We got an award!

YouTube Creators Silver Award

Chad: What facts about the world did you learn?
J: Facts?
Chad: You were hanging out with Logan Lo for three hours; you definitely learned a fact.
J: (laughs) Well, we did discuss a lot about depression.
Chad: (to me) Are you doing ok?

Don’t get many visitors just because I like my privacy – this is in contrast to the kid, who has visitors come by alla time.

Having said that, Chad told me he was going to be in the area on Friday on a date so I told him to stop by afterward to meet up with our Scenic Fights producer, J.

Before J, showed up, though, I got a call from my friends Kathy and Ricky. They were in the area with their son so they popped by first.

Kathy: Can I sit down on the stoop?
Me: Sure – I spent many a years sitting on this stoop watching the world go by.

We caught up for a spell, along with my son, before they left.

Afterward, J stopped by. We were supposed to go over notes for a SF shoot later on this week but Chad was out of pocket until late. We didn’t want to disturb him so J and I just chatted a bit.

Him: This is actually the first time I’ve been social in a while.
Me: Besides Chad and randos, I don’t get many visits from people I actually wanna see.

J brought over a YouTube Silver Creator Plaque, which Scenic Fights got because we hit 100,000 subscribers – the crazy thing is that we’re actually at 144,000 subscribers now.

Chad showed up late and starving so I cooked everyone some food before we cracked open the package.

This is us when we finally opened it – I was so tempted to open it myself but I’m glad we waited for him to stop by.

Oddly, Chad was in my neighborhood the very next day for another social thingy.

But I’ll tell you all about that tomorrow.

I’m not sleeping again.

Location: earlier today, on 78th, watching the Meetles
Mood: confused
Music: I really want to know: Who are you? (Spotify)
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It is what it is

Some bright spots

Her: What do you mean, “You’re good at it?” How is one good at dating?
Me: There’re steps to dating: Meeting someone, building enough comfort with them that they’ll meet you again, and then want to see you again. Etc. I think I’m pretty good at each step.
Her: (dismissively) You mean like everyone in NY.
Me: If you say so, darling.

It’s been a rough week. Been in my head a ton, which is why I’ve been trying to go the gym as much as possible, despite my injuries.

RE Mike sent me an invite to yet another one of his ridonk parties and I was going to go but I feel like I’m being too social these days instead of focusing on the boy.

Plus, it’s a lot more exhausting than it was back in the day. Besides, the last one left a decidedly bad taste in my mouth for a variety of reasons, unrelated to him.

Man, RE Mike never slows down. Dunno how he does it.

As for me, heading to the gym instead was the right choice, despite my injuries. Been really careful with whom I decide to work with so I’ve managed not to make anything worse.

But I think it’s more the emotional turmoil that’s keeping me up. Well, no less than the whiplash and messed up knee and wrists.

Note to self: Slamming sticks together several times a week with an injured wrist is probably not a good idea.

Maybe that’s why I’m not that guy anymore. It was never easy to cut someone loose, but it’s even harder now.

But there are some bright spots here and there, with some old and dear friends.

Professor: I remember your dad and his cooking up a storm. A huge plate of tofu and giant prawns.
Me: Thanks. (sighing) It’s sweet that so many people remember him fondly.
Him: To be honest I’d rather trade places with you in terms of dads – then and now – poignant memories of a loving deceased dad is far better than miserable memories of a distant alive dad who I’ve heard nothing from for years. On the other hand there are dads way worse than mine, so there’s that.
Me: Yeah.
Him: Whatever – we’re almost 50 and theoretically should be past this kinda stuff – but emotions are what they are. Is what it is.

Yeah, it is what it is. Just wish it wasn’t so shitty.

Location: Earlier today, 14th and 6th, looking for carbs with my favourite tiny human
Mood: pensive
Music: been dreaming of you to come wake me up (Spotify)
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Had an accident

She keeps trying, though

Her: Do you want to do this again?
Me: I’m not sure.
Her: YOU’RE NOT SURE?!
Me: Strike and withdraw. Allow me to rephrase…
Her: It’s fine. I was just trying to be nice.
Me: But, of course, darling.

Last week, I was heading back from yet another date-to-nowhere on my scooter when I went flying at 25 miles an hour head-first into a concrete divider.

Somehow, made it to another medemerge but as soon as they saw me…

Nurse: Sir, you need to get to the ER, now. We can call you an ambulance.
Me: Can I be seen here?
Her: No, you have head trauma, we can’t see you here.
Me: I’m not going back to the ER.
Her: You could have brain swelling.
Me: I’m very familiar with brain swelling, but I’m not going back to the ER, lady. If you won’t see me here, I’m going home.
Her: Let me get the doctor. (gets him)
Him: Dude, we can an ambulance here in five minutes.
Me: No.

