kicked me. That was the one of the last times I ever saw him.

A grown-ass 50 year-old man kicked me over a fictional guy. Jesus Christ. That tells you everything you need to know about him and why he and his business are struggling.

But, on a deeper level, it goes to a fundamental misunderstanding of what I wrote and mean.

Survival is not – at all – pretty.

Think about what survives things: Rats, roaches, weeds.

These aren’t pretty, glorious, honorable things. These are the things that don’t care about anything but surviving.

When I killed that rat last week ago, I felt nothing. He was huge and bit the shit outta what I was using to drown him.

If the roles were reversed, there wouldn’t be a moment’s hesitation of that rat trying to end me to survive. I respected that it fought to live, but it was it or me.

Ned taught his kids honor, duty, pride, politeness, etc.

That’s all fine and good, but if it’s a choice between my honor and my kid, fuck honor every day of the week and twice on Sundays.

You want me to bend the knee so my kid is ok? Which knee do you want?

Ned died – as did his wife, and two of his kids, while the rest suffered immensely –  because he did the noble thing, rather than the right thing.

The right thing woulda been to survive, protect his family, his sons and daughters, and – as Varys noted – the people of the realm.

How many people died in his family and throughout the kingdom(s) because of his honor, whatever the fuck that means? Based on his conversation with Varys, it sounds more like his pride at work.

I survive things, even when I don’t wanna. Because I’m this kid’s guard. That’s the reason why I’m here.

My buddy and his bullshit 14 year-old ideas of parenting and honor can go pound sand.

Friend: If we go to war with China or Russia, I’m finding you.
Me: (laughing) Why ?
Him: Because, out of everyone I know, you’re the one most likely to survive.
Me: OK. First things first, we get the fuck off the island and make it to NJ. Then we head west.

Location: earlier today, W 18th Street, having a beer with an almost relative
Mood: amused
Music: I spent so many nights just thinking how you’d done me wrong (Spotify)
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Chad Vazquez BJJ

What are you?

Chad: Can I run something by you?
Me: Sure.
Him: (later) I don’t think I’m ready.
Me: (shaking head) No one’s ever ready for their lives to change. The saying isn’t, “Take your chances when you’re ready.” The saying’s, “Take your chances as they come.” This is your chance to ball. You can be a basic bitch, or you can ball.

Chad and I have a buddy, Brando, that sent Chad information on a space to take over so Chad could have his own gym. The wild thing is that Brando owns a gym himself.

That’s what an amazeballs human being he is – even though he ran his own gym, he still sent Chad information so Chad could open his own. What a class act.

In any case, Chad turned it down. But then, last week, he gave me and alla those handsome devils you see in the pic above, a buzz to meet up to see if we would help if he did eventually open his own space.

Without hesitation, we all agreed and everyone met up at my fave Chinese joint around the way with less than 48 hours notice. And these are some busy and powerful people. Why?

Miller: We all believe in you, Chad.
Me: (interjecting) Well, I’m helping him.
Chung: We all believe in you, Chad.
Me: (grumble)

Over some soup dumplings, Szechuan beef noodle soup, and beer, we banged out a jaw-dropping amount of details in just about 90 minutes.

Then I spent the rest of the weekend building out spreadsheets, writing up legal papers, and dealing with all sorts of random issues.

All of this while juggling stuff with my own building and alla these new people I’ve been meeting in the world, but that’s a story for some other time.

Chad’s helped me with a lotta things and this is my way to pay it forward with him.

Besides, this is what I think he’s meant to do.

Me: When I was kid in Queens, there was a saying I rather liked. It went: Bitch-ass motherfuckers get what they can. Hard-ass motherfuckers get what they want. I know what I am. What are you? Or, rather, what do you *want* to be?
Him: The latter.
Me: (nodding) Then take your chances as they come, brother.

It’s early yet, but you heard it here first: Chad Vazquez is gonna try and open his own gym.

