Alison Music: Her Diamonds

Can’t take no more

Essentially, the entirety of this song lays out what last month has been like.

Can usually make it to the part that goes: “She tried her best and now she can’t win” before I have to stop playing it.

Everything we do now, we do with the goals of (a) providing Alison some comfort and (b) fulfilling what she would want most if she couldn’t make it.

For the latter, it’s to make sure that Nate is going to be ok.

As I mentioned to you in the last entry, between the theft, the fertility treatments, and the past 18 months of expenses, the donations you’ve provided for her will also help me raise him the way she would have wanted.

That’s all we can do now.

She’s been sleeping almost all day these days. So we – her mother and I – sit and wait with her.


Location: at the foot of her bed
Mood: dazed
Music: I sit down and I cry too, but don’t let her see

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3 Replies to “Alison Music: Her Diamonds”

  1. Oh Logan, I am so sorry to hear about this — it must be so hard for you and the family right now. Please know I am thinking of all of you and sending you hugs and love.

  2. Logan – I’ve been an avid reader of your posts, finding myself cheering for you through your endeavors to find “the one”; excited to read your postings of the mundane but so so beautiful life with Alison; and profoundly touched with your generosity in sharing yours & Alison’s journey through this heartbreaking time.

    Acceptance of loss – I found and continue to find – that it is one of the most difficult things in life, improved slowly but faithfully by the passage of time.

    I fervently pray, as you and all of your loved ones sit with Alison, that love will envelope each one of you with a profound & palpable blanket to sustain you in your respective journey with Alison; that grace will prop you up as you lean on each other for solace; that as Alison’s body grows quiet – her spirit will journey onward with tenacity, spunk, and a sense of fulfillment because she knows all of you will, in time, find a rhythm, wholeness, purpose, and joy in life; that though profoundly changed by this (and other equally heartrending) journey with cancer, you will find some peace, satisfaction, joy in living life; and that Nate’s life will be heavy with laughter and happiness as he grows older with you.

    There’s so much more that I wish for you, Nate, Alison, and your extended families but if I were to sum them all up, it would be – do all things in love and don’t let sorrow become a permanent companion/family member. I hope this offers a tiny grain of solace…

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