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Catching Celebrity Autobiography

Cringy

RE Mike shot us some tix to go see this Broadway show called Celebrity Autobiography, the other day.

Him: I heard it’s funny.
Me: Sweeeeet – Sat at 5PM works for us. You going?
Him: Let me check – I might go with you but [the wife and kid] are in Florida.

Sara loved the last three things that he sent us to – a private party, The Heart of Rock and Roll, and Once Upon a One More Time – so she was def up to see this one as well.

Me: You wanna go? From RE Mike, of course.
Her: Ooooooh! Fun!

The premise is clever; essentially, celebrities read excerpts of autobiographies from other celebrities – and most are pretty cringe.

I went mainly to see Eric McCormack from Will & Grace (he lived on my block so I have a story about him that I’ll tell you about one day), who’s the last person in the pic below, and Tony Shalhoub from Wings and Monk – two shows that I’ve seen pretty much every episode of, back in the day.

That first guy – Mario Cantone – was hilarious, as was Mikey Day from SNL.

Ralph Macchio was also there, as well as Nia Vardalos from My Big Fat Greek Wedding – she was also hilarious.

The others were good, but they were the stars of the show, in my opinion.
Having said that, the show was 90 minutes, and I definitely feel that it coulda been a faster, more interesting 60-minute show.

If nuthin else, I don’t think celebrities with no writing chops – at all – should hold themselves out to be authors. The poetry of Matthew McConaughey, the love story of Kenny Loggings, and the musings of Khloé Kardashian were particularly funny/cringy.

Then again, maybe in a few decades, people might find this blog and find everything I write cringy.

In any case, while I’m not sure I woulda seen it but for RE Mike sending us the tix, it was a nice change from our usual.

Afterward, we stepped out into the warm spring evening.

Her: It’s supposed to be the hottest summer on record this summer.
Me: No!
Her: (nodding) Yup.
Me: (shaking head) Why do you gotta ruin everything? (grumble)

Oddly, thinking about celebrities and their hidden talents – or lack thereof – got me to thinking about Scarlett Johansson’s song Relator, which was a song that I heard from a magazine I used to read to find new music – waaaaay before Spotify – called Paste Magazine.

I liked it before I found out it was her singing.

Here it is if you’ve never heard it before.

Location: midtown with the kid and his friends, looking for a kitchen and a party
Mood: heated already
Music: life’s for us to talk about (Spotify)
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The daily horrors

The Horror We Share

Sara: [My friend’s] moving back to Milwaukee.
Me: Even after her dad died?
Her: Yeah. She still has her mom. Plus, being back home made her miss it.
Me: I get that. I’ve only ever known or been in New York.

Sara and I were taking a stroll in the neighborhood recently when she suddenly jumped back.

Me: What?!
Her: (pointing) Look!
Me: What, I don’t…gah!

And that’s when I saw it – a full-sized replica of the monster from the horror film, The Nun just chilling in the passenger seat of someone’s car.

It’s just not something you see every day on the streets of the Upper West Side.

Then again, there are so many daily horrors that assault us that we barely register them anymore.

Sara has at least two friends that are either stricken with cancer themselves or someone they love dearly.

And I was just talking to a good friend of mine and he told me that another buddy of mine just left his job and moved back home to Florida to take care of his parents, BOTH of whom have cancer.

It truly is the emperor of all maladies.

It’s May again.

I think of Alison and my dad every single day but it’s always worse in May, although it’s not been as bad as it has in the past.

But even if I’m not reminded of them or their plights directly, I’m at an age where someone I know – either directly or indirectly – ends up getting cancer almost every single week and I think to myself:

Man, I know exactly what they’re going through. I hope they make it.

Really do.

Because it’s both jaw dropping and horrifying.

And yet, people just seem to go about their days as if everything is fine.

Then again, perhaps I truly am the weird one, because I’m so terrified of getting it and leaving the boy alone in the world.

Me: D’you know how many people get cancer in America?
Him: I gotta figure like…50%?
Me: Yup, you got that right. One outta two. That means, statistically speaking, you or I will get it. How people aren’t radically changing everything they’re doing in light of this information is beyond me.