The hardest thing about doing anything, is the deciding. Everything else is just details.

Maybe you’ll come by and watch Chad do his Chad thing?

I might do some stabby-slashy-stabby there whenever he he finds a place and opens but this is gonna be his little slice of the world.

I’ll keep you posted.

Location: around the way, having an Old Fashioned
Mood: so goddamn excited
Music: been working so the both of us can ball (Spotify)
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A kindness to one, a wickedness to another

First soul food

Him: I need your help.
Me: Of course.
Him: There’s a catch though.

A story I told you about years ago, has been coming up repeatedly for me, recently.

There’re these two Christians that’re thrown to the these starving lions. One guy says to the other, “Fear not, the good Lord will be merciful to us.”

To which the other dude goes, “How do you know the good Lord won’t be merciful to the lions?

I’ve been helping out two friends recently on things and, while it helps them, it hurts other people I rather like. Because a kindness to one person is often a wickedness to another.

At the end of the day, it’s all about where your loyalties lie. These past few years has been a lotta people doing kindness for others but wickedness towards me.

I figure it’s ok if I sit on the other side every once in a while.

Me: It’s less than ideal, but my loyalty’s to you. In for a penny, in for a fucking pound. I’ll help you.

A girl I’ll call the CEO’s been away for a spell but came back and dropped me a line so we met up. I’ve never felt intimidated on a date before but she came somewhat close.

For example, her company’s actually buying up one of my favourite restaurants around the way.

Her: I’m going to be [one-block] from your house.
Me: That’s kismet. Let’s meet on the corner.

She was cutting deals on her mobile when we met up.

Her: I’ll put away my phone if you put away yours.
Me: Deal.
Her: Wait, you have a kid, you should keep it out.
Me: Alright, you get points for that.

We ended up meeting at a local joint for coffee and chatted for a bit before going for a walk. She was super nice to the waitstaff, which is good because I messed up my order so I had to chat up the barista to get a replacement.

After a while, she told me she was going to walk 70 (!) blocks home.

Me: Clearly, you’re insane.
Her: (laughing) It’s fine. It’ll be a nice walk.
Me: See that over there? That’s called a subway, it’s genius.
Her: (laughing) They’re short blocks, Logan.
Me: (singing) In-saneeeeeeeee…

Forget walking, I don’t even wanna cook in the summer.

To this end, my sitter mentioned that she could bring food by.

It was the first soul food I’d had since 2018.

I’d been to Jacob’s once before; on July 26, 2015 for lunch with two buddies. It was just four months before everything turned to shit.

This is a pic from that day.

This time around…

Me: OMG, if you don’t mind picking up soul food, I could go for a pound of beef short ribs, a pound of curried goat, and a pound of oxtails. I have mac and cheese (with protein pasta) for him. Plus a pound of collard greens?
Her: Ha, that’s like 50 bucks worth of food!

Below is the start of her getting me food. The end result was a lot bigger and messier.

Finally, Pez swung by today wearing some cool Scenic Fights gear.

Look, I’m not – by any stretch of the imagination – cool. But she and Chad are and they wear that shirt.

You should join the cool kids and pick one up too.

Be like Pez and Chad…

 

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Location: scootering to the post office in the rain
Mood: hot as heck
Music: Maybe she’s in pain? Maybe she needs love? (Spotify)
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I should go now

I should always order the steak

It’s been a busy week, least of all because I was always unsure if I had allergies – I never had any as a kid – but now I can definitively say that I do.

Was a coughing mess because of tree allergies and walked around sounding like Don Corleone.

Because it rained the entire holiday weekend, alla my bigger plans got reduced drastically to several one-on-one meetups, including with my boss.

As well as just random friends here and there.

A wealthy guy I know got divorced relatively recently so we went to Koreatown as I’ve been doing lately. He surprised me by asking me a question.

Me: I’ll answer that by asking you a question: We’ve known each other for close to two decades. Would I have ever cheated on Alison?
Him: (sighs) I’m sorry, I…
Me: That’s not the question you shoulda asked.

