Tag: music video

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personal

Thanks, Kymberly!

I’ve decided to be happy

Me: I just wanted to say thank you for working with me for this past year.
Therapist: Logan! You think we’ve only been talking for a year? You mentioned looking forward to your date with the Firecracker, and that was at least 20 months ago.
Me: I cannot be trusted with things related to time these days.

I had my first therapy session with my therapist, Kymberly, on 2021.06.03.

She was the third regular therapist I had but the one that I’ve seen the longest and most consistently.

That’s for a buncha reasons: On the practical side, my insurance covered alla it and I could do alla my sessions at home on Zoom.

On the personal side, I knew I needed to talk to a professional, but I suppose that I didn’t realize just how much I needed to talk to one.

The first few sessions were not great as I was pretty belligerent, but she stuck with me and I her.

As time passed, I began to notice that I was less angry – still angry, just less so.

Me: There’s this joke I heard once where a man says to the other, “What would you say if I gave you a million dollars but only on the condition that the person you hate most gets two million?” And the second man replies, “Of course, why wouldn’t I want three million dollars?”
Her: You hate yourself?
Me: More than anyone, sometimes. (thinking) It’s a good joke, though.

Chad once said he felt that I was clinging on to a wrong relationship with a death grip because I’d lost so much already and was loathe to lose anything else.

Think that was the most accurate and sage thing he ever said.

With the passage of time, and Kymberly’s help, I was able to accept my new reality, though.

Me: Losing Alison and my dad was a bit like losing a leg. I know I’ll never be complete again, and I’ll always remember the days when I had them both here as my happiest. I know I can be happy again, I just also know that it won’t be the same because I will never be the same.
Her: But this version of Logan can be happy, can’t he? Maybe not the same as before, different, but still good?
Me: I suppose that’s the hope.

Unfortunately, she’s moving to a different office and one that doesn’t take my insurance. So, we have to part ways, at least for now.

She was a good therapist – and I’m well enough now, a good deal thanks to her, that I’m not in a rush to replace her.

Thanks, doc.

I’m feeling much better now.

Her: I like that analogy of your losing a leg. But, I think you can be happy again. If you’re nicer to yourself.
Me: I’ll try. It’s not easy, but I’m gonna try. I’ll never be happy like I was when Alison and my dad were still alive. But…it’d be nice to be happy again.

Every so often, I’ll hear a song, and it’ll feel as if it was written just for me.

To wit, here’s a song called Decide to be Happy by a band called Misterwives.

There are several lines that I feel I’ve said here myself in some manner or another:

Been feelin’ like a stranger in my body.  I haven’t been myself in a while, I’m sorry.

Got to decide to be happy ‘Cause it don’t always come naturally.

I particularly really like this line:

I’ve been down on my knees, prayin’ things I don’t believe

…because I’ve been on my knees so much since you’ve known me.

You know what?

Here’s the whole song and alla the lyrics – it’s worth a listen, I think.

Music, it saved me
But it drives me crazy
‘Cause it forces my eyes, to take a look and see
Got to decide to be happy
‘Cause it don’t always come naturally
Been feelin’ like a stranger in my body
I haven’t been myself in a while, I’m sorry (I’m sorry)
Got to decide to be happy (happy)
‘Cause it don’t always come naturally

‘Cause flowers, don’t grow without the rain
And goodness, don’t grow without the pain
Flowers, don’t grow without the rain
Goodness, don’t grow without the pain

I’ve been down on my knees
Prayin’ things I don’t believe
Hopin’ that it’ll save me
So I decide to be happy
I’ve been down on my knees
Prayin’ things I don’t believe
Hopin’ that it’ll save me
So I decide to be happy

My mind, it can be a scary place at times
So I hide under my bed and close all the blinds
And I cry (and I cry)
And I cry (and I cry)
Waste the day away, so I turn on the lights
And I search for a sign or a rhyme or a reason
Why I’m unsteady as the seasons

‘Cause flowers, don’t grow without the rain
And goodness, don’t grow without the pain
Flowers, don’t grow without the rain
Goodness, don’t grow without the pain