My own mom is dealing with her own health issues – not cancer, thankfully, just age-related stuff.

But it reminds me that she’s mortal and not the young, vibrant woman that I picture in my head whenever I think of her.

It’s a bit like staring into the sun, I can only think about it so long before I have to turn my thoughts to something else because it’s too much to bear.

Can’t bear the thought of losing any more of my family. I’ve lost enough of them as it is.

I suppose that’s why people don’t radically change everything about their lives – because I think we’d all be paralyzed with fear if we truly thought about all the horror surrounding us on the daily.

Her: (staring at the nun mannequin) That’s so creepy. Who does that?
Me: Someone who wants to be in the HOV lane and doesn’t have anyone, I guess.

Location: home, trying to push all that doubt to the side of my mouth
Mood: horrified
Music: For when you go come in misery (Spotify)
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Logan’s 53

Once I was seven years old

Taking a brief pause in my riveting – riveting, I tell you – tale of our trip to Canada to tell you that I’m now 53 years old.

Half-a-century-plus-three.

Wild. I don’t feel 53 most days, although there are times that I’m rudely reminded that I am, in fact, that age.

Sara loves me and the kid still wants to hang out with me so there’s that.

Speaking of the kid, this is him at eight years old playing Seven Years by Lukas Graham.

I was last seven years old 46 years ago.

Here’s hoping I have another 46, maybe?

Back to the usual nonsense on Monday.

Now, wish me a happy birthday, alla you people that read me and never say anything.

Seven Years
by
Lukas Graham

Once, I was seven years old, my mama told me
“Go make yourself some friends or you’ll be lonely”
Once, I was seven years old

It was a big, big world, but we thought we were bigger
Pushing each other to the limits, we were learnin’ quicker
By eleven, smokin’ herb and drinkin’ burnin’ liquor
Never rich, so we were out to make that steady figure

Once, I was eleven years old, my daddy told me
“Go get yourself a wife or you’ll be lonely”
Once, I was eleven years old

I always had that dream like my daddy before me
So I started writin’ songs, I started writin’ stories
Something about that glory just always seemed to bore me
‘Cause only those I really love will ever really know me

Once, I was twenty years old, my story got told
Before the mornin’ sun, when life was lonely
Once, I was twenty years old

I only see my goals, I don’t believe in failure
‘Cause I know the smallest voices, they can make it major
I got my boys with me, at least those in favor
And if we don’t meet before I leave, I hope I’ll see you later

Once, I was twenty years old, my story got told
I was writin’ ’bout everything I saw before me
Once, I was twenty years old

Soon, we’ll be thirty years old, our songs have been sold
We’ve traveled around the world and we’re still roamin’
Soon, we’ll be thirty years old

I’m still learnin’ about life, my woman brought children for me
So, I can sing them all my songs and I can tell them stories
Most of my boys are with me, some are still out seekin’ glory
And some I had to leave behind, my brother, I’m still sorry

Soon, I’ll be sixty years old, my daddy got sixty-one
Remember life and then your life becomes a better one
I made a man so happy when I wrote a letter once
I hope my children come and visit once or twice a month

Soon, I’ll be sixty years old, will I think the world is cold
Or will I have a lot of children who can warm me?
Soon, I’ll be sixty years old
Soon, I’ll be sixty years old, will I think the world is cold
Or will I have a lot of children who can warm me?
Soon, I’ll be sixty years old

Once, I was seven years old, my mama told me
“Go make yourself some friends or you’ll be lonely”
Once, I was seven years old
Once, I was seven years old

Location: well past middle age
Mood: creaky
Music: Soon, I’ll be sixty years old (Spotify)
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That sweet child of mine

A hellava guitarist

Him: Sweet Child o’ Mine? What do you think?
Me: I think that’s a great choice!
Him: Yay! It’s an old song so the parents know it.
Me: (sighing)
Him: What?

The kid had his talent show recently – like the last time and the time before that, he was the closing act  – probably because he’s consistently one of the best performers.

