Just show them a great first date
Me: Wait, you have how many unread messages from guys?
Her: (checking phone) Hmmm, 1,021?
Sara: (laughs) That sounds about right.
Me: Man, it pays to be an attractive blonde female.
When Sara and I met up with Amanda the other day, we – like always – asked about her dating life.
Because now that Sara and I were married, it’s nice to live vicariously through her, the ABFF, A-SIL, and others.
Us: So…what’s the latest?
On a related note, the other day, I posted the above image on Facebook that someone sent me from rando reddit post (which I’ve since lost).
Didn’t think much of it – four friends of mine commented and I went to bed.
When I woke up the next morning, I had several hundred comments and, a few days later, over 400 comments.
Some were fine, with many of my female friends commenting how bad it is out there for them.
But the number of questionable – and I do mean questionable – responses from men really floored me.
They ranged from whiney and excuse-filled – somehow, a short, old, arthritic, minority widower is anything but average…
…to angry and…jealous?
I’m not sure how to understand this fella below, who seemed to be upset that I even went on 180 dates in 18 months, which is about 10 dates a month, or 2-3 dates a week – something I told you is totally doable if you just…do it.
It’s all so profoundly sad because men want to meet women and women want to meet men, but they are clearly speaking very different languages.
And what I found most shocking is that so many men were offended by the demonstrably true things I said: Which is that whenever a man goes on a date with a woman, he runs the risk of wasting his time and/or money.
But whenever a woman goes on a date with a man, she runs the risk of wasting her time and/or getting assaulted, raped, or worse.
And yet, men will say this kinda stuff without a hint of irony:
Did you know that ladies? That “men are assaulted at a much higher rate than women?”
It’s news to me – and, I’m sure, news to you as well.
In any case, he obviously doesn’t know that I met Alison after I got robbed of all my money, or that I met Sara after I gave up most of my clients and got robbed (again).
It *MUST* be because of money or something else that women like about me but not actually me – not because I’m actually a decent human being who can talk to a woman because that would mean, well, maybe it’s you, dude.
The funniest thing about that guy’s statement is that my oldest readers know that my fave thing to do while out and about was to see how many women I could get to buy me a drink in a night.
One night, I even got a girl to get guys to buy her a drink to give to me. That, my friends, is how you afford to go on a ton of dates without going broke.
No one ever dated me for my money.
Honestly, I’m not that good-looking, I’m old as dirt, I talk a lot with my hands, my back is just crap and the rest of my body isn’t far behind, I’m overly pedantic, etc.
And yet, I have zero problem meeting and dating women, probably because of two major reasons:
-
- When I was single, I put in the time. I got shot down, repeatedly. I most likely got turned down 2-3X more than I succeeded.
- But when I failed (beyond her having a boyfriend), it was always my fault: I was too nervous, I was too forward, I was too hesitant, something.
- That’s how you get better at anything – by not blaming someone or something else but by fixing the only thing you can control and change, yourself.
- Do you remember when Alison rejected me? I accepted it and told her I hoped she’d reconsider…and then I immediately picked up three other women, two within the hour. It’s never the other person’s fault.
- But when I failed (beyond her having a boyfriend), it was always my fault: I was too nervous, I was too forward, I was too hesitant, something.
- The other reason? I respected the fact that women take a chance every time they went out on a date with me or anyone else.
- That meant that when a woman did go on a date with me, I was always grateful they took a chance, and I rewarded them for taking that chance by being a decent human being and showing them a great time.
- When I was single, I put in the time. I got shot down, repeatedly. I most likely got turned down 2-3X more than I succeeded.
That’s it.
That’s the big secret, fellas:
Stop complaining, put in the time, and be a decent human being.
Being interesting and non-needy helps.
This singer named Craig David had a line in a song that I always told myself whenever I felt like whining: Instead of me feelin’ sorry for myself, gonna get me somethin’ tonight.
Because you can’t whine or anger your way into someone’s contact list.
Show someone a great first date, and they’ll come back for great second date.
You’d think this would be pretty easy.
You would, clearly, be mistaken.
Women have to go through thousands – thousands – of men to find one worth keeping around.
You gotta be worth keeping around to be worth keeping around, man.
Location: the gym, trying to survive against 20-somethings
Mood: annoyed and embarrassed
Music: it’s so late, yet, I’m so up for it (Spotify)
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