Bit Player

Talking with my mom about the situation.

Her: Are you worried?
Me: (nodding) Yes.
Her: Don’t be scared. Are you scared?
Me: (nodding) Yes.
Her: But you’re gonna be alright, right?
Me: (lying) Yes.
Her: (satisfied) God will take care of you.

Here’s my fear. What if I’m the bit player?

Take the story of Job. The story is that he suffered, but through his suffering, he lived the remainder of his life in happiness. So it worked out, in the end, somehow for him.

But one of the reasons he suffered was because his kids all died. They were the bit players in Job’s story. It didn’t work out for them at all. We don’t even know their names or anything about them. Nothing.

Maybe my rotten luck is just for the benefit of some greater thing. I dunno. I’m going to the doctor for the fifth time tomorrow for something I’ve not mentioned yet because…my life’s already so insane.

I keep wondering if it’s the lions’ turn to win.

The worst part of it all is that my mom’s so worried already. I can’t tell you how that makes me feel.

Location: 20:00 yest, leaving office hating life
Mood: indescribable
Music: On silver stars I wish and wish and wish (Spotify)

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