Although I think he’s the best performer.

I may be biased but…

Soundman: Is that your kid?
Me: Yup!
Him: (nodding) He’s a hellava guitarist.

That’s him above wearing a Scenic Fights tee-shirt.

He wanted to support us, which was really sweet of him.

This year was pretty eclectic with everything from jugglers to a science show.

And K-Pop Demon Hunters was clearly on a lotta kids minds.

But, for me, the kid was the star of the show – although he did have one little screwup

He got the biggest cheers and applause – which I was thrilled for him to have.

He was beaming from ear-to-ear afterward.

Afterwards, the kid wanted pizza, so I brought him to Patsy’s on the UWS but was so disappointed to find out it closed.

Sara: (checking phone) Looks like it closed in January.
Me: What?! Nooooo! I just checked, it said it was open. Man…

So, we went off to our usual bistro for him to get some pretty-good-but-not-Patsy’s-good pizza, but he ended up ordering pasta.

Me: Wait, no pizza?
Him: But they have vodka sauce!
Me: Fiiiine.

Alison’s mom came – like she always does. She’s never missed a performance.

Sara’s also never missed a performance either, which I’m very grateful for, and so did Sara’s son.

Alison’s mom gave the kid a gift afterward to reward all his hard work, which he seemed to really love.

Here’s a video of his performance; I had to crop it pretty small, but you can still get most of his performance.

There was a tiny slip-up in one of his transitions but I’m still super proud of him.

It was a great day, and I’ll take as many great days as I can.

Location: Hoboken, finally having some killer pizza
Mood: stuffed and beat
Music: Reminds me of childhood memories (Spotify)
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Be different: Listen to new music

Avoiding Stasis

Friend: Honestly, music stopped being good after 2010.
Me: I dunno about that.
Her: There’s literally nothing I can stand on the radio anymore.

In 2015, Spotify looked at its user data and found that people stop listening to new music after the age of 33.

At least in the US.

See, in the UK, where they use something called Deezer, that company discovered that Britons stop listening to new music at 30…and a half.

What adult uses “and a half?”

In any case, my point being that, in nature, there are only three states: Growth, stasis, and decline.

Me?

I keep wanting to put as much (natural) space between me and decline as possible and that means avoiding stasis wherever and whenever possible.

That doesn’t just mean seeing old friends, working out, eating well, and doing some deep thinking.

It also means listening to new music, because, if I don’t, I’m at least in stasis, if not decline.

And I can’t have that.

Not when the kid’s this young.

Music is a unique art form because, unlike, say, a sculpture, which is carved, and then just exists, music is created and has to be played or performed.

But, as you hear it, it can be remembered, heard, and anticipated – you can guess a lyric or beat because music requires a rhythm of some sort – so that it exists in the entirety of time itself, past, present, and future all at once.

Music is profoundly human is because it’s the only artform that only exists entirely in time and disappears once it’s done as if it never existed at all.

Kinda like us.

So, with all due respect to my friend, listen to new music, and fight the stasis.

Him: You’ll come to my talent show? I’m playing XXXX.
Me: I love that song! And of course – have I missed one yet?
Him: No…
Me: Then I wouldn’t worry too much, kiddo.

For the past few years, I’ve put all the music from this blog into this Spotify playlist here, if you want some new tracks on the regular.

Or just keep reading and click on the music links below (I get a few cents if you end up buying the song on Amazon, just fyi).

Location: the bathroom, installing a bidet
Mood: bidet-ed
Music: they say you know when you know (Spotify)
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Grief is the price you pay for wonderful things

It is a concern

Headed back out to middle-of-nowhere Brooklyn again the other day to pick up the kid from his sleepaway camp.

He was grinning ear-to-ear when I got him.

Him: Papa!
Me: Hey, kiddo! Man, you got dark! I hope you put on some sunscreen. How was it?

He told me that he had a great time and made a lotta new friends, which was exactly what I was hoping to hear.

When we packed, I asked if he wanted to bring his guitar and he said yes, so we did just that.

