It’s not a crate!
Mutual Friend: (concerned) You doing okay, buddy?
Me: I’m fine. I’m sure you have a friend that is a complete softie around kids. Well, whoever that person is, s/he’s got nuthin on Blaine, I think that if the kid had the vocabulary, Blaine woulda have given him an ice cream sundae, a beer, his ATM card and PIN, and the password to all his online accounts while we were out.
Him: Man, Uncle Blaine sounds awesome.
The Gymgirl and I decided to catch a film – last minute – and had a friend of ours watch the kid. I can count on one hand the number of times we’ve done this.
Me: Now, no matter what he says or how much he cries, just leave him in the room and let him sleep.
We watched the film without issue and came back to find Blaine sitting alone of the couch in relative darkness.
Blaine: So, I changed his diaper like a champ…
Me: Oh, great.
Blaine:…but he also climbed out of his crate and fell. I think he’s ok.
Gymgirl: You should lead with that!
Blaine said that the kid started crying as soon as we left so he took him out and let him sit with him as they watched some television. For a toddler, that’s pure crack – there’s no going back from that. So after Blaine put him down to sleep, the kid wanted more of the good life…
Blaine: I heard him fall and cry so I ran in. I found him outside his crate…
Me: It’s not a crate! It’s a crib. People will think I keep my son in a cage.
Blaine: Crib, crate, cage, same thing.
Blaine’s one of the nicest people I know; in fact, he just had surgery that day and arrived in a cast to watch the kid just so we could catch the film. So it’s pretty impossible to be mad at him.
I mean, he carried this kid around with a cast on. Plus, we all knew that it was just bad luck that the kid decided to try his hand at climbing outta the
crate crib with him and not us.
The boy managed to fall asleep so Blaine just left and we waited to see how the kid was in the morning. He seemed fine so we brought him to school. But the Gymgirl insisted that we get him x-rayed and researched places around the area.
The place that she went to last year had a machine so we went there. Took three hours but the kid didn’t have any broken bones but did dislocate his elbow (nursemaid’s elbow) that the doc tried to get back in but couldn’t.
So I rang up my friend Kris, who’s a pediatrician, and she said he probably got it in if the kid was able to raise his arm over his head, which he kinda was. The Gymgirl and I may also have done some things ourselves to make sure it was in properly.
The boy was not happy about any of this. But alls well that ends well.
Spoke to Blaine afterward:
Me: I think that the doc managed to get his elbow back in place because he’s been moving it a lot more.
Blaine: Man, I’m really relieved to hear this. I still feel horrible.
Me: He should be fine. Yesterday was no fun but that’s done with. Anywho, I’ll give you another update tonight. Just wanted to put your mind to a little rest.
These medical scares always wear me out more than you might imagine.
Or, perhaps, exactly as you might imagine.
Gymgirl: Are you OK?
Me: I will be. (thinking) Hey, thanks for everything.
Her: Of course. I love that kid.
Location: last week, another medical office
Music: How long until we find our way In the dark and out of harm?
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