I’ve been down on my knees
Prayin’ things I don’t believe
Hopin’ that it’ll save me
So I decide to be happy
I’ve been down on my knees
Prayin’ things I don’t believe
Hopin’ that it’ll save me
So I decide to be happy

If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands
If you’re sad and you know it, well now’s your chance to dance
If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands
If you’re sad and you know it, well now’s your chance to dance
Well now’s your chance to dance, now’s your chance to dance
(Now’s your chance to dance, now’s your chance to dance)

I’ve been down on my knees
Prayin’ things I don’t believe
Hopin’ that it’ll save me
So I decide to be happy
I’ve been down on my knees
Prayin’ things I don’t believe
Hopin’ that it’ll save me
So I decide to be happy

Location: not where you might expect; a tiny room with the kid practically on top of me
Mood: soooooooooo sick – you would not believe how sick I am
Music: I decide to be happy (Spotify)
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Hanging with Andy, Rob, and the Firecracker, Pt 2

Worth the trip

Both the Firecracker and I really enjoyed seeing Andy Grammer in concert, but the crowd was clearly mainly there for Matchbox Twenty.

Me?

Her: (after my fourth plate of food) You know there’s a concert going on?
Me: (in between bites) Didn’t notice.

Seriously, though, they were both excellent – if you can catch them both live, they’re worth the trip.

After the concert, we made our way home when I related to her an observation.

Me: I’m the only person of colour here!
Her: No, that’s not true. (pointing) There’s one, and there’s another…
Me: This is still the whitest concert I’ve ever been to.
Her: (laughing) You’ve never been to a Kid Rock concert.

No plans to see one either.

This was honestly one of the best concerts I’d ever been to because I really liked both the opening and main acts.

Me: I woulda seen both of them separately for that amount of money.
Her: Well, if nothing else, you ate that much in food. You had FIVE plates of food!
Me: Your jealousy is palpable.

We actually got back to the city somewhat early.

Me: Do you wanna get a drink?
Her: Sure!

So, we popped into the Emerald Inn for a quick cranberry and vodka (I was just starting to get sick).

Her: Did you have a good night?
Me: Andy Grammer, Matchbox Twenty, unlimited food, and a nightcap with a hot blonde to end the evening? I’d say so.
Her: (beaming) Same.

Location: about to have some Slavic food
Mood: less sick
Music: I’m hopeless, I’m bleeding and broken, though I’ve never spoken (Spotify)
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Hanging with Andy, Rob, and the Firecracker, Pt 1

Seeing a concert

Me: Can’t on Thursday. I’m catching Matchbox 20 with the Firecracker.
Brother: Matchbox 20? Shouldn’t they be at least Matchbox 50 by now?

The last major music concert I went to was 16 years ago with Alison at the Prudential Center, just a year after it first opened.

That’s because there aren’t a ton of artists I’d wanna see in exchange for the hassle of getting to and from a concert.

I’m fully embracing my inner crotchety-old-man.

When I first met the Firecracker, told her that Matchbox Twenty / Rob Thomas and Andy Grammer were the only people that I’d see but that list has grown somewhat to also include:

But that girl pays attention.

She told me that Andy Grammer was opening up for Matchbox Twenty at the Prudential Center the other day, and she got us tickets.

Her: AND…I got us seats with unlimited food!
Me: What?!
Her: Yup!

See, Matchbox Twenty and Rob Thomas’s Streetcorner Symphany was on repeat during my first breakup with the Reporter.

And after Alison got sick, his song Her Diamonds would always make me cry.

Ergo, I was super jazzed to see them both on this double-header.

So, last Thursday, we headed out to see him from Manhattan…

…but ended up taking the wrong PATH train in NJ, so we had to hitch an Uber.

Her: I don’t wanna miss Andy Grammer!
Me: (waving hand) Nah, they never start on time.

He started right on time.

Opens mouth. Inserts foot.

As soon as we walked in, we heard him playing Fine by Me, one of our favourite songs.

But, while the Firecracker was anxious to get seated to enjoy the concert, I had other priorities.

She wasn’t joking about the unlimited food.

Ended up getting five plates of food and four full cups of drinks before the night was over.

