Joan Murray survived a 14,500 Foot Fall
Last year, I saw a guy fall into the tracks at Times Square.
Two fellas immediately hopped into the tracks to save him, which I thought was pretty admirable.
But whenever I see something like that, I think of an old joke that goes something like this:
A songbird was flying one winter day when it got so cold that he dropped right outta the clear blue sky onto a farm.
The bird lay there helpless and injured until a horse walked by and, not noticing the small bird, dropped a huge steaming pile of hot poop on him.
The poop, however, was warm and made the bird feel much better – so much better, in fact, that he started to sing. But then a cat heard him sing, found him, and dug him out.
The bird was happy to be outta the poop, but the cat didn’t give him a chance to thank him because the cat gobbled him up and went on with his day.
There are three (shitty) morals to his story:
-
- Not everybody who shits on you is your enemy.
- Not everybody who digs you outta shit is your friend.
- When you’re in deep shit, shut up.
Now, there’s actually a real life version of this joke about a woman named Joan Murray who survived a 14,500 foot fall, which is almost three miles of free fall straight down.
See, she was sky diving and BOTH her parachutes failed.
Normally, this would be just a death sentence, but she ended up crashing into a huge ant hill – but not just any ant hill, a fire ant anthill.
If you don’t know what a fire ant is, it’s a venomous ant that can these intensely painful stings.
Normally, if you fell onto a fire ant hill, that would be at the very least, an incredibly painful experience – most likely you’d end up in the hospital.
In Joan’s case, however, the softness of the mound coupled with the intense pain of the venom kept her alive with the former softening her impact and the latter keeping her heart beating.
She ended up in a coma with shattered bones on the right side of her body and a few lost teeth, which required 20 reconstructive surgeries, 17 blood transfusions, a metal rod into her right leg, and 5-inch spikes grafted onto into her pelvis.
But she survived.
And she survived precisely because these fire ants were trying to kill her.
Joan actually died in 2022, 23 years after her accident, of cancer (unfortunately – fucking cancer…) with nary a parachute nor fire ant in sight.
I’m telling you this story because I see how the kid sees the world: In simple terms of black and white.
Children and the stupid see things so simply binary.
It’s difficult for me to figure out how to explain these subtle nuances in the world, especially in light of world events, to him and, well, generally stupid people, who are uncomfortable with grey.
Soupy grey is never appealing, but it’s still more realistic than stark black-and-white.
Him: If Donald Trump lies all the time, how did he become president?
Me: (whistling) Hoo-boy. That’s gonna take a little while to explain. Not now though.
Location: downright balmy 40+ degree NYC
Mood: not completely frozen
Music: it’s your heart, it’s alive, it’s pumping blood (Spotify)
Like this post? Tell someone about it by clicking a button below.