My job is to kill things that need to be killed

Giving us time

Redeemer Church in the Upper West Side
Years ago…

Her: Logan!
Me: (running over) What?!
Her: Spider. Kill it!
Me: Wait, what? Why?
Her: Your job here is to kill things.
Me: …that need to be killed. Spiders are our friends. (turning to spider) Arentcha, little guy?

Friends keep asking if they can stop by and take me out for a spot of rum or maybe bring me out to eat. They feel I need a break. Probably do.

The thing with me is that I have an addictive personality. It’s related to my insomnia, as I can’t turn off my mind.

Now, I feel that every moment of my time has to be spent finding a way of killing this monster that’s entered our lives.

I don’t go to the gym. Don’t cook. Don’t even have time to work.

Instead, I spend my time researching ways people somehow beat this cancer. The largest percentage of my time is wading through pages of medical jargon and separating the crackpot solutions from the things that actually have some science behind it.

All the while, hoping to find something that might lead us home. To our old mundane lives, with our old mundane problems.

Her: Kill it, Logan!
Me: Nope. I’m gonna name him, Hubert.

A Day For Alison

Regarding cooking, I rarely cook these days because my church has been sending us a jaw-dropping amount of ketogenic food – we’re on a ketogenic diet partly because of a well-researched podcast a female gym buddy sent me.

And the food has been organized by an amazing woman I met for the first time at my buddy Bobby’s memorial. She checks in on us regularly, as do many members of my church.

There’s even a fundraiser happening at the end of this month in New Jersey.

Information, donations, and time. These are the most valuable things to us right now, with time being the most valuable.

We just need more time.



Location: home, of course
Mood: reasearch-y
Music: One minute I held the key, next the walls were closed on me

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1 comment

  1. Logan, thanks for your reply. I’m glad to hear you are so on top of things – ketogenic diet and complementary treatments etc. Know that there are perfect strangers like me who are pulling for you. Join us anytime at; there’s a wealth of treatment experience and information to be shared (including sourcing hard-to-find drugs btw — DCA is another anti-sugar medication with scientific support). Someone posted your letter to VP Biden there; that’s how I learned about you, Alison, and your baby. Sending heartfelt blessings for a full recovery, Simi

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