Six plates if you count that the Firecracker got us dessert at the end.

Andy: I’m like the golden retriever of music and I’m ok with that.

Anywho, getting back to the concert, I particularly like Andy Grammar, not just because I enjoy his music, but also because he and I seem to share a similar point of view when it comes to our art.

His music routinely gets criticized because its relentlessly upbeat.

Yet, I don’t have an issue with that because, what is life if not a tragedy fulla joy?

We can focus on the tragedy part or the joy part.

In any case, I just missed seeing Andy in concert a while ago with RE Mike a couplea years back, so this was a chance to finally get to see him perform.

He didn’t disappoint.

Her: Man, he’s so good, live!
Me: He really is! (getting up to get more food)
Her: You’re getting more food? You’re missing the entire concert.
Me: The food’s not gonna eat itself!

I’ll wrap this up in the next entry.

Location: sick at my desk
Mood: see above
Music: I know it’s hard to remember sometimes but you gotta keep your head up (Spotify)
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A Hotel in California

Scavenging

The Firecracker likes to do things like go on scavenger hunts so she arranged for one for the four of us to do – me, her, my kid, and her kid.

So early on a Saturday morning, we went off to try our hand at it.

Unfortunately, neither boy was really into it and the weather was pretty lousy – rainy, cold, and grey – so after a few hours, we called it.

Although, not before the kids managed to find a playground to play a little.

As for me, I found something to keep my interest.

Me: You don’t see that very often in Manhattan anymore.
Her: What?
Me: An ivy-covered building.

It was good that we ended early, though. Because my kid had his first talent show later on that day.

The person organizing the event has known my son since he was only 18 months old and had wanted him to sing and play the guitar the year before but he didn’t want to, and I didn’t wanna force him.

But this year, he said he wanted to do it – despite having a good friend’s birthday party to go to at the same time.

Now, much as I enjoyed my son’s rendition of 7 Years, he’s spent the last month or so practicing for his school’s talent show, where he was the second act outta maybe 30 something.

He wanted to sing Hotel California by the Eagles.

The crowd thought he did a pretty good job.

What do you think?

Told him that I was super proud of him – he’s only 8 but is calmer in front of an audience than I am, and certainly far more talented – and I told him he could have anything he wanted for dinner.

Oddly, he wanted to go to the local bar we went to before with the dark past.

But a promise is a promise so off we went.

Him: Did you really think I did a good job?
Me: Definitely. It was pretty clear to everyone that you practiced hard. But the most important thing is, do you think you did a good job?
Him: (thinking) Yes? People were clapping along.
Me: They were. Are you proud of yourself?
Him: Yes!
Me: Good! Because that’s the most important thing.

Location: A hotel in California, actually. Le Méridien Delfina Santa Monica to be exact.
Mood: headachy
Music: We are all just prisoners here, of our own device (Spotify)
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Logan’s 51

Soon, I’ll be 60 years old

Me: I have all the wisdom and finances of someone older but I look much younger.
Her: True…and thank god you’re nerdy. I couldn’t be with someone cool.
Me: Yeah, I…wait, what?

I’m 51 now. What a kick in the head.

It’s weird, wishing to be 40.

But it’s still better than the alternative.

The Firecracker baked me a low-carb cupcake with cream cheese frosting based on a recipe from my sister.

And she also bought me a bánh mì, which was my major carb splurge, although that I had with a super low-carb beer.

And my son played this song for me.

Thought you’d enjoy it.

7 Years

by Lukas Graham

Once, I was seven years old, my mama told me
“Go make yourself some friends, or you’ll be lonely”
Once, I was seven years old.

It was a big-big world, but we thought we were bigger
Pushing each other to the limits, we were learning quicker
By 11, smoking herb and drinking burning liquor
Never rich, so we were out to make that steady figure.

