Fueled by carbs and optimism

Don’t wanna be most people

A girlie that lived in my building ages ago randomly gave me a ring the other night.

With the exception of one female friend – who is gay, I don’t know why, but I feel this has a bearing on the rest of this story – on a spectacularly drunken night, years ago, I’ve never made out with a female friend.

I think it’s that reason that so many women reach out to me to chat ask for my opinion/help is because they know I won’t become creepy.

Especially since it helps me understand women more, which is good since – evidently – I don’t understand some women at all.

She’s 31 now but I met her when she was like 17 or something so she’ll always just be a kid to me, which is probably a good thing for all involved parties.

Although she still wants to set me up with her friends.

Yes, I used the wrong “your.” These things happen.

Honestly, I think more of you need to read my blog to realize what you’re potentially doing to your friends by setting them up with a fella like me.

In any case, it’s funny; most men think women have it easier, a lotta women think men have it easier, I’m here to tell you that dating in general stinks.

Trying to find someone that’s a perfect blend of attractive, high-value, and compatible is ridonk difficult.

Most people settle and I don’t ever wanna be most people.

On that note, I saw my other female friend the other day as well. She just gutted her living room and we were talking about where to put a small table.

Her: I wanted to see if 30 inches would fit.
Me: Phrasing.
Her: (laughing) As I said it, I heard it myself.

She also made some homemade donuts that I couldn’t eat so that was disappointing.

She told me about her dating life as well but that’s an entry for another time.

Honestly, I take it as a point of pride that I have such a low creep factor with women.

I’m hoping my kid will have the same, which appears to be the case.

That girl he met a few weeks ago lives near us and her mom and her came to pick him to bring him to their pad for a playdate.

Her: Hi! I’m Jane, Stella’s mom. Is he ready?
Me: Yup! I’ll pick him up at 5:30?
Her: Perfect. (pause) Um, I feel that I should tell you that…I read your blog.
Me: I’m sorry, what?
Her: I’m a reader of your blog. I’ve been reading it since Love in a Ten-Block Radius with Rain.
Me: Get outta town!
Her: (laughing) Yup. Since AsianAvenue.

That was a kick in the head. I was super flattered.

Actually spent this afternoon hanging out with her husband, also a lawyer, watching the kids play in the park.

Me: (looking at my son running around) That kid is fueled by carbs and optimism.
Him: (laughing) Those are good things.
Me: Yeah. He’s happy and hopeful. (thinking) The world hasn’t beaten it out of him yet. I’m gonna try to keep him that way for as long as I can.

Location: a park with elephants and two laughing children
Mood: less conflicted
Music: we were such a mess, but wasn’t it the best? (Spotify)
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A New York French Bistro and a Connecticut Italian Pizzeria

You’re normal

Was chatting with the blond banker the other day.

Her: Did you just get out of a long-term relationship?
Me: Yeah, how’d you know?
Her: You’re normal.
Me: Most guys aren’t?
Her: (laughing)

Man, is she gonna be disappointed. Or impressed. It can go either way.

Had dinner with another blonde on Alison’s birthday.

Was debating whether or not to go but, in the end, I decided to do it. After all, the alternative was just me drinking alone in my apartment; the boy had a sleepover with his sitter because I knew I’d be self-medicating.

We ended up heading to a French Bistro around the way. It was cool, we sat in these bubble-enclosed tables and it was oddly secluded and private, considering that we were surrounded by people.

I arrived first and she showed up just a few minutes later.

Me: Whoa, you look great.
Her: (laughs) Thanks.

We ended up ordering mussels, ribs, and escargot.

The last time I had escargot was May 18th, 2008. The girl in this entry was Alison. She didn’t remember meeting me. I didn’t mind because Mouse didn’t remember meeting me either.

It’s weird, but I pride myself on being the Grey Man most of the time.

We figured we’d just order more food as necessary.

Her: Do you wanna see me eat this whole thing?
Me: Nah, I wanna still find you attractive afterward.

The mussels came with fries but, because I was trying to be good, I asked for a salad instead. They brought both.

