Chivalry’s dead

Woman after I hold door for her: Good to see chivalry’s not dead in NYC.
Me: I wasn’t being chivalrous, ma’am. I was being polite.

integrity means that you’re the same person in public as y’are in private. In other words, it’s being internally consistent. And consistent with my concept of what a real man is, I feel that chivalry’s an outdated concept.

Its basic tenet’s that women are weak, different, and need special treatment.

I disagree. It’s the same reason that I won’t buy a woman a drink but I’ll buy my friends drinks.

There’s this woman I know who’s ultra-feminist but feels men should always hold the door for women.

Me: Why? Because they’re weak?
Her: No, just because they’re supposed to.
Me: So they should stay home and take care care of the kids? Because they’re supposed to?
Her: That’s different.

Put another way: I don’t believe that we should lower our behaviour for half the population so much as we should raise our behaviour for all of the population.

One should hold doors for others because it’s the polite thing to do, not because someone has two X-chromosomes insteada one.

But it cuts both ways. That same friend is incensed by wage differences between men and women but doesn’t feel a woman should fight in the army.

I think that when a woman is held up to the same standards of men, they rise to the occasion.

For better or worse.

Coach: Don’t be easy on her, she’s tough!
Me (beginning to wrestle with female teammate): I won’t be…
Her: (slams knee on my stomach)

Location: looking out at the rain
Mood: relaxed
Music: She can do the same thing to the clique you know

5 replies on “Chivalry’s dead”

Great post and I totally agree. I hold the door for everyone. But I want to make two points if you don't mind.

1. I do think that chivalry encompasses much more than a male/female protector relationship. Chivalry is integrity and personal honor, and standing up for those in need…the Bushido of the West. Well, in it's idealized form, obviously.

2. In addition, we have to recognize that some people in our society are weaker; the elderly, physically infirm…or just smaller people. I'm always happy to help a lady lift heavy luggage or a stroller up stairs if I see that the body-weight/strength vs. heaviness ratio is out of proportion. Just so, if I see a weaker male being bullied or accosted in some way I will step in. We do have to realize that some people are weaker than others and need help…and I mean this in gender neutral way. However because of the manner in which our society raises and socializes women, and to a smaller extent genetics, it often does mean women tend to be physically weaker than the equivalent weight male.

Hey, I was in class so I couldn't write.

Thanks for the comment! I think that it comes down to the definition and I think that we're actually on the same page; the definition you're speaking of is actually the traditional definition of chivalry – which is to defer to those who cannot help themselves in a particular situation, whether it be the elderly, women, and children.

I also agree with your second point; the weight and relative of an equivalent weight male and female means that the male has an advantage. What you're writing is that you respect the natural differences in a man and a woman and that too I agree with. However, this is why I look at the wage disparity a bit differently than most. I think that if we factored in the women that leave the workforce by choice to have children, as well as those occupations that most women would find undesirable (sanitation, firefighter, etc) I suspect the wage gap would be significantly narrower.

I should really look that up at some point.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.