Him: What is?
Me: Did she ever proposition me? I think you know the answer to that one too. Even if I was capable of cheating on Alison – and I don’t mess with marriage, mine or anyone else’s – I’m always loyal to my friends.
Him: What did you tell her and why didn’t you ever tell me?
Me: I told her, “I should go now,” and left. Didn’t tell you cause I was hoping it was a one-off. But you can go fuck yourself. If I wanted your wife, I woulda taken your wife.

I regret not ordering the bigger steak platter.

Oddly enough, a similar, but different, situation came up in discussion while driving home with some other friends the following night.

Me: They each asked me on separate occasions but I told them, “I think I should go now,” and just left.
Her: [Both women] were unhappy in their relationships. So I believe that.

It’s weird, I’ve gone from being the most important person in the world to one person to being just a shady secret to rando women in NYC.

Perhaps even weirder, I’ve reached a point in life that I have a go-to phrase for MBA women.

On a much more positive note, did manage to end the weekend with the sun and my college friends.

We’d talked for ages about our kids hanging out and it never happened because I was so messed up in my head all these years.

But we all got together in a biergarten in Brooklyn on the only sunny day of the holiday.

Her: Your son’s so cute!
Me: Well, I’m required by law to keep him for the next 11 years but his being cute definitely helps.

The boy had a blast hanging out with all of their kids.

This is him having a slice of pizza sitting under the table to avoid the sun. He’s such my kid.

As is typically the case when I see groups of friends these days, I’m the only single one. So, the setup questions happened at the end, several drinks in.

Her: You’d like my best friend, she’s an investment banker.
Me: You should know better than to set her up with a fella like me. For one thing, I’m a high-functioning alcoholic.
Her: (waves hand) Let’s not mention that part. She’s super wealthy, if you want to be a kept man.
Me: (laughing) Do you think I look the way I look to not be a kept man? But really, if she’s your best friend…
Her: What else are you looking for – besides being a kept man, that is?
Me: Hot, busty, smart, Caucasian, 30-39. I don’t think you fully appreciate how shallow and vain I am. Kindness is a plus, though.

Must be giving off a single vibe.

Katsmw: That waiter was totally hitting on you.
Me: I could tell when the kid gave him our address and he mentioned that he lived near us. All the boy needs to do now is to give him my PIN number for my bank accounts.
Her: (laughing) Man, you can really flirt with anyone.
Me: (shrugging) It’s 2021. I do a lot for free drinks…

Location: Yesterday, Park Slope, Brooklyn
Mood: coffee/coughy
Music: I’m sick of being sad. Ooh, I could be happy (Spotify)
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PSA: Talk to Someone

Mental Health Awareness Month 2021

May’s almost over, thank goodness, as it’s an awful month for me for reasons you probably already know.

Having said that, May’s also Mental Health Awareness Month and I wanted to get in this entry before the month was over.

This Thursday, I’m seeing a therapist again for the first time in over a decade-and-a-half. My buddy Miller’s been really supportive and encouraging for me to just talk to someone.

Should note that I’m actually not in a bad place right now, all things considered. But the insomnia’s  always just one poor food choice or one argument away. And that’s not a good thing, because my insomnia’s always a trigger to bigger problems.

With the kid and my age, I’ve gotta be extra vigilant to be ok.

That means brushing my teeth three times a day, exercising regularly, watching out for carbs, avoiding zombies, keeping up with the people important to me, and making sure that I’m on top of my mental health.

If you’re not making sure your health – mental and physical – is where it needs to be, you’re setting yourself up for a difficult time down the road.

Broken people become broken people over time.

After all, alla your life’s problems can be divided up into health, wealth, and relationships. So you should be spending a little bit of time on all three every day.

Being a gym rat, I meet tons of people that are also very attentive as to their physical health but I wonder if they’re equally watchful of their mental health.