Waiter: Do you want to keep the fries?
Me: (sighing) Yes.

We also ordered an Old-Fashioned for me, a French Martini for her, and then, split a Chocolate Martini. She was really great company.

Afterward, we went to the Arthouse Hotel for some more drinks.

I ordered a daiquiri and she had an amaretto sour. The bartender said that both weren’t on the menu but that he’d whip them up for us.

I saw him taste each one (with a single-use straw) so I knew they were going to be good.

It was pretty empty so we had the whole place to ourselves.

Her: I loved someone once.
Me: Was it love or something a lot like love?
Her: I’m not sure any more. I thought it was then. How can you tell?
Me: Time, I guess. I don’t think you ever really fall out of true love.

The drinks were so good, in fact, that just before we left, I commended him on them. He beamed from ear-to-ear. Random kindness from strangers is always a good thing.

Before we left, we sat on the couch in the bar and chatted a bit more before stopping by my pad for more rum and conversation.

It was just past midnight when she called an Uber to head home.

Me: Thanks for the company. I had a great night.
Her: Me too.

The next day, I had a business meeting in Connecticut with my buddy Thor. We’re potentially doing a little bit of work together on a project. Potentially.

I was still hungover when I boarded the train but he met me at the station.

Me: I need protein and coffee. Do you have like a protein bar at home?
Him: I have coffee and I’ll make you some eggs.

What he made me was a killer frittata, which I inhaled. After the coffee and food, we got down to brass tacks.

It was just before four when we finished up.

I offered to pick us up dinner and he brought me to a pizza joint.

Him: The pizza in Connecticut is probably better than the pizza in NYC.
Me: You’re dead to me now.

It was delicious OR I just thought it was because it was the first time I’d had pizza in over three months.

Figured that, since I ate the fries the night before, in for a penny, in for a pound.

I made the train with five minutes to spare, got home, showered, and just as I finished getting dressed, the boy and his sitter walked in the door.

Him: Papa! I went to Coney Island and had a Nathan’s hot dog!
Me: (laughing) Let’s get grandma on Skype and you can tell us both all about it.

Chad and I’ve been busy shooting more Scenic Fights stuff.

Subscribe and like the videos so I can quit my non-existent day job.

Location: earlier today, wondering where we were
Mood: conflicted
Music: if I could I’d change but you were that one that wanted this (Spotify)
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Mother’s Day 2021

Fig trees, flowers, and rum

May’s my hardest month. I thought it would be because it’s Alison’s birthday on the 12th or because she died on the 24th.

What I wasn’t expecting was how hard Mother’s Day was going to be for me. For us, rather.

Him: My teacher gave me a flower to give to mommy. I told her I didn’t have a mommy, so can I give it to you?
Me: (nodding slowly) Why don’t you give it to grandma?
Him: That’s a great idea!


I went to see my mom on Saturday.

Her: It’s good you came today! I got a fig tree. Can you help me take it out of the car?
Me: That’s why I’m here.
Her: Now you can have figs over the summer!
Me: I always wanted that, actually.

I’m less a person and more a tree myself, I think.

I bailed on someone again that night. Lost track of time.

Her: If you don’t want to meet up with me, just tell me.
Me: It’s not that. May’s not a good month for me.

The next day, I saw my SIL and MIL for brunch in Hoboken.

I left a bit early to help a friend with a computer project and to meet a different young lady.

That’s another story for another time I suppose.

Chad came by this afternoon with rum, vodka, and some kaluha because he knows it’s May.

I also spoke to Mouse about some, mainly admin, things but that’s her story to tell. I will say that she did me yet another kindness. Two, actually. And you know how I feel about kindness.

There’s more to that story too, but that’s all I want to say at the moment.

As for me, everything’s exactly as fucked up as it’s been. But the rum was delicious and the company was appreciated.

It’s Alison’s birthday on Wednesday. She would have been 42.

