My Safe Harbor

The early days of my breakup, just before I started dating like crazy, saw some old college buddies.

Everyone needs a core group of friends

I just got in from seeing the boys. They’re a bit like my safe harbor – I find comfort in the fact that no matter how dreck-ish my life becomes, they’re always there to push another bottle of beer on me and tell me to cheer up.

I didn’t get a lick of work done yesterday because my mind is so fuzzy from the lack of sleep. At around four, I started prepping for dinner as I agreed to cook fajitas for Jimmy, his girl, Gio and Hazel at Jimmy’s’ place. He has a very nice place down in Tribeca. I’d resent the fact that the kid has so much dough if he wasn’t such a decent guy. I also made some guacamole and margaritas. I think I drank a third of the pitcher myself. I actually was going to see Hazel’s ex-husband that night but he sent me a text late that night that he was staying in so I ended up going to some Korean club that night. The music was awful and the people looked like the same crowd I hung around with in 1996; nothing, not even the music, changed. I got up and left around 2 and walked to the subway and worked my way home. I always think of No. 6 in the subway too since we spent so many late nights coming home together.

I went to bed around 3 and popped awake at 7 again. I lay in bed cursing my inability to sleep and finally got up at eight and did my normal morning workout. I stepped outside and the weather was beautiful. I had agreed to go to a meetup for the annual German Steuben Parade this morning so I stopped by H&H; bagels and picked up some cream cheese and a baker’s dozen of bagels. The breakfast was right around Columbus Circle and it was a nice morning so I took the bus there. The people there were quite nice but I really wasn’t in the right frame of mind to just chit-chat in the morning so I politely excused myself after an hour or so and went home.

I decided to try to take a nap and, usually, I just lie there for 15 minutes and get up, frustrated. But this time, I turned off all the various electronic devices in my room and managed to sleep for an hour. I woke up feeling as if I accomplished something.

I got dressed and then went off to class. I saw a pair of women’s sneakers outside the classroom but I could tell they weren’t Her’s. There were some new people in class. We did stickwork for the entire class and I was so tired I could barely concentrate but, towards the end, I started to wake up.

When I got home, I took another shower (I had taken one last night after the club and then again this morning after the breakfast) and got dressed to go to Ricky and Kathy’s.

They had a rooftop party to say goodbye to summer and Roger and a bunch of other college friends were there. I was the first to show up, though I showed up on time at 5:30. It was a nice day so I just wore some jeans and a tee-shirt. Roger showed up next and he and I hauled a full cooler up to the roof where we just laid back and chatted. I think I can start telling time with the number of cigarettes and drinks I have these days.

All day, I felt like my head was disconnected. I attributed that to the lack of sleep I’ve had since I stopped taking the meds but I realized as I was chatting with someone there that it was now a full month since I spoke to No. 6 last. This thought rattled in my head for a while and I drank another two drinks before I went back downstairs to use there restroom. There, I drunk dialed No. 6. Stupid, I know. She didn’t pick up but I wouldn’t really expect her to.

Ah, drunk dialing, the bane of every newly single man and woman.

I went back upstairs where I met a woman that was Chinese but lived in Germany and Japan for a while. Her German was quite good and we chatted for a bit in it. She wore a ring on her wedding ring finger so I assumed she was married. After we had talked for a bit, I asked her where her husband was. She looked at me confused and said she had a boyfriend in London but no husband and asked me why I thought she was married. I told her that I thought her ring was a wedding ring and she just laughed and said it was from her father.

I spoke to her a bit more – she lives right around me actually and I would have asked for her number but I figured that she was seeing someone and I’m still working through my own issues. She left early in any case so it was just as well.

Kathy said something to me that I’m still thinking about now; she said that No. 6 “was really into” me. That made me even more depressed because she was and we ended up like this. Esther, the wife of my friend Edgar, was also very kind. I really do have a good set of friends I should be grateful for – Kari, Gio, Hazel and my brother all rang me today too. I suppose they’re just worried that I’m going to crack soon.

Roger brought out his poker table and sat with them for a while but then I left at around midnight. I walked to 7th Avenue and hopped the train home. My walk was a bit blurry, as usual, and I thought of a girl that once had a crush on me on 14th Street. My life is full of people that popped in and out of it but I remember them.

For a brief moment tonight, I wondered what it would be like if I leapt over the railing 18 floors up.

But I figured that’d pretty much ruin every one else’s evening so I just stayed put.

Shower three, coming up.
Location: @19:30: watching the sun set on 3rd Ave
Mood: awake
Music: Got me affected, spun me 1-80 degrees
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