I have never had that much blood on me, ever. And we all know I’m clumsy as heck.

This is me AFTER I cleaned myself off. The shirt I was wearing was soaked in blood, so I get that I musta looked like a freakshow beforehand.

Spoke to my brother. Turns out that I lied to him and Chad when I told them that I didn’t hit my head. I completely forgot. Not a good sign.

But my helmet reminded me the next day that I did and that’s when I remembered that I snapped my head back.

Like way back.

Later on, my buddy Thor and I spoke.

Him: You know, if you hadn’t been doing jits all these year, you probably would be paralyzed right now.
Me: Jesus Christ, I didn’t even think of that.
Him: (cheerfully) But you didn’t!
Me: Blargh.

It was a pretty sleepless night until I gave in and starting taking Alison’s old painkillers. Two cracked teeth, whiplash, and cuts all over my face and body.

Then I slept like death. Luckily, it wasn’t actually death and I woke up.

The next day, a friend of mine was supposed to pick up my son from Queens but she never called, so I pulled myself together and went out there to get him myself.

Before I left, Chad called me to check and see how I was doing.

Him: Wait, you can’t go out there yourself.
Me: Got no choice. He has school tomorrow.
Him: I’m heading to you.
Me: I gotta go.
Him: I’m leaving now. Do not leave without me.

Ended up passing out on my couch when he came over. The two of us headed out to Queens to get him.

In hindsight, I was super grateful to have Chad come because I was clearly messed up. Plus, Tosh was pretty freaked out to see me the way I was but Chad’s always been great with him.

Chad: Hey, Papi!
Him: Papa, what happened to your face?!
Chad: You daddy had a little accident but he’s fine.
Him: He doesn’t look fine.

Lemme just say that painkillers are magical. I can see why people get addicted to them. I took them both out to eat I felt so good.

But the withdrawal, dude…is no joke.

Ran out a week later and I was in agony. But that’s a different story.

It’s been about a week and my neck and knee are still doing pretty poorly but I felt good enough to head to the gym and just drill for a bit. One fella there and I had an interesting exchange.

Him: You have seven left.
Me: Seven what?
Him: (laughing) Lives. Life can’t seem to kill you.
Me: She keeps trying, though.

It was pretty eye-opening to see who checked in on me and who didn’t. Deleted a handful of new people from my phonebook and blocked one altogether.

Although the Heiress did give me a buzz for wholly unrelated matters.

Her: Hi!
Me: Hi! I’m glad you called. Please, go fuck yourself.
Her: What?!
Me: I’m pretty sure you heard me. I’m sorry you have cancer, but, honestly, it doesn’t matter how much money you have if you act like you were raised by pigs. Do us both a favour, lose my number, and fuck off. (hanging up)

My body feels like shit but, man, mentally, I’m better than I’ve been in years.

May not be a billionaire – I’m barely a thousandaire –  but I have people in my life that I wouldn’t trade for the world.

Location: Painkillerville
Mood: fuzzy
Music: yesterday, you lied. Promises of what I seemed to be (Spotify)
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A night on the Virgin Revvel

Alesya Yelisow Alesya Yelisowa

Not the wurst night

RE Mike invited me out to a party on a ship – which is vastly different from a party on a boat – and comped me two extra tix.

I’d always thought that my SIL and Mouse would get along so I invited both of them expecting that one, or both, would demur. Surprisingly, they both said yes and the three of us had a great night.

We were supposed to link up with RE Mike and my buddy from around the way but we only saw them briefly because (a) we got there much earlier than them and (b) there was some scheduling issues.

It was the first time we were hanging out since April of 2019.

But it ended up being fine. We headed first to the restaurant.

Her: We should leave a tip.
Me: It’s all taken care of.
Her: We don’t leave a tip?!
Me: It’s all taken care of. Trust me on this.

Again, I don’t think I ever taken out my wallet a single time for anything that RE Mike’s ever invited me in all these years.

RE Mike and our buddy around the way both showed up to say hi during dinner and they accidentally took my jacket, which led to me hunting them down all night – a harder task when there’s an open bar involved.

Speaking of which, afterward we went to the bar…

…then a club…

…then a show…

…then more bars…

…before ending the night at a diner on the ship.

Her: God, that was the worst sausage ever.
Me: It was definitely the wurst. (no one thought that was funny, but I still entertain myself, no end)

I was thrilled to hang out with both my SIL and Mouse at the same time. It made me think of all my possible pasts – for better or worse – all night.