The thing is, you gotta take care of your mental and physical health because when you’re not ok, it’s the people you love that pay the price.

Someone’s gotta pay for you to be alright, and it should be you and not them.

May’s almost over but attention as to your overall health never ends.

Him: Why do you go to the gym so much?
Me: So I can stay healthy and stay with you a long, long time.
Him: Will you go away?
Me: Someday. But not for a while.
Him: Not for a hundred thousand years?
Me: If I could stay with you until the end of the world, I would.
Him: That’s a long time!
Me: Not long enough, kiddo. When it comes to the people you love, there’s not enough time. There’s never enough time.

Location: Chinatown, eyeing the carbs
Mood: healthy
Music: It’s easy when you’re not around (Spotify)
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Tooth Fairy Logan

Achievement unlocked

Was brushing the kid’s teeth the other night when I reached down and noticed that his new teeth were growing behind his baby teeth instead of underneath.

So, late Sunday night, I contacted his dentist and set up an emergency morning procedure.

It was stressful. All this happened on the anniversary of Alison’s passing so I was already rough and this didn’t help.

Still, within 12 hours of finding this out, I had a procedure scheduled. I pride myself on getting shit done.

He was blissfully unaware Monday morning so, when it was around time for us to walk out the door for school, he said, “Why haven’t you started making lunch? It’s almost time to go!”

That’s when I told him we were going to the dentist.

He was sad and upset but only for literally a minute. In some ways, he’s what I always wished I was, like a reed – bending at bad news but then springing right back to normal.

Honestly, the whole experience could not’ve gone better. The dentist was a pro and the kid was a doll. 30 minutes later, it was all over.

Me: You get a burger for lunch and ice cream for dessert tonight.
Him: Yay! Will the Tooth Fairy come?
Me: I think so!
Him: (thinking) Does she come every night to check? How does she know when someone loses a tooth?

This kid’s really too smart for me to handle.

This is him counting his “money” – from the dentist – after everything was over and done with.

Note that he was high as a kite on laughing gas and that’s a story for another day.

Every year Mouse would come spend time with me on the 24th but she’s gone now.

But Chad was kind enough to show up to check in on me. He ended rolling with both me and the kid.

Thank goodness for the good souls, yeah?

The night was interesting.

Spent a solid 15 minutes trying to get into his room without waking him up and finding the teeth under his pillow.*

Once I found them, I bent over to pick up the crisp two dollars I lay on the floor and my knee made this insanely loud popping sound. I froze for a solid 90 seconds as he tossed around.

I would not make for a good burglar.

Anywho, he didn’t wake up and I managed to slip the two dollars near his pillow – didn’t want to chance getting this far and waking him up by slipping the bills underneath his pillow.

Level unlocked: Tooth Fairy.

Like everything else, it was bittersweet. This woulda been something fun and sweet to share it with, instead, it was just me and my bum knee.

OK, and Chad…I get why people look at us funny.

But the boy’s ok, and that’s all that really matters.

Him: (next morning) Papa, papa, the Tooth Fairy came! I got two dollars!
Me: Great! I get 10%.
Him: I thought she didn’t give me anything but I found the dollars next to the bed.
Me: You gotta believe in the system, kid.

*As an aside, whose bright idea was it to have this whole tooth fairy thing UNDER the pillow of a sleeping child?

If I manage to take over the world someday, that’s gonna be one of the things I’ll have to change.

That, world peace, and basic universal healthcare.

Location: earlier this week, my office, of all places
Mood: empty
Music: be okay, be okay, be okay (Spotify)
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Trust is the coin of the realm

Are you Logan?

While walking the other day…

Him: Hey, are you Logan?
Me: Who wants to know?
Him: Hey man, I’m just a ScenicFights fan.
Me: Get outta town!

Interestingly, it happened pretty much exactly where someone else recognized me for 72nd to Canal, about fourteen years ago(!).