Location: the dark places again
Mood: nostalgic
Music: you’re perfect to me. (Spotify)
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A little déjà vu

An unexpected night at the gym

Pez was helping out again with the boy and the two of them randomly decided to go to the High Line together.

She sent me some hilarious pics but I can’t post most of them.

They came back for dinner and afterward, she said, “I’m thinking of heading to class tonight.”

Me: Whoa, wait, are you driving?
Her: Depending on traffic, probably.
Me: Can you bring the kid and me?
Her: Sure, do you have a car seat?
Me: (puzzled) I’m a parent. I have a car seat.

I got clearance from the gym owners and Chad, the instructor, to bring him.

It was the first time that I’d ever brought him to the gym and both he and the people there were great. I gave explicit instructions for him not to leave the bench for any reason and he didn’t.

Because Chad and most of the upper belts knew him, they all made sure he was fine. Mouse was there too and he spent several minutes trying to get her attention. In the end, they caught up and it was sweet to see. For a moment, I forgot.

Afterward, Pez gave us a lift back. But not without some more entertainment.

Him: That was fun. Can we go again?
Me: It’s like two hours after your bedtime. I think that’s the real reason you want to go again.
Him: (sleepily) No…

If my birthday was the most I’ve been insulted in recent memory, then the past few days have been some of the most ego-boosting.

A girl I dated a while ago rang me to hang out recently; I hadn’t seen her in ages. So, we met up around her new pad. I told her about some of the conversations I had recently.

Her: Kinks? I seem to only really like guys that graduated from Stuyvesant High School.
Me: That’s a weird kink.
Her: (continuing) There’s you and X and Y. That’s three. You’re all smart and cute.

Her: So, you and Mouse are finally done?
Me: Looks that way.
Her: Good. I met the perfect girl for you.
Me: (shaking head) Nope, nope, nope. No more setups. Do you know how many setups I’ve had in the past month? Actually, my whole life?
Her: (shaking her head) They don’t know you like I know you. This girl’s exactly your type. 33, blond, busty, green eyes, super smart, and a boss. Wants a family.
Me: OK, I need a picture. (hands me her phone) Whoa, ok. What’s wrong with her?
Her: (shrugging) I don’t know if she’s good enough for you yet.
Me: First of all, super flattering. Second of all, you just said…
Her: You deserve the best. I told her all about you, so we’ll see.
Me: Hopefully not everything. I like to surprise people with some of the things I can do.

Honestly, the biggest turn-on – my biggest kink, if you will – is kind people. There’s something about someone that goes out of their way to make your life better.

Conversely, there’s something so ugly about people when they’re cruel and hurtful. It’s the biggest turn-off.

Anywho, she and I didn’t work out for reasons we don’t need to get into here. But she was beyond sweet and I told her that.

Thank goodness for the good souls.

Her: I started seeing this guy I really like so I’m not gonna invite you back to my place.
Me: Good choice, we’ve got alcohol and you’re being incredibly sweet so that’s a dangerous combo for me.
Her: I thought you didn’t make out with your friends.
Me: (laughing) I never said we were friends, darling.
Her: (smiling) It’s good seeing you again, Logan. I’ve missed you.
Me: Same, Lviv. Good luck with your fella.

Saying goodbye to her was reminiscent of Daisy and Gradgirl because they, like her, belong to someone else.

But, I suppose we all have our roles to play and I guess I’ve finally accepted mine as the other guy, which is precisely what a woman once told me ages ago.

See, she wanted to fix me up with her kid but she didn’t know how old I was so I politely declined.

And she got upset and said I only seem to seek out people that can’t be in relationships because I enjoyed the game. I told her that wasn’t true, I was looking for my biggest fan.

But, that was then. Maybe – now – she’s right. After all, I was the love of someone’s life once and that should be enough.

Boy: You’re home!
Me: I am.
Him: How was your friend?
Me: Very sweet.
Him: I wanted to meet her.
Me: (laughing) I think you’ve met enough of papa’s friends. Come on, let’s go play.