Well, it turns out that it’s a good thing that we did because he ended up playing for everyone twice.

The first time was at a talent show…

…but the second time was on the last full day, where he played for the entire camp.

Me: What song did you sing?
Him: Riptide!

I shot the picture below to my MIL.

Me: I wish we could do something about his quiet and reserved nature…
Her: It is a concern

The only thing that bummed me out was that he told me that when it was his turn to talk about Alison, he said that he was ok because he didn’t remember her enough to miss her.

That absolutely gutted me, but I didn’t say anything, because we have to let true things be true.

Then again, if he remembered her, he wouldn’t be functional.

Because all she ever wanted was to be his mom and he would have been devastated at losing her.

On that note, he did get super sad that night at dinner.

Him: (sadly) I miss all my friends.
Me: (gently) Then that means you had a wonderful time. Grief is the price you pay for wonderful things.
Him: But it’s so hard.
Me: (nodding) We’re always gonna miss wonderful things when they’re gone. That’s why I miss your mom all the time, because she was my wonderful thing.

Location: heading out to dinner at the Flatiron to meet my SIL’s new fella
Mood: curious
Music: I got a lump in my throat ’cause you’re gonna sing (Spotify)
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Way less sad

Taking it every day I can

KG Betty: I just moved a few weeks ago; once I’m settled in it’ll all start sinking in. How about you? Still super happy? I hope everything is good with you!
Me: I wouldn’t say I’m super happy but you just reminded me of a song I’ve been listening to called “Way Less Sad.” It’s got a line goes, “I’m not happy yet, but I’m way less sad.”

Been chatting with KG Betty again.

She reached out to me a few times while Alison was sick but I couldn’t pull myself together enough to chat with her.

Or anyone, really.

Afterward, I was even more of a mess.

But, she always kept in touch, something I really appreciated. And she’s been dealing with her own stuff these days so I reached out to her.

Like I always said, old friends are such a valuable thing to have in your life.

I’m grateful for the ones that have stuck around.

Speaking of friends, my buddy Katrina was in my area the other day.

Her boyfriend was part of a bartending contest at our fave rum joint, Tiki Chick, to raise money for EPIC: Empowering Pacific Islander Communities.

Wanted to go – both to see them and because it’s my regular rum joint – but I was dealing with more tech issues, which I’ll tell you about one of these days.

Me: Sorry, was a crazy busy day with my network going down. Very annoying.
Her: That sucks. But it’s okay – you’re a busy guy

It’s a shame that I couldn’t make it but I figure they’ll do something like this again in the future and I can make it next time.

Until then, back to fixing this @#$@#$! network…

What I told KG Betty and my buddy Owen is true and I think that pretty much sums up my entire mindset these days.

I think that once someone deals with a double-whammy loss like I did, happy is something that seems very quaint and far away.

Way less sad is a win in my book and I’ll take it every day I can.

Obviously, the Firecracker has a lot to do with this, so I’m grateful for her as well.

Location: The New Cottage with my two tiny roommates
Mood: tech-y
Music: you’re so insane – shut up and just enjoy this feelin’ (Spotify)
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Did you just lap me?

Din Tai Mars 2112

Me: (laughing)
Her: What’s so funny?
Me: I just read this woman in her 20s writing about online dating and meeting men that married and divorced. She wrote, “It’s a trip when you go on a date with a divorced person and think, ‘Did you just lap me?'”

Decades ago, I worked a lot in NYC clubs – which is all I’ll say on the matter – and one such club I worked at was Mars 2112.

It was a Mars/space-themed restaurant that was enormous at 33,000 SF.

HUGE is an understatement.

It opened in 1998 and closed (ironically) in 2012.

Well, Din Tai Fung took over a chunk of that space and, despite it not being the entire space, man did it feel huge.

If you aren’t familiar with Din Tai Fung, it’s a major upscale Taiwanese restaurant chain with 170 locations worldwide with the Manhattan one as one of their flagships.

The main picture of this entry is just of its staff making dumplings. That’s a lotta dumplings, man.