And, in a decade, I’ve gone from being a corporate lawyer lecturing in front of the Paris Bar to being known as the guy explaining why you can’t unzip another human being with a hammer.

Wonder what Alison and my dad woulda thought of alla this.

It’s pretty wild but if you go to the last Scenic Fights video that went up, you’ll see that Chad made a cool little (improvised) call-to-action, where he basically tells the audience that, for their entertainment, he will put me in a triangle choke, essentially by putting his crotch in my face.

In less than a week, we increased our subscribers by 6,000+ to 116,000, and garnered close to 1,300 comments, the vast majority of which were sending me condolences.

To paraphrase our producer, if there was ever a masterclass given for calls-to-action, Chad would be mentioned for his.

Check out the comments, cause some of them are hilarious.

Decided that I wasn’t going to accept any more setups because they’ve always been a disaster. Always. Since I was a kid.

Me: I could give you the line that it’s not you, it’s me, but I feel that’s unnecessary.
Her: Yeah, it’s you.
Me: (nodding) Fair.

A friend of mine asked me how I met so many women in my life so I told him. Now, he’s on a tear like I’ve never seen – you would not believe it if I told you.

Actually, maybe you would…

One thing I did ask him, though, was to stick with some of my rules; the second of which is brutal honesty and the first of which is: Leave people better off having met us than not.

In other words, we’re not trying to hurt anyone. But I think I’m breaking that rule myself.

For example, the girl I went on that date with last week stayed on my mind all week but it’s a lot more complex than that.

So, I need to figure some things out before I start involving other people in the mess I call my life.

Speaking of messes and brutal honesty, the kid lied twice recently.

Once about practicing his instrument and once about scribbling on the walls. Regarding the latter, it was obvs it was him because I’m 48 and my scribbling on the wall days are long past. He denied both at first but then admitted to them.

Me: I’d rather you tell the truth, even if it’s something bad.
Him: Why? You’ll be mad.
Me: Having someone mad at you is ok as long as you’re honest. “Trust is the coin of the realm. Everything else is details.” (George Shultz.)
Him: What does that mean?
Me: It means that if you’re someone that people trust, people will always accept you. Everyone wants to be with people they can trust.

I have a packed schedule all week. I’m:

      • training two groups of corporate people in self-defense/kali
      • having two private training sessions
      • helping a buddy work on his audition reel
      • trying to find some time to head to the law firm
      • childrearing as per use
      • helping a buddy with his business idea
      • trying to see about a girl

All of that stems from people trusting me to get the job done.

On the plus side, it’s nice that so many people want me to help them with things. On the negative side, there are only so many hours in the day.

Me: Lies are complex. Truth is simple. All things being equal, the more you lie, the more complex your life becomes. The more you tell the truth, the simpler your life becomes.
Him: I’ll won’t lie again.
Me: (laughing) You will. It’s the nature of people and we’re people. But, if you do lie about something, make sure it’s worth the cost of the lie and the subsequent complexity you’ve introduced into your life.
Him: I don’t understand.
Me: You will. I’ll make sure you understand.

Location: in front of a stack of weapons. A stack.
Mood: violent and busy
Music: I can wait for you (if you want me to) (Spotify)
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Fueled by carbs and optimism

Don’t wanna be most people

A girlie that lived in my building ages ago randomly gave me a ring the other night.

With the exception of one female friend, on a spectacularly drunken night, years ago, I’ve never made out with a female friend. She’s gay, I don’t know why, but I feel this has a bearing on the rest of this story.

In any case, I think that’s part of the reason that so many women reach out to me to chat or ask for my opinion/help, because they know I won’t become creepy.

It’s a good thing, especially since it helps me understand women more, since – evidently – I don’t understand some women at all.

She’s 31 now but I met her when she was like 17 or something so she’ll always just be a kid to me, which is probably a good thing for all involved parties.

Although she still wants to set me up with her friends.

Yes, I used the wrong “your.” These things happen.