Location: Upper east side
Mood: flattered
Music: This is feeling a little déjà vu (Spotify)
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Being scared and being brave

Aren’t mutually exclusive

The boy’s not been feeling well so I had to cancel/rearrange a lotta my weekend plans.

Him: Are you mad?
Me: I’m not mad, I’m worried, there’s a difference.
Him: (apprehensive) Is this going to hurt?
Me: It’s gonna feel uncomfortable but, no, it won’t hurt.
Him: (begins to cry)
Me: No. Stop crying. I need you to be brave.
Him: But, I’m scared.
Me: Being scared and being brave aren’t mutually exclusive, kid. You have to be scared to be brave, otherwise, you’re just nuts. You’re not nuts are you? (he shakes head) Good. Be brave. You get points in life for being brave.

I think he’s ok. We’ll see.

Should note that I felt a lot more scared myself than I let on. A kid needs confidence that everything will be ok, even if you don’t necessarily feel that yourself.

Goddamn, being a parent is often…difficult. Being a single parent is that much worse.

On that note, I was scrambling to find coverage for him recently and I needed someone I could trust with him, especially since he wasn’t feeling well, so I reached out to Pez.

She was a doll and came by on on Monday to watch him so I could get some things done.

Chad swung by as well to make sure it was all handled; it’s nice knowing I have people that care.

Unfortunately, it appears that the boy hijacked Pez’s phone as evidenced by the above video grab…

All-in-all, I bailed on three women this past weekend but managed to see a blond banker for some Korean BBQ.

Decided that I’m only going to eat Korean BBQ when I go out from now on because it’s just so easy to stay keto/paleo without doing anything special. I’m a solid 153 right now, three pounds from my ideal weight.

Anywho, meeting up with people is just interesting to see what life out in the world is like.

After all, my regular friends all have some aspects that mirror me, whereas strangers provide glimpses into lives I know nothing about.

The blond banker told me that another guy asked her out and she had already agreed to meet him when he – without first having met her, just based on her looks alone – asked her to come move in with him and he would also cover all her bills.

Seriously, how shallow – and I say this as an alleged shallow, selfish, womanizing, narcissist – are people these days?

Her: It was kind of a cool offer but, meet a girl first, you know?
Me: Well, my son and I’ll take him up on his offer if he’s still looking.
Her: (laughing) You and your son want to live with him?
Me: If he’s paying all my bills and giving us free room and board, sure. Plus I cook. I don’t clean though.

Seriously, thank god for the average frustrated chump. They make grey men like me look amazeballs.

Her: (texting me later on that night and sending the below) Thanks for dinner! I think I was actually very nice to this guy.

Me: Please, for the love of god, please let me [share this].
Her: LOL! As long as you don’t [leave any identifying information], go for it.

Location: my blue bathroom, asking if he’s ok
Mood: so very entertained
Music: I would never break this promise (Spotify)
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Breaking my own heart

Kicked outta bed

Recently, there’s been a spate of just awful news coming out about Asians getting brutally assaulted in NYC. But  I was surprised to get a phone call about one such assault that I just read about.

Her: I need some help. Is there a good time I can call you?

Turns out that she was called to be a trustee for this woman that died from her injuries from one of these beatings and wanted my legal advice. I told her that I couldn’t technically offer legal advice but I would help if I could.

After all, I don’t know where I would be myself if people didn’t try and help Alison and me.

Me: Sure. We can chat now. Let me get my headset.

I started my son in a Chinese class not too far from my house. It was oddly nerve-wracking for me but the teacher made me feel at ease.

Her: You don’t speak to your son in Chinese at home?
Me: Lady, *I* can barely speak Chinese.
Her: Well, I have to say, I’ve never met a child that didn’t speak Chinese that was so … social. He literally walked in like he knew everyone here.
Me: Yeah, that sounds like him.
Her: Whatever you’re doing, keep doing it. (laughing) Oh, during the kitchen portion, while we were pretending to make a sandwich, he made an actual one and ate it.
Me: Oh yeah, that’s definitely my kid. Sorry about that.

Note that everyone’s been calling me, not the other way around.