Anywho, earlier last week, one of the Firecracker’s closest friends, the Liberian, was in town with her husband.

They have a cool story in that they sold off their home and most of their possessions here and bought a villa in Spain where they’re living their best lives.

The one negative is that they’re not getting the level of quality Chinese food they were getting when they were here in NYC.

So, that’s how we ended up at Din Tai Fung.

I’d actually been to the one in Taiwan before but that was it, and decades ago. So having it was a treat.

The food was pretty killer, as I expected, if not super carb-y, as I also expected.

Her: Carbs aren’t that bad.
Me: I gotta disagree – one in three teens here are prediabetic.

Anywho, it was weird being back in that space because it felt familiar yet very different.

On a related note, I should mention that the gym I go now also used to be a club that I also worked at.

Living in NYC your whole life means that things start to make laps in your life.

Wonder what these joints will be like in another few years.

Location: a street fair with an angel and her kid
Mood: full
Music: “Lonely or alone?” Way to Mars by Somersault & Xavier Naidoo (can’t find it anywhere)
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Concert: Andy Grammer at Pier 17 2025.07.18

A Night at the Seaport

After Patrick Droney’s set, things were quiet for almost 45 minutes before Andy hit the stage.

But when he did, he did it with his typical high energy, which everyone in the crowd appreciated.

Here’s him singing a covers mashup before sliding into his own song, Fresh Eyes, a song that I’ll talk to you about one of these days.

Her: Man, he hasn’t been off pitch all night.
Me: I wouldn’t know but I’ll take your word for it.

The Firecracker knew pretty much every song by him and sang along the whole night.

It was great to see her so happy.

Me: Having a good night?
Her: I’ve got Andy Grammer, my guy, and a beautiful summer night. So, yeah.

The crowd was really into it as well. Like I said, the man gives a great concert – if you get a chance to catch him life, you totally should.

Here’s him playing a song I love called Monster, which I absolutely relate to.

Afterwards, the Firecracker and I took a little walk around the South Street Seaport.

Living in NYC my whole life means that I’ve seen a lotta changes – and man, has the Seaport changed a lot since I was kid.

But that’s a story for another time, I suppose.

Location: humid and wet NYC
Mood: sweaty
Music: You dress up just a little and I’m like, “Oh, damn” (Spotify)
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Concert: Patrick Droney at Pier 17 2025.07.18

A Surprise(ish) concert

Her: What?! Oh no!!
Me: What happened?
Her: I just got a text that our concert is tonight.
Me: What? No, it’s not. It’s in August.

Was making dinner on Friday when I heard the Firecracker yell out, so I quickly went into the room to see her on her phone, quite perplexed.

We’d bought tickets for an Andy Grammer – we’re both big fans – and Patrick Droney concert from someone that couldn’t make the show, and it turns out that they pushed up the date of the show over a month from the original date.

Evidently, they didn’t let us know.

So, we literally shoved alla the food I’d made into our faces and dashed off downtown.

Had to tell my kali class and the Radiologist – who was gonna stop by the class – that we couldn’t make it that night.

Me: OMG, we just got an email which is wild; a concert that we booked for August 23rd was resecheduled for tonight! This is the first we heard of it. Literally just got an email right this second.
Him: Enjoy the concert! I’d do Andy Grammar first second and third.

So, off we went.

We were there in less than 30 minutes – living in the middle of Manhattan does have its perks.

The weather and venue were absolutely perfect.

And we were right up near the stage.

So, we had amazing views and sounds.

Patrick Droney was the opening act, and I was actually a fan of his song, Stand and Deliver, which I didn’t get a chance to record.

But, as good as he was, we were there to see Andy and, man, did he deliver.

That fella throws a concert, lemme tell ya…

But I’ll write more about that in the next entry.

Until then, here he is performing one of my fave songs, Honey I’m Good, which is just so catchy.

More Andy in the next entry.

Dude rocks in concert. Literally.

Location: home
Mood: beat
Music: I’ll stand and deliver for you (Spotify)
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