Told Mouse to be herself that night because of her last entry in her blog.

Always hated when people were cruel to Mouse, although I’m sure she’ll point out that we were cruel to each other.

The last face she makes in the video below is essentially how she looks at me whenever we’re fighting.

Later on at home that night, I had a dream. In it, a woman that I didn’t know called me and told me that an old friend of mine was looking for me.

Me: Why doesn’t he call me himself?
Her: You know him. He said you’d understand and that he needed your help.
Me: (thinking) No, he didn’t.
Her: What do you mean?
Me: Because, he would never say that. Demons in the night know their own.

Location: my childhood home for dinner
Mood: confused
Music: Wasting time and stuck inside a broken dream (Spotify)
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Rooting for you

I could get used to this

Between the normal work I have to do and trying to get the gym off the ground, it’s been an insanely busy month but I’m seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

Mouse came by one night where she did us a huge favor (and also got injured) so I took her out to eat.

It was nice and familiar. She told me about her dating life:

      • It’s awful to be single and male in NYC.
      • It’s awful to be single and female in NYC.
      • It’s awful to be single in NYC.
      • It’s awful to be single.

We hadn’t really spoken in ages so it was nice to catch up.

That’s not entirely true. We occasionally video chat, but that usually involves her scaring the bejeezus outta me with alla the filters she has.

My son also came back today for school. I missed him terribly.

We immediately went to a friend’s birthday party…

…and then another party, where he sat with a girl he’s known since he was 18 months old.

Her mom, Emely, has always been super sweet to me, for completely undeserved reasons.

Her: I saw your latest video with the ice knife. And you opened a gym too?!
Me: I get how crazy a lotta what I say is.
Her: (laughing) There are a lot of people that are rooting for you, Logan.

…and then went for a long bike ride down Manhattan’s Hudson River Greenway, before heading out for dinner.

There’s a small cafe around me that has been at least a half-dozen iterations of cafes since I moved into the hood decades ago.

This was the latest one, which is a combo cafe and bodega. I got a salad and some sweet potato fries. He got a pizza burger. We sat down to eat surrounded by kitty litter and cat food.

Him: Liver cat food…gross.
Me: I think if you were a cat, you’d rather like that.
Him: Yuck!

One of the first things, however, that we did alone together was that we played our favourite songs for each other. I played for him Shotgun by George Ezra, as covered by Us the Duo.

Him?

I’ll let you listen for yourself. I’m not the best parent – not the worst, either – but, yeah, not the best.

Location: home
Mood: happy
Music: If you need me you know where I’ll be (Spotify)
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When $5 is more than $5

Cleaning things out

This is my last week without the boy for a while. Once school starts, he’ll be with me until December, because of the stupid Delta variant.

So, I’ve been working on getting my life on track the past month, like cleaning up his room so that it’s more functional for a young boy and not a baby.

It also includes cleaning out the last bits of Alison’s things.

It’s hard getting rid of things. Everything matters to me in some manner or another.

But the flooding was a good push for me to do what I knew I had to do.

Alison was never overly sentimental; she would rather have a clean and functional home than one packed to the rafters with unused things.

Her daily driver for outerwear was a simple black puffer coat. Of course, I don’t have a single fucking picture of her wearing it.

I gave it away yesterday to someone special, but I went through the pockets of it first. There were exactly two things there: A very neatly folded five-dollar bill and a Metrocard that expired November 30, 2015.

It was the first time I cried in 2021, I think.

I put them both away. It’s weird, I deal with value on a regular basis.

There’s a tenuous connection between value and emotions/nostalgia. Consider a cheap $0.25 pen. Now imagine it was your favourite actor that used that pen for years and then finally tossed it. Is it worth $0.25?

Or far more, because he used it? Or far less because it’s broken?

I always found that whole thing silly and amusing.

Until lately, I guess. Now, $5 is worth a lot more than $5, as is a used, expired Metrocard. At least to me.

Ah, I’m doing it again, aren’t I?

On a funnier note, I had the ABFF’s cleaner come by to give the pad a solid clean – usually it’s just me, I’m the people –  but, before she came, I wanted to give things a once-over, because I’m weird like that.

On top of one of my cabinets, I found yet another knife. That made me laugh.

I have issues.

I will say that I’ve enjoyed being able to meet up with people willy-nilly and whenever I wanted these past few weeks.

Me: Are you in the mood for wings?
Her: Depends.
Me: Goodness, on what? Even bad wings are still ok wings.