Once, I was 11 years old, my daddy told me
“Go get yourself a wife, or you’ll be lonely”
Once, I was 11 years old

I always had that dream like my daddy before me
So I started writing songs, I started writing stories
Something about the glory just always seemed to bore me
‘Cause only those I really love will ever really know me

Once, I was 20 years old, my story got told
Before the morning sun, when life was lonely
Once, I was 20 years old

I only see my goals, I don’t believe in failure
‘Cause I know the smallest voices, they can make it major
I got my boys with me, at least those in favor
And if we don’t meet before I leave, I hope I’ll see you later

Once, I was 20 years old, my story got told
I was writing ’bout everything, I saw before me
Once, I was 20 years old

Soon, we’ll be 30 years old, our songs have been sold
We’ve traveled around the world, and we’re still roaming
Soon, we’ll be 30 years old

I’m still learning about life, my woman brought children for me
So, I can sing them all my songs, and I can tell them stories
Most of my boys are with me, some are still out seeking glory
And some I had to leave behind, my brother, I’m still sorry

Soon, I’ll be 60 years old, my daddy got 61
Remember life and then your life becomes a better one
I made the man so happy when I wrote a letter once
I hope my children come and visit, once or twice a month

Soon, I’ll be 60 years old, will I think the world is cold?
Or will I have a lot of children who can warm me?
Soon, I’ll be 60 years old.

Soon, I’ll be 60 years old, will I think the world is cold?
Or will I have a lot of children who can hold me?
Soon, I’ll be 60 years old

Once, I was seven years old, my mama told me
“Go make yourself some friends, or you’ll be lonely”
Once, I was seven years old
Once, I was seven years old

Here’s the original if you’re at all interested.

He found this song all by his lonesome.

It’s kinda wild, learning things from him instead of the other way around.

Suppose that’s where he and I are headed.

Don’t mind in the least.

Now, wish me a happy birthday, alla you bastards that read me but never say nuthin…

Location: hanging out with my son, my brother, and the Firecracker for my bday
Mood: content
Music: Soon, I’ll be 60 years old, will I think the world is cold? (Spotify)
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Totally random (videos)

I’ll always love NY

There’s gonna be zero rhyme or reason to this entry cause I went through my camera and found a buncha random videos that I meant to post.

Let’s start with a video shot in October of 2023 where I took a bus out to Queens in this entry.

Now, I’d meant to post this video in that entry, but I forgot I even took it.

Essentially, that explains all the rest of these videos.

Nothing special but I just always liked seeing the NYC rivers while on bridges.

Now, this is another video I shot in October of 2023, where this very old and broken dude was screaming out racial epithets at people who were just walking by him.

I believe the cops got involved but I was already gone by the time they started to arrive.

While NYC definitely has moments like that, it also has moments like the next video, which I shot the following month on November 18th, 2023.

It’s just some people playing ping pong on the pedestrian square outside of Koreatown.

I like how totally random it is, just like NYC itself, which is also totally random.

That’s all I got for now.

Well, that is until I find another batch of random videos from my phone.

Lemme close out this entry with someone else’s video; this is Ryan Adams singing his song New York, New York.

It was shot in 2001, right before the World Trade Center was hit and is how I remember the buildings before all the horror.

There’s a line in it that goes, I’ll always love you though, New York.

Despite a whole lotta things, that sounds about right.

Location: a trampoline park all day, surrounded by kids and noise
Mood: headachey
Music: In a church on the upper west side (Spotify)
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Just wear a hat

That doesn’t make any real sense

The mayor office announced congestion pricing the other day.

There were more cops than protestors but I suppose that’s a good thing.

At least everyone was dressed warmly – it’s been brick around here, lately.

If I told you that I opened up a can of coke and was shocked that no soda came out anywhere but the hole on top, you would think I was just being strange.

Obviously, if I opened a can of soda, the only place any soda would come out of would be the hole I created when I opened the can, yeah?

Conversely, if I didn’t open the can of soda, no soda would come out.

All this seems elementary, no?

But what if I said to you something like, “You should wear a hat because most of your body heat comes from your head?”

To me, it sounds precisely the same as if I said, “Most soda comes outta the can from the hole you made.”

Do you know why most of your body heat comes off your head when your head’s not covered?

Because: Your head’s not covered and the rest of your body is.

Like, if you go out into a wintery day, fully dressed, including gloves and boots – guess where most of your body heat would escape?

That’s right: Your head. Because it’s not covered and the rest of your body is.

