Attraction is not a choice

Attraction isn’t a choice – you either do or don’t find someone attractive. It’s just how it is. The faster you accept that, the better off you are.

You can’t choose who you find attractive

I’m honestly not trying to be controversial to get readers but it is interesting to note that my last post and some of the ones before that have garnered more comments and emails than usual.

This fella named David DeAngelo is a fairly well-known pickup artist that once said that Attraction isn’t a choice. I think know that this is true.

And of course someone will mention pedophilia and incest but both are different scenarios – in the former, it’s not between two two consenting adults and in the latter, there’re biological implications on top of the societal and legal ones.

Got another email from a female friend who tells me that she has a guy buddy she hangs out with all the time and they share a lot in common – she’s just not attracted to him.

I hear that story a million times from both men and women. People often find themselves in the friend zone where the other party goes, I don’t know why, I’m just not attracted to him/her.

It’s because you have little to no say in the matter. Either you are or are not attracted to another person and there’s little you can do about it.

However, I did get one comment in my last post where my very loyal reader Paolina (who has an amazing photography blog) wrote:

Dating someone from a different race/nationality is completely different from dating someone from a different age range. On a very shallow perspective, what do you think of a 60 year man dating a 20 year old? I’m sure that thought would’ve touched a nerve on a lot of women. Most of us would’ve probably thought you were a dirty, old man trying to score an clueless, immature chick or something to that effect. But again, nobody knows the whole story and as mentioned, it is none of our business. I always say, whatever floats your boat, buddy

OK, I have to admit that that has merit.

However, the girl is an adult in that situation and telling her that she’s doing something stupid – which she probably is – is indeed her own adult choice.

And what is life if not making our stupid choices and living them. The other thing is that there should be someone in her venn diagram that does know her and know the situation that can and should tell her what’s what.

All education is expensive. Some far more than others.


For those of you that never click the comments – or leave comments (damn you all) I do get some of the best ones.

For my reader Paul, I hope you don’t mind that I put this up – tell me if you do.

He commented about my poor hair and clothing choices by saying: First off, you had excellent hair and clothing choices. I know.

Here’s my pic from that older entry 17 Again.

Here’s his pic.

That literally made me laugh out loud.

And this is just one of a million reasons why I can never run for president.

Location: behind a deadline and running to catch it
Mood: guess what? crazy busy
Music: crossed the sea to find a brother
Like this post? Tell someone about it by clicking a button below.

9 replies on “Attraction is not a choice”

The facebook comment thing threw my for a loop.
But I LoL'ed at the pics too…

I often say Love is blind…deaf and slightly dumb too. 😛 It's amazing actually…

I wager that love is more than slightly dumb. It's hard to say sometimes, why it is we love what (and whom) we love – thanks goodness we get older and our tastes mature.


The price you pay for looking cool now is usually looking silly later. Oh well! Wouldn't change a thing.

And if I still had a purple t-shirt….

Aww, thanks Logan.

That compare and contrast photos you got there made me spit out my morning coffee. Thanks again, buddy!

The pic is so classic 90's. Yep in high school every cool asian guy had those long lobster bangs and the leather jacket. Oh boy that brings back memories. You looked cool back then and not nerdy at all. That was the "cool look" of the 90s. Now it's the spikey gel look for the kids this age.

Ha, yes, it was popular in the 90s. I wonder what kids will think of how they looked ten years from now.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.