Crazy Average Asians
My mom gave me a cutting from her Tan Hua plant waaaaay back in 1993 – it’s the plant that was featured in Crazy Rich Asians,,
Here’s a super grainy part of that scene from the film.
Anywho, I named him Harold for no particular reason and he’s been with me all over New York City from my first apartment off Times Square to my son’s bedroom as of right this moment.
Like Leon in The Professional, Harold’s been with me everywhere I go.
Yes, I realize this is Natalie Portman’s character here, but I thought it was a better video.
Anywho, in Crazy Rich Asians, two things that they mentioned in the film is true: (a) it only blooms at night, and (b) it rarely ever blooms.
Harold? In 31 years, he’s never bloomed.
However, I’ve given cuttings of him to a few friends like Lviv, but – AFAIK – none of them have ever bloomed either.
My mom, who’s got a phenomenal green thumb, has had her original plant bloom dozens of times and the fragrance is both amazing and indescribable.
Now, years ago, my buddy Brandon – the owner of Evolution Muay Thai, which is a great gym if you’re visiting or looking – is not only an amazing fighter and instructor, he’s also ridiculously good at cultivating plants.
He gave me a single leaf of his pothos plant and this is what it looks like now.
It’s been growing so aggressively that it grew through my lamp!
In any case, Brandon wrote me outtta the blue the other day to (a) show me a picture of his cutting, which looks spectacular:
…but also, (b) to tell me that it blooms so much that he finds rando blooms littering his floor.
I am sick with jealousy and a little irritated with Harold.
Here’s a timelapse of someone else’s plant blooming:
Me: I don’t get it; essentially, Brandon’s plant is you since it’s a cutting from you. He blooms, why can’t you?
Harold:
Me: You’re 31 years old and what have you done what do you have to say for yourself?
Him:
Me: Fine. Whatever.
Location: the kid’s room, looking at Harold and wondering what went wrong.
Mood: annoyed
Music: I’m holding on tight – someday we’ll get it right (Spotify)
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