Me: Do you want to get a drink?
Her: Sure.

Her: I could go for some pie.
Me: I was just telling someone that pies are superior to cake.
Her: Let’s not go that far.

Him: I got shots. Tequila and pickle-juice.
Me: I’m pre-emptively throwing up inside.

Location: my disaster of an apartment
Mood: busy!
Music: No more waiting, I’m taking the chance (Spotify)
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Hanging with Ida and Steve, Pt 2

Dealing with the loss

I literally chugged the negroni I ordered, grabbed my stuff from coat check, and walked out to … just, a whirlwind of rain.

I’d literally never seen rain like this before. It was almost as if I was in a shower going full blast.

This is a video I made on the way to the concert. The rain on the way outta the concert was significantly worse. Significantly.

Made it to the yellow line station in Koreatown where I got onto a train that crawled into Time Square.

What normally would be a two-minute ride took closer to 15.

And when I left the train to transfer to my regular line, the signs were all flashing “delayed.”

Looking down onto the tracks, there was just a sea of humanity waiting for the next train.

I made a game-time decision to leave the station and try to get a taxi or Uber. Turns out that it was good that I did because RE Mike later told me that he ended up having to walk home in the rain from 38th to the village. Nuts.

As for my Uber, it was a whopping $59 for an uber ride that normally costs $15 but I grabbed it.

Presently, an older fella picked me up. Man, he was driving insanely slow. The buses and trucks around us were moving faster.

Me: Could you drive a little faster?
Him: (pointing out the window) There’s a rainstorm.
Me: I am aware.

He finally started moving a bit faster but it still took 20 minutes to get home, for what is typically a five minute ride.

As soon as I saw my building, I dashed out the door of the whip and went to the basement. A tenant was already bailing water when I arrived.

There wasn’t much else to do but start doing the same.

So, very drunk, for the next two hours, I was bailing water and tossing yet more of the kid and Alison’s stuff.

What I got rid of is mostly stuff that is personal to me and not worth discussing. Except for my Xmas tree.

I told you when Alison and I bought the tree almost a decade ago. I have such fond memories of it. It gutted me to get rid of it. It was a good little plastic Xmas tree.

Because it was our first year, we didn’t have any ornaments for it yet.

Below’s a picture of our first Xmas dinner together. The tree would be on your left if you’re reading this. I made Coq au Vin, and she made a salad of goat cheese and pears.

Shit, fuck me.

For a moment, I was trying to think of a way of salvaging it when I realized that Alison woulda just tossed it versus allowing something that might make the kiddo sick into the house. So I did. But it was difficult.

The next day, I took inventory of everything I lost from this latest round of flooding. Speaking to my therapist, we discussed it.

Her: You talk a lot about loss and losing things. That seems to be a theme in your life.
Me: Not by choice, doc. Definitely, not by choice. Nothing gold ever stays.

Location: my damp apartment
Mood: exhausted
Music: You’ve got to know that you are good as gold (Spotify)
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Hanging with Ida and Steve, Pt 1

Why, certainly

Him: You wanna go to a Steve Aoki convert with me and RE Mike tonight?
Me: Potentially – I’m a bit worried about flooding in my apartment.
RE Mike: That’s a yes.

My buddy around the way, RE Mike, and I used to randomly call each other up whenever we got leads on parties.

Met Sue through them at onea those events. But that’s neither here nor there.

Can’t count how many times I’d show up at some fancy event with celebrities and one of those two would float me in.

Was in the middle of rolling around with Chad and my buddy Miller when they hit me up.

Hurricane Ida was supposed to hit but it didn’t look so bad so I left Paxi a bit early and headed there in the rain.

It had just started getting bad when I left the gym. But I figured it would be ok.

Always figure things will be ok. I never learn.

In any case, think out of maybe 50-70 parties with those two, don’t think I ever paid for a drink or a cover.

Tonight was no different. RE Mike met me out side of the venue and handed me a bracelet. No questions asked, they just let me in.

Should note that – because I wasn’t prepared to go out to a private concert and I was coming from the gym, I was crazy armed.

Like…psycho-level armed, for reasons we don’t need to get into but they were all valid and non-psycho. Honest.

Had about three real knives, a pair of pliers, two pens, a razor blade and at least four trainer knives.

Bouncer: Come right in. Will you check you bag though, sir?
Me: Why, certainly.

Stepping into the joint was like every other thing the two invited me to; open bar, beautiful people, and wall-to-wall food.

Him: There’s sushi and oysters being passed around.
Me: I expect nuthin less with you two.