So, it’s technically true that, “Most of your body heat comes from your head.”

But that’s super misleading.

It has the air of truth but only a little bit of actual truth to it.

It’s more accurate to say, “Heat’s gonna escape from your head because that’s the part of your body that’s not covered up.”

This has driven me mad for decades.

DECADES!

Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

Location: next door, having my third plate of shrimp and checking out heavy machinery
Mood: warm
Music: Baby, you can steal my sheets (Spotify)
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Once Upon a One More Time

Everybody needs a RE Mike

First mentioned RE Mike to you some 15 years ago, where he floated me and my buddy Sheridan into a private party with James Lipton, Richard Kind, David Zaikin, Tina Fey and Alec Baldwin.

Since then, he’s gotten me into more parties and events than I can possibly count including some grand openings, model parties, private concerts, private concerts with donut bars, ship launches, whatever the hell was happening in the picture below, dinners, real estate events (of course), and roof parties.

This is from the really weird party we went to in 2019.

He even set up one of the wedding parties that Alison and I had, and the only one in Manhattan, at a joint he owned.

He and my friends around the way were some of the first people I saw after everything went down.

I shoulda had a donut from the donut wall that night.

I’m honestly not sure why he’s always so nice to me, but – heck – who am I to look a gift horse in the mouth?

Everyone should have a RE Mike in their lives.

RE Mike: [Sent you an invite to the Britney Spears musical.]
Me: Thanks! When are you going?
Him: Went last week enjoy! It’s silly but fun.
Me: Cooooooool, thanks!

The Firecracker and I were trying to figure out what to do last weekend when he got us two tickets to a new show with Britney Spears songs called Once Upon a One More Time.

Honestly, while I liked a few songs from her – like Work Bitch, which, before everything went down, coulda been my theme song – I wouldn’t really call myself a fan of hers.

Having said that, The Firecracker loves musicals so I figured I’d take one for the team and go with her.

Not counting the musicals on the cruises I go on, the last time I went to a Broadway musical was with Alison some 14 years ago.

But, I gotta admit, it was a lot more fun than I was expecting, and the story wasn’t bad at all.

I’d never been to the Marquis Theatre, which is in the New York Marriott Marquis hotel in Times Square.

The layout was a bit odd as you walk downstairs and immediately are facing the concession/bar area. Weird/bad feng shui.

Her: Do you want a drink?
Me: I’ll just have some of yours.
Her: Why don’t I just get you one?
Me: Because I’ll just keep running to the bathroom.

Outside, there were a buncha booths where people to take selfies with some of the songs as themes.

The Firecracker had a blast and it was fun doing something completely different for a change. If you get a chance to go, you should.

Afterward, we took a long walk-up Broadway, about two miles north to my pad.

I’ll tell you about that in my next post.

Until then, below is the encore from the show, which they were cool enough to let us record.

Location: the gym, for the first time in a while
Mood: missing the kid like crazy
Music: You want a Maserati? You better work (Spotify)
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It’s time to come home

Not that lawyer any more

Me: The problem is that you’re homeless and a stranger in a strange land. You’re not valued by him and never will be. But your friends and family are here.
Her: I can’t afford to live in NYC any more, Logan. I don’t have a job and I’m not 20 anymore.
Me: Plenty of people – your parents and mine – came here with less and spoke even shittier English than you…
Her: (laughs)
Me: …they all survived. They all thrived. It’s time.

A dear friend of mine, who moved away to be with the man of her dreams suddenly found herself in a nightmare.

She gave up everything – her home, her friends, her family, and her job, to be with this fella.

That’s her story to tell so I’ll end that part here.

But I told her things that I never told anyone.

Never told you either.

Because I not only lost both my families in 2017, but I also lost my career.

Never told you, but when I lectured in Malaga, over a decade ago, my topic was the right of publicity versus the right of privacy.

In it, I wrote about Gwen Stefani/No Doubt legal case where she allowed her likeness to be used for one thing but not another.

With the rise of computational power, we’re rapidly coming to a point where we don’t need an actual actor or singer but merely their likeness to create art. And that will open up a whole new world of possibilities, both for good and bad. – Logan

Right now, a major part of the whole writer/actor’s strike is the fear that their likeness will be used by a studio for, potentially, eternity.