Clearly, more of you need to read my blog to realize what you’re potentially doing to your friends by setting them up with a fella like me.

In any case, it’s funny; most men think women have it easier, a lotta women think men have it easier, I’m here to tell you that dating in general stinks.

Trying to find someone that’s a perfect blend of attractive, high-value, and compatible is ridonk difficult.

Most people settle and I don’t ever wanna be most people.

On that note, I saw my other female friend the other day as well. She just gutted her living room and we were talking about where to put a small table.

Her: I wanted to see if 30 inches would fit.
Me: Phrasing.
Her: (laughing) As I said it, I heard it myself.

She also made some homemade donuts that I couldn’t eat so that was disappointing.

She told me about her dating life as well but that’s an entry for another time.

Honestly, I take it as a point of pride that I have such a low creep factor with women.

I’m hoping my kid will have the same, which appears to be the case.

That girl he met a few weeks ago lives near us and her mom and her came to pick him to bring him to their pad for a playdate.

Her: Hi! I’m Jane, Stella’s mom. Is he ready?
Me: Yup! I’ll pick him up at 5:30?
Her: Perfect. (pause) Um, I feel that I should tell you that…I read your blog.
Me: I’m sorry, what?
Her: I’m a reader of your blog. I’ve been reading it since Love in a Ten-Block Radius with Rain.
Me: Get outta town!
Her: (laughing) Yup. Since AsianAvenue.

That was a kick in the head. I was super flattered.

Actually spent this afternoon hanging out with her husband, also a lawyer, watching the kids play in the park.

Me: (looking at my son running around) That kid is fueled by carbs and optimism.
Him: (laughing) Those are good things.
Me: Yeah. He’s happy and hopeful. (thinking) The world hasn’t beaten it out of him yet. I’m gonna try to keep it that way for as long as I can.


Location: a park with elephants and two laughing children
Mood: less conflicted
Music: we were such a mess, but wasn’t it the best? (Spotify)
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Being scared and being brave

Aren’t mutually exclusive

The boy’s not been feeling well so I had to cancel/rearrange a lotta my weekend plans.

Him: Are you mad?
Me: I’m not mad, I’m worried, there’s a difference.
Him: (apprehensive) Is this going to hurt?
Me: It’s gonna feel uncomfortable but, no, it won’t hurt.
Him: (begins to cry)
Me: No. Stop crying. I need you to be brave.
Him: But, I’m scared.
Me: Being scared and being brave aren’t mutually exclusive, kid. You have to be scared to be brave, otherwise, you’re just nuts. You’re not nuts are you? (he shakes head) Good. Be brave. You get points in life for being brave.

I think he’s ok. We’ll see.

Should note that I felt a lot more scared myself than I let on. A kid needs confidence that everything will be ok, even if you don’t necessarily feel that yourself.

Goddamn, being a parent is often…difficult. Being a single parent is that much worse.

On that note, I was scrambling to find coverage for him recently and I needed someone I could trust with him, especially since he wasn’t feeling well, so I reached out to Pez.

She was a doll and came by on on Monday to watch him so I could get some things done.

Chad swung by as well to make sure it was all handled; it’s nice knowing I have people that care.

Unfortunately, it appears that the boy hijacked Pez’s phone as evidenced by the above video grab…

All-in-all, I bailed on three women this past weekend but managed to see a blond banker for some Korean BBQ.

Decided that I’m only going to eat Korean BBQ when I go out from now on because it’s just so easy to stay keto/paleo without doing anything special. I’m a solid 153 right now, three pounds from my ideal weight.

Anywho, meeting up with people is just interesting to see what life out in the world is like.

After all, my regular friends all have some aspects that mirror me, whereas strangers provide glimpses into lives I know nothing about.

The blond banker told me that another guy asked her out and she had already agreed to meet him when he – without first having met her, just based on her looks alone – asked her to come move in with him and he would also cover all her bills.

Seriously, how shallow – and I say this as an alleged shallow, selfish, womanizing, narcissist – are people these days?