Think the only time I had more oysters was that time with Mouse when we had four dozen. Came close, though. Demolished that tray below.

The main attraction was Steve Aoki and, man, does that dude know how to put on a show.

And, because it was an open bar, I had myself:

      • An Old-Fashioned with Rye
      • A Negroni
      • And an Amaretto on the rocks

Her: You just want Amaretto on the rocks?
Me: Yes, darling. If it’s bad, I’ll just blame you.
Her: (laughs) Hey!

It was shaping up to be a pretty good night but, my luck is ever true and I got a call from someone in my building.

Her: Water’s coming in.
Me: Dammit.

And so I ran out the door.

It’s late. I just spent the night bailing water so I’ll finish this up tomorrow.

Location: my flooded apartment
Mood: livid
Music: Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh oh, ‪if it all goes wrong, darling just hold on (Spotify)
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These unknown versions of me

Maybe I was always awful

We had a soft launch of our gym this past Thursday and Friday with just an evening class on Thursday, an afternoon class on Friday, a nighttime open mat, and then a party afterward.

Before that, Chad and I were putting in full days, leaving most nights after midnight. It was busy but not terrible. We basically just focused on the task at hand each day.

In the end, the gym was mostly how we wanted it to look; I’ll have to go in and take some proper pics soon but not until after some more artwork comes in.

A buddy I met in the city some 20+ years ago was there there on Friday for the open mat. He showed me pictures of his kid.

Him: (proudly)
Me: She’s adorbs! We need to have a playdate.

I remember him applying to be on the force all those years ago. He’s about to retire. Crazy how long I’ve known some people.

I pride myself on keeping good souls around.

After the open mat, everyone waited patiently to shower – man, having showers is a godsend after spending years at a gym without a shower – and then I started making a half-dozen trips downstairs to get food and drink for everyone.

We had a platter of sushi, two platters of wraps, one tray of wings, a huge fruit bowl, and countless bottles of alcohol.

Hawk brought a bottle of bourbon, Curt brought more beer, someone else brought some tequila, and Mouse bought a bottle of Chad and my favourite rum.

Speaking of Mouse, we spoke for a bit after the party and she told me things I didn’t realize before.

Me: You’ve never said any of this.
Her: (rolling eyes) I’ve said this to you a dozen times.
Me: I don’t think you were ever this specific. Are you ever gonna not be mad at me?
Her: I don’t know.

Speaking of keeping good souls around, I used to pride myself on the fact that women I dated prior to Alison still liked me after the fact and wanted to be friends with me.

Evidently, I’ve just become an awful person. Or maybe I was always awful and never noticed.

I don’t remember these versions of me.

Chad hit me up on Saturday, he was sick with a cold – but not COVID as per a rapid test – and our first official day of the gym is tomorrow.

Because of that, I went down on Saturday to clean up some after the Friday night party. When I got back, I realized I left my wallet there.

So, I immediately headed back downtown to retrieve it.

Welp, my luck’s running true to form. I suppose there’s something to be said for consistency.

Location: Union Square, where else?
Mood: having rum in my coffee
Music: such a bummer, there must be more behind the summer (Spotify)
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Spending it all

Paxibellum is open

We had our first class today at Paxibellum and it was insanely fun. We even had someone sign up off the street.

My buddy Arin was there and injured so she and I made up the crippled portion of the roll.

Afterward, I had some unexpectedly deep conversations.

Him: You seem to have a lot of anger in you.
Me: You would too if you the people you loved kept dying or leaving you.
Him: They did, Logan. (tells me)
Me: Shit! You can’t just drop something like that on someone!

That’s his story to tell, so I’ll stop it here.

Afterward, some of the investors and I met up for drinks afterward.

I’m pretty lit so I won’t say much. When I drink I’m me, just more me, somehow.

Him: How did it go?
Me: (puzzled) She gave me her number, of course.
Him: (laughing) Of course. I saw her in the neighborhood before.
Me: Sure, she works next door to us.

Evidently, Chad is more Chad too.

Me: That table of four women were checking you out.
Him: I know, Logan.
Me: (laughing) What have I done?

We are who are we are; time and chance just reveals us to everyone else.

Another investor and his son gave me a lift home.

Me: If I may, in life, you always chose between time and money. I can’t take that job because I value my time more than I do money. You’re 22. So you should chose money. But when you get to be your dad’s age – and mine – you have to chose time. Whatever you chose, though, pick carefully who you spend it all on.

Location: Union Square, all goddamn day
Mood: hella lit
Music: if I’d known, if I’d known, if I’d known (Spotify)
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