I point this out only because I find it funny how literally no one contacts me in the past year due to COVID but since the day I wrote that I got the vaccine, the floodgates open.

On that note, My buddy Mas stopped by to catch up and bring me out to lunch. We’ve known each other since forever.

Me: Do you talk to anyone else from back in the day?
Him: Nope, just you.
Me: I think we’re the only ones that, pretty much, look the same as we did 20 years ago.
Him: I think I look better actually. I’ve been on the carnivore diet – essentially just meat and fat with leafy greens. No carbs.
Me: Jesus. That’s even harder core than me.

He was there on the night I met Alison. Dunno if I ever told you that.

The blurry pic below is the only one I could find of Mas and me from that night – he’s in the lower right hand-corner.

It was almost exactly 13 years ago, April 7, 2008. I was just about to turn 35. It was a little after midnight when this pic was taken and I had just made out with the blonde behind me.

30 minutes later, I had her number and was walking out the door, when I met Alison McCarthy right before 1AM. She was walking in with her date, Tall Scott, but asked me to stay.

Instead, I left, but not before telling her that we’d have beautiful children someday. All these years, later, I was right about that.

Well, fuck me. I think I just broke my own goddamn heart.

Speaking of eating out with friends, someone I dated once dropped me a line unexpectedly and invited me out to dinner.

I’m super busy with life and the kid these days but it’s hard to say no to people that are just nice to you, like Mas and her. In this world, I think nice is underrated.

It helps that she’s a hot, grey-eyed, busty blonde that’s the same age as I was in the pic above, but you get my drift.

God, I’m so shallow.

Honestly, I judge alla these people that wanna hang out with a shallow, selfish, womanizing narcissist like me.

Speaking of hanging out with a fella like me, a chat with a green-eyed nurse I had recently proves that, again, I’m not – at all – equipped to deal with modern love.

Me: You know, you’re the second girl I know that had someone slap them in the face while fooling around. When did this become a thing?
Her: Did she kick him out of bed, smash his phone against the wall, and tell him to never fucking call her again?
Me: No idea. But that’s kinda hot (quickly) what you did, not what he did. (laughing) I can assure you that that’s not my thing.
Her: So, what’s your thing?
Me: You wouldn’t believe me if I told you. No girl ever does.
Her: Try me.
Me: I will. But not tonight.

Location: earlier today, asking the doorman if I was in the right place
Mood: hopeful
Music: I like the way your heart works, not cold like the others (Spotify)
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Something’s afoot…

Who has it worse?

Chad’s teaching out in the middle of nowhere Brooklyn these days.

Tried to arrange either one late night or early morning there a week but, I gotta admit that I’ve not really tried all that hard.

You see, ever since I got vaccinated, there’s been a steady stream of people stopping by to roll with me.

While it’s suboptimal, the benefits of having your gym come to you – versus traveling for an hour each way – can’t really be overstated.

Him: I’m in your neighborhood, meet up for a drink?
Me: Dude, do you wanna come by and roll for a bit at 3:45?
Him: Sure, do you have a pair of shorts I could borrow?
Me: Yeah, I live here.

Again, I realize how odd my life must sound to you if you’re not in the life.

It definitely feels different in the city these days, what with so many people vaccinated. The City‘s not fully open, but I think the hoi-polloi are getting more social in general.

Just this past week:

      • I’ve had more potential setups but I’ve been super busy.
        • I think people should really read this blog before introducing me to any friends.
      • My old Oktoberfest-traveling buddy hit me up for a meetup.
      • Gio hit me up for lunch this week.
      • Nadi and KG Betty each dropped me a line to get together.
      • Lviv moved closer to me recently. That’s a clipping from Harold I gave her ages ago. He looks like he’s doing well.
      • My college buddies wanna get together for Memorial Day with some other friends wanting to get together for the 4th of July.

This is all versus a whole lotta nuthin for the past year or so.

Met up with two friends for dinner last week. Of course, we chatted about dating in the big city.

I honestly don’t know who has it worse, men or women.

