Trying to be better
Him: Ran into your ex the other day…she didn’t really want to talk about what happened with you two.
Me: Don’t blame her – wasn’t our best moment, if you will.
Him: You don’t hate her?
Me: (thinking) Put it this way – if you were a 31 year-old chick in a happy, stable, relationship, would you throw it all away on some meaningless flings? In other words, how much of a ______ would I have to be for her to do that? Wasn’t our best moment. Wasn’t my best moment. But I’m trying to be better.
Her: He and I were married 10 years. Now we’re not. I had all these plans…
Me: Yeah, you had all these beautiful plans. Now you gotta come up with new ones. And you will. Right now, y’think of them every minute yeah? But in a while, it’ll be every other minute. Then it’ll be every other hour. One day you’ll realize, y’didn’t think of them, or him, all day. Then someday months’ll go by when you don’t think of them.
Her: I can’t imagine that…
Me: That’s what I thought.
Since I’m probably older than you, two random thinks I’ve learned:
- You don’t know if that terrible thing you’re going through is putting onto a better path. It’s the rough times I told you about. So wait.
- When you get to be 36, you wanna strangle your 25, 20 and 15 year-old selves all of time for being such an idiot/jerk/drinker/whore/sap/etc.
———-
Had a condo board meeting today. Tried several times to resign as president. Nope. It’s like being in the mafia. Damn that Asian work ethic…
Location: 20:00, yest, leather couch on 73rd
Mood: still hot
Music: I was following though with my beautiful plans
4 replies on “Beautiful plans”
I don't want to strangle my 15 or 20 or 15 year old self…I think my 15 self was a tad bit melodramatic though. I would love to have another year of being 20. It was a kick ass year. 25, 26, 27, 28…they're all pretty much looking the same…not sure if that's good or bad.Stop having regrets Logan. You were probably only a jerk/idiot/drinker etc for part of the time. You were probably a great friend/son/worker at the same time and now you got a couple stories. Just keep…being and liking who you are. Everything are just experiences along the way!!!
I suppose we've lived different lives then, which makes sense. I look back at myself a lot and wonder, What on earth were you thinking?But I suppose that if you make it this far, you at least have a few good stories to tell.
The second conversation? Yeah, I can relate to that. However, I will trust your superior age + wisdom that I'll eventually stop thinking about him. ;-)"that Asian work ethic…" *snerk* So true.-R
[…] despite my best efforts, may end up the condo president again. It’s like the mafia. For […]