Watched one lawyer talk about it, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t angry and jealous – because the focus of my entire practice was going to be about the intersection of the rights of publicity and privacy.

I knew a decade ago that this current AI crisis was coming and I wanted to be at the forefront of it all.

Her: Holy shit, you were ahead of the curve, Logan!
Me: Yeah, by over a decade. I’m gonna be honest with you, I threw myself a pity party last week thinking that coulda been me.

That fucking cancer took almost everything from Alison and me.

12 years of work, poof. Gone.

I’m still a lawyer but I’m not…that lawyer anymore.

I secretly used pictures of Alison throughout my lecture.

But Alison and I were dealt our shitty cards and we had no other choice but to play them.

After all, that’s what Alison did. Felt I had to respect her sacrifices and do the same.

I just said that the fucking cancer took almost everything.

Almost because I still had the boy.

Somehow, through all my chemicals and madness, I sobered up enough to remember him and how much he meant to Alison, and me.

Knew I had to make a home for him with me, however incomplete and inelegant that was.

That kid saved me and, together, we made this sad place – which was full of some seriously unspeakable and fucked-up things – a happy(ish) home for both of us.

And I told my friend all this just to let her know that it’s possible.

It’s possible to overcome the blow, even when it seems so unlikely.

Me: I’m not making light of your situation. It’s gonna be shitty and hard. But I just want you to know that you can survive this. You can survive this blow. Because, somehow, I did.
Her: (silence then laughing) I can’t believe I’m saying this but you’re making a lotta sense.
Me: (laughing) I’m as surprised as you are. (pause) Listen, X, it’s done. That place isn’t your home, not anymore. But here, you matter to a lotta people. Me included.
Her: (sighing) OK, Logan. Lemme think about it.
Me: Do that. It’s time to come home.


Location: home, waiting for people to pick up things up
Mood: better
Music: I only wish my words could just convince myself (Spotify)
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Our hearts are red balloons

I need to change that

The Firecracker got home a bit earlier today so, after I dropped the kid off at his afterschool – which is just two blocks from her pad – I stopped by.

She usually buzzes me into her building and unlocks the door so I can let myself in.

Me: Hey, where are you?
Her: (running towards me, hair and limbs akimbo) BANZAI!!!
Me: WHAT THE F-!

God, it’s nice when someone’s happy to see you.

Last week, when we saw the Surgeon, my buddy Steel wasn’t available.

This time, though, he was so the Firecracker, the kid, and I went down to Chinatown to grab some food and headed to the Surgeon’s pad for another get-together.

Steel cooked everything…

…while the Surgeon made some mixed drinks.

Him: Do you want rum or som-
Me: Rum!
Him: (laughing) No surprise there.

The Firecracker was a big hit with Steel’s wife.

Her: We love her!!! I am keeping her!

The Firecracker and I tried to limit our drinking and we did an ok job. It was hard because the surgeon does mix some killer drinks.

He and Steel own a few bars in the city.

Firecracker: Wait, I’ve been to that place. That’s yours?
Steel: Yup. Which one?
Her: There’s more than one? The uptown one?
Him: Oh, we have another one downtown.
Me: We’ll head out there onea these days.

We did, however, eat continuously since we arrived. Especially since there was a ton of sushi for the adults, alla Chinese food I brought, and pizza for the kids.

Me: I want a slice of pizza.
Him: What about the carbs?
Me: I already ate so much sushi that I figure that I’m in it.

Speaking of carbs, the Surgeon’s wife pulled out a whole stack of Klondike bars. I’d not had one since I was a kid so I took one.

The next day, I hosted one of the kid’s classmates and then brought the two of them to another class outing at a playground near me.

I’m looking forward to spending the summer hanging out with kid and maybe having the Firecracker for company.

My summers have been pretty sad lately.

I need to change that.

Location: the Barnes & Noble on the UWS, realizing they blocked all the windows so people wouldn’t sit on the sills anymore
Mood: hungry and dreaming of apple pie
Music: The skies are wide open (Spotify)
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