Girl1: One guy I was chatting with – on the first conversation – casually asked me to send him pictures of my feet. The first convo, Logan! I ignored it but during the second, he said, “Where’s the photo of your feet?”
Me: What’d you do?
Girl1: I dug up some ogre feet, sent them to him, and blocked him.
Me: (laughing) Strong work. I think I’m ready to just try and have two more kids on my own and be single forever.
Girl1: With the number of friends you have? Just ask one of your friends to set you up.
Me: (shaking head) Most of the time, whenever I get a setup, I’m like, “This is what you think I’m capable of? Have you met me?”
Girl2: (drinks her beer)  I’m totally ready to just stay single.

Speaking of feet, this must be a new thing. Because another girl I briefly dated wrote me to catch up and, when started to tell her this story, she told me that feet were her thing, which was new to me.

I’m not built for being single in 2021.

Location: more rolling and more Hudson Yards
Mood: clear-headed
Music: good times, good friends, morning sun on us (Spotify)
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Happy to see people that are happy to see me

Logan is fully vaxxed, yo

Him: This is your first shot?
Me: Second actually. It’s a long story but I’ll give you the Cliff’s Notes version.
Him: (laughing) OK, let’s hear it.

In NYS, they have this weird policy where you have to have your second shot at the same place you got your first shot.

Now, I’d gotten my first shot in the middle-of-nowhere Brooklyn but that was when the vaccines were in short supply. Now, there’s a glut just 20 minutes from my house at the Jacob Javits Center. I tried to change my appointment but they were unwilling to change so I just figured I’d suck it up and head back to Brighton Beach, Brooklyn.

However, I got a phone call from the Brighton Beach spot telling me that they had to cancel my appointment because there wasn’t enough vaccine. Surely, this was sign.

I decided to just roll the dice and schedule something at the JJC by saying it was my first dose when it was actually my second.

Worse case, I figured, they’d just refuse to vax me and I’d just try again in Brooklyn.

When I got there, was helped by a younger fella that told me he was musical theater major like my buddy Drew. So, I took a deep breath and told him everything.

Him: Well, you’re really supposed to take your second shot where you take the first one, but…(clicks keyboard) I’ll just change it for you.
Me: You’re a prince. Thanks, man.

45 minutes later, walked outta there fully vaxxed.

Now, because I like maximizing my time, met up with a friend-of-a-friend for a cuppa joe around the Hudson Yards right before my appointment.

People are always trying to set me up with someone for reasons I couldn’t tell you. But they do.

I’ve always said no in the past but this time, though, I figured, I was out in the area anywho so I agreed. Pretty soon, I was sitting on some steps chatting with a brown-eyed girl.

Me: So, what’s your best five-minute-or-less story?
Her: (laughing) That’s a lot of pressure!
Me: This is NYC, you’ve gotta be able to handle the pressure, darling.

I suppose that these days, I wouldn’t mind being set up as often as I am except no one really seems to know my type. Then again, I’m not sure what or who I find attractive anymore.

She was sweet enough but we were both probably just killing time.

Some other women from my past also reached out to me.

I think it’s a confluence of the weather, the vaccines (and the world reopening), and my birthday. Speaking of Brighton Beach, most people just hit me up to wish me a happy birthday although others contacted me “inadvertently.”

I don’t know why people can’t just let true things be true; if you wanna see me, just ask to see me.

I’m always happy to see people that are actually happy to see me.

Time permitting, of course…

Tomorrow, the boy goes back to in-person school for the first time in over a year.

The principal and other school admins have told me that they chat about him and some of the truly funny things this kid says or does over Zoom.

I think is one reason people are drawn to him is that he’s so relentlessly upbeat. I think Alison would be proud that her son is so well-thought of at such a young age already.

It’s weird that it feels like tomorrow is the first day of school in September but, really, it’s the end of April.

Me: Are you excited about tomorrow?
Boy: I’m so excited!!
Me: You’re not scared or worried?
Him: (rolling eyes) It’s just school, papa.
Me: Of course. Silly me.