Her: It was kind of a cool offer but, meet a girl first, you know?
Me: Well, my son and I’ll take him up on his offer if he’s still looking.
Her: (laughing) You and your son want to live with him?
Me: If he’s paying all my bills and giving us free room and board, sure. Plus I cook. I don’t clean though.

Seriously, thank god for the average frustrated chump. They make grey men like me look amazeballs.

Her: (texting me later on that night and sending the below) Thanks for dinner! I think I was actually very nice to this guy.

Me: Please, for the love of god, please let me [share this].
Her: LOL! As long as you don’t [leave any identifying information], go for it.

Location: my blue bathroom, asking if he’s ok
Mood: so very entertained
Music: I would never break this promise (Spotify)
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Aposematism

Red and Yellow

Me: I think you’re off starting next Monday
Him: I’m off starting this Monday, papa.
Me: Well…that’s suboptimal.

Thought the boy’s Spring break began April 5th. I was incorrect.

Annnnd…shitballs. Here’s Pez watching the kiddo because I was in a pinch.

Her: You have the cutest kid!
Me: Thank you – you’re the best!

Earlier this week, I did some legal work that beat 96% odds.

Him: You did good work, Logan.
Me: No, I didn’t do good work. I won with 4% odds, that’s not good; that’s fucking fantastic. I did fucking fantastic work. They weren’t ready for me.

Because the kid was off, we went up to Connecticut to see a buddy of mine so the boy could have a playdate with his daughter.

While I was there, I took a picture of myself looking very out of place in my usual red leather jacket and the woods.

I always had this bright yellow/orange jacket – that picture below was taken by the Green-Eyed Schoolteacher back in 2007 – but when Alison got first got pregnant in 2011, I had my tailor make me a bright red leather jacket as a celebration.

It took a few months to get to me and, by then, we already lost that child. That was the start of our hell, which only ended six years later when she died. It was complete bullshit.

I never wore it while she was here and only rarely wore the other jacket during that whole time. Instead, I wore my beat up dark red leather jacket – that’s me when I was in Prague twenty-five years ago – and my other rando stuff.

I told a buddy of mine that most of the world lives an unexamined life. If anything, I examine the world around me a little too closely.

Why do I think the way I do?
Why do I dress the way I do?
Why does this matter to me?
What does this mean?

When Alison died, I wore only black for the first six months. I wore only black because I saw only black.

And then I realized that I had to reenter the world, as much as I didn’t want to. But after that, I put on my red leather jacket and wore it out for the first time. It’s pretty much my daily driver now, although I do break out the yellow/orange jacket on occasion.

There’s this thing called “aposematism,” which comes from the Greek ἀπό apo “away” and σῆμα sēma “sign.”

Aposematism, then, is “a sign to stay away.”

Basically, dangerous things are often brightly coloured, with the most dangerous things either red or yellow/orange against black.

      • Black Widow (red against black)
      • Yellowjacket (yellow/orange against black)
      • Murder Hornets (yellow/orange against black)
      • Monarch butterflies (orange against black)
      • Pitohui (red against black)
      • Poison Dart Frogs (blue, red, and/or black)

Just to name a few.

I wear bright red and yellow against black because I’m a lawyer with two decades of experience that teaches knife fighting in his spare time.

There are other reasons but that’s all I wanna share right now.

Most people, subconsciously, get that a guy doesn’t wear a bright yellow/orange or red leather jacket unless he can.

Although not everyone uses the sense god gave them. On the way to one Scenic Fights shoot, I had this conversation:

Him: You want to start some shit?
Me: I think I do, homie.

Subtlety only gets you so far sometimes.

Although, to be fair, I also paid extra to have a paisley print put into the red jacket and artwork to line my yellow/orange one.

I thought it made them look prettier. 

Location: home
Mood: pretty
Music: Ooh-ooh-ooh, that’s my violet (Spotify)

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