Location: 15 mins ago, with Chad watching a killer flick, wishing one of us spoke Russian
Mood: so impressed
Music: you push and I’m pulling away (Spotify)
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How can Chauvin be guilty of three things?

Falling Back

Her: I don’t understand people that want to see that video.
Me: I still haven’t gotten through more than two minutes of it. I never will. That’s some sick stuff. And that’s the world I’m raising this kid in.

Once again, we pause the usual nuthin to discuss world events.

The professor and other friends dropped me a line to ask a very sensible question:

How can Derek Chauvin be guilty of three things for one murder/manslaughter?

I’ll start with an illustration: Assume, arguendo, you rob a bank. During that bank robbery, someone with a weak heart dies of a heart attack. At the same time, you also decide to get frisky with the attractive teller. Then you get arrested.

You are charged with:

      1. Bank robbery
      2. Felony murder
      3. Sexual assault

These are three separate charges requiring three separate sets of things the prosecution has to prove. If the prosecution proves all three, then you’ll be convicted of all three charges.

Let’s go over to the Chauvin case.

He was convicted of:

      1. Second-degree unintentional murder (facing potentially 40 years)
      2. Third-degree murder (25 years)
      3. Second-degree manslaughter (10 years)

For an overview of these charges, check out my award-winning entry about Murder vs. Involuntary Manslaughter.

Why all three? Because the prosecution had enough evidence to prove all three and the judge allowed them to try and prove all three.

Second-degree unintentional/Felony murder

Question: Did Chauvin want to hurt Floyd and end up killing him instead?
Answer: Clearly, fuck yes. You don’t put your knee on another human being’s goddamn neck unless you want to hurt him. Oh, he died? That’s murder. The prosecution proved every element of this charge.

Third-degree/Depraved-Heart/I don’t give a fuck murder

Question: Did Chauvin not give a fuck that he might accidentally kill Floyd?
Answer: Again, clearly, yes. The man was gasping for air and begging for his life and Chauvin ignored all of these pleas for mercy from the assault that Chauvin himself was inflicting. The prosecution proved every element of this charge as well, so guess what, asshole, you’re guilty of this too.

Second-degree manslaughter

Question: Did Chauvin create a situation where a reasonable person would think, “Oh shit, if I do this, I might end up killing the man,” and proceed anyway?
Answer: Same. Any reasonable person would know that, if you put your knee on someone’s neck that person might die. So, once again, the prosecution proved every element of that crime.

So, what about double-jeopardy? How can you be convicted three times of essentially the same murder?

The reason why is because, even though he was convicted on all three charges, he’ll probably only face the most serious charge of second-degree murder, which is potentially 30 years of jail time and 10 years of parole.

And there’s a tactical reason for this: Because if the jury wasn’t convinced of the most serious charge, the other two are fallback positions – basically, they’re contingency plans, which you know I love.

And this is important because, right this very second as I write this, there’s – I shit you notanother Minnesota’s third-degree murder conviction of an officer (this one is an equally charming prince of a fella) that’s being challenged before the Supreme Court.

Note to self: Never leave Manhattan.

Assume Chauvin only got convicted of the third-degree murder and not the other two. If the Supreme Court decides to find for officer in the other case, Chauvin goes home.

So, this is belt and suspenders on the part of the prosecution. If they didn’t get the top two charges to stick, the hope was that the third would stick.

But the evidence, and Chauvin’s own douchebaggery, was so overwhelming that they landed all three charges.

You wanna know how amazing this was? Since 2005 – 16 years – only seven officers IN THE USA have been convicted of murder. Seven. In 16 years.

So, yeah, thank god for video tape evidence.

Finally, for the numbnuts bitching that the bystanders did nothing but videotape, those bystanders made this happen.

Shut the fuck up, Rambo and sit the fuck down.


More nonsense tomorrow this week soon(ish).

Sigh, I wanted to be a law professor once. Instead, I’m just a high-functioning alcoholic womanizer.

Eh, I’m ok with that.


Location: Hudson Yards versus Brighton Beach
Mood: determined
Music: I’m selfish I always made your problems ’bout me (Spotify)
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Two Joans, a Superstar, and the Manic Pixie Dream Girl

Awesome Once

I think the reason why the narcissist accusation bothered Chad and me so much was because we both had to deal with a self-aggrandizing narcissist for years.

Him: These people think we’re like him?! (shakes head) You gave up everything to try and save Alison – your career, your personal life, your friends, everything. I don’t know many people that would do that.
Me: Still…
Him: Logan, saying that about anyone is serious, saying it about you and what you’ve gone through is beyond fucked-up.

You see, a cornerstone of a narcissist is that they’re always bragging about their credentials and achievements. But Chad never knew I knew kali, let alone taught it, until the day he showed up at our first video shoot.

You still don’t know even know what I do for a living. Not really.

In fact, one major reason why I resisted the idea of Scenic Fights for over a year was because I like to keep my private life private.

Chad is similar in many ways. I suppose that’s why he and I get along so well. We both live by the credo that we want to leave people better off having met us than not, the opposite of what a narcissist does/is.

After a long conversation, we came to the conclusion that the people that called us that either don’t fully understand the gravity of what they’re saying or they don’t really know us at all.

It’s kinda like people in Asia wearing tee-shirts with words they don’t fully appreciate.

BTW, there are whole blogs dedicated to them and they’re, admittedly, hilarious.

(c) Someone else

On that note, I wouldn’t have brought this matter up again but for three women and a superstar. One is a stranger, one is an old friend, one is someone I adore, and one is a…superstar.

The first was a woman named Joan that wrote that, at least from my writing, I didn’t seem like a narcissist.

There was no reason for her to contact me but she did it anyway. I don’t understand people that go out of their way to ruin other people’s day, but on the flip-side, there’s something about someone that voluntarily decides to make a complete stranger’s day better, donchathink?

I told her, honestly, that I always liked the name Joan because of this lovely woman named Joan I knew in college.

Joan-from-College was probably one of the coolest people I knew. She was beautiful and popular – the opposite of me. She dated one of my closest buddies so I never thought of her as anything but a good friend.

With the exception of one staggeringly drunken night, I’ve never made a pass at a female friend. Considering how many nights I’ve been out and how many women I know, I’m pretty proud of this.

As for Joan-from-College, we lost touch after she graduated but she wrote me out of the blue one day, two months before Alison got sick.

Joan: I wonder if you remember me. When I was going through a really difficult time my sophomore year you were very sweet to me. I know it must have helped me because I still remember you fondly.
Me: Of course I remember you! I don’t remember the conversation either but I remember it being around Uris Hall and you smoking (a lot).

I do remember feeling flattered and awestruck as a nobody freshman that a cool and pretty sophomore girl deigned to talk to me.

Late one night, I also sent out a quick message to a buddy of mine who happens to be a legit superstar; you’ve definitely seen some of his movies/shows.

Me: I am so upset.
Him: Give me a call [sends number].
Me: You’re a prince.

We literally chatted for an hour. It was surreal. And he was just great.

Like I said, random, unexpected kindnesses are the absolute best.

But, really, the most impactful thing that made me believe that the person that said the narcissist comment was both cruel and wrong was, of course, Mouse.

Honestly, that girl is like my own personal MPDG except that, obvs, she has her own agency.

I can honestly say that, for the past few years, she was my best friend and the biggest influence in my life outside of the boy. I adored her.

While, I haven’t seen or spoken to her in a bit, she sent me a lovely gift and wrote a little something about me on my birthday on her blog.

I gotta say, between the two Joans, the superstar, Mouse’s kind words, and seeing my family, I had a pretty sweet birthday.

The next time someone tries to convince me that I’m something I know I’m not, I’ll pull up Mouse’s entry and remember that someone I once thought was pretty awesome, once thought I was pretty awesome too.

After all, The respect of those you respect is worth more than the applause of the multitude.

Location: earlier today, rolling with some friends
Mood: determined
Music: what I have to do, I don’t